So Chapter 31 was set on private, I think it was because of the list. but make sure you read it! if you haven't, comment on here and I'll send you a link if you can't find it(:
And another thing, Wattpad is messing up with my comments. I've been replying to you guys, but none of the messages stay. they say they're sent, but as soon as I exit out of comments they're gone. So.. yeah, I hope that fixes soon.
oOoOo
Zayn's POV
Over this last week, Justin has been wonderful. Although, that's not enough to describe it fully. Justin has kissed me like I've never ever been kissed. The heat, the fire, everything read in novels, it's like it was happening to me.
He's lighthearted and funny, he's made me laugh to the point of my cheeks hurting.
He calls his mum every night, which makes me smile as I think about how close he is with his family.
I've learned that he still hasn't fully forgiven his father for leaving his mother and him. He's told me about the life he had growing up, and how he was never well off, and he grew up with his grandparents and mother. He looks up to his grandfather and says that he was the dad he never had.
His Uncle Daniel was the one that suggested Justin go to the corrective school in Toronto, to get away from the trouble he was involved in at his public school. Justin embraced what the school really was and now he's looking into becoming a student at Zamora Elite.
I've learned so much about him, and he asks me questions but I don't go into too many details. I haven't seen my parents and sisters since last Christmas. And our phone calls are always short when we do call.
Yesterday, we spent the last day of our weekend in bed. His wall mounted tv played whatever crime shows he had PVRed over the last week.
Mr. Turner brought us breakfast, I'm not completely used to the fact that my Dominant is his nephew, but everything just flows together so well, I couldn't imagine it any other way.
Gideon and Jaime had stopped by for some cuddles throughout the day as well. Like Justin and I, Gideon never got out of his pajamas that day. It was a very lazy Sunday.
As more and more days were passing, I get a little more nervous thinking about when Justin will be expecting of me to be his submissive. So far, we have yet to do a scene. We've talked about our likes and dislikes and limits. Justin was very understanding and patient as I rattled off my dislikes. Though, they're not necessarily limits, I just haven't found interest in them yet, or they've been ruined for me.
"What's on your mind?" Justin comes up from behind me and kisses the back of my neck. I've also learned over the last week that he's very affectionate.
"Nothing." I tell him, continuing to peel the cucumber for the salad that was going to accompany our dinner tonight.
Justin hums near my ear and I feel the vibrations pulse down my neck and shoulder, "I've just watched you peel the same side of the cucumber for minutes now."
I blink to clear my vision and I look down and realize that I had only been peeling one side of the cucumber, and as I look at it, I see that I'm already at the middle of it. "Damn it." I mutter, and quickly peel the rest of it and I grab the knife to start slicing it.
"Do you think it's a good idea to use a knife with such a distracted mind?" Even though I can feel Justin's hands on my stomach and sides, I know he's persistent and he'll probably try to find out what's been going through my head.
"You're the distraction." And I try ignoring his hands creeping up underneath my shirt towards my nipples. I focus on slicing the green vegetable, but as his thumbs brush over my sensitive nipples my back arches instinctively, causing my ass to push against his crotch. I drop the knife so I don't hurt either of us by accident of a reflex, and I rest my hands on the counter.
"Come upstairs with me." His voice smooth and deep, giving me shivers from his proximity.
"I told Mr. Turner I'd have the salad ready." A small thing I can do for their hospitality of letting me stay here.
"He called to say he has to stay with Uncle Danny because there was a guest speaker today. They're probably only on their way to the daycare now."
His voice drops and he pinches the hardened bud teasingly between his thumb and forefinger.
"Justin." It rolls off my tongue in a breath.
"I'll be upstairs. Join me." And with a swift kiss to my neck his presence is soon vanished from against me and I turn around to see him headed towards the stairs. I hear the heavy thuds and I know he's taking the stairs by two.
Despite his invite, I continue to slice and chop the cucumber. I add it to the salad bowl that already had a majority of the fixings. I get the saran wrap from one of the cupboards underneath the island and I stretch it over the bowl and secure it before I put it in the fridge.
I smile when I think about Justin waiting for me upstairs, knowing him, he'll be naked or has just a sheet covering him. He's got a great body that he definitely is not ashamed of. He's not cocky, he almost makes it all humorous.
I head up the stairs and head to the guest room that's become ours.
"Hey." I say as I walk into the room, I don't see him in the room so I go to the en suite bathroom. "Justin?"
I scream in fear when I feel him grab by waist from behind me, "What took you so long, sweet cheeks?"
I turn around in his grip to face him and I push his shoulder, "Don't do that!" I glare, but he only smiles and chuckles.
"I'm serious, Justin!" I cross my arms, but his hands remained on my waist.
"I'm sorry." He leans in with a smile on his lips and presses a soft kiss to my lips. My head tilts on instinct, as much as I didn't appreciate him scaring me, it seems to all vanish from my thoughts when his lips touch mine and his hand gently cups my cheek. I can find the humor in it. Something I probably wouldn't have been able to do in the past.
I uncross my arms and reach my right hand up to the nape of his neck, I move my lips over Justin's and he immediately begins kissing just as intensely. My fingers move up to tangle in his hair, a new feeling for me. Most of the men I've kissed have had too short of hair or buzz cuts.
His hands move up my sides from my hips, dragging my shirt along with him. Instead of his hands going back down, they rest higher up my sides, a sign he wants my shirt off. I obey to his silent wish and I raise my arms, he slides the material easily up my arms, giving us each a few seconds to catch our breath. I watch as Justin's eyes travel down my chest and torso, and when his eyes travel back up they meet mine, "Fuck, Zayn."
The lust in his voice drives me wild, I reach for his hips to pull him closer and I begin kissing at his neck, just wanting his eyes off me. He groans at the sudden attack and I feel his head tilt back,
I like that we're almost the same height, when I push my hips forward I can feel his bulge rub against mine, giving me the sweetest feeling.
He guides me backward until the backs of my legs reach the bed. I grunt because I didn't expect it to be so sudden. I detach myself from Justin and lock eyes with him as I lean back so my hands reach the bed and I slowly crawl backwards.
He was quick to groan and bite his lip, giving me the confidence to smirk and lay back slowly. I was careful to keep my eye contact with him, as he lifted his knee up to beside my waist, I put my hand at the top of knee, wanting him right there. He straddles over me as I'm now laying on my back looking up to him. His blonde hair is a mess, un-brushed from after his shower this morning. His pupils are dilated as he looks down to me and I can imagine mine are much the same.
We stay like that for a moment before my right hand goes underneath his shirt, my fingertips feeling the bumps of his abs. I watch his torso as I lift my hand so my fingers are on his chest, his shirt bunched over my hand.
"Take your shirt off." I say but my voice is hoarse. He abides my wish and pulls his shirt off in a swift motion.
I catch Justin flexing his abs as my fingers trace them. I poke one of them hard causing Justin to deflate his breath from flexing and laugh.
We're both watching my fingers explore his front. My thumb rubs over the tattoo on his lower abdomen, it reads 'forgive'. I wonder to myself what the meaning is, but I like the quiet between us right now. My hand slides over to the opposite side, this time my thumb tracing over the small bird tattoo he has.
"That was my first one." He says quietly. "I was sixteen."
My hand wants to move higher and higher to get to his other tattoos, but I can't reach from laying down. I begin to sit up, with intentions of kissing his neck sweetly, but he stops me with his hands on my shoulders.
He guides me to lay back down, "Stay like this." He says, my mind automatically assumes it's an order so I lay back with both my hands resting on his knees. He hovers over me and brings his elbows to rest beside my head, his lips go to mine and the kiss continues slowly and passionately. He sucks on my bottom lip briefly before he kisses my chin. My head tilts backwards, and I sigh in relief and relaxation. His lips move down my throat and over to start kissing at the side of my neck. He's hovering right over me, our bare chests touching together for brief moments as his body shifts.
I bend my elbow so my left hand is up to his ribcage and I moan when I feel him suck a hickey onto a spot right below my ear. My eyes closed from the immensity of it as I feel goosebumps raise on my arms.
I feel him comb my hair away from my ear and I freeze. My eyes open and look over to see Justin's face. He hasn't moved away, but I know by the look of concentration on his face that he is looking at it. Our faces are so close to each other's at this moment, I can see the small group of zits on his jaw line. I can see the freckles on his cheeks. I can count his eyelashes. But I can't tell what's going through his head.
"My scar." I say to break the silence.
He takes the tip of my ear between his thumb and forefinger and his thumb brushes over the small circular burn where my skin is rippled into scar tissue.
"Did Liam do this to you?" he asks as he continues to softly rub his finger over it.
"No, the one before Liam, my first dominant." My throat begins closing in on itself and I blink away the water in my eyes. I close my eyes so Justin won't see but images of his face flashes through my mind and the recollections of my screams and his laugh. His sick, twisted, maniacal laugh.
I open my eyes and look right to Justin, nudging my head so his hand falls away from my ear. I look into his eyes and I see a lot of worry and sadness in them. The same look Mr. Reid had when I told him not that many months ago. As well as Mr. Turner, a nurse, a doctor, a couple therapists, and a psychiatrist. I should be used to this look by now, but somehow seeing this look written across Justin's face hurts me in an entirely different way. No longer can I hold the expressionless face where I tell my story like it's verbatim. I haven't told him anything and there's already a pang in my heart.
"Are there more?"
When I tilt my head down towards my hip, he sits up over my thighs.
"Here." I pointed to my gun tattoo on my hip, "I covered them as best I could. But if you look closely you'll see the seven white lines." I lay back staring at the ceiling as my finger brushes over the faint lines. Memories of being tied down to a table while he stood over me, drunk, with a knife. I had screamed for help, my body covered in sweat, tears, and alcohol that he spilt out of the bottle as he yelled at me. He liked the fear. That's what got him off. My screams for help, and my tears, and even with me knowing that, he won every time. He succeeded in instilling fear into me. I couldn't help but fall into his trap. Every. Single. Time.
Justin's thumb runs over them, and I don't dare try to fight my tears by closing my eyes. Closing my eyes will only mean a clearer picture of him. The tears flow over my eyelids and I feel them rush down the side of my face. I continue staring at the ceiling as I raise my arms over my stomach. I know where my scars are. I know where they're from. The nights I've spent laying in the dark rooms, feeling old cuts and burns while tending to new ones. I tilt my arms so he can see them more clearly.
"Under the peace sign and the boom box, there's a lot of white and red scars. And not all of them are hidden." My words are choked from my throat being so tight, but Justin doesn't seem frustrated or annoyed with me, and he seems to understand every word I speak. I gulp as his fingers trace over the skin on my forearm, the scars here are raised sufficiently, and I know Justin can feel them underneath the pads of his fingers.
It takes me back to when I sat on the bathroom floor at two in the morning trying to pick out the glass shards with blurry eyes and shaky hands. I was protecting myself from when he was throwing his beer bottles at me from across the room. Some empty, some half full. The way I curled into a ball against the wall and raised my hands over my head to keep him from getting to there. The sticky beer running down the wall and my back.
Justin reaches up to brush away the tears from underneath my eyes, I can't bare looking at him, I know I will lose it when I do. He doesn't say anything and I'm thankful.
"There are quite a few on my back. I've never seen them, but I know they're there."
When I finally tear my eyes away from the ceiling after minutes of silence to look up at him, I see his eyes are red rimmed and his cheeks are wet. Yet, he's still trying very hard to wipe away all of my tears.
And that's when I lose it. That's where my composure vanished. Awful sobs swept across my body and I curled up so I could rest my head against his chest. Both of his arms were wrapped securely around me.
My tears are making his chest wet and they drip down my chin. I hid these scars for a reason. It's a part of my life I never want to relive. The first two years at this school; I wish I could forget every last hour. But it seems to be the only time in my life I can pin point exact details and remember everything.
Nights spent crying quietly so he wouldn't hear me and wake up. Hours spent behind locked bathroom doors with a shitty first aid kit and some band aids. The mornings I'd wake up early to scrub the blood out of the towel. The sponge showers I had to take because my skin couldn't handle the pulse of the water stream from the shower head. All of that. Everything. And when I close my eyes, that's what I see.
I feel drips of Justin's silent tears fall to the top of my head. My arms were wrapped tightly around myself as well as his arms. He's still straddling my lap, but this way I feel small, and protected, and safe. Justin's hand goes to the back of my head as he holds me against his chest while I continue to sob horridly.
Justin's kissing the top of my head and scratching my scalp soothingly. Too frightened to close my eyes, I look at the sleeve of tattoos Justin has to try distracting myself.
I'm not sure if it was me staring at the skull on his arm, or if it was Justin's soothing techniques. But after what felt like forever, I can feel my heart rate slow down. Only a little, but it's enough of a feeling for me to remove my left arm from around me and reach out for his hip. Just to touch him. I can feel his warmth and I feel it soothing me slowly. Wrapped securely in his arms.
"Do you want to lay down?" he asks softly, I can hear his voice is hoarse, but I'm thankful he's keeping it together.
I nod my head and he unwraps one arm from me around me to shift the blankets down for us to get under them. I feel too weak to move by myself, my legs are rubber and I don't want to unwrap myself. Justin keeps one hand wrapped around my back as he swings his leg over so he's not straddling me anymore. With one hand around my back he uses his other under my thighs to maneuver me up so my head can lay on the pillows.
When he pulls both his arms out from under me to grab the blankets, I immediately miss his warmth. This part of the bed is cold against my hot skin. The pillows are too cold for my cheeks. I miss his touch.
"Do you want out of your jeans?"
I shake my head no, "Can I get a sweater?" I sound so timid, and broken, but I push it back in my head as I watch him get up from the bed to the closet where his stuff is kept. When he turns around he has a gray hoodie over his shoulder. He flips the fan onto his lowest setting from where it is across the room.
He helps me sit up and he pulls the hoodie down my body. It takes me a minute to release my arms from around myself, but he was quiet, and his facial expression didn't hold any amount of judge. When the hem of the hoodie was tugged down to my hips, I lay back down. My eyes and nose are crusty, and there's the occasional sniffle and hiccup of breath.
Justin gets under the blankets with me and he props himself up on his left elbow, letting me tuck my head into his chest. My left leg goes between his legs and my arms are curled up in between us. His fingers slowly move up and down the back of my head.
I believe that he thinks I'm asleep because I begin to hear him crying, and feel his lips press to the top of my head over and over again.
I'm not sure how much time was spent with us like that when a knock came to the door.
"Hey." I hear Justin's voice and feel his chest move.
"Is he asleep?" I recognize it to be Mr. Turner.
"Yeah, he needs it." And I feel his fingernails rake through my scalp again.
"Are you okay?"
"Truthfully? No." Then there was a short time of silence where I believe Mr. Turner was processing the scene in front of him, "Did you know about this?" Justin's lips find their way back to the top of my head when he finished.
"Since he came to us for help. I had no idea it was going on for two years." I already sense the guilt in Mr. Turner's voice. But it wasn't his fault. It wasn't anybody's but my own. He had been well liked around the school, no one would've thought anything bad about him. And he would always tell me that no one would believe me if I told, and he made threats. Lots of them.
"Two years? This has been happening since the beginning? Why didn't Zayn leave?"
"The guy was abusive, he made countless threats that Zayn knew he would follow through with."
"No, I mean why didn't he leave the school? Give up on BDSM? He hasn't had any good experiences."
Because I couldn't bring myself to face my parents. I couldn't be the strong and happy brother that my sisters think I am. I didn't want them seeing I was depressed. I had to stay.
"That, you'll have to ask him. I don't know. Can I bring you a plate of anything?"
"No, thank you, I'm not hungry. We might be down a little later."
"Alright. Give me a text if you need anything." And with that I hear the door close.
I can't keep my eyes closed, so I keep them glued to Justin's chest until I just knock out from the aftermath of my attack. I know this point comes. It's the point in time I can always rely on.
And eventually I fall asleep, losing count of how many kisses I've got from Justin.
***
Something moves underneath me and I'm awaken. I raise my head and open my eyes, blinking away the crust and dryness from my earlier tears. I look down at Justin, we've moved to him on his back and my head on his chest.
"Sorry, I was just shifting down. How are you?" He was whispering.
"What time is it?" I look around for a clock but the cable box is too far for me to make out the numbers.
"Going on nine." His hand was wrapped around my back from underneath me and his hand was moving up and down my spine over the hoodie.
I'm thankful he turned the fan on earlier, because I would've been sweaty and icky from the layers and heat while I was sleeping.
"I'm sorry." I blurt, going to lay back down beside him.
"For what?" he looks over at me and even in the darkened room I can tell he's shirtless still. Did he even leave the bed? Did he eat?
"Did you have dinner?"
"No, I wasn't hungry." Another pang in my chest because when is Justin not hungry? I made him lose his appetite.
"Sorry... you didn't have to hear about that. I know people like him can make you lose your appetite."
"No. it was the thought of what you've been through that made me forget about my stomach. I needed to be with you, and I'm glad I was. You were crying in your sleep and reaching for me. You must've had a bad dream."
I shrug, "I don't remember it." But it wouldn't be the first time. Nightmares happen to me, but I don't typically remember them. It's when I wake up to find my pillows on the floor and my blankets pushed to the bottom of the bed that I realize I must've had a dream.
"We should get you something to eat." Justin changes the topic, "Do you want to come down, or do you want me to bring you up something?"
He sits up to look down at me from where I was still nestled underneath the blankets.
"I'll go down, I should stretch my legs." And I remember how weak I was earlier that Justin had to shift me up the bed because I couldn't do it myself.
He stands up and I notice he's still in his jeans as well, so he must've literally stayed by my side all this time. Did he even sleep? Was he just watching me sleep?
When I stand up, my vision goes black, probably from standing up too quickly. Or just moving in general. Justin keeps his hand on my lower back until I regain my balance. I send him a small smile to show that I'm alright.
He takes my hand and we head downstairs, going slowly. When we reach the bottom of the stairs I notice Mr. Reid in his chair with Mr. Turner laying on the couch with a blanket over him and the TV on. I'm not sure if either are awake but when the last stair creaks I see both of their heads pop up to look at us.
"Just grabbing something to eat." Justin says with a smile.
No doubt, Mr. Turner told Mr. Reid about what he knew happened. So I feel a little awkward walking past them but being pressed into Justin's side makes me feel like the attention isn't directly on me; even if it is.
"There's a plate in the microwave, and help yourself to anything else." Mr. Reid smiled and I said thank you and nodded my head as Justin led me to the kitchen.
"Do you want to sit?" I nod my head, I'm only putting up with him treating me like I'm fragile for tonight. I don't want this to change the way we are around each other.
I sit down at one of the stools at the island while Justin pulls the plate from the microwave. There's some chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn with more than enough for the both of us.
Justin reheats it and then grabs some forks for us each and some water bottles.
"You need to drink as well." I know he's right. But I just feel like my stomach isn't even there. I'm neither hungry nor full.
I open up the water bottle and take a tiny sip. My throat's a little rough, but the water is good.
He pulls out the plate and sets it between us, him standing on the other side of the counter.
"You don't have to eat a lot, but I want you to eat." The way he personalized him wanting me to eat made me smile and I took the fork from his hand and took a little potato.
While I nibbled at the potato he cut up the chicken, "Do you want to go to school tomorrow?"
I sigh, "I can't keep missing my classes. I'm going to fail."
"You won't fail." He smiles, "I happen to be pretty close with the boss."
I roll my eyes, "You can't keep using that as a reason for me not to go to school."
He pouts, "But during the day is the only time we get to be alone."
I chuckle and shake my head, "Justin."
And just for a moment I forgot about what happened earlier. I hope he doesn't treat me differently now that he knows.
I take little forkfuls of everything and Justin takes more than double what I ate. When we finished he put the remaining food into the garbage and then put the plate and our forks into the dishwasher.
We say goodnight to his uncles and then make our way back up stairs. It's nearing nine thirty and even though I had a long nap, I'm still quite tired. I take off my jeans but keep on the hoodie.
I feel Justin's eyes on me as he takes off his jeans too. I notice him looking at the tattoos on my leg and I bet he's wondering if I'm hiding something with them too. If he was, he'd be thinking correctly.
He leads me to be and when we're both under the blankets his arm goes over my waist, his thumb brushing over my skin underneath the hoodie.
"Okay, how about this... one day a week, for the time you're here, we can miss school to spend the day together."
Justin smiles and kisses my cheek, "Sounds good to me, boss."
I squeeze his arm and scrunch my nose, "Ew, don't call me that." Then I laugh along with his chuckle.
"Aye aye, captain."
I rolls my eyes and laugh, he won't stop.
"I choose tomorrow." He says, returning back to my proposition.
"Are you sure? You only get one day. Choose carefully." I warn with a grin.
"I want you to sleep in tomorrow, I'm sure."
"How thoughtful." Is all I say, because I don't know how to respond to his little gesture. I nuzzle my head into the soft pillow, "Night, Justin."
oOoOo
The last part may be a little filler but I wanted you guys to see Justin take care of Zayn. I know a lot of you don't like zustin, but I hope you can see now that Justin is the better person for Zayn to be with.
I was going to put Harry and Louis in there, but I thought it might ruin the mood. So next chapter!
MY CONCERT IS IN TEN DAYS UGH OMFG!!!! TORONTOOOO!!! AND THEN 5SOS SIX DAYS AFTER THAT!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!! :o