Chapter 30
Jack didn't move as I climbed up the fire escape. I knew he was watching me. His eyes burned into my back, with what emotion, I had no clue, but I kept going until I reached the top of the ledge he was sitting on.
I hoisted myself up, setting my butt against the ledge as my feet dangled. Although it was only a two story building, I refused to look down. I wasn't good with heights and if it wasn't Jack out here sitting on the ledge, I probably would've stayed inside where I could feel solid ground below me.
"Rosie..." Jack muttered his hand rolling the bottle of Vodka against his thigh. If he hadn't had such a tight grip on the thing I would've thought he would've drop it. "Y-ou s-shouldn't... You shouldn't be here."
Jack reached his free hand up to his face, swiping at his cheeks. Even now in his vulnerable state he was trying to hide his feelings from me.
"Why shouldn't I be? We've been looking all over for you." I bite out, but quickly regret my tone as I see Jack flinch. He's hurt. That much was clear, he was also drunk. Drunk enough, to let some of his guard down. Drunk enough to led a tear slip from his eye.
He turned away from me, knowing I saw the fresh set of tears breaking through. "No one should look for me. I hid up here for a reason."
Jack sniffed and took a swig from the bottle. It hurt to seem this way. It was partly my fault he was acting like this. If I hadn't been so stubborn about his past,or if he hadn't pushed me away again. Maybe we were both to blame for his condition as he sat on the roof.
I looked down at my hands, not really sure what I should say, that's when I saw Cole's head pop out of the window I just crawled out of, he looked up to us in relief. Jack didn't notice him, and before he could I shooed Cole back inside.
It was clear Cole wanted to argue but he went, happy enough that we had at least found him.
"Jack... We were worried-I was worried." I reached out to wrap his free hand into mine but he pulled away before our skin even touched.
"Don't. No one should worry about me. I'm not worth worrying about." Jack shoved the bottle of vodka behind him. It landed on the roof, not getting too far. The contents pooled out, making the air around us smell of alcohol.
My heart ripped at his words. I recoiled my hand, wrapping my arms around myself. "Don't say that."
Jack laughed bitterly. "And why not? You think I'm a horrible person...and you're not wrong."
I shivered not from the cold but from his words. He couldn't even manage
to look at me. His eyes were glazed over, he had clenched his jaw trying to hold the tears back.
"I'm a no good hockey player. I'm bad, no matter how hard I try to be good I'll always be bad. I push away so many people, I don't deserve to be looked for anymore. I-I should just be left a-alone." His voice cracked and I watched as another tear broke through and slid down his cheek.
My own eyes teared up. This boy beside me was hurt. Had been hurt for awhile. He's been trapped behind the walls he'd built himself to keep people away but he only managed to keep him and his terrible thoughts in.
I refused to believe he was a bad person because of what he did freshman year. It was a wrong and terrible thing to do but that didn't change who he had become now. He had walls to get past, but he'd changed, I had seen it. I had seen it every time he goofed off with his team on the ice or at dinner. I had seen it in the way he had taught me how to shoot a hockey puck when I was upset that one day. He wasn't that selfish boy anymore. He was much more than that.
I could see it now. I should've seen it before we ended the fight where we did at that rink in Seattle. Even if I was overwhelmed with what he'd done it was stupid of me to believe he hadn't changed.
Now here he was in front of me. What was left of his walls lay in ruins between us. His tears fell down one by one, as he crumpled in on himself.
I reached out my hand caressing the side of his face, wiping the tears away. I expected him to push me away, resist my touch but he surprised me when he did the opposite. He leaned into my hand, all the fight and resolve in him gone.
I pulled him into me. His body collapsing into my arms, his own arms wrapped gently around my waist and his tears soaked into my shoulder.
"I was wrong, Jack, so wrong. You are not bad, not anymore. You saved me from the Red Devil goons, do you remember that? The first time we met? You had no clue who I was, no idea, yet you stepped in to defend a complete stranger. And again you protected me from Carter, even if it was a game you took part in. But you still saved me, you stopped him." I say running my hand gently through his hair.
He made a move to say something, but I shushed him. "You may have done some pretty shitty things, but everybody does. You have a good heart Jack, that is why I'm here, on this roof. You've got teammates-friends down there who searched practically all night for you. We could care less about who you once were. We care for you who you are now. You can push us away as much as you like, but we'll keep looking for you. I-We love you Jack. "
It was silent for awhile after I finished my speech. I waited for Jack to call bullshit on it even though what I said was true. And I hoped he wouldn't notice that I almost admitted that I loved him.
Jack sat up, looking me straight in the eye. His were still red. Red, from
the alcohol and the tears. He was still drunk and may not remember any of this in the morning, but I could care less.
We stared at each other for a few more seconds before Jack leaned forward pressing my lips to his. It was sloppy, probably not what either of us intended but it didn't change the meaning. I knew one speech wouldn't fix everything but he was okay with that, and I was too.
"Now can we get off of this roof now, it's fucking cold." I said tugging Jack over to the fire escape.
*****
It was dark when we got Jack back home. His mother was gone, apparently taking a late shift at the hospital a town over from us, and his grandpa lived next door and probably wouldn't hear a thing, so there was no worry in getting caught bringing a drunk Jack back home.
After I coaxed Jack off the roof his eyes had dried of tears and the boys had no idea he'd been crying, something I knew Jack would be greatful for when sober.
Cole was the first to hug Jack, tapping him a couple times on the back. Jack looked confused and almost embarrassed. I had never seen him this way. I had never seen him drunk. "Don't go disappearing on us like that, the season's barely started."
Jack and Cole chuckled. Talon walked over to the two giving Jack a slight nod to ensure him that he was glad Jack was alright. Kylar didn't say much, but still smiled seeing the reunion. Everyone was glad to see Jack in front of us instead of laid out in a road somewhere dying.
Jack never let go of my hand while his teammates crowded around him wanting to know where he'd been. He couldn't give a straight answer though since he was still pretty far gone with the alcohol running through him.
When he bent over and started to throw up the contents of his stomach into a nearby box we all decided it was time to get him home.
Jack lost all energy to walk and had to have two people on both sides to support him. Cole took one side and I took the other, though most of Jack's weight was shouldered on Cole. Working together though we'd managed to get him into my car, back to his house, and up to his room.
We weren't all that quiet and I was thankful for an empty house so we had no chance of waking someone up. Cole laid Jack into his bed while I tugged off his shoes and pulled his comforter over him.
I sat at the end of Jack's bed after we had gotten him settled and he rolled over already dozing off.
Cole's phone started to buzz. He answered the call immediately. "Pais, calm down, we found him." He whispered into the phone. Sharp shrills could be heard on the other side of the line as Paisley began to yell at Cole for not telling her sooner.
He looked over to me wincing as he held the phone further away from his ear, Paisley going on and on. "I better take this outside, I'll see you later."
I said a brisk goodbye as he left the room. I could hear his footsteps tread down the stairs and out the front door.
I looked back to Jack, now peacefully sleeping. I smiled then ran my eyes around his room, soaking everything in. It was the first time I had been in his room, and I hoped it wasn't the last. I got up to go fetch him a glass of water for when he woke up but as soon as I stood Jack rolled over in the sheets.
"You're leaving?"
"Well, I was going to get you a glass of water, then head out." I say my hand on his door handle.
He was propped up on his elbows now watching me. His hair was tousled sticking up already. "You should stay." He whispered.
My grip on the handled loosened as I slipped off my shoes, some part of me hoping he would ask me to stay and that same part already knew that what ever futile attempt at leaving I'd make would fail. I creeped closer to his bed. He pulled back the covers knowing I'd join him soon.
"How long should I stay?" I asked.
Jack smirked tiredly, exhaustion hinting at the corner of his eyes, I'm sure I looked just as tired as he did.
"Forever." That was all it took for me to climb in next to him. Letting myself curl up into his side.
All was forgotten, at least for tonight, for this moment. Tomorrow would bring everything to light, we'd have to talk about everything again. But we could handle it. I'd make sure we could handle it, but for now, for this one cold night I'm happy to just be in Jack's arms.