“Are you sure you want to do this?” the question seemed inane coming from her.
“Yes,” my voice was quiet as we walked through the halls.
“You’re sure?” I turned incredulous eyes on her.
“Why are you trying to talk me out of this?” she shifted on her feet. “You’ve done it.”
“That is no reason to just do it,” she balked.
“I’m not just doing it,” I sighed, sweeping my hair off my neck. “I’ve thought a lot about this.”
“Really?” she eyed me thoughtfully.
“Yea,” I pushed my bangs from my forehead. “But,” she crossed her arms over her chest, already preparing to give me the I-told-you face, “will you do it with me?”
Her jaw dropped, practically to the floor. “You want me to help you do it?”
“Well you’ve done it before,” I shrugged. “Please,” I pouted.
“Roslyn don’t give me that face,” she turned away with a scoff, but out of the corner of her eye she watched me. “You are so lucky I love you,” she turned back to me and I jumped into her arms.
“You are the best,” I kissed her cheek loudly, causing heads to turn toward us in the gym.
“I know, I know,” she pushed me off of her. “Now when are we doing this?”
“Tomorrow?”
“That soon?” again she balked.
“Yea,” I nodded, still a little unsure, “I really want to be ready for his birthday.”
“Okay then,” she seemed reluctant.
“Where were you today?” Grady curled up next to me in bed.
“Jacque and I went shopping,” the lie slipped out easily.
“For a certain someone’s birthday present?” his eyes twinkled.
“Maybe?” I laughed, pushing him onto his back.
“Are you going to tell me what you got me?” he pulled me down on his chest.
“Nope,” I smiled, snuggling down further, knowing that no matter how much I wanted to kiss him right then I needed to hold off. I wanted everything to be perfect.
“You are so very cruel,” his fingers tangled in my hair, “but I love you.”
“Uh hmm,” I nodded, my cheek brushing across his exposed chest and the little breath I heard him suck in was enough to know he would love my gift.
“Are you excited about turning eight teen?” I propped my head up so that I could look down at him.
“It’s just a number Ros,” he chuckled, but his muscles flexed deliciously under my finger tips.
“It’s a big deal GG,” I pouted, trying to seem unaware of my finger nail scraping across his distended nipple.
“Not really,” finally his struggle was revealed in his voice. It didn’t happen all that often, but when his voice dipped like that it made my toes curl.
“I think it is,” his hand captured mine, apparently on to my game.
“Honey it’s just another year,” he kissed my knuckles slowly, lingering against my skin as my own breath faltered.
“A very important year,” I argued further as his lips pressed against my wrist causing a breathy moan to escape my lips.
“Every year I get to spend with you is important,” he lifted his hooded eyes to mine and I felt a twinge deep in my belly as I tried to get closer to him. I could feel his need for me circling around us and I wanted nothing more than to give into him.
“You are such a sweet talker,” my lips descended on his shoulder as his traveled up my elbow.
“It’s one of my many charming qualities,” he attested, drawling a lazy design on my skin with his hot wet tongue, it was enough to have me writhing.
“Grady,” I whimpered as he continued torturing me on the long path to my neck.
“I love you Roslyn,” his lips danced across my skin with the words.
“Uh hmm,” I nodded, my jaw brushing across his stubbly chin.
“Do you love me?” and just like that it was all done.
“What?” I jerked back, staring down at him.
“Do you love me Ros?” he started to sit up as I retreated further.
“I think maybe you should go,” I stood, moving away from the bed, but he followed.
“Answer the question Roslyn,” I turned back to him.
“Why are you asking me that?” did he know?
“I want to know,” he took a domineering step toward me.
“You act like you are asking what time it is,” I scoffed, moving toward the door. He was less likely to continuing fighting if we could be heard by my parents. I already knew I was being a coward, but he was ruining things.
“It’s a simple question,” his voice was hard now, gone were the deep vibrating tones from moments ago.
“No, it’s not,” he raised an eyebrow at me as my hand closed over the door handle.
“Yes it is,” he grabbed me before I could guess his intentions. “You either love me or you don’t.” I LOVE YOU! I wanted to shout, but this was all wrong.
“That is not fair.”
“Tell me you love me,” his fingers dug into my skin.
“Grady,” I started, trying to reason with him.
“No,” he let me go in a whirl, turning from me. “I just want to hear you say it,” his shoulders slumped and my heart leapt in my chest. Just tell him! But I knew I couldn’t, not just yet.
“I can’t,” he turned to me and my breath rushed from my lungs. He looked lost, so very lost and devastated I almost just told him. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t understand why you just can’t say it,” his voice wobbled slightly as he stepped back toward me. “Just say it Ros,” he pleaded, but looking up into those broken blue eyes I could only shake my head.
He stepped back, his shoulders straightening as he did so and then without warning all emotion left his face and he left me standing there.
I turned, thinking he had left the room, so I was surprised to see him standing in the door way staring back at me.
“I think it’s best if we just end things here,” my heart stopped.
“What?” my body went cold.
“This is going no where,” he shrugged. “I think it would be better for both of us if we just ended it now.”
“I don’t understand,” my voice squeaked as it squeezed out.
“You don’t love me,” nothing flickered in his eyes as he said the untruthful words I opened my mouth, to stop all of this. “Don’t,” he held up his hand, stopping me from saying the words that had been fighting to come out for months. “I can’t keep doing this.”
“Doing what?” tears burst from my eyes and finally I saw something flicker across his face, he was fighting to console me.
“Loving you,” my heart stuttered painfully. “It’s too hard,” this coming from the boy who once told me that the challenge was half the fun.
“Grady,” it was almost disgusting how ragged I sounded.
“I’m sorry,” and just like that he turned away from me once again, but this time he did not stop. His heavy footsteps echoed in my mind as he went down the stairs and out of my house.
Morning came all too soon. The sun filtered in through the sky light and Hughbert grunted to be let out, but I couldn’t move. It was if my limbs had simply stopped working. I had replayed the night so many times in my head I could recite the words out loud, but the stinging never went away.
“Roslyn?” a tentative knock came at my door as my mom called for me again. “Honey breakfast is ready,” I didn’t even have the strength to roll over.
“I’m not hungry,” I called back, hoping she would leave me alone.
“Well you have school today,” I groaned.
“I’m not going,” I knew I could easily get away with staying home, my voice sounded terrible and I’m sure I looked even worse than I sounded.
“Are you okay sweetie?” the door cracked open.
“I wouldn’t come in here,” I warned, “I might be contagious.” Ha, heartbreak contagious.
A soft resounding click came with her retreat, “I’ll bring you some soup later,” and then her steps echoed just like Grady’s had.
My heart squeezed again and I finally found the strength to roll over so my sobs were muffled into my pillow.