'So what is this place?' We were at the pub and Tim was looking around curious.
'This is a Wetherspoons. But in this case, a really old one. It is situated in a old and important building so they can't change too much of the decor.' Unlike most Wetherspoons, this looked like an old pub full of period features.
'Cool. You can get the first round this time considering I did it before.' He smiles at me so I know he is joking, and we make our way to the bar. 'I'll have a beer please' he tells the barman.
6 drinks in and the conversation is flowing. You wouldn't have been able to tell that we had fallen out with each other only hours before. I must say it was great having a best friend where you could just fall out with each other and know it isn't going to affect your relationship.
'If you're lucky, maybe later I can show you were I hit my head outside of this place.'
'You don't have to do that if you don't want. I know you've said before that it makes you sad to think about that night.' Hmm, that was news to me.
'Honestly, it's ok. Maybe before it did bother me, but currently I have no idea what happened after so I guess I have nothing to be too upset over. I am under the impression that I changed that night and perhaps the new me regretted how I acted after the night - I think that's why I may have been sad. But the new new me doesn't know how I felt after I changed so it's all good to talk about. I don't know if that made any sense because I am starting to feel the drink.'
Tim laughs at me. 'I understand. In that case, you can show me then.' He smiles as a few ladies pass us and giggle. I sigh. 'What was that sigh for?'
'Oh, the last time I was here, I had girls laugh at me for being ugly. I guess things haven't changed.'
'You are joking right? They weren't laughing at you, they were giggling so you would notice them. As in they were checking you out and wanted you to check them out.'
'Ooooh. I really am not used to this new look I have, and I have no memories of being flirted with so forgive me for being dense. But you are a good looking guy, they may have been doing it to you.'
'Well to be honest, I think it was to both of us as there were a few of them.'
'Then why don't you go over and get a number. Just because I can't doesn't mean you can't either.'
'No thanks.' Then it dawned on me - he likes Sandy.
I give him a knowing look. 'Oh, I get it. Sandy is the only one for you, or something like that?'
'No. It's because I'm gay Jason.' My jaw literally dropped at this piece of information. How had I not noticed this?
'Wh- So you- Er- Wow, that's totally cool with me.' I sounded pathetic. Clearly I was shocked.
'Don't worry, I'm not going to come on to you or anything. You had no problem before if that helps you get over it quicker.' He was so matter of fact that it put my mind to ease.
I really had no idea what my thoughts were on this. Tim was gay? I don't have a problem with homosexuals so why was I so focussed on Tim being one? Trying to sound cool about it, I spoke up. 'So no Sandy then? My bad.' I gave him a laugh and he humoured me by smiling back. God I'm lame. I had gone and made things all awkward now.
'Another pint?' Tim motioned to my glass like I had no idea what a pint was.
'Do you even need to ask?' He understood I meant yes and went to the bar. Whilst he was gone, I tried to process this new information. Tim was gay. How does one normally react when they are told their best friend is gay? I had no choice but to be ok with it, which I totally am by the way. I just didn't know how he expected me to be with him now. I didn't want him thinking I was flirting or coming on to him whenever I smiled or made a joke.
When he gets back, I do something unthinkable and let slip my thoughts. 'So, do you think I'm attractive?' I give him my cheesiest grin so he knows I am joking. Except I really want him to answer that for some reason.
'Come on Jay, you really expect me to answer that?'
'No.' Yes. 'I am just a bit curious. I promise I won't get weird if you tell me the truth. Pinky promise in fact.' I hold out my pinky.
'Pfffsh. Ok, you're good looking to me. But don't let that go to your head - it's not like I'm trying to get in your pants.' This both pleased me and saddened me. He thought I was good looking which made me feel good, but saying he didn't want to get into my pants annoyed me for some reason. Jesus, why am I thinking like this? It's not like it matters or like I care at all...
'Fine. And you are ugly, just so you know.' I wink at him.
'You cheeky git, I am fit and you know it.' He gives me one of those warm smiles and I feel good again. I don't get why that happens every time he smiles at me. Look at me over thinking things now I know he likes men. I am so going to jump to conclusions every time he does something now.
'Ok, you are almost as handsome as me, I'll give you that one.' He beams from ear to ear now and I do too. We are such good friends its not even funny.
'I don't know about you but I think it's time to go home. You can show me that thing first though.'
'Why, can you not handle your drink?' To be honest, we were both probably tipsy. I was swaying in my seat almost as much as he was. 'Come on then.'
I walk him to the exact spot I remember and show him. 'So this is it. My last memory before I woke up in hospital 5 years later.'
'Is that it?'
'Oi, I didn't say it was anything spectacular to look at. I just said it's where I changed my life and lost my memory. No big deal.' It really wasn't a big deal.
'If your memories ever come back, I want you to remember you saying that. It's no big deal. Can I tell you a secret?' He was very drunk but I humoured him.
'Sure.'
'You used to cry about it sometimes. And I used to sooth when you got upset. I'm hungry. Let's go home.'
I what? He what? I am so drunk, I'm probably making a big thing out of nothing again. I choose to ignore what he said. 'To home we shall go!' Tim puts his arm around me lazily as we made a move. Was I ok with this now? Nothing has changed. Accept now I know Tim is gay. I shouldn't be bothered by a friend putting his arm around me in a friendly drunken way.
'Can I tell you another secret?' I didn't even get to respond this time, he just wanted to tell me things. 'I miss you. I miss this.' He motions between us. 'I miss us.' That made me feel special, but also worried that he didn't like the new me.
'I'm still me. And we are still going to hang out and be friends so you don't need to miss anything.' I try to reassure him.
'Yes but it's not the same. You're still awesome but we don't do half the stuff we used to. You used to come to mine every morning instead of jogging - I miss that the most. I'm sleepy - Oh look, a taxi.' I don't even get to respond before he is pulling us towards the taxi.
When we get inside and head home, I have a lot to think about. My drunken brain is mixing things up and I can't focus properly but I am pretty sure he said I went over to his in the mornings instead of running. Now that made a lot of sense. I hated those runs and obviously it was because I never actually did them.
I began to wonder why he hadn't told me this already. We were becoming best friends again and surely he couldn't see anything wrong in me knowing about my mornings. It was harmless information and would have got our friendship back quicker - no doubt about that as I often wished for something to distract me from my exercises.
Did he not want our friendship back? This was the only conclusion I could come to as we arrived back at my home. Tim was almost passed out in the passenger seat. 'Oi, Tim, we are back now - time for bed.'
He moaned but got up and I helped him to the door. I may have been drunk but I was the most sober out of the two of us and it had clearly fallen on me to be the responsible one. 'Where are we? I need sleep. Take me to a bed.' He was pretty funny when he was wasted and I let out a little laugh.
'This way Tim.' I guided us to the basement and tried very carefully not to fall down the stairs - a task not made easy by practically carrying someone else. 'Here, now lie down.' I plonked him on the bed and helped him take a few of his clothes off so he would be more comfortable.
Now I could see how toned his body was - I was slightly jealous of how good he looked without a t-shirt on. He took off his own trousers and scrambled into the covers. Now I didn't really know what to do. I had felt ok about sharing the bed with him earlier but now I was hesitant.
Taking off my t-shirt, I thought about my options. I could share the bed, although he was pretty much sprawled out across it, or I could go upstairs and take the sofa. I knew he wouldn't try anything on with me in the bed but the thought did cross my mind. It's not that I was bothered about him being gay or anything, but I had this niggle in the back of my head trying to tell me something.
I looked over to him as he moved to get more comfortable. He did look rather sweet when he was drunk and sleepy. Wait, I didn't mean sweet - that's not a very manly thing to say. Finally, I came to the conclusion that I should take the sofa. 'Tim, I'm going upstairs now. Will you be ok here?'
'No.' Before I could ask why, he grabbed my arm and pulled me down onto the bed. This sent my heart fluttering and I was slightly nervous about what he was about to say or do. I went to get up again, he was probably just drunk and wanted to tell me something before I left.
As I moved, he grabbed me by the waist and cosied up against me. 'That's better,' was all he said before I could hear him drifting off to sleep. I couldn't move - I felt frozen to the spot. My head was now swimming from the drink and I doubted I could get up even if I wanted to.
Now I was stuck on the bed being cuddled by my drunken, gay best friend. And I liked it. What the hell?