A/N: Okay. So this is in the perspective of Dawson. This a three-part work that will depict what made Dawson, Dawson. There will be a normal chapter in between, so don't worry. Colton won't be lost for long! But before we begin, warnings: this may be triggering for some people. It includes aspects of: physical, emotional, and sexual abuse; eating disorders; depression, angst, and bullying.
I want to add that while this is important to Dawson's story, it is not completely necessary to the plot (however it will tie up some loose ends). So if any of you readers are not comfortable reading this material than please don't feel pressured. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, especially dealing with these testy subjects. So with that said...
A/N: 2.0 I'm really not happy with how this came out. I don't know why. It feels force, like it doesn't really flow. I hope Part 2 will come to me easier. So sorry that this sucks so bad. Vote...if you think it's worthy (I don't really) and comment (if you can stomach the terrible writing, lol).
Peace Out, Girl Scouts
~Kate~
DAWSON, PART 1
~Age 15~
The steady banging on the headboard against the wall was grinding on my eardrums.
Heated puffs of hair made the hair on the back of my neck stand straight. But I kept my face buried in the pillow, trying to block out the pain and the chilling sounds of flesh meeting flesh. I tried to channel myself elsewhere every time he grunted or moaned. The pillow absorbed most of my tears, though after night after night of this, I'd assume it to be saturated.
I felt him seize up behind me and I prayed it'd be over soon.
I didn't want to think of my poor, ailing mother upstairs. Somehow, it made this even more dirty.
I felt him cum and he collapsed on me. The weight was heavy and I struggled to breathe. Then he rolled over, kicking at me with his foot. "Go to bed, Dawson." my father panted, reaching for his pack of cigarettes. As he struck a match, his once kind face was illuminated. He looked simply evil to me now. "And be quiet about it, alright? If I hear you slamming around that kitchen again I'll beat your ass. Your fat ass." he chuckled at the insult, then his face grew dark. "Seriously. You're getting fat."
Despite being emotionally wrecked, I was ashamed at first but the aching inside me quickly grew in hope. If I was fat, he wouldn't hurt me anymore, right? He wouldn't do those...horrible, dirty things. "Dawson." he gripped my hair, pulling my head back to look into his ugly face. "Do you hear me, you little pig? Quit stuffing your fucking face. No mate'll take you if you're fat."
"No mate'll take him if you ruin him."
I jumped violently, my eyes shot to the doorway. My older brother, my knight in shining armor, was standing tall and mean. Unfortunately he didn't live here anymore. He had a mate and lived down the street now. He had been trying to stop these forced nightly encounters since he and I were just pups. Unsuccessfully, but at least he was trying. "Oh shut up, Max. Why are you in my house? Haven't you got your own?"
I hated the playful bantering they did. It was like this wasn't serious. Like I wouldn't be considered 'unfit for mating' if the Alpha found out. Like I hadn't just been violated in the most primitive way. Max chuckled but glanced at me, a conflicting look on his face. "Dad...you gotta stop this. This is crazy."
I knew that this conversation would rile him up so I tried to slid from the bed--only to be grabbed by the hair again. "This little slut is just being used for true purpose. I dunno how a little weakling like him came from someone like me. Look at you!" My father puffed on his cigarette, shaking his head at me.
My father and my brother were both very strong wolves. My mother was an elite wolf with powerful male family members. The fact that I was an omega was astounding that way. Max had a look of determination on his face--he wanted to have the conversation again tonight. "Dad. Listen to me. He's falling behind in his Courses--"
"Can't keep up you ugly, stupid boy?" my father growling, giving my head a shake. My scalp hurt something terrible. I felt fresh tears prickling my eyes from the pain and emotional beating I was receiving. "I'll show you--"
I hit the hardwood floor of my parent's bedroom hard, head jarring slightly. Then he was looming over my, arm raised and ready to strike. "Stop it!" snapped Max, stepping into the bedroom. "What the hell do you expect? You...do this all night and then he gets up in the morning to take care of Mom and-and get you ready to go out on Patrol, then he comes home and cleans the house, makes dinner...and you thank him by...raping him. You're fucked dad--you know that?"
"He can do with his mother can't. It's his fucking duty if you ask me." he snapped back furiously. "And I don't remember asking you for your opinion. Besides, after the first year, that cute little mate you've got over there will stop putting out. And if you ever want to touch my slut, I suggest you remember to mind your manners."
I felt so disgusted by the statement I wanted to puke. How could he offer me up like a two-dollar whore? "Ugh," sneered Max shaking his head. "You're sick dad. Seriously sick. You need help."
"Get out."
"C'mon Dawson. Let's bring you upstairs." Max said, ignoring dad's orders.
Surprisingly enough my father released my hair, letting my stumbled out of the bed. I snagged my pants as I limped out of the room, trying to hide the pain I was in. I managed to get them out and once they were, I hugged Max tight. Max stiffened then sighed, patting me awkwardly on the back. "Dawson--" he began quietly.
"Take me away," I sobbed quietly into his shirt. "Please!"
"I can't do that, Dawson. It'll ruin him if this gets out." Max replied running a hand over his face. "Look. I've got a pregnant mate who keeps wondering why I run out to every night and it's starting to look bad. You need to stop pissing him off and keep on top of your Courses. One red flag, just one, and..." he shook his head. "If the Alpha finds out about this, you're done. No mate. No escape. Unless you want to be a whore for the rest of your life."
I stepped back quickly. He was done? Just like that? He wasn't going to save me? He didn't care? My bottom lip trembled. I was on my own in this hell-hole. "Now go take a shower. You smell like sex. And then check on mom. Then get your butt to bed. Maybe if you wake up a bit earlier you can look over your Course work, hm? Make Dad a good breakfast and maybe he'll 'forget' that this happened. I heard about that bruise on your face last week. If you get people talking like that too much, someone will tell the alpha."
I felt like I was being scolded. Like I was the one doing wrong in this situation. And that made me very upset. But I held back my tears and nodded my head. "Yes Max."
"And Dawson? This isn't forever, okay? You just need to keep your head up and focus on getting a mate. That's the only way he'll ever let you go."
I nodded my head again, feeling tears I tried to hold back slip down my cheeks. Max groaned. "Dawson! Enough! You can't continue to cry and whine about like a pup. This has been going on for years. Don't you think it's time to...take it like a man?"
I felt so offended by his words I turned away. "Dawson, wait. I didn't mean it like that--"
"Goodnight," I whispered, climbing the stairs slowly.
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After a short, hot shower I timidly checked on my mother.
She was breathing steady, her raspy pants filling the room. She got sick after having me. In a way, it was my fault she up here, dying slowly. "I miss you Mommy," I whispered quietly, kneeling by her bedside. It was nearly two in the morning. I didn't want to wake her. "I miss the life we used to have."
She didn't move at all I figured she had slept through it all. Which was good. The more sleep she got, the better. I was at the doorway when I heard her breathe a single, rasping word that made me cold to the very core.
"Slut."
I closed the door quickly, chest heaving with sobs I tried to suppress. She knew. She knew and she blamed me. I felt dirty again. Now that the feeling had really gone away, no matter how long I showered, but I always found a bit of peace when caring for my mother. Now it was gone. She hated me. I was a...slut. I went to my room. It was little thing, just bigger than a closet. Max and my father had crammed a twin bed in here but a frame wouldn't fit, and a plastic drawer set held my few clothes. It was the same set up I had when I was seven and my mother got sick. She would get ill on and off but she wasn't sick the way she was now. Until then, of course.
My father changed very quickly then. He was irritable and unpredictable. He'd hit me a lot, making me do chores my small body hadn't done before. It was a very violent year for me. Then when I was eight, he started in on insulting me. I was stupid, I was lazy, I was fat. It was a new thing every day. And that on top of seemingly unjust beatings was enough to make me want to run away. My mother would try and stop him but she could hardly leave the room he put her in. So I'd go to her and she'd wrap a bony around around me and it was the best source of comfort I had.
Max was no real help. He was moody, searching for mate. And didn't seem to pay much mind to the violence I was receiving. This went until I was fourteen--two years ago. That was the first time he ever...raped me. I don't remember the occurrence too well, no doubt due to the blow to my head that I'd received for burning the chicken. But I woke up under him. He was asleep and unaware. The pain caught my interest first followed by the sickening fact that our skin was stuck together thanks to the thin adhesive of blood between us. I do remember vomiting noisily off the side of the bed, then my father pushing me out of the bed, laughing sleepily.
That was when my true hell started. And it seemed to be far from over.
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"Dawson!" I jumped, looking at my best friend Jessie. "Want one?"
He twirled a sprinkle coated cupcake at me with an enticing grin. I did of course. Food was my comfort. Any sweet or sugary was denied to me at home which just led to me stealing as much of it as I could when my father wasn't home and hiding it in my room to devour after...after he was done with me. "Sure."
I took the treat, licking away the frosting. "Dawson?"
I looked at our Instructor who held his hand out expectantly. I looked around at the papers on the desks around me. Uh-oh. "Uhm..."
"And another 'P' for Completion for Dawson," Jamie, the instructor sighed as he moved onto Jessie who gladly handed over his own paper.
Once Jamie was gone, Jessie whispered, "Why didn't you do it, Dawson? You're gonna get bad Marks."
I wished I could care more, I trully did. I tried my best but school just wasn't my focus right now. I was exhausted and I hurt all over. I just wanted one night to just sleep. No being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night to...'tend to my father' as Max put it, no lying awake wishing I had the guts to just kill myself... I wanted peace. Honest to God peace. And that wasn't possible for me.
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I always dragged my feet when I walked home.
I knew that nothing awaited me there and that made me all less motivated to go. "C'mon, Dawson! You're so slow!" groaned Jessie.
He was already shaping up to be a seemingly perfect future mate. He was pretty, he was kind, he was submissive...and he had almost perfect marks. I didn't know why he chose to hang out with someone like me but he did. And I was thankful for that. "Ooh! We should have a slumber party?"
"What?" I rolled my eyes. We weren't pups anymore. I figured we'd outgrown that stage.
"I'm serious! We can eat junk food and watch movies and talk about our future mates!"
That didn't sound too bad. I'd actually like to do that. But I knew that my father wouldn't let me do it. He couldn't last a night without... I gulped, feeling guilty and icky all over again. "I don't think that's going to happen, Jessie. My dad probably won't let me. Sorry."
"I'll come and ask your dad myself then!" he exclaimed promptly and nothing wouldn't have stopped him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was worried when we got to my house.
Thankfully my brother was over so he and my father were talking over coffee. He looked up at me coldly before his brow furrowed as noticed my add-on. "Hi!" chirped Jessie. "Can Dawson spend the night at my house?"
"I don't care." my father replied rolling his eyes. "Tidy up before you go."
He turned back to his coffee as Jessie squealed, hopping up and down. "Yay! I'll help you!"
"No. That's okay." I didn't want him to see the shabby shape of my room compared to his. "Pfft," he sneered, waving his hand. "C'mon. It's upstairs right?"
He went darting upstairs, making me groan and race after him. He managed to find my room first. He tore the door open and his face fell visibly. Maybe it was the poor lighting. Maybe it was the lack of light. Maybe it was how tiny it is. "It's, uhm, nice." Jessie tried feebly, forcing a smile. "I'll wait for you downstairs, okay?"
I blushed. "Yeah," I mumbled, head down.
I threw clothes into my tattered duffel bag, eager to escape for the night.
My father gave me a half look as I bid him a goodbye. I was relieved to step out of the house.
Finally. One night without fearing for my own safety. One night where I was safe.
Or so I thought.