Gemini POV
I have to tell my story. P'Erin advised me against it many times, saying that it would only harm me now. I don't care about it. I want to tell you everything. I don't want any understatements or false guesses from typical gossip mongers.
More than a year has passed since the day I met Fourth. A lot has happened during this time. I didn't always have time to regularly describe events from my life, and now ours. I have a daughter who is not mine, but whom I love like my own (the fans don't know about her yet, I plan for them to learn about her from this book, I want to help them understand my perspective and the reasons that guided me). I also have a lovely little sister. And someone else who can still make my heart flutter even though we've been together for a while.
First things first.
* * *
“I'm going to my mother. Do you want to come with me or are you going home?”
“I'm going with you. I don't want to lose sight of you even for a minute, I'm afraid you'll disappear again”.
“I won't disappear, I promise. All the evil people who wanted our lives are now in prison, we are safe”.
“I'll pretend to believe you” — His voice was still sad. He made an adorable face like a cute kitten. I couldn't help myself and kissed him on the forehead.
“Believe me. Look how many people we have on our side. They will always defend us,” — I tried to convince him. I meant my brothers, P'First, P'Singto, Professor Zee and... And my father. I still haven't gotten used to the idea that he was the one who saved me. My father, the man I hated so much for what he did to our mother and our entire family. I hugged Fourth briefly and then released him with obvious reluctance. I would have liked to stay in our apartment, lying on the couch with my head on his on my knees and watching a movie together, preferably a comedy, because I have enough crime stories in my own life.
“Okay, let's go then”.
Fourth led me to the car and sat me in the front passenger seat. He treated me like I was his princess. It's funny, but I started wondering, is this how couples behave in relationships? Even though I've been in a lot of shows, and even had a girlfriend or boyfriend in some (when Pond was my work partner), dating was definitely not my forte. I already failed the first of our "official" dates after "returning to normal", i.e. after what NuNew, or should I say Annabelle, did to us.
We listened to music as we drove home. Fourth, as if to spite me, put on my own song, Too Close To Handle, and started singing it to me.
It's weird because I hate this song. Mainly because...
Never mind.
The most important thing is that my FotFot can turn something I hate into something I love. Hearing his voice mix with my recorded one, I thought I heard choirs of angels singing together. Although... Do angelic choirs sing at all? Is that just their name?
Oh, let's put an end to these empty thoughts. Now is not the time for philosophy.
They say that time passes faster in good company. The journey to my family home passed too quickly. Before I knew it, we were already walking through a narrow concrete path in the middle of a low, perfectly trimmed lawn. We held hands as if we were afraid that if we let go of each other's hands, the other would disappear, vanish into thin air. It was romantic and beautiful, I hope I described it correctly. Fourth was saying something as we walked through the door. No one came out to meet us, but I didn't care. I motioned for my boyfriend to be quiet by putting my index finger to his lips. He nodded at me and we went inside as quietly as we could. I planned to surprise my mother, but it quickly turned out that she surprised me.
We headed towards the kitchen. My mother liked to have afternoon tea at this time. She often sat in the kitchen at this hour, gossiping with her best friend, Aunt Ring.
And this time we found them both there, but in a very unexpected situation.
Mechanically, I squeezed Fourth's hand tighter, so much so that he hissed in pain.
“M-mom? Aunt Ring? ” — I choked out in one breath, feeling as if my world was collapsing into a point of infinite density.
“Son…” — My mother whispered, immediately straightening her wrinkled skirt and buttoning her beige blouse. I looked away.
“Why? When did it start? Why don't I know anything about it?”
“It's... It's adult stuff”. — She said, but Aunt Ring interrupted.
“I think Gemini should know. He's your son, you can't hide it from him forever. He's strong, he can handle it”.
“Explain this to me, mother” — I ordered in an icy tone. There wasn't even a shred of warmth left in me for this woman, but the next few minutes made me hate her completely.
“Sit down. We'll talk. Do you want something to drink?”
“No, I don't want to drink anything. I want to know the truth. How long does it take?”
“Since high school”.
“Mine?!”
“No, son, since ours. Those were different times. We were a couple for a year before my parents and your grandparents forced me to marry your father. I didn't love him and he didn't love me. When I found out I was pregnant, we decided to try being a family. Dunk was born and we were so happy that we forgot everything. Your grandparents were proud of us. They gave us this house as a gift. Ring moved to another part of Bangkok and met her husband there, the father of your friend Prim”.
“She is not and never has been my real friend. You were deceived by her”. — I said in an indifferent tone, although the mere mention of that name made my blood boil in my veins.
Yes, Aunt Ring is Prim's mother, but until that moment I didn't think mother and daughter were worth each other and both would hurt me so much. I trusted them both. And both of them disappointed me. More than disappointing, they both stabbed me in the heart.
“I'm sorry about my daughter. I really don't know who she inherited those genes from, certainly not me”.
I snorted loudly.
Sure, pay attention, or I'll believe you. You are both the same. Like mother, like daughter — I thought.
Fourth placed his hand on my knee to calm me down. I looked into his eyes and realized that he was really here with me, that I no longer had to go through everything alone, now I had someone next to me with whom I could share my burden. It was a nice change. I took a deep breath and let my mother continue.
“When Prim was born, Ring moved closer to us. We often joked that we couldn't be together, but our children would be able to get married and we would finally be a real family. Yes, Gemini, I'm sorry about that. I know parents shouldn't impose anything on their children, but when we saw you playing together... We became close again when you were five. We could no longer deceive ourselves. We decided to continue pretending to be close friends. No one noticed anything except your father. He got angry. He asked for a divorce. He wanted to take all three of you to his place. He had a big house with a garden in the suburbs back then, but you didn't go there. When he met his current partner, he completely lost his mind. Some time later it turned out that she was pregnant. I used this to let you stay with me. I was afraid of losing you. Ring was by my side the whole time. We couldn't have done otherwise. Understand us!”
“What should I understand? That you cheated on me? Both! And dad? You just let me hate him knowing he was innocent?”
“He was guilty. He cheated on me?”
"He cheated on you, or you did on him?”
There was dead silence. Aunt Ring stood up in anger and screamed.
“You're taking too much time, boy. She's your mother, show her some respect for once!”
“Respect? And does this woman called my mother deserve respect?”
“You stupid dog!” — Ring slapped my cheek with her open hand. It stung, but I was so furious that I didn't pay attention to it.
“Give me my father's address, I want to see him. Immediately!” — I turned to my "mother." She stood up slowly, wiping her tears with her hands. I didn't feel sorry for her. She arranged my whole life for me, she gave me no choice. She didn't let me know the truth. She walked up to me as if she wanted to hug me. I pushed her away. Maybe a bit too brutal. I didn't care. I was too bitter and hurt.
“Son, please forgive us. You love Fourth, right? And you wouldn't want to lose him at any cost, you did everything for him, to be with him. I feel the same way about Ring”.
“I hate you, woman. Give me our father's address and get out of my life”.
Maybe I was too harsh. At the time, her tears only irritated me more, but as I lay in my bed many hours later, reliving the events of the day, I felt a pang of guilt grip my heart. After all, my mother was right, I loved Fourth, I was ready for anything for him, I should have understood my mother better, but at that particular moment I could only think of one thing: that I had been lied to and deceived for many years that my mother she almost forced my sexuality on me with almost no thought to who I really was. I was no longer sure if I was gay because I was born that way, or if it was my mother's genes, or maybe the expectations she had for me?
However, looking at Fourth sleeping peacefully next to me, I know that I am just like that. Whatever the reason. And I think it's not that simple at all, but why analyze it? Just follow your heart, and my heart goes out to this charming boy with scars and a difficult, still mysterious past.
“Son... Okay. I'll give you his address, but I doubt you'll find him there. At this time he is most likely at work or in the hospital, with his daughter”.
“In the hospital? Why? What happened to her?”
“Little Som has leukemia. Phuwin and Dunk visit her every chance they get. You'll probably find it there. In the pediatric oncology department”.
“We are going there. And forget that you had a son named Norawit”.
My mother's betrayal hurt like nothing else. Fourth, seeing that I was shaking with too much emotion, drove the car again. I don't remember how we got to the pediatric oncology ward. I think I introduced myself at the front desk as Som Tangsakyuen's older brother. Fourth led me to the indicated room, wrapping his arm around my waist. I felt like a blind person. I couldn't see the world around me. Instead, my overloaded brain began to torture me with memories of my childhood games with Prim.
Great, dear brain, abuse me even more! As if my suffering wasn't bad enough.
The sight outside the patient room door sobered me.
Children's rooms often have several beds for patients, in this room there were four tall, metal frames with colorful, cheerful bedding. I saw my dad at one of the beds and my heart sank.
Dad was sitting there feeding the little girl ice cream. He smiled at her, but his face showed signs of extreme fatigue. He heard me and looked up. Our eyes met. I held my breath.
I haven't talked to him for so many years. I wanted to tell him a thousand things, apologize for being an asshole and for never wanting to know the truth. It was easier to believe our mother's words, the claim that our father had betrayed her. It was much harder to accept my mistake, especially since it was so powerful.
I wanted to tell him so much, but when I finally walked to the center of the room, just a few steps away from him, my voice suddenly stopped working. The only thing I managed to get out was just one word:
“Dad...”
And then I fell to my knees and cried.
I've been crying a lot lately. I became more emotional. Fourth says it makes me even hotter. I believe him. Men who don't show their true feelings are actually weak. It takes real courage to cry on front of your loved ones, but it shows them that you trust them. It's beautiful thing to show your true self to them, because they love you and they care about you, they want to be part of your life.
My father came to me, grabbed me by the arms, picked me up and hugged me.
“Gemini, oh my little Gemini! You came to us! We've been waiting for you for so long. You have grown up since we lived together. My little son!”
“I know, Dad, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being an asshole. I'm sorry that I pushed you away, that I didn't want to listen to you. My mother told me everything. I'm sorry, dad”.
Calling him "Dad" was a bit strange for me, I wasn't used to it yet.
“Come on, everything's fine, Gemini. I'm glad you're here. The rest doesn't matter”.
“Actually, I came to meet my sister too”.
“Alright then. Come on, nong Som is your fan. He watches your performances all the time”.
I saw something in my father's eyes and in the tone of his voice that I guess I could call pride. Was he proud of me? This was new to me.
My father walked me to the little girl's bed. I saw big brown eyes so much like mine and a head hidden under a colorful cap. She had no eyelashes or eyebrows, her lips were dry and cracked as if she had recently battled a fever, and her skin was unnaturally pale. She seemed tiny and slim, but when she saw me she smiled cheerfully.
“P'Gemini! P'Gemini! My big brother! P'Gemini has finally arrived!”
The little one clapped her tiny, delicate hands enthusiastically. I noticed that she had IV needles stuck in both of them. Poor thing! Suddenly I felt terribly sad. She was so tiny and so brave! And that sincere smile on her face...
I realized that maybe if I had met her earlier, I would have loved her immediately.
“P'Gemini, did you bring P'Fourth, your boyfriend?”
“M-my boyfriend? How do you know P'Fourth is my boyfriend?”
“Daddy and P'Dunk talked about it. P'Fourth is adorable. I saw your performance. Cute”..
I smiled at her. She was very smart. It was hard to resist her sweet, childlike charm.
“Yes, P'Fourth is here with me, he's waiting in the corridor, should I call him?”
“YES! P'Gemini, call P'Fourth! I want to meet him.”
I looked out the door and asked my boyfriend to come inside.
Dad and little Som had lots of questions for us. I quickly learned that Dunk and Phuwin were frequent guests here, and the little one's mother was at work.
“Do you know that we have a little daughter?”. — Fourth decided to inform my sister half jokingly, half seriously. Som's eyes became as big as two full moons.
“P'Fourth and P'Gemini have a daughter? How great! We can play together! Bring her with you next time, please!”
“Easy, nong Som. Our daughter is still very small. Today she was left in the care of P'First, my Fourth's older brother, and Namtan, our friend, but I promise you that tomorrow we will bring her to you, okay?"
“P'Gemini I love you, my big brother! I missed you so much! P'Gemini is here, noo Som happy!”
There were no other patients in the room at the moment, but it was noticeable that one bed was much larger and was clearly intended for an adult. I asked about it. The father said it was a bed for one of the parents of the little patient. Little Som didn't like to be left alone, so she was always accompanied by someone, usually her father or mother, and sometimes Phuwin and Dunk. I offered to join in too. I have to make up for lost time.
This is how I gained a family. A real family. My sister, my two brothers, my father, my boyfriend and my boyfriend's twin brother's daughter. We may be a strange family, but we try to live as a happy family, even despite differences of opinion.