Chapter 24
"Save Your Tears."
When I arrived home, from what felt like the 100th time I'd almost been killed, I immediately found a fancy looking bottle of wine my mother had most likely sent me, and a cheap bottle of liquor I bought from my local grocery store. Despite the difference between the disgusting taste of the grocery store liquor, and the elegant taste of the expensive wine, they actually went pretty well together. I can definitely smell an alcoholic in my future.
After a shared combination of half a wine bottle, and a few swigs of trashy alcohol, between me and Toby, we were gone.
I wobbled back and forth as I tried to take some steps towards Toby, who seemed just as drunk as I was. I squinted and tried my hardest to see him through my blurred and watery vision. "You look stupid like that." Toby said, his words slurred, but he was still holding on to himself better than I was. I placed my hands onto his shoulders to keep myself steady, and glared at him. "N-no you look stupid!" My words tripped over each other, and stammered.
Without another word we both burst into laughter. My drunken, sloppy laugh filled the room, as I flopped over onto my couch, soon followed by Toby.
When we stopped laughing I looked over to Toby, my eyes got stuck on him. Finally the atmosphere was calming down. "You know, I'm glad we're finally friends." He looked at me weirdly, then laughed quietly. "Why are you being so sappy?" He laughed again, and I scoffed. "I was being nice." His face softened, and his brown eyes met mine. Maybe he looked sad. I couldn't tell with all the alcohol running through my body. "Yeah, I'm glad we're friends too." His voice was soft and calm.
"This is just what I needed." I laughed, and sprawled my legs out onto my table. "Nothing better than getting wasted before you commit a class A felony, right?" I turned over to Toby, who now was spaced out and staring at my wall. I punched him in the shoulder, his head snapped back to me. "Yeah? What?"
I ignored him and hopped up from the couch. "Let's play a game." I imagined Toby would give me a weird look instead of saying anything, but instead he hopped up, and started talking with more enthusiasm than I had ever heard. "What game? True or dare, spin the bottle-." I opened a cabinet holding some of my favorite treasures. "Nope. Even better- a board game!" I grabbed Sorry and shoved it up towards the sky. I laughed when I saw Toby's face drop. "We're not teenagers anymore- plus how would we play, spin the bottle? We're the only people here."
I looked back at Toby for his response, but all that happened was his face flushing. He turned away, to cover his face. "You're right." He mumbled. "Let's play." When his face cleared, he looked back at me. I nodded and plopped back down onto the couch.
The rules were simple enough. Toby and I grabbed our pieces, mine yellow, and his red. I grabbed my first card, and was immediately able to leave the start. I jumped up in joy and squealed. "In your face!" I screamed. Toby looked at me, clearly unamused. "It can't be that hard." He grabbed a card from the deck. "Ha! I get to move 4!" He retorted back at me. He flipped the card around to show me.
I couldn't help but laugh. "What?" I laughed harder. I took a deep breath, and finally composed myself. "You can't move unless you've gotten out already." He furrowed his brows. He took a deep breath, and placed the card down. "Fine, I guess I'll just have to get in next time."
"Mhm, sure." I grabbed another card and moved 11 spaces. Toby grabbed another card, and dramatically flipped it up. He sighed, and threw the card down. It fluttered down and flipped over, revealing a move 10 spaces card.
For the next thirty minutes Toby and I went back and forth, picking up cards, and Toby not getting a single piece out. I moved my last piece into home. Toby grumbled. "This game is stupid."
I laughed, and grabbed his cheeks, pitching them and shaking his face like old ladies do to babies. "Don't be a sore loser." I laughed, and continued to shake his face. I only stopped when I saw his expression. I froze as I met his shocked, and confused eyes. "I'm so-." He grabbed my hand, and placed it down onto his lap.
We both stopped talking. Our eyes stayed locked on each other, and my hand stayed on his thigh, with his hand clasped over mine. "Toby?" His hand tightened. "Mhm. Y/N?" I wanted to ask what he was doing, but a part of me was scared that he'd stop. His eyes searched mine for my question.
It was easy to get lost in his eyes, which is just what I did. Suddenly I felt nauseous- I think? No, it was butterflies, fluttering through my stomach. My hands got clammy, and sticky. My breathing picked up, and everything that I did and felt was rushing to my head. I didn't know what to say, we just looked at each other for a moment. In silence.
"You'll stay with me right? No matter what happens tomorrow?" He looked at me, his eyes flicked over all of my feachers. He hesitated, but placed his forehead on mine. "I'll stay with you."
"Promise?"
He nodded.
"Promise."
That brought a smile to my face. My eyes fluttered down to his lips, then back up to his eyes. "Good." I placed my free hand on his cheek.
"You're crazy. You know that right?" He started talking, but I stopped him by pressing my lips to his. After a few seconds of being completely frozen, he kissed me back. The kiss broke, we pulled away from each other, we were both stunned.
Quickly after another kiss ensued. Long and passionate. We scooted close to one another, and we were wrapped around each other. The kiss broke again. "You're crazy too."
The next day I woke up with a massive hangover, and my clothes sprawled out on the floor.
Weird. I placed my hand to my head to try and help with the headache, but to no avail. I turned around on my queen sized bed, and boom! There was Toby sitting right next to me. Blood immediately rushed to my face. I quickly covered my bare chest, only to notice he was missing a shirt as well.
Finally it hit me. The kiss. But that's all I remembered. How much did I drink last night? I cupped my hand to my mouth. "We kissed." I mumbled. Toby looked just as shocked as I was. His cheeks quickly filled with a pink color. His eyes darted away from mine, and he quickly tried to hide his expression.
"What happened after that?" I looked up to him for answers. He glanced back at me, his cheeks still a fiery pink, then he looked away again. "I think we both know what happened."
It was true. I had my suspicions, and they weren't exactly wholesome.
I covered myself with the blanket, and prepared myself for the journey of finding my clothes. I turned over. I looked down and-. "Oh, wow." I quickly turned back from the sight I saw.
A used condom. Sitting in the bottom of my trash can. "What was it?" Toby looked at me, and for a moment I thought I would ruin his innocence if I told him. If he had any left. I nodded over to the trash can. "Go look for yourself."
He furrowed his brows in confusion, then it clicked. He looked over to me, I couldn't read his eyes. Was he happy? Sad, angry? I shrugged, and pulled the blankets off my naked figure. He went to catch the blanket, like it had been falling off, but he stopped short, and allowed the blanket to fall off of me.
The covers were thin anyways. They could barely cover you, and I figured since he had already seen everything, it didn't matter if he saw it again. I crawled out of bed. There was no protesting from Toby. I looked over to him, he was looking at me. When he saw my gaze, he quickly looked away.
"Sorry." He mumbled, through a cloud of embarrassment. I watched as a bump grew from under the covers. I kinda wanted to laugh. "Don't be." I said after a long pause.
I grabbed each piece of clothing, and threw it into a basket. Behind me, Toby had gotten up. We both put new outfits on. We turned around at the same time, to see each other both fully clothed. I awkwardly smiled and waved, he did the same back.
After an uncomfortable few minutes of grabbing coffee, and eating breakfast, we both ended up in the same place. My car. It was loaded with everything we would need. Gasoline, matches, pepper spray, and my gun. You name it we had it.
The car was stuffy. We both didn't dare look at the other. The atmosphere was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Not even the radio helped. We'd get killed if we carried on like this.
"So." I started out, tapping on the steering wheel. "About last night." Toby finally looked over at me, it was like I missed his glances. "It was a mistake." Toby blurted out. I quickly looked over at him with wide eyes. That stung. "I mean." Toby stuttered over his words, more than usual. "We need to- um, we can't be distracted. If we are, then we'll be dead before we even start our plan." I nodded.
"Agreed. We need to get all our emotions out." I said slowly, trying to be careful with my words. It was so easy with my patents. "You go first." I spat out.
Toby gulped. "Alright." He mumbled. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him fidget with his hands. "Y/N-, you're amazing, really." My heart warmed at his words. "But, if we were anything, it could put you in the spotlight. The Operator would be coming after you, faster than you could ever think. I don't want to mess things up with you, I don't want to mess things up for you." There it was, the other half to every story. I clenched my steering wheel. I wasn't prepared to get my heart crushed today. "That's why we're doing this- so we can get rid of the Operator." The car was quiet.
"Toby.. I really like you. And- and I'm fine with any consequences that come because of that. We've come this far, haven't we? After this whole thing, I can quit my job, and we can move as far away as you want. We'd never have to worry about the Operator again."
My speech came out more like a plee. I never realized how much I liked Toby, until I thought I would lose him. I couldn't look at him, I was afraid of what his expression would be.
"I really like you too." He said quietly. "I don't want you to get hurt. I care about you a lot. I don't know what I'd do if you got hurt."
"We can't be with each other."
People who said words didn't hurt, obviously never experienced love. I would much rather Toby grabbed my face, and punched me as many times as he needed, until he felt better. If he wanted me to be his personal punching bag I would be. But I know he would never hurt me in that way.
"Yeah." I said with a quiet sniffle. I turned away to wipe the tears from my eyes. "You're right."
I can't believe this chapter almost took a month to write. Time really flies. Anyways, if you enjoyed make sure to like, comment and follow. As soon as this book is finished I'll be starting on my next, which if you like this book you'll love my next one!