Freen
I arrived at the hotel where Nam and I stayed, heart carrying an immense feeling of happiness and an overwhelming emotions. The events that sent shocking sensations over my well-being confuses me, yet it felt perfect. If felt as if I am completed, as if something deep within me felt whole.
Though my mind seems to be processing the the noise and the revelation of truth, my heart cannot decipher the massive feeling of delight I felt. The hilarity hung heavy on the air as I surge through the day, mine lingering on my daughter. The daughter I never known I had.
Rebecca Serenity Finley. What a nice name, perfect for a perfect child. Fin, my daughter, my belove is a radiant sunshine, her rays light up the darkest corners of my past dull life. She is a sunshine I never know existed and for the first time in my entire life I felt alive. She looks like my twin, a mini Freen. One with Becky's slender and slim body and bits of all my facial features. Her face is a perfect combination of me and her mother.
Upon entering the hotel, everything is neat and organized. Nam was in the room fixing her bags and putting her clothes back on each compartment. Nam flew back to England as well the moment I told her to set me a flight to support me in this process. And I am more grateful to have her here.
"How did it go?" Nam's voice broke the silence in the room. She sat adjacent to me, my face looking down on my lap as Nam waited for an answer.
"It felt—wonderful, I felt whole. I feel like something deep within me stirred and it makes me feel like this is the best thing that ever happened to me. Have you ever felt so scared of the uncertainties your whole life? The fright of what this actions might cause you or where it will take you. Have you ever felt so afraid of the possibilities, of the things, of the consequences of the actions you never knew you had taken. It's as if following the monogamous monologue where only my voice can be heard concealing the outer noise. Concealing the truth, accepting the remorse believing that I had caused this havoc and lived in the lies thinking it was the right action to do." I exclaimed, my hands shaky.
"I—i saw her Nam. With my own two eyes, touched her with my bare hands and it's like a fairytale. It's like meeting my other half in real life. And somehow she colored my life again. Her laugh—God her laugh is so angelic, I wouldn't get bored listening to it all day." Nam watched me in complete awe, I know she is also happy for me, but she never know how happy I am.
"I wished I was there too Freen... "She exclaimed. " But, how did Becky react?"
Becky, I forgot that she is there. All the time my eyes fixated on my daughter but somewhere deep within me knew that I wanted Becky to look at me. To see me, to give me the same attention she use to have, which she didn't when I was there earlier.
"We... She hasn't given me permission to tell the child I am her mother. And I totally understand, I do. I would be the same if it was me in her shoes."
"Was she okay with it?"
"I don't know Nam. She's uh, we kind of argued first, and I know somewhere this following days we have to indulge in a proper talk about the kid. " Nam nodded, there's desperation in her eyes that she didn't push through but I can see it. I can see that she wanted me to continue.
"If ever the kid know you are Freen, would you be making amends?" She inquired.
Heaving a deep sigh, I fidget with my fingers before pursing my lips. " With the child? Of course."
"What about on Becky?"
Making amends with Becky. That'll be hard, I know how high her walls were built this time and it's so hard to break that down.
"I don't know Nam... If making amends means being friends then maybe I will, but if it's more than that then I can't. Becky has someone now and she looks happier, she looks more lively, the woman takes good care of her, things I never once did when I was her wife. And I am not more complacent knowing that Becky is happy." I replied. I admit that looking at how Charlotte takes care of Becky ignite a feeling of insecurity in my heart. A feeling of jealousy, of irking.
"And Charlotte is a great competitor Nam, I would lose." I added wearing a sore expression in my face. Nam then nodded, although I knew she got a lot of questions to ask, she never pushed through my limits and wait for me o open them up for her.
Feeling the tiredness, I let myself dip in the soft mattress of the bed, my head spin with a lot of thoughts as my eyelids close concealing the outer chaos. After a few turns and flips, my body succumbed into the warmth of my blanket and slowly drift off to sleep.
//
I woke up with an intense soreness of my body. Maybe because I hadn't relax my joints and muscles the whole time yesterday due to my excitement to meet my daughter. With a slight groan and grunts, the massive dislike to get out of bed again kicks in. I always have trouble getting out of bed every morning but I know I have to. It's always the thing I hate the most just like everyone else. Everyone also has trouble getting out of bed in the morning, I know. But I experience what I can only call a drug-like chemical high while I'm lying there.
It happens quite often, but not always. Sometimes I can just get up with no problem and get ready for my day but then some mornings after I wake up and i'm still lying in bed, there's this intense, overpowering high I feel. Getting up and shaking off that high is one of the hardest things I can imagine because it feels so damn good. It's totally like serotonin or some other pleasure-inducing receptor got triggered. I could compare it to something of an opium-like, very pleasurable and intoxicating haze (though admittedly I have no frame of reference since i've never done that drug.) And it doesn't matter whether I get only 4 hours of sleep, 7, or 10. It's likely that this happens on the exact proper amount of sleep.
My eyes adjusted from the blinding lights peeping through the curtains. Nam opened the side of her window so that ray of the sun gets into the room reflecting the windows that somehow bounce into my own side of the bed. I reached for my phone, check the time and my eyes almost pop out of it's socket from the messages I received.
Richard Armstrong
Fin have a musical play today.
Richard Armstrong
If you'd like to come
My body reacted as quick as flash the moment I saw the message typing a few reply to the information before swinging myself out of bed to prepare. I didn't know how I manage to prepare that quickly as I found myself already putting on my sweat pants and a lose oversized shirt paired with black converse shoes that compliment my outfit. I put on some make up, I don't know why i'm suddenly doing this thing when it's not my nature but I have this intense urge to look presentable in front of the Armstrong's. Most especially to Bec—Shut it Freen!
Nam was nowhere to be found in the room so i'm guessing she's in the kitchen. With one final look in the mirror, I swing my duffel bag across my body before exiting the door.
"Nam! I'm leaving for the day! I don't know when i'll be back but i'd call you." I declared when I saw her preparing breakfast on the table.
She raised her brow. " Excuse me miss CEO have you forgotten that your a CEO and you're ditching all your client meetings again?" She reminded but I just rolled my eyes in anticipation. "And also, Heng will be coming here today, he will help you with the business meetings."
"What? I never knew he would come." I replied.
She rolled her eyes. " Of course because you were super busy this entire moment you fuzzy."
"Whatever! I'll be leaving now! I'll call you later!" I ran out of the kitchen springing towards the door twisting the knob open.
"Freen! My friend! How have you been?" It was Heng, he was standing outside of my hotel room with a wide grin on his face.
"Heng? When did you arrive? Nam just told me you'll be coming today?" I asked.
"I just got off the plane and I have the same hotel as you so i'm dropping off in your room to see you... But are you going somewhere?" He asked eying me up and down.
"I'm going somewhere. But i'll be back later, Nam is inside so just call for her if you need anything." I pushed him out of the way, I felt like i'm planning an escape right now on how fast I am moving. Heng on the other hand gaved way for me murmuring something I couldn't quite hear.
"Freen wait! Someone is—"
"Let's talk later Heng! I'm in a hurry!" I replied running out. My reflex kicking in as I wanted to be in Fin's play as early as possible.
But fate have a different plan.
Someone uninvited came into the picture.
"Babe?"
"Nita?"