"Thanks for meeting me again," Alex smiled at Lance.
"Well...you've been playing cowboy and nurse," Lance smirked at her from behind his sunglasses. "Just surprised he let you out."
"Come on," Alex frowned. "That's not fair and you know it."
"I know you're head over heels," Lance rolled his eyes. "But we have all missed you at the hospital, ain't a chance you'd come back?"
"I actually like being a ranch nurse," Alex shrugged. "Go figure."
"Is it the ranch?" Lance raised his eyebrow.
"Yes," Alex gently pushed him. "You know I'm not one of those girls."
"Honey...I'll be one of those girls if that's what I get to go home to every night," Lance nodded behind her.
Alex looked over her shoulder and saw Kayce pull the truck over to the side of the street. It was cold, but Kayce had his window rolled down as he looked over at her. He nodded once to her. Alex looked back at Lance.
"That doesn't hurt either I guess," Alex giggled.
"I'll see you next time," Lance hugged her before they parted ways.
Alex walked over to Kayce, putting her hands into her coat pocket as she stopped by his window.
"What're you doing here?" Alex asked.
"Running some errands," Kayce told her. "Remembered you had a lunch with Lance."
"Yeah," Alex smiled. "It was nice to see him."
"Good," Kayce smiled at her finally.
"You know I drove here," Alex twisted back and forth.
"I know," Kayce nodded. "Still thought I'd come say hi."
"What errands were you running?" Alex asked.
"Needed some rope and wire cutters," Kayce said. "Headed to the store now."
"Want some company?" Alex offered. "You could bring me back here when we're done?"
"Hop in," Kayce nodded.
**
"You look like you're gonna murder someone," Alex said as Kayce pushed the cart in front of them.
"Thanks," Kayce rolled his eyes as he looked at the different clippers.
"What's the rope for?" Alex looked into the cart at the three bundles Kayce had placed in there a few minutes ago.
"Just need some new," Kayce told her while his eyes stayed focused on picking between two pairs he had in his hands.
"What'er you tying up?" Alex looked at him.
Kayce didn't answer her though.
"Kayce?" Alex nudged him.
"What, Lex?" Kayce looked over at her.
"What're you tying up?" Alex crossed her arms.
"Nothing," Kayce shook his head. "We don't have any though and it's a good thing to keep around."
"Because you tie a lot of things up?" Alex raised her eyebrow.
"Thinking about tying you up," Kayce mumbled.
"What?" Alex leaned forward.
Kayce placed one of the clippers into the cart.
"Nothing, babe," He pushed the cart forward.
Alex followed after him. When Kayce was about to turn the cart, another crashed into it. Alex looked around Kayce's shoulder and saw a face she hadn't seen in a long time. She quickly glanced at Kayce but realized he wasn't too aware of who it was.
"Alexandria?"
Alex looked back at Miranda Long.
"Hi...Mandy," Alex nodded.
Miranda looked between her and Kayce. Alex felt Kayce tense beside her but she didn't look away from Miranda's dark eyes. They cut through Alex like a knife almost.
"Sorry," Kayce muttered, motioning to the cart.
Miranda pushed her cart forward, her eyes still staring at Alex as she did so. Alex followed her until Miranda disappeared down the next aisle. A breath she hadn't realized she had been holding finally blew past Alex's lips. Kayce looked down at her.
"Come on," Kayce pushed the cart over to the registrar.
Alex was quiet as they got back into Kayce's truck. He loaded their items in the backseat before climbing into the driver's seat and starting the truck. Alex felt almost sick to her stomach as she sat there, feeling the heater turn on.
"Are you okay?" Kayce asked her.
"Are you?" Alex didn't mean to snap, but it came out like that.
Kayce's lips pressed into a thin line as he looked forward. The last time Alex had seen Mandy Long was almost five years ago. She had brought in one of her sons to the clinic Alex had been at closer to the reservation. They didn't speak as Alex stitched up the kid. And when they left, Mandy's husband picked them up...Robert Long.
"Sorry," Alex immediately felt bad. "I didn't mean it like that."
Kayce didn't say anything but sat there. Alex took a deep breath and looked at him.
"Does she know?" Alex asked quietly.
"I don't know," Kayce said.
"Probably not since she just walked away," Alex offered.
They sat there for a few minutes in silence.
"Why'd she walk away from you?" Kayce finally asked, looking over at Alex.
Alex shrugged.
"They always walk away from me," She sighed. "They all hate me."
This time, Kayce didn't try to change her mind. She looked over at him and waited for him to say something though.
"I know it's complicated," Kayce cleared his throat.
Alex's eyes widened, not expecting to hear that from Kayce.
"And I know I don't know everything you've...gone through," Kayce paused for a second. "But I am glad you're not there."
"There?" Alex asked. "The reservation?"
"Yeah," Kayce nodded.
"Oh," Alex licked her lips. "Well, yeah that is a complicated thing."
"The way they all treat you," Kayce said.
"It's not entirely their fault," Alex shrugged.
"Alex," Kayce narrowed his eyes.
"It's not," Alex said. "You don't understand that part...if it wasn't me...if someone else had done what my mother and I did, I'd probably be just like them."
"You wouldn't," Kayce shook his head. "You're not like them."
"Well...there are parts of me that are," Alex felt oddly defensive right now. "But I guess I sort of get what you're trying to do."
"I'm not saying they're bad," Kayce sighed, frustrated.
"You're saying you can't see me doing that," Alex offered. "But I easily could, Kayce."
"Something in me tells me that even if you weren't here with me...you'd never do that to someone," Kayce said, meaning walk away like Mandy did.
Alex looked at him for a few seconds.
"Well, I know what happened that night," Alex said. "She doesn't...she doesn't know why her husband was killed."
Kayce's face turned into one that looked in pain. Alex reached out and held onto his arm with her hand.
"But trust me when I say that her world is better without Robert Long in it," Alex said. "And I know how that makes me sound."
"It's complicated," Kayce flipped his truck into drive and pressed on the gas.
**
After supper that night, Alex was out on the back porch, under a heavy blanket. She was taking deep breaths, letting the cold air fill her lungs while she slowly breathed out. She wasn't sure how long she'd been out there when the backdoor opened, Kayce sticking his head out.
"You staying out here all night?" He asked her.
"Maybe," Alex looked at him.
Sighing, Kayce walked out and over to Alex. She held up one side of the blanket and let Kayce sit down in the chair with her. Alex moved so she was partly sitting on Kayce's lap as she adjusted the blanket over both of them. Kayce's arms wrapped around her, holding her against his chest.
"Haven't seen you since we got back," Kayce mumbled.
"Thought you looked like you wanted some time," Alex said.
"I'm okay," Kayce breathed out.
Alex looked over at him.
"Can I ask you something that you can totally tell me to fuck off?" She asked.
"Uh...okay?" Kayce eyed her.
"What's it like?" Alex asked.
"What's what like?" Kayce asked.
"Um..." Alex glanced down at where she was playing with Kayce's fingers over the blanket. "What's it like to kill someone?"
She felt his whole body tense. Acting fast, Alex reached up and gently held the side of Kayce's face in her hand.
"Please don't shut down," Alex said softly. "Please don't read more into this...I-I just want to know because I want to be able to...understand when you...I want to be able to know what you went through."
"You don't need to sympathize with me on that," Alex frowned at Kayce's words.
"What do you feel?" Alex asked, letting her hand fall to Kayce's chest.
Kayce sighed heavily. Alex could tell there wasn't an ounce inside him that wanted to talk about this. But this was important to her.
"I don't feel anything," Kayce lowered his voice and eyes.
"You don't feel anything?" Alex asked confused.
"I turn it off," Kayce said. "It's what I was trained to do and I was good at it...I don't feel anything, which lets me do anything."
"But you're seeing what...right?" Alex swallowed.
"I know what I'm doing," Kayce nodded. "But it's like a switch. I turn it off and I don't feel anything. I become like a machine...with one mission."
Alex sat there and looked at Kayce's profile. After a minute, his eyes looked over at her.
"I've killed a lot of people," Kayce said in a rough whisper.
Alex reached her hand up and smoothed back his hair. She was choosing her words carefully. This was major for Kayce. That admittance wasn't said lightly and Alex felt a respect to him for her to choose her words wisely.
"I love you," Alex said.
If Kayce's eyes widening was any indication, her words surprised him more than she thought they would. Kayce shook his head slowly.
"I don't..." He cleared his throat.
"Yes, you do," Alex gave him a sad smile. "I doubt there's anyone you..."
She took a deep breath as Kayce watched her closely.
"And I bet our world is a little safer because of you," Alex decided in. "We all have choices, and sometimes they're really, really hard ones."
Kayce blinked back at her.
"But it's how we live with them," Alex smoothed his hair back again. "It's how we choose to move on from them...that's the important part."
"Robert Long wasn't a hard one," Kayce said finally.
Alex rubbed Kayce's shoulder.
"It was...when I got there it felt like it was either him or Lee," Kayce cleared his throat. "So the choice wasn't hard."
"I understand," Alex nodded her head slowly.
"I'm sorry," Kayce looked at her.
"Kayce," Alex sighed. "From here on, please don't apologize to me again on this subject. Okay?"
"I don't think I won't ever be sorry," Kayce said.
"You can be sorry Lee isn't here anymore," Alex offered. "But you don't need to be sorry to me about what took place that night."
"I'm sorry I lost my brother," Kayce nodded. "But..."
He trailed off and Alex waited for a minute. But when Kayce didn't continue she wondered why he had stopped.
"But what?" She asked him.
"Nothing," Kayce shook his head.
"Kayce," Alex leaned in and pressed her lips against his temple before leaning back to look at him. "What were you going to say?"
Kayce sighed, running his hand up and down his face.
"I ain't sorry about what's come from that night," His words sounded like he had picked them carefully.
Alex narrowed her eyes.
"I don't know what you mean by that," She said softly. "What's come from that night that you aren't sorry about?"
Kayce looked over at her.
"The fact you're sitting here with me," Kayce said. "The fact we're...the fact I can tell you I love you anytime I want."
Alex pressed her lips together. There was a lump in her throat, but she also felt butterflies in her stomach.
"I know how that makes me sound," Kayce said.
"We've talked about this," Alex said. "I remember you told me that the only reason you and I were here was because we didn't have anywhere to go."
"Maybe not my best words," Kayce winced.
"But what if it was because both of us were here?" Alex asked. "We stayed because we knew? Deep down?"
"It's a nice way to think about it, baby," Kayce mumbled.
Alex sighed, leaning her head against Kayce's chest. His heart was beating quickly underneath her ear.
"You don't scare me, Kayce," Alex said softly a few minutes later.
She felt Kayce tense next to her but didn't move. A few moments later she felt Kayce press his lips to her forehead.
The backdoor opened and both of them moved to look over. John stepped out and looked at the two of them.
"What?" Kayce asked.
"The wranglers roughed up some bikers earlier today," John said.
"Where?" Kayce asked.
"Our side of the fence," John looked at Kayce. "Think they'll come back tonight?"
Alex looked at Kayce, a little lost with how the conversation was going. Kayce sighed but nodded his head at John.
"Then I guess we need to go meet them," John said before turning around and walking back inside.
Alex leaned up more and looked at Kayce.
"What was that?" She asked.
"I need to go," Kayce started to get up but Alex stopped him.
"Kayce?" Alex waited.
"We need to go make sure they don't come back and try to do something to the ranch, baby," Kayce reached out and cupped her cheek.
"What would they do?" Alex asked.
"Anything they want," Kayce stood up. "They already trespassed once."
"I'll come with you," Alex stood up and started to fold the blanket.
"Stay here," Kayce reached out and held her arm.
"I can help," Alex looked at him. "And if they already roughed up the wranglers...looks like I'll be needed anyway."
Kayce had a deep frown on his face.
**
Alex sat next to Kayce on the log. It was cold and the last time she'd looked at her phone it was nearing four in the morning. The five bikers who came back were currently digging holes as deep as they were tall. She sat next to Kayce, John a little to her right.
Kayce had his rifle on the other side of him. One that had been pointed at the bikers when they first arrived. She was tired, but Alex knew she needed to stay until however long this was supposed to end. Her eyes glanced to the sky for a brief moment.
"Sun's kissing the clouds, John," She whispered.
John glanced at the sky before looking at Alex. She felt Kayce's hand on her thigh press into her. John then looked at the bikers.
"Alright," John stood up and looked down at them. "That's enough."
Alex listened to John speak with the leaders of the bikers for a minute. She was having a hard time following though so she leaned into Kayce. He had been quiet the whole night. The sounds of shovels hitting the ground and the bikers hurrying away made Alex look back. John stared at her.
"Let's go home."
A little while later, Alex followed Kayce into the bedroom, the sun now coming up. She took a deep breath as Kayce walked into the bathroom, the sound of the shower turning on reaching Alex's ears. She rubbed her face, trying to wake up even though she hadn't been asleep all night.
"Hey."
Alex looked over at Kayce who was unbuttoning his shirt. He looked just as tired as she felt, but Alex found herself falling for his tired eyes and lopsided grin.
"Get some sleep, baby," Kayce nodded to the bed.
"No one else is sleeping," Alex shrugged.
"Think we need our nurse rested," Kayce smiled.
Alex thought for a moment, glancing at the bed, before walking over to Kayce. She grabbed his open shirt and smiled up at him.
"I could do that...I could go to bed," Alex nodded. "Or I could take a shower with you before you have to leave for work?"
Kayce's hands held onto her waist. He dipped his head, his lips capturing Alex's in a deep kiss. Kayce's hair was still cool from the outside air as Alex's fingers ran through it, tugging on the ends. Walking backward, Kayce brought Alex against him, his hands gripping her ass.
Alex tugged her sweatshirt and t-shirt off her head as Kayce unbuttoned her jeans. Soon they were both under the warm water, hands all over one another.
**
Alex sat on the sink's counter in the bathroom, her towel wrapped around her body as Kayce walked back in, pulling his belt through the loops. She smiled as he finished and leaned his hands on either side of her hips.
"Be careful," Alex told him.
Kayce kissed her. Alex's hands held his arms that wrapped around her back. Kayce moved his lips along her jaw, nipping under her ear before pulling back slightly.
"I love you," Kayce said.
"I love you too," Alex smiled.
Kayce tucked a strand of her wet hair behind her ear.
"You make everything else so hard to do," Kayce told her.
"What?" Alex giggled.
"All I want to do is stay here with you," Kayce looked into her eyes. "Take you to bed and never leave."
"We'd need food eventually," Alex ran her hands up and down Kayce's chest. "And we'd need to see Tate too."
Kayce seemed to weigh the options but eventually winked at her.
"Plus, you'd probably get sick of me," Alex joked.
"Not a chance," Kayce leaned back in and ran his tongue along Alex's ear, biting down on the lobe. "I'm addicted to you, darlin'."
Alex felt shivers run all throughout her body, even with the steam still lingering from the shower. She took a deep breath, knowing Kayce was already late for his job to begin with. But the way he was holding her, made just fifteen minutes ago in the shower seem like forever.
Alex pulled him closer to her, her knees parting so Kayce fit right between them. His buckle was a stark cooling contrast to her warm skin as it grazed her thigh.
"You're so late," Alex whispered as Kayce's lips brushed hers.
"I know," Kayce said with a smirk.
His hands came up to Alex's chest, his fingers wiggling behind her towel and slowly lowering it until it pooled at her waist. Alex's eyes were heavy as she looked up into Kayce's.
"You're so goddamn beautiful," Kayce breathed out, making Alex blush hard.
Alex reached up and pulled Kayce's head down by his neck. Their lips met in a heated kiss. She felt his hands all over her body as the kiss deepened. But the pounding on their bedroom door made them both pause.
"Kayce?" John's voice called out.
"M'gonna kill him," Kayce mumbled against Alex's lips.
She laughed, gently pushing him away by his chest. Alex pulled her towel back up around her, covering herself as she slipped off the counter. Kayce walked out and she heard him open the door.
She waited a beat before walking out. John looked up at her but quickly averted his eyes.
"Sorry, Alex," John said.
"S'alright," Alex smiled. "Everything okay?"
Kayce looked over at her.
"You wanna go to the rodeo tonight?"
**
"Hey, Lex," Tate smiled as he got into the backseat with Alex.
"Hey buddy," Alex smiled.
Kayce and John were in the front, following Rip and Beth down the trail to the highway. Jimmy would be riding in the Livingston Rodeo tonight and John thought it'd be good if they all went and supported.
Alex was tired, having only caught an hour's nap earlier in the afternoon. But she pulled through, wearing her tight, light-washed Levi's along with a white turtleneck under her green vest.
"You ain't gonna be cold?" Tate asked her.
Alex reached between them and patted her coat.
"Oh," Tate giggled. "I like your earrings."
"Thanks," Alex reached up and felt the green feathers hanging from her ears. "They were my mom's."
"My mom has a pair like 'em," Tate looked forward. "How much longer, Dad?"
Alex was tired, so she blamed her eye roll on that and not Monica. Soon, Kayce was pulling into the parking lot and they all piled out. Alex pulled her coat on and walked up behind Kayce as they all moved toward the entrance. Kayce reached his hand back to Alex who smiled, lacing her fingers through his.
They made their way to some seats near the center of the stands and sat down. The first three rounds were qualifiers so the crowds hadn't filled in yet. Alex sat down next to Kayce, Tate leaning against her knees as he stood, looking toward the arena. Alex wrapped her hand under Kayce's arm as she leaned against his shoulder.
"Tired?" Kayce asked her.
"You can't tell me you ain't?" Alex looked up at him.
"'Bout to fucking fall asleep right here," Kayce mumbled with a chuckle.
"I can't do all-nighters like I used to," Alex giggled.
"What's an all-nighter?" Tate asked.
"It's when you stay up all night," Alex told him.
"Why'd you stay up all night?" Tate asked.
"Just couldn't fall asleep, buddy," Alex shrugged but felt Kayce nudge her leg with his.
"Anyone hungry?" John asked.
Kayce looked at Alex.
"I'll take a pretzel if they have them," Alex smiled. "Maybe a beer?"
"Can I have a beer?" Tate smirked.
"Watch it," Kayce snapped standing up. "Come help me."
Alex eyed Kayce and Tate as they followed John down the stairs. She felt someone scoot over right up next to her. Beth was smiling as Alex looked at her.
"You're in a good mood," Alex noted.
"It's the fucking rodeo," Beth held her hands up. "But so do you...and you're not a rodeo girl."
"I am a rodeo girl," Alex rolled her eyes.
"You never came with Lee," Beth said.
Alex sighed and looked at Beth.
"Lee never asked," She fired back.
Beth hummed and looked forward.
"Something you want to ask, Beth?" Alex raised her eyebrow.
"I like it," Beth said, still looking ahead.
"Like what?" Alex asked.
Beth looked at her.
"I like you with Kayce," Beth said, this time softer. "I like how he looks with you."
"What do you mean?" Alex felt a little nervous now.
"He looks happy," Beth said. "And it's been a hell fo a long time since Kayce's been anything close to happy."
Alex took a deep breath.
"He makes me happy," She nodded. "And it fucking scares the hell out of me."
"I'm sure," Beth nodded. "Bet you two scare the hell out of each other."
Alex thought back to her telling Kayce he didn't scare her. Maybe he didn't scare her as a person, but Alex was scared to not have Kayce in her life. That was a different type of scared though, one that came from love.
"I worry about him constantly," Alex admitted.
"We all do," Beth gave her a sad smile. "But it's part of life, right? We can't keep the men we love from doing what they love."
Alex glanced beyond Beth and saw Rip sitting there, watching the tractors smooth out the dirt. Her focus went back to Beth.
"Guess we can't," Alex smiled.
The others came back with drinks and food in their hands. Beth scooted back over and Kayce took his spot next to Alex. He handed her the pretzel and a coke. Alex looked at him weirdly.
"You drink one beer and I'll be carrying your ass out of here from you passing out," Kayce sipped his beer though.
"But you can have one?" Alex raised her eyebrow.
"Eat your pretzel," Kayce chuckled.
"Lex, wanna share?" Tate asked, holding a bucket of popcorn.
Alex smiled and tore off a piece of her pretzel for Tate. She then grabbed a few pieces of popcorn and popped them into her mouth. The saltiness helped wake her up some more and after taking a sip of her drink she felt more awake.
A man walked up to where Tate and Alex were. She felt her body tense but then saw the man look at Kayce and smile.
"Commissioner," The man held out his hand.
"Hi, Greg," Kayce stood up and shook his hand. "How are you?"
"Good, good...saw you and the fam and thought I'd just come say hi."
"Yours okay?" Kayce asked.
"All fine," Greg then looked at Alex.
"Sorry, this is Alex," Kayce rested his hand on Alex's shoulder.
"Nice to meet you, ma'am," Greg shook Alex's hand.
"Hello," Alex smiled sweetly at the guy.
"And this just be Tate?" Greg asked.
Alex patted Tate's back who had a mouth full of popcorn. Greg looked back at Kayce.
"Certainly a good mix of you both," Greg nodded. "Well, nice to see you and I'll call you next week about a thing I've got over near Dillon."
"Alright," Kayce nodded back. "Have a nice time."
Kayce sat back down as Greg walked off. Alex waited until he was out of earshot and looked over at Kayce.
"What?" Kayce asked.
"Who was that?" Alex tilted her head.
"Greg Porter," Kayce said. "Why?"
"You didn't...catch that?" Alex asked. "What he said?"
"What did he say?" Kayce sipped his beer.
"About Tate," Alex lowered her voice.
Kayce glanced at Tate who was watching the show in front of him.
"What're you on?" Kayce looked at Alex.
"He said Tate was a good mix of both of us," Alex whispered. "As in you and me."
She watched Kayce's eyes dawn on what she was saying. He cleared his throat.
"He doesn't know," Kayce shrugged. "He never met Monica."
Alex pressed her lips into a think line. Kayce sighed, reaching his arm across her to hold her opposite knee. He squeezed it reassuringly.
"Alex, look!" Tate pointed, interrupting the conversation.
Alex's eyes followed Tate's finger to two men on horseback without saddles. They each had two long braids coming down their chests as they road around. Tate leaned his arm against Alex's side.
"They're like us," Tate said out loud.
Alex looked at Tate and realized he meant himself and her. Her eyes then went to Kayce's hand on her knee before they traveled up his arm to Kayce's eyes still watching her. She forced herself to look away and focus on the arena.
"Yeah?" Alex said. "They are."