double update surprise!!
****
The moments after being forced to pee into a cup by Mya were some of the most intense moments of my life. Even after I lay bleeding to death from a wolf attack, I felt calm and serene. But as of right now, my stomach has never churned with so much anxiety.
I felt physically sick, to the point I couldn't sit still.
After throwing Mya out, I peed into the cup, dipped two of the damn sticks and placed them face down. After throwing away the cup, I called Mya back in and together we waited for those two minutes.
As I paced, my mind whirred with possibilities. There was every chance I could be, after not using protection. The magical lake, no thanks to Mya's reassurance, could either be in my favour, or nature's. The blessed water appeared to have some kind of fate-mind-making ability.
All I knew was I couldn't breathe. This couldn't happen now. Not only was I on the precipice of finding out if my bloodline was half wolf, but I have only known Asra for a few months. It may be the norm for wolves to have pups right away, but I was still a person raised by humans. This was way too soon.
I barely knew myself, let alone can care for a child of my own. What was I supposed to do?
I should tell Asra. He deserves to know as much as I did.
Just as I shot up from the toilet to do that exact same thing, the timer on Mya's phone rang, and my eyes widened as I stared up at her.
It had been two minutes already?
"Times up!" She cheered.
I blanked, staring at her with no physical capacity for movement. She was acting as though this wasn't the biggest deal right now. But it was.
"Are you going to look, or am I?"
I licked my lips, my mouth feeling dry. "No, no, I'll do it."
She gestured for me to go ahead, and I turned to the pathetic pieces of plastic. Inhaling deeply, I reached out towards them. My hands shook with nerves, my heart racing in my chest.
All I had to do was turn it over.
It was that simple.
The plastic was smooth in my sweaty palm and I pulled them both to my stomach without looking. Nervously looking toward Mya, she gave me a silent yet encouraging smile. I breathed deeply, the sound loud inside the quiet bathroom. Not even the tap was dripping, or the usual soft breeze coming from the open window.
Even that was closed.
Dropping my head, I turned the two pieces in my palms to face upward. My heart sank into my gut, my vision blurring. I felt my heart race and jump a million times before stuttering to a stop.
"Well? What do they say? Your emotions are haywire!" Mya urged.
I laughed softly, looking up at her. "They're negative."
Her shoulders relaxed, and she sank back into her spot on the vanity's edge, that same lazy smile in place. I showed her the plastic and the single test line with a weary smile.
"That's good? Yeah?" She wondered, eyes scanning me.
I exhaled, still full of nerves as I rode the last waves of my anxiety. "Yeah, that's good."
"How do you feel?"
"Relieved."
"Would it have been so bad?" She wondered. "If it had gone the other way, what would you have done?"
"Cried." I shrugged. "It's just not I want from life right now and it may seem selfish but... I haven't known Asra for even a year, yet."
"I get it."
"You do?"
"Of course." She snorted. "Just because the drinks are two-for-one doesn't mean I'm going to keep drinking after I've vomited five times."
I frowned, confused at her wording. "What?"
"I may appreciate the free drinks if someone bought me them, but I wouldn't take it if I didn't want it." She tried again.
"Right." I laughed softly. "I'm not ungrateful or unappreciative. If it happened, it's something I would talk to Asra about. But I've only been here a few months, and I have to make myself a priority."
Mya didn't know what we were looking doing behind closed doors, and I'd like to keep it that way. Just for now. I wanted to know who I was, without making it affect my pack life.
Bringing life into the world is an amazing thing I am grateful for even being able to accomplish. But I wasn't in the right part of my life for it, and I deserved to be a little selfish. Right? I didn't have to feel guilty for my emotions, did I?
No, this was my life. This was my choice.
I was on the precipice of discovering if I may have a hidden past. I was just becoming a leader of a pack. I finally had the choice for my body and soul; I was finally feeling like perhaps I had a purpose.
I was no longer restricted by my past and had the power to make my own choices. Once it was all over... Who knows what the future could bring?
"I get it." She repeated. "It was obviously just a fluke. Maybe you are experiencing too much stress."
"Maybe." I muttered.
It makes sense.
"The lake must agree with you." Mya clicked her tongue, jumping from the side. "She has the Goddess' blessing, so they must think it is not your time. Good job you did it with her around, because I feel on dry land there would be an entire pack of babies in there."
I rolled my eyes, playfully nudging her. Taking one last glance at the single red line, I wrapped them in tissue and threw them in the bin. As we walked out, the metal lid clattered, and I let out a heavy sigh of relief, glad that it was finished with.
"What now?" Mya wondered.
I raised my hand to pinch my nose. "I need to clear my head."
"I can help with that." Mya winked, taking a step closer to me.
I pushed her away with a soft laugh. "What time is it?"
"Not even lunch." She sighed, falling onto my bed.
"If Asra smells you in our bed, he's gonna get jealous." I raised an eyebrow.
She grinned, spreading her arms before rolling around. "Jealous? Of moi?"
"Yes. He doesn't like people mixing our scents." I snorted.
"Nothing to hide here. We're all lovers." She winked.
"Mya!" I tutted, and she sat up from the bed. "Come on, let's go somewhere."
"Don't you have work?"
I pouted. "Not until after lunch. Want to go swimming?"
"See your naked ass? Sure!" She beamed.
Rolling my eyes, I pushed her out of my room. "I'll meet you downstairs. Go get a costume or something."
"Aw, no nud-titty?"
"Mya!"
"Just trying to lighten your grumpy ass!"
"I am not grumpy!" I huffed, slamming the door in her face.
If that doesn't tell her to go away, I don't know what will.
***
My period ironically came later on in that day. I dragged Mya swimming for an hour before we grabbed lunch together. After stuffing our faces, I got dressed for work and the moment I finished; I was in the shower in my room. The all too familiar cramping warmth of my cycle hit me as I finally climbed into bed, and with a groan, I rolled back out to tackle it.
To my annoyance and Mya's cocky grin, the next few days I got up later than normal. I called it marinating before I forced myself to leave the warmth and comfort of my bed. I didn't want to leave, and I didn't want to talk to anyone. Asra, as always, was gone, but on the last day of my period, I rolled over to find him watching me.
I blinked, my eyebrows furrowing as I tried to recognise the blur of his face. Was I still dreaming? My dreams were getting vivid, so it was likely I was.
"Asra?" I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.
Nope, he was still there.
"Morning, Tulip."
"What are you doing here?" I yawned.
"It's Sunday."
"So?"
"Everyone gets a day off, remember?"
"That expands to you?" I wondered.
His soft chuckle vibrated the mattress, and I blinked past the sleepy daze. "Yes, it includes me today."
"Oh," I muttered before rolling onto my back and stretching.
Asra grimaced as my back and arms popped, and I snorted in amusement, sitting up.
"Your muscles and bones make many noises when you shift." I pointed out.
"Naturally so, yours shouldn't make those noises."
I tutted, "It's just gas."
"Yes, I know you're full of gas already." He teased.
I kicked him in the shin playfully. "Oh shush, it's too early."
"How's your stomach?" He wondered.
"I think it's finished." I shrugged. "I couldn't get the cup up last night."
His nose wrinkled. "Right."
"Well, you asked!" I laughed softly, entering the bathroom.
Getting ready for the day, my surprise only grew when I found him still in the bedroom. I thought he must've been teasing me, because he was so busy all week, I doubted he would have any time to be free. He left before I woke and I fell asleep alone.
"So it wasn't a dream?" I asked.
He turned to face me after fixing his t-shirt in the mirror. "What wasn't?"
"You're still here."
"Of course, Tulip." He murmured, pulling me in to kiss my forehead.
"Why do you do that?"
"Do what? Kiss you?"
"No, call me Tulip all the time."
"Why are you asking?" He cocked his head.
"You never gave me a good enough answer before."
"Because you are my Tulip." He mused. "My flower."
"I'm a plant?"
He chuckled, pulling me into his chest again. "Yes, you are my plant."
"Brilliant." I muttered.
"It's my little thing, so I will not share it with you." He added.
"Why not?" I complained.
"Because I don't want you to know why."
"Fine." I huffed. "Then I get to call you Butterscotch."
"I already know what that means." He mused.
"What does it mean, then? Smarty pants." I huffed, lifting my face to glare at him.
"Hard on the outside, soft in the middle." He grinned.
I cursed, dropping my face back into his chest. "Let's go get breakfast."
He didn't let me pull away, his grin broadening. "So eager to leave, Tulip?"
"No, I'm just hungry." I lied, avoiding his gaze.
Asra chuckled, but let go of me. "I just have to use the bathroom. I'll be a moment."
"Okay." I nodded. "Have fun."
His face contorted with confusion and slight disgust, but I laughed, sitting on the edge of the bed to wait for him. He usually peed fast, so I knew it wouldn't be long before he came back out.
However, this time, he seemed to take longer. My nose crinkled, and I made a loud joke of asking him if he was pooping, only to be met with silence. I rose from the bed when confused concern rose in my chest, my gut suddenly churning when he didn't answer me.
That wasn't like Asra.
My knuckles gently rapped on the door, calling his name. "Are you okay? Still alive in there, right?"
There was a clatter that I recognised as the bin closing. It made my breath hitch, my nerves suddenly switching to a whole new perspective. Why was he so silent? What had he seen?
"A-Asra?" I squeaked.
The door opened from his side and I peered up at him to find his eyes darker than normal. He was frowning, the lines in his forehead creasing.
"Want to explain to me what I just found in the bin?"
I spluttered, nervous giggles escaping my lips. "W-What?"
"Ailia." He warned, and I winced at my name.
Kind of glad he called me Tulip. At least I knew when he was angry with me.
"Yes?"
"Those tests..." He began.
I completely forgot to talk to him about it. I hardly saw him and I was just so glad to have it over with, I didn't think twice about it.
But he found them. I thought I hid them well in the toilet paper. I must've not wrapped them tighter. The maids rarely empty the bins until the end of the week and, with their day off, meant they skipped it.
I sighed, avoiding his gaze. "I just got a little nervous."
"About?"
"My period was late."
"By how many days?" His head cocked. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was going to, but then my period came and I forgot." I mumbled, wrapping my arms around myself. "Just three days."
"So for three days, you had these thoughts and didn't tell me?" His jaw tightened.
"No-no! I didn't even realise. Mya made me take them!"
"So Mya knew?" He growled.
Ah shit, I annoyed the beast.
"There's nothing to know!" I gasped. "It was just a thought. If I had waited a few hours, I wouldn't have even had the idea."
"What if it wasn't?"
"It's nothing to worry about."
"You can still bleed when pregnant, you know that?"
"Not as much as I just lost!" I huffed. "It was a normal period."
"Except it was so late you felt the need to take a test? Not just one, two?"
"Asra!" I squeaked. "I'm sorry for not telling you, but nothing happened! I just needed to make sure! You would've smelt it, anyway!"
He hesitated, nose twitching again. "I wish you would tell me these things."
"I was going to, I promise." I begged. "But then the timer rang, I had work and my period came and..."
"If you were pregnant with our child, then I would've liked to be there." He muttered, dropping his gaze.
I paused, watching his face fall. "I'm sorry."
He grunted, tension lessening as he came to grips with the moment.
"If anything like this happens again, I'll tell you right away." I muttered.
Another reason it was definitely too soon; we were still learning to be around each other.
He stepped closer, his hands curling around my waist. I sighed, lifting my arms to rest them across his shoulders. My fingers traced his collarbone, my eyes following the faint lines as I trailed his mark. A soft smile lifted my cheeks when he shuddered, the mate bond warming both of us.
"If it went the other way, it would've been life changing, Tulip." He whispered.
Sighing, my eyes fluttered closed. "I know. I just never had to deal with this kind of thing. Darius didn't want children, so I never realised I was late... I find it hard to discuss such personal things."
He growled at the man's name, fingers flexing on my waist. "No more talk of him, Tulip. It's just me and you, okay?"
"I know." I breathed.
"One day, you will be round with our pups and then, and only then, can we expand that."
I laughed, feeling the heaviness of the situation lightening with every inhale. "Okay, deal."
"Good." He murmured, kissing my forehead. "Now, let's go eat. I know how hungry you get this time of the month."
*****