Episode 13 / Part One:
PSALMS 34:18
FLASHBACK |
Muak Festival
May 16, 1997
MIN YOONGI HAD NO energy to leave the house. Outside, the world buzzed with life and ebullience; yet, within the walls of his old bedroom, the twenty-two-year-old third-year medical student languished in bed, as if ensnared by lethargy's grip.
The room, which had been his sanctuary for two years, remained frozen in time, mirroring the state it had been left in since last February. Hoseok understood well that Min Yoongi harboured a deep aversion to anyone tampering with or rearranging his possessions, thus everything remained the same. The darkness of the sheets draped over the bed, untouched by sunlight, echoed the somber mood that permeated the space. The heavy curtains, perpetually drawn shut, shielded the room from the outside world, casting shadows that danced in silent communion with Yoongi's solitude.
Upon graduating from high school, Min Yoongi made a solemn vow to himself that he would never lean on his parents for financial support again. Thus, when he arrived in Seoul, he took on multiple part-time jobs to shoulder the burden of his daily expenses and his looming student loan debt.
At twenty years old, after a year of working and studying in Seoul, Min Yoongi met Jung Hoseok. It was a rainy summer night in 1995, three days after the famous Sampoong Department Store collapsed due to structural failure. Yoongi, immersed in the mundane routine of his job as a server at a restaurant nestled in Yeonnam-dong, recalled the haunting images flickering on the television screen, recounting the devastation wrought by the collapse. It was against this backdrop of tragedy that fate led him to the alley behind the restaurant, where he stumbled upon Jung Hoseok, a figure enveloped in the shadows, besieged by the torment of his past.
Hoseok, a recent high-school graduate, was denied entry to the university of his dreams due to his poor CSAT results. With a gentle push from his older sister, Hoseok mustered the courage to give it another shot. So, while gearing up for the next Suneung in November, he hustled at a local retail store to make ends meet. However, just when he thought he'd shaken off his high school bullies for good, fate had other plans. Lo and behold, the four troublemakers from his past turned up again, now enrolled at Hankuk University. Since their unexpected reunion a month ago, they've been relentless in their pursuit to make Hoseok's life miserable. They've been like a persistent thorn in his side, ensuring he wouldn't forget the pain of his past by constantly taunting him and pilfering his hard-earned cash.
Min Yoongi's instincts kicked in just in time as he sensed trouble brewing. With a quick glance, he noticed the young boy trapped within the grasp of the four bullies. Without hesitation, he made his way over, determination etched across his features.
"Hey, isn't that you, cousin?" Yoongi's voice cut through the tension, addressing Hoseok with a touch of familiarity. The four boys turned towards the unexpected interruption, their expressions shifting from hostility to confusion.
Hoseok's eyes widened as he locked gazes with Yoongi. As realization dawned on him that the older boy had come to his rescue, he wasted no time in stepping away from the group, swiftly enveloping Yoongi in a grateful hug.
"Hyung, it's so good to see you!" Hoseok exclaimed, relief evident in his voice. "How have you been?"
Returning the embrace with a comforting pat on Hoseok's back, Yoongi played along, his expression one of genuine concern. "I've been good! What brings you here? And who are these guys with you?"
Hoseok let out a laugh, a hint of mischief dancing in his eyes as he released himself from the embrace. "Oh, just some beggars in need of money," he quipped, his tone light despite the underlying tension.
With a subtle gesture, Min Yoongi reached into his pocket, retrieving a thousand won bill from his wallet. "Well, it looks like luck's on your side today," he remarked, addressing one of the bullies as he handed over the bill. "Consider it a token of my appreciation for keeping my cousin company. Now, why don't you all go find something more productive to do?"
As the tension thickened in the air, the four bullies, clearly displeased by the turn of events, begrudgingly accepted defeat. With Hoseok's "cousin" present, they had little choice but to swallow their pride and retreat, casting resentful glances over their shoulders as they departed. With the threat now gone, Jung Hoseok let out a sigh of relief. Turning to Min Yoongi, gratitude radiated from every fibre of his being as he performed a deep, respectful bow, a silent gesture of thanks that spoke volumes more than words ever could.
"Next time you see those assholes again, use hands." Min Yoongi advised Hoseok. He reached into his wallet again and handed over a ten thousand won bill, placing it gently into Hoseok's palm. "It looks like you've had a rough day. Treat yourself to something nice with this."
With those words of encouragement, Yoongi turned and made his way back to the restaurant, seeking shelter from the relentless rain. Watching him disappear into the distance, Jung Hoseok couldn't help but frown, a mix of emotions swirling within him. This stranger had shown him kindness in a moment of need, which had left an indelible mark on his heart.
In the weeks following their initial encounter, Min Yoongi couldn't help but notice Jung Hoseok's frequent visits to his workplace. The boy seemed to make a point of initiating small conversations whenever the opportunity arose, filling the air with his lively chatter. In contrast, Yoongi remained reserved, offering only brief responses, yet quietly appreciating Hoseok's presence nonetheless.
Through their interactions, Yoongi learned that Hoseok was a year younger than him, and that he was preparing to re-take the CSATs that year. Hoseok also told him that several days after their meeting behind the restaurant, he abruptly quit his job, which effectively severed the ties he had with his bullies for good. In a moment of vulnerability, Jung Hoseok expressed his desire to be friends with Yoongi. The notion took Yoongi by surprise; after all, he had never experienced friendship before, so he was unsure of how to navigate this new dynamic. Yet, for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to turn Hoseok away.
Meanwhile, the onset of the monsoon season brought with it a deluge of troubles for Min Yoongi. Nestled in a tiny semi-basement in Namgajwa-dong, he found himself at the mercy of the relentless downpour. That year, the rain seemed unyielding, wreaking havoc across the city and causing widespread flooding, particularly in low-lying areas like his own. Returning home from school one evening, Yoongi was met with a sight that filled him with dread. The sewage water had risen to waist-high levels, which transformed his apartment into a murky, watery grave. Everything he had brought with him from Daegu lay submerged in the filthy water, a cruel reminder of the fragility of his existence. In that moment, fear gripped Yoongi's heart as he grappled with the very real possibility of homelessness. With his belongings ruined and his place imperilled, he faced an uncertain future. Just like the persistent rain outside, the weight of despair bore down upon him.
For two long days, Min Yoongi sought shelter in a crowded community centre alongside other victims of the devastating floods. Relief efforts spearheaded by the mayor and other political leaders brought a glimmer of hope as they distributed much-needed supplies to those in need.
Meanwhile, Jung Hoseok, growing increasingly anxious at Yoongi's lack of response to his calls, was taken aback when he learned of his friend's predicament from Yoongi's boss. Despite the weather raging around them, he couldn't shake the worry that gnawed at his insides. Ignoring the relentless downpour, he wasted no time in making his way to Yoongi's location, determined to check on him and offer whatever support he could.
"Why don't you stay over at my place for now?" Hoseok suggested, his voice smeared with genuine concern. He knew Yoongi needed a place of security, and he was willing to do whatever it took to provide that for his friend. Together at the door, they stood, watching the rain cascade down the glass windows.
Silence lingered between them for a moment. Min Yoongi felt a pang of embarrassment at his current state. Although the helpers at the community centre were kind enough to provide them clean clothes, none of them really had the chance to freshen up yet. Yoongi worried that the scent of sewage might have clung to him.
Avoiding Hoseok's gaze, Yoongi hesitated before finally speaking up. "I don't want to be a burden," he murmured.
Hoseok placed a reassuring hand on Yoongi's shoulder, offering a gentle smile. "You won't be," the boy insisted. "I've already spoken to my parents and my older sister about you, and they're just as concerned. We have an extra room ready for you. You can stay with us until the rainy season passes, and once it's safe, you can move back to your old place."
Min Yoongi, with a heart heavy with gratitude, ultimately accepted Hoseok's offer. Gathering his few belongings—a worn school backpack and a plastic bag containing the remnants of his flood-soaked clothes—Yoongi left the confines of the community centre behind. The two of them navigated the rainy streets of Seoul, making their way to Hoseok's home, which was located in the historical heart of the city, Jung-gu.
Jung Hoseok's residence was filled with warmth and hostility, a complete contrast to his home in Daegu. The Jung family loved Yoongi so much that they urged him to stay forever. With the passing of the monsoon season, Yoongi moved out of his old, shabby semi-basement, opting instead to rent a room in Hoseok's house.
Mr. Jung and his wife, Mrs. Bae, were devout Christians, so they held steadfast to the values of faith and sympathy. It was evident to Yoongi that their goal was to instil in their children the values of kindness, humility, and devotion to their faith. Every Sunday morning, rain or shine, the Jung family would make their way to church wearing their nicest outfits. The church, as Hoseok described, was more than a place of prayer; it was a sanctuary of joy, a place that provided their family solace, strength and a sense of belonging.
Hoseok's mother often invited guests over to study bible scriptures together. One evening in the winter of 1996, as Min Yoongi quietly observed from the sidelines, he overheard the gentle yet devoted voice of the woman as she shared words of comfort during their regular bible study sessions.
"Remember, He is always with you," she reassured those gathered, her words carrying a sense of unwavering belief. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Although Min Yoongi never paid much attention to religion or God, those words wavered him, which prompted him to ponder the significance of faith and the power of prayer. The Christians believed that God had the power to cure one's sadness. Therefore, night after night, Yoongi found himself seeking solace in prayer, earnestly beseeching God to lift the weight of his sorrows. Yet, despite his fervent pleas, he was met with silence. Was it because he was atheist? Did he have to be baptized as Christian to be able to hear his answer? Were the believers merely deceiving themselves with false hope, or did God truly possess the power to heal?
Feeling drained by memories of the past, Min Yoongi reluctantly rose to his feet and paced his dimly lit room. Despite his movement, he remained trapped in a state of listlessness, unable to shake off the inertia that afflicted him. He found himself adrift in the suffocating silence. Then, he heard a knock on the door.
Yoongi swung the door open to find twenty-one-year-old Jung Hoseok standing there, a grin stretching across his face. For the past few days, Hoseok had been rushing home straight after classes, eager to spend as much time with his friend before he returned to his boarding house. He was aware that once Yoongi left, seeing him again would be difficult.
"You look like a corpse, Hyung." Hoseok teased as he stepped inside the room. "Get some sun, will you?" With a playful scowl, he headed straight to the window, pulling open the curtains and flooding the room with sunlight.
Yoongi winced as the sudden brightness assaulted his senses.
"What did you have for lunch?" Hoseok inquired, plopping down onto Yoongi's untidy bed.
"Coffee," came Yoongi's muttered reply.
"And?"
"There's no 'and'. Just coffee," Yoongi reiterated, his tone resigned.
Hoseok's expression shifted to one of concern. "That's not good, Hyung. You've lost so much weight already," he remarked, his tone pervaded with genuine worry. "Your landlady's gonna have a heart attack when she sees you in this state."
"Do you think I chose to be like this? My body's tired, okay? Everything is so exhausting!" Yoongi's voice cracked with frustration as he paced the room, his hands running through his disheveled hair. "Waking up, getting dressed, going down to eat, going to sleep—I don't have the energy to do all that right now."
Hoseok's brow furrowed with concern as he watched Yoongi's agitation. "I'm worried about you, Hyung," he admitted, his tone gentle. "You've been like this for years now." Pausing, he took a deep breath before continuing. "I talked to my sister about you the other day, and she told me that I think we should send you to a doctor."
"A doctor? For what?" Yoongi retorted, his tone defensive as he turned away. "I'm not sick."
"Not that kind of doctor. I mean a doctor of the mind. You're in medicine, so you understand what I'm talking about, right?" Hoseok ventured earnestly.
"A psychiatrist?" Yoongi's voice held a note of skepticism, his brow furrowing in contemplation.
"Exactly," Hoseok affirmed, his gaze unwavering as he met Yoongi's eyes. "Like I said, you've been dealing with the same symptoms for so long now. It pains me to see you like this, Hyung. I think we should do something...you know, to make it go away," he suggested.
"But nothing goes away," Yoongi countered softly. His gaze drifted to the window, where the daylight shadows danced across the glass.
"Hyung, don't be like that," Hoseok pleaded, his voice infused with frustration and genuine care.
"I'm telling the truth," the pale boy murmured, his tone imbued by a sense of weariness. "Nothing ever goes away. Sure, relationships have expiration dates, but memories don't—they linger. I can bury what happened to me in the past as much as I can but they will always find a way to come back. We carry our memories with us like bones in our body. Do you a think mere psychiatrist could get rid of that?"
"Of course, they can't," the twenty-one-year-old said gently. "Seeing a psychiatrist won't necessarily make everything go away, but she'll teach you how to cope with your struggles better, so that you'll want to wake up, get dressed, eat on time, and sleep well every night. Isn't that what you want?"
Min Yoongi, still defensive, shook his head. "I'm already deep in debt, and now you want me to spend more money on useless shit like that. I can't afford it."
"Then, I'll pay for it," Hoseok offered without hesitation.
"No. Are you crazy?" Yoongi's glare intensified. "You've done so much for me. I can't keep depending on you."
"But I have money, Hyung. I've saved up a ton of money from working. I can pay for your treatment," Hoseok persisted.
"Hoseok, don't be ridiculous. That's your money, not mine. Spend it on yourself, not someone else. You've done all you could to try and help me. You gave me a room to sleep in when I didn't have one. You've clothed me. You've fed me. I'm just happy to have you. For the rest, I can figure it out myself."
"I've done everything already, so why won't you let me do this one thing? I don't care if you keep depending on me, Hyung. I like that you depend on me! You can keep me, use me, and throw me away whenever you like. I'm willing to do anything for you because...I—" Hoseok's voice trailed off, his expression vulnerable as he struggled to find the words to express his feelings.
"You what?" Yoongi prompted, his tone softer now. Curiosity with a hint of apprehension painted his face.
Jung Hoseok rose from the bed. There was a noticeable shift in his demeanour. "Nothing," he spoke dismissively, avoiding eye contact with the older boy. "I have to go get ready to meet my girlfriend. I'll give you time to think about the treatment, Hyung. I think you really need it."
With that, Hoseok left the room, leaving Min Yoongi to ponder his words. As he heard the sound of the shower running from the adjacent bathroom, he couldn't help but reflect on the sudden shift in the boy's behaviour. The "girlfriend" he was meeting was Lee Yugyeong, a woman whom Yoongi learned about just the other day when he overheard his parents asking Hoseok about her. The twenty-two-year-old recalled how troubled his friend's expression had been when he confronted him about the girl afterwards. All Hoseok told him was her name and that they had been dating for two months. The details of who she was, what she looked like, or how they met were unknown.
MAZZY STAR —
FADE INTO YOU
1:05 ───|────── 2:53
|◁ II ▷|
∞ ↺
a/n:
man i hope this ends well
ADDITIONAL CAST
JUNG HOSEOK AS HIMSELF
BIRTH YEAR: 1976
HOMETOWN: GWANGJU
"If I die, I pray that I wake up in hell. Maybe more people would understand me better there."
IM YEOJIN AS JEON JUNG AH/
JEON SUNNI (TEEN)
BIRTH YEAR: 1983
HOMETOWN: BUSAN
"It hurts to be the one who remembers."