Alex
Hurt
That's the only thing I feel right now
He was upset and took it out on me
Fine
Blamed me
It was okay
But No he didn't stop there
He went ahead to use the only thing I'm insecure about
My personality
I wasn't always like this
But shit happens and people change
And he knows this
My awkward yet outgoing personality back then was basically what ruined my family
My dad wouldn't have had to leave my family if not for me
My mom wouldn't have gotten so broken, if had just kept to myself
That's why I'm like this now
Cause unlike him, I had to learn, mature, grow and get the right ideology
I did what I had to do even if it meant changing my style and personality
Just to look after my family, to care for them all through out the divorce process and everything
He was the same person who always said I shouldn't let what I had gone through change or redefine me
He was the one I thought was giving me hope to be my old self again
But no
It was all fake
He not only threw my insecurities at my face, he had the guts to totally ignore everything behind it
And boi that hurt
Coz he's the only other person I was able to tell about my dad minus the people who were there when it happened
And he just had to use it against me
Fuck
This is the main reason I now avoid people
He didn't even give me a chance to explain
To tell him that I was at the hospital with my mom cause she had another panic attack
He just made assumptions
Fuck him
Ugh my phone
" Hey " unknown number
" You Alex? I'm Elijah" a male voice says sounding somewhat rushed
Elijah?
" Elijah Coleman Jake's best friend"
" Um yeah, listen Alex Jake's here with Britney, he's shitty drunk and Brit isn't helping, he's been rambling on about you, he's a mess he needs you, come here now please "
" Here where "
" His place, don't you know his place I thought you're his girlfriend or something " he asks confused
Oh boi
" Listen Elijah I can't- " I tried to say but he cut me off
" I don't care what the hell happened between the two of you but Jake is her and he needs you, so if you truly love him you'd get your ass over here right now "
Love
" K I'm on my way "
🌹🌹🌹🌹
I get to his house
One of the housekeepers opens the door for me
I ask for Elijah
I haven't met him before
But he's not here anymore
Why ?
But he called me
The house is quiet as I make my way upstairs in search of him
He seemed really mad
Maybe I shouldn't be here
And when I open his bedroom door what I see completely breaks me
Him
And Britney
On his bed
Half of his body is covered under the sheets and he seems naked
She sits up
" Hey Alex, I wasn't expecting you here, we " she says whilst playing with his hair " weren't expecting you here I mean we even told Elijah to leave"
Oh so that's why he's not here
They drove him
" Wh-what is going on here" I just don't want to believe....
" Oh c'mon Alex, you're not that daft, you still need me to spell it out for you"
" No-no it can't be true" I croak suddenly losing my voice
No he wouldn't do this to me
" Well it is sweetheart, now I suggest you leave before he wakes up, I don't think he would be pleased to see you"
I just nod feeling so overwhelmed
This can't be fucking happening
And she continues
" You probably he loved you, poor thing" she takes " did he say it? He can never love someone like you- "
" Nor can he you " I finally say
I'm so furious I can feel my ears burning up
I feel my tears about to spill
But definitely not in front of her cause that's exactly what she wants to see
But over my dead body would I give her that satisfaction
" He can never love someone like you, who has already given her all when he hasn't even said anything " I continue
" Who said he hasn't "
" We both know he hasn't Britney "
" You're just hurt and taking it out on me. LEAVE!!!" She booms a bit too loudly I'm shocked it didn't wake Jake
" Oh don't worry I will, I'm just glad he's asleep so you don't have to go through the shame and pain of him leaving you and running to my feet "
With that I give her a smile and finish
" Cause you and I both know Brit, he'll never be yours "
I take a deep breath
" Bye Britney "
I throw him one Last glance, a smile at Britney and then I shut the door and run as fast as my legs can carry
I feel the tears fall but I don't even try to stop or hold it in anymore
I trusted him
I let him in
Only for him to break me
Shatter me
I've not let myself feel this much pain in the past two years
I finally gave myself to someone wholeheartedly
Trusted someone
Enough to share my pain and secrets
He's the only male person I'd been able to let into my life after my dad completely and absolutely shattered my trust in male species entirely
But he was no different
I tried to be me again coz he wanted me to
But it was all fake
He probably didn't even give two fucks
I loved him
I actually did
And no matter how much I want to deny it
I can't
Because this pain is proof of how deeply I let myself fall in love with him
All the memories
Everything was all
A lie
I don't even realize I'd been running the whole to my house
Until I'm running upstairs into my room, shutting the door and falling flat on my bed
Ignoring my brother calling out to me
Fuck I need to get myself together
️🏵️🏵️🏵️🏵️
Well, that was one rollercoaster
How many of us saw that coming, I totally did
Anyway I just wanted to point out one thing
You don't, I mean don't have to change yourself to match the circumstances around you instead the circumstances should
Alex's right ideology is completely and utterly wrong, everything happens for a reason in your family or whatever you don't have to blame yourself or dwell on it
Come out bigger, better and stronger, ya get me?
How many of us are still holding onto team ' jalex'
Fyi Alex doesn't forgive easily
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Love y'all 😘🥰🌹🌹