*Disclaimer*
uneasy topics talked about throughout the chapter, such as: ed and su!c!dal thoughts. read at your own discretion and the places are marked!
-aurora
*Flynn's POV*
I sit on the couch facing her, watching as her chest rises and falls. I don't dare move my eyes away, afraid she'll quit breathing, or even worse—wake up. Her red hair is sprawled out across one end of the couch while her body is tightly curled in a ball, and I lean again my palm while staring at her peaceful face.
Suddenly, the phone in the corridor begins ringing, and I quickly jump up and move towards it, picking it up before my mother awakens. Part of me hopes it's Willow, letting me know about something good that has happened to her, but the possibilities of that happening are close to none.
"Hello?" The most irritating voice rings through the phone. I let out a massive sigh, and the person on the other end calls out for me. "Flynn, I've missed you!" She exasperates, and I try my hardest to not slam my head against the wall.
"What do you want, Odette?" I mutter into the phone and I hear her giggle—actually fucking giggle.
"I want you at my party tonight." She says, and I hear her laugh. "I haven't seen you in so long."
"That's not a good idea, Odette." I start quietly. "I've got a lot going on—"
"Please." She begs, in the most annoying tone ever, and I pause.
"Who's going?" I ask impatiently.
"A lot of people," she says and I roll my eyes. "Roone will be there." I take this into consideration, but I think of one more question.
"I'll only go if I can bring Willow." I remark, and I listen to her huff before speaking again.
"Fine." She agrees, and I sort of smile. "See you tonight, Flynn."
I hang up the phone and I begin to quietly move up the stairs, avoiding the creaks in the stairs once again. I reach the top and I walk towards my bedroom. I open the door as softly as I can before walking over to my dresser to grab the compression wrap that I'm supposed to put around my abdomen. I unfold it and I lift up my shirt so I can begin wrapping it around myself.
I wish I could magically recover from this injury. It's embarrassing enough to have others know that this injury was caused by him, let alone me constantly being in pain over it.
I'm glad I can find ways to distract my mind from the pain, but it's always a constant ache in my body, and sometimes it gets frustrating to always be hurting.
I finish the wrap and I pull my shirt back down over it. The tightness of the wrap oddly eases the pain, even if I don't have an explanation for the change in feeling. I walk back out of the room and
I quietly begin descending the stairs for a final time.
As I step off the final stair, I hear my mom call out my name. I walk back towards the living room and I see her sitting up slightly.
"Where are you going?" She asks, and I watch her brush her red out of her eyes.
"I'm going over to Willow's house, Mom." I say, leaning against the door frame. She nods her head and then lies back down, and I hesitate before speaking again. "I'll be home later, there should be dinner in the kitchen for you to eat."
"I love you, Flynn." She says, and part of me hopes she actually means it.
"Love you, too." I say before turning on my heel towards the entry way. I quickly swing open the door and I walk through it, shutting it softly.
*WARNING—TRIGGERING TOPICS*
I feel horrible for leaving her alone once again, but I need to focus on getting Willow out of the house so she doesn't do something to herself. She hasn't in almost 2 days, but I'm worried that means she'll be inclined to do it tonight.
I need her, which also means that I need to do everything in my power to keep her here—even if that means giving things up for her or spending most of my time with her. I'd give anything for her to just be okay.
I open the door and I find the house dark, with a single light on in the living room. I call out to make myself known, and I hear footsteps begin to move toward me. I shut the door and I walk through the corridor to see Katniss standing in the kitchen doorway, her arms folded across her chest. Her hair is thrown into a messy braid, and her face is painted with a frown.
"Are you alright, Katniss?" I ask, looking at her. She shrugs her shoulders before huffing, and I can tell she's holding back tears.
"Peeta hasn't came back yet," she starts quietly. "He promised me he'd be back within the hour."
"Where did he go?" I ask, and I gesture for her to sit back down at the kitchen table, where I can see she was originally sitting.
"The bakery." She says quietly, and I smile at her softly before walking to grab her a glass of water.
"Katniss, today is the busiest day of the week for the bakery." I start, filling the glass. "I'm sure he just got caught up in a crowd of customers and lost track of time. He'll be back soon, there's no reason for him not to."
I watch as she nods her head at me, and I place the glass of water next to her hands. I reassure her that he'll be back soon, but I'm not sure it helps to ease her mind. I'm not sure anything will ease her mind until he's back in her sight.
I leave her alone in the kitchen, Rye reading a book in the room adjacent to her, before climbing the stairs towards Willow's room. I come to find the door shut, and my heart immediately sinks as I begin to turn the doorknob. My heart rate settles again once it opens, but I find her staring out her window, curled up against the wall.
I walk over towards her, sitting down beside her, and she doesn't move. I lean over to brush the hair away from her face, and she flinches. I pull back and I stare at her, but she remains emotionless.
"Willow, what's wrong?" I ask, watching her stay still.
"I'm distracting myself." She states, and I can tell by her shaky voice that something is really wrong.
"From what, sweetheart?" I ask, pulling her into my arms.
She looks up at me, and I get a gut-wrenching feeling that I know what she means.
"How bad is it?"
"I'm sorry, Flynn." She says, and a few tears ricochet down her cheek. I pull her into me, kissing her forehead gently.
"Let me clean you up and then we'll go to the party." I say, and then I realize I haven't told her about the party yet. I stand up, cursing myself for bringing it up, and I motion for her to follow me.
"What party?" Her voice trails behind me, and I open the door and begin for the bathroom.
Once we reach the bathroom, I lock the door before lifting her up onto the bathroom counter, once again, and looking at her. Her teary blue eyes stare back at me, and the sight shatters my heart into a million pieces.
I lift my hand to her cheek to wipe the residue of the leftover tears away, and I give her a soft smile.
"You'll be okay, sweetheart." I start softly. "I promise."
"What party are you talking about—" I cut her off by letting my hands fall to her sides, and she pauses.
"We can talk about that once I make sure you're not bleeding out, love." I say whilst leaning over to grab bandage for the newest addition. "Where is it this time?"
I watch as she pulls up her shorts to show the gash along her thigh, and I stare at it for a moment before looking back up at her.
"Willow," I say breathlessly, and she breaks down in tears.
I pull her into my arms, and I hold her tightly as she cries into my shoulder. I comb my fingers through the back of her hair as she sobs, and I don't speak.
"I didn't want you to find out and make me hurt you—I—I can't do that, Flynn." She says into my neck, and I continue to hold her. "I just wish I could be okay for you. I want to be okay—I don't want to be like this."
"You have to let me help you then, sweetheart." I say, pulling back so she's forced to look at me.
I hold her face in my hands and I wipe the oncoming tears that stream down her cheeks.
"I want to help you, but you have to trust me."
"I do trust you—" she starts but I shake my head.
"If you trusted me, you would've called me before you did this." I remark, looking back down at the red running down her thigh. "This has to stop, Lo."
"I'm sorry." She says, and my heart breaks as she looks at the floor through her clouded vision. I lift her chin to my face and I gaze into her blue eyes.
"Don't be sorry." I start, shaking my head. "I want you stop hurting yourself because I can't bare seeing you in pain, Willow. It hurts me to know that you're hurting, even in the slightest."
I pull away from her and I lean over to grab the gauze and medical wrap. I bend down to open the cupboard underneath the countertop, and I grab the bottle of hydrogen peroxide, along with wipes.
The cut is so deep that the single alcohol wipes won't do a single thing to the gash.
I stand up, and I roll her shorts up even farther to prevent them from getting wet, and I grab her hand to let her squeeze while I pour the hydrogen peroxide onto the cut, flushing out any bacteria.
Her grip tightens on my hand as I do this, and I notice her start to tremble. I stop pouring it and I look up at her, with an apologetic expression.
"I'm sorry, Willow." I say, continuing to grip her hand. "I have to do this, you'll get an infection if I don't."
"I know." She squeezes her eyes shut, and motions for me to continue.
Reluctantly, I pick the bottle back up, but I falter before pouring it. I look back up at her once more before beginning to pour it back over the wound.
"Do you remember when you used to paint on my back?" I ask, trying to distract her from the pain. I feel her nod against my chest and I continue, pouring the remaining liquid onto the cut. "That used to be my favorite way to spend time with you."
"Really?" She mumbles through her teeth, and I can tell she's in too much pain to move.
"Yes," I start, unwrapping a roll of gauze. "My favorite was the sunset landscape. You liked it too, but only because you filled the sunset with orange." I lift her leg slightly to roll the gauze under and around her leg. "You've been obsessed with sunsets since you could talk."
"You remember?" She says, and I notice her gripping my hand a little less than before.
"I remember everything about you, sweetheart." I remind her, reaching for the medical wrap to secure the bandaging. I begin to wrap it around her thigh as I talk her through the pain.
"Your favorite color is orange. You're an incredibly talented painter. You love when you find a new book, but they'll never meet your expectations because you compare every new book to your favorite one. The sound of rain calms you down, even if it's a thunderstorm. And you're talented at singing, just like your mother." I finish wrapping her thigh, and I look up at her.
"I know all of these things because I care about you, Lo. I don't want to see you hurting." I say, and I reach up to tuck a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear. "Promise me that you'll call me before you do anything next time, Willow. Promise me that you'll call."
"I—" she starts, and tears fall down her face but I hush her while wiping the tears.
"I want to be here for you, love." I remark softly. "But I can't if you won't let me in."
She stares at me for a moment before nodding her head, and then she leans into my arms. I hold her there, comforting her by moving my hand up and down her back. She clings to me tightly, almost as if she's afraid to let go.
"Don't you have to leave?" She asks into my shoulder, and I don't dare move.
"No," I start, but she cuts me off.
"You said you had a party to go to." I feel her fumble with her hands behind me, but I keep moving my hand up and down her back.
"I'm not going anywhere without you, and you're in no condition to go, sweetheart." I say quietly.
"I think it would be good for me to go." She states, and she finally pulls away from me. She plasters a fake smile onto her face, but I watch through her act. "Please, Flynn."
"Only if you eat." I remark, looking at her frail body. "When's the last time you ate something?"
"I'm not sure." She whispers under her breath, and I give her a look. "This isn't fair."
"It's not fair for you to be doing this to yourself, sweetheart." I gently grasp her hips and I lift her off the counter, setting her back on her feet. "You have no reason to not be eating."
"I'm fine." She states, but I roll my eyes at her.
"What do you want to eat?" I ask, looking down at her. She crosses her arms and looks up at me, and I notice her cheekbones prominently on her face.
"Nothing." She says stubbornly.
I reach down and grab her wrist gently, due to the cuts, but I still pull her into the hallway with me. I move towards the top of the stairs and I begin to descend them, but I feel a hesitancy in her walk.
I look back at her as I continue moving down the stairs, and I can see the anxiety on her face. I give her a reassuring look as we meet the bottom step, and I move into the kitchen. I pull a seat out for her to sit down in, and she sits down reluctantly.
"What do you want to eat?" I ask again, this time softer and less demanding.
She pulls her knees to her chest, and I watch her face turn at the sentence. I turn around and walk towards the pantry, looking for something she might be able to eat, when I see an orange. I grab one and I turn back towards her smiling. I hold the orange up and she looks back at me, still emotional.
"Is this okay?" I ask, tossing it back and forth between my hands. "You need the vitamins."
"I guess." She mumbles, and I give her a short smile.
I turn to the sink and I set the orange down on the counter before beginning to wash my hands. I steal a glance at Willow while I'm washing my hands, and I notice her staring at the orange.
I don't want her to be scared to eat. She has never needed to watch what she eats, and she certainly doesn't now. She's always been beautiful, and she will remain beautiful for the rest of her life. I wish she could see herself the way I do, because through my eyes, she's the most gorgeous person I've ever seen.
I dry my hands off and I reach above the counter into the cupboard to grab a plate. I set the plate down before beginning to peel the orange, making sure to get rid of the white parts of the orange as well, because I know she doesn't like to eat that part. I leave the slices on the plate before picking it up and carrying it towards her, setting it in front of her. I sit down in the chair next to her, and I lean on my palm while watching her.
She glances at me for a moment, and I give her a reassuring nod before motioning back towards the plate. She picks up a slice of the orange and stares at it for a moment, before taking a bite and then setting it back down. I smile at her, acknowledging her trying, and I remain patient.
She eventually eats 4 of the 10 slices, but this tiny task takes a great amount of encouragement and reassurance. She almost looks as if she's about to cry, and it breaks my heart seeing her like this.
"Willow, it's okay." I say softly, pulling her hand into mine. I move my thumb back and forth on the back of her hand, and I try my best to calm her down. "I'm proud of you for eating, sweetheart."
She doesn't answer me, and I stand up. I tilt her chin towards my face and I lean down, pressing a kiss to her lips before pulling away and grabbing the plate in front of her. I throw away the rest of the orange so she knows it's not a big deal, and then I rinse the plate off in the sink.
"Why don't you go get dressed, Lo?" I suggest, beginning to wash all of the other plates in the sink as well. "We can go to the party after you're done."
She nods her head and stands up before walking out of the room, and I hear her slowly climb the stairs. I sigh as I hear this, but I ignore it and focus on the fact that she's trying.
She's trying, and that's really all I can hope for.