No smut warning this time, sorry to my smut lovers.
Our lake trip had been amazing, and we had made so many unforgettable memories. Now, however, on our last night, I sat on the couch getting more and more antsy by the minute.
Something had been off with Renee for the last few hours - you could feel it in the air. She was quiet, and Renee is never quiet. She had said she was going to shower over an hour ago, and as Sabrina and I sat on the couch and time passed, I grew more and more worried about her. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped up off the couch and made my way upstairs, swinging the door to the bathroom wide open to find Renee still soaking wet from her shower, wrapped up in a towel and crying on the bathroom floor.
"Nae." I said quietly, making my way to her side.
"No." She shook her head, pulling her face out of her hands. "You can't see me like this Parker, you can't."
"What?" I questioned, as I seated myself next to her on the wet floor. "Why?"
"I don't want you to see me cry." She shook her head. "I don't want you to see me weak."
"Well it's too late." I chuckled, leaning into her, not caring how wet she still was from her shower. "What's on your mind?"
"I'm not-" She sniffled. "I can't-" Another pause. "Your parents were right, Sparky." She wrapped her arms around me, and I immediately felt her shaking. "I'm not okay. I try not to think of my dad, I've been trying for weeks, but it doesn't work. He's all I can think about."
I took a deep breath. I had known for a while that this was coming, but I didn't know when. "Nae, I'm sorry." I shook my head. "I don't really know what to say, I'm just really really sorry." I paused. "Do you miss him?"
"No, never." She shook her head, still sobbing. "But I'm so scared, Sparky, I'm so scared." She let out.
"Why?" I questioned, rubbing her back. "What are you scared of?"
"What if I'm as bad of a parent as he was?" She cried. "What if I'm as bad of a mother to our kids as my dad was a father to me?"
My breath hitched a little. Renee and I had never talked about the idea of having a kid. She usually wasn't vulnerable enough to look that far into her future, but I was so excited at the idea of growing up with her and having kids one day.
"Renee Mary Jane Rapp," I started, "you're going to be the best mother this world has ever seen."
"You don't know that." She sniffled. "There's no way for you to know that."
"Yes." I nodded. "There is."
"How?" She mumbled, rolling her eyes at me.
"Because." I said. "You know how bad you were hurt by your dad, Nae, you know you could never do that to another human. Plus you have been taking care of me for as long as I can remember. And your parents, they weren't really your parents and you know it. Your parents are my mom and dad, that's how it's always been and it always will be that way. You're gonna be a great mother, Nae, I know you are."
"You really think so?" She smiled through her tears.
"I know so, Nae." I chuckled. "Or should I say mommy?"
"Shut up." She chuckled, elbowing me in the side. "I'm sorry." She said softly.
"Sorry for what?" I questioned.
"It's not supposed to be this way, you're not supposed to be the one taking care of me." She shook her head. "I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you."
"Renee." I groaned, rolling my eyes. "You don't have to be strong for me all the time. It isn't healthy."
"I have to, Sparky." She said with a sniffle. "I promised your brother-"
"I don't care what you promised my brother." I shook my head. "You promised him that when he was still here to be there for you, but now he's not. Someone has to be there for you Nae, let me be there for you."
Renee lifted her head, looking into my eyes, studying them. We stared at each other for a long moment before her eyes moved to my lips, and she connected them in a deep, yet gentle kiss.
"I love you Sparkler." She said with a soft smile as she wiped the tears off of her face.
"I love you too." I answered with a smile.
With that, Renee got up off of the floor in the bathroom and got ready for bed, and we fell asleep, holding each other tightly.
~
The lake trip turned out to be incredibly healthy for Renee, Sabrina, and I.
Sabrina ended up healing from Andrew in no time - Renee blocked his number from her phone, and it was as though he never existed. A few days away from reality made her feel more than okay, and having been through heartbreaks before, she bounced back from this one quickly. Andrew hadn't spent too much time in her life, so he proved to be an easy person to forget.
I spent the remainder of our time at the lake feeling like I was home again. The lake house held so many memories from my time growing up with Renee and Cameron - this is where so much happened, and it was the first time I'd come back since losing my brother. Being at the lake this week healed me in ways I didn't realize I needed, and it put me at peace with reality. Yes - memories from home were all littered with images of my brother, and I'll spend the rest of my life healing from the loss of him. On the other hand, the memories were all so good, and it was time for me to stop running from them.
That left Renee. The lake house had always had healing elements for her ever since we were kids, even if she refused to admit it. There was a certain soft side of her that had taken over in the past week that I'd never seen in her before - she was more gentle, more intentional. After her break down, there was a vulnerability to her that I wasn't used to. It wasn't a constant thing - she was still the same old Renee. She was still calling the shots and overprotective as ever. On yhe other hand, there was a new gentle energy about her. Something about her presence just softened up, and allowed me in.
My parents were right to force us to North Carolina for the week - it turned out to be exactly what we needed.
"Hey." Renee snapped me out of my thoughts, putting a hand on my thigh while Sabrina dreamed the day away in the back seat of the Bronco. I turned to her. "What are you thinking about?" She asked.
"The thank you that you owe my parents for forcing us down here." I chuckled.
"I guess I do owe them." She laughed. "They know what they're doing."
"They love you." I said softly, intertwining my fingers with hers as she used her other hand to drive.
"Yeah, I love them too." She smiled.
~
Arriving back to the house was like a dream come true. Alexander brought us Toby, and Sabrina headed home as soon as we got back.
"Toby!" I giggled, picking the puppy up in my arms as Alexander handed him to me. "I missed you buddy." I giggled.
"I bet he shit everywhere." Renee scoffed.
"No." Alexander shook his head. "Well, maybe just once."
"Thank you for watching him Alex." I said with a giggle.
"Yeah, thank you baby." Renee added, stealing Toby from me. As much as she hated to admit it, she loved that dog just as much as I did.
"Of course, guys." He smiled. "Parker, I'm surprised to see you walking."
My cheeks began to flush a deep red as Renee pointed to the door. "Out." She demanded. She was being assertive, but she also had a slight smirk on her face to let Alexander know she wasn't truly mad.
Knowing better than to argue with Renee, Alexander grabbed his keys and exited the house with a cheeky grin on his face. "Love you guys, see y'all soon."
As the door closed behind him, Renee turned to me as I smiled.
"Were you just defending me?" I giggled.
"Yes." Renee said, setting the dog down. "No, maybe. I don't know, he was right though, that's why I had to get him out."
"Right about what?" I chuckled.
"Your legs." She giggled. "They're working just fine."
My eyes got wide, but a goofy grin came over my face. "Renee." I chuckled. "We just got home."
"I know." She smirked. "Do you want to?"
I studied her eyes lustfully for a split second. "Yes." I giggled, grabbing Renee's hand as we went to the bedroom.
I am completely, utterly, desperately in love with Renee Rapp.
~
Author's Note:
A short chapter, but lots of substance in this one. I'm so excited to build on this one hehe.
I am totally into this character development era for Renee, what about you guys?
Vote, Comment, Share if you guys want to get chapter 40 any time soon !!!
Oh also, keep your comments and DM's nice :( I have feeeeeelingssss.
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