-The monster inside me was never
a monster , but a child who craved
love just like any other child-
🥀
"I'll try...." You said being hesitant
Namjoon looked upright and until you both got off there was no conversation between you two but awkwardness.
As you opened the door of the dorm , you were engulfed in hug , which melted your soul into tears.
Jungkook.
"Y/N? What the actual fuck happened? I swear if you're hurt-" Jungkook says looking at you and holding your shoulders.
"I'm fine.... where's Ji-Jimin?" You mentally cursed yourself for sounding so weak and scared.
"He's in his....room" Jungkook replied and with hesitant steps , and a fear surrounding your body you went to his room and knocked on the door.
He opened the door and the moment he saw you , he froze. He had an expression which wasn't understanble.
"Jimin.... let's talk it out.." You said and again cursed yourself for being so weak.
He let you in but doesn't even utter a word or get close. After seeing your reaction there , he was sacred to even speak, to hurt you.
"Jimin?" You called his name after you sat on the bed.
"Y/N... I'm not a bad guy...I mean I'm a bad guy but not for you , I can make the world my enemy to see you smile. But I won't hurt you. I know I mindlessly shot both of them but with every second I had a fear that you would get hurt and in this world it's the last thing I want to see....just...I won't ask for another chance or forgiveness, it's your choice... I'll just agree on your opinion.... I'm just a monster" Jimin says with sorrowful eyes but he kept himself strong to not cry in front of you.
"Jimin..." You held his hand
"You killed two guys...it was inhumane, I agree. But that's what your job is , I can't complain. Our lives are complicated, but as long as we are together, I can get through everything. I was scared..infact I am scared. But I know that you're not a monster , there's a little boy buried deep within you who gets happy and excited over little things. You're just protecting your inner child" You said and hugged him.
And that's all it takes for you to be alive , his touch. His warmth , and you hate the way he makes you feel , but you also hate the way you don't hate him not even a little bit.
"Y/N , I love you and I can't bare to lose you. You taught me love and life and how to live you made my heart beat." Jimin said his face buried in your neck.
"I love you too... Jimin, but I deserve to know what's up" You said
And he looked at you.
"I need to know what's that all of you talk about? The past" You said
"Y/N......" Jimin stops for a moment
"My father has only one dream , making us and my brothers and stepbrothers a weapon for war , he made us a war machine. We were used to get harsh training, it didn't matter if one of us dies. The only focus was to survive, even if it means someone's death. But as soon as we turned eighteen we decided to run away and somehow we escaped, but due to sin we did it was impossible to continue a normal life. Father found us a few years later....I wanted to die but that too, was in control of my father. I became a mafia...and later my father and your father arranged our buisness marriage, and I couldn't tolerate that. For months I stalked you and finally came to kill you but that day when I actually met you, I started dreaming" Jimin sighs
"I...Jimin you've gone through a lot. I don't know what to say..." You said
"Come here, I'll tell you all of it" He said and holding your hand made you sit on his lap and your head against his chest, you could hear his heartbeat.
"You know what is the best feeling in this world?" Jimin asked
"What?" You asked
"To hear someone's heartbeat and knowing it is beating because of you" He said and planted a small peck on your lips.
You smiled.
"When I became the mafia , I was supposed to inherit my father after the marriage. But five years ago, Taehyung had a girlfriend. And I envied him...I envied that he had someone to love him that way. It made me lose my mind. I knew she was after money but Taehyung was so in love with her , even though she was kind , I just hater her. She just didn't seem to be right....to be honest I was scared that one day when everyone would have a family, I'll be just like this living a meaningless life." He said
"I killed her" Jimin said and you looked at him with big eyes.
"I killed her , infront of everyone. Without having a second thought, I shot her. But after doing so , and coming back into my senses I realised that I fucked up and became a monster who doesn't even deserve to live! That night me bad Taehyung had the biggest fight and we all split up which led to many fights that weakened us. But on a night, being drunk I found myself crying. That was the first time I shed tears after so long. My feet took me to Taehyung's place and unbelievingly he took me in , and we talked out. He told me that , that girl was a spy but he still lived her and it took him four years to forgive me , and I still think I don't deserve forgiveness at any point , but I'm glad that in the fucked up world , I have them. I have you" Jimin said and you just looked at him.
With all emotions -love , guilt , pity and regret.
You both didn't utter any other word because your eyes spoke much more than your lips could have spoken.
•FLASHBACK•
"I..am fine" Jimin said but they couldn't agree
"Jimin? What's wrong? Hm? Tell me" Taehyung said and put his hand on Jimin's shoulder but Jimin shrugged it away.
"You know what is wrong?" Jimin takes a deep breath and speaks
"She! She is wrong!" He spoke pointing at Na Eun-ha Taehyung's girlfriend.
"What do you mean?" Jungkook asked
"Jimin calm down" Namjoon says
"Why can't you see it Taehyung? She's just after money! She doesn't love you" Jimin shouts
"Shut the fuck up Jimin! You fucking have no idea what you're talking right now , you're just drunk. So shut up" Taehyung warns
"Tsk. Choosing girl over friendship?" Jimin scoffed
"Jimin shut up!" Yoongi shouts
"I won't" Jimin mumbled
"My whole life , I've never experienced love. I've never felt what if feels like to be wanted , to be loved. To make someone smile...and when finally I felt like I could live like this , why are you making it hard for me??!" Jimin shouted
"Do you fucking think that we have fucking felt it too?" Jungkook shouts and grabs Jimin by collar.
"I don't care" Jimin speaks with solitude and pushed Jungkook away
"Jimin are you drugged? Or did you-" Hoseok said but he stopped when Jimin took his gun out.
"Jimin! Stop , you don't know what you're doing!" Taehyung says trying to be calm
"I know! Taehyung I know what I am doing! I'll regret it...but it's for your good. For our good" Jimin says
"My good? Our good? Jimin! Can you for once not just think about your own self? Can't you see anyone else happy? What's your problem? Can't you sacrifice something to see your friend happy?" Taehyung asks
"I'm thinking about us. That's why I'm sacrificing to see us happy" Jimin said and shot the girl , Eun-ha standing beside Taehyung.
Before anyone could do anything, the girl was already lying on the floor. Blood flowing through her.
"You motherfucker! Bastard!" Taehyung said and plunged over Jimin tackling him to the ground and puching him hard.
"Tae-" Jungkook's words get intrupped
"Jungkook , let's leave. The worst they can do is kill eachother. And Jimin won't ever kill Taehyung, so Taehyung will survive." Namjoon says with his jaw clenched as the others follow him and they all leave.
"Jimin! I-I love-loved her" Taehyung keeps punching and his voice cracks due to sobs breaking through.
Jimin doesn't speaks or defend himself.
Taehyung gets up and picks up the gun and points it on Jimin who's lying on the ground.
"Kill me" Jimin whispered, as he didn't have the energy to even speak.
Taehyung sniffs, and wipes off his tears.
"You deserve hell , after doing this. But I know. Death doesn't scare you. But loniless does , being alone is hell for you. Being left out is hell for you. Death is nothing for you, but maybe You forgot, Jiminah I know a lot about even the things that you don't know about your own self" Taehyung says and shoots Jimin in the abdomen, near his torso.
•BACK TO PRESENT •