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⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF SELF HARM. Reader's discretion advised. ⚠️
Aadya's POV
Kyun bewajah, diye saja
Kyun khwab deke wo le gya
[Three months later]
Numbness.
The only thing I can feel is numbness. The only emotion that has stayed in me after that day, three months ago, is numbness. The only feeling which thrives inside of me, which has become my place of being, which has taken control over me, is numbness.
I don't know what I have done incorrectly or what has gone wrong, but everytime, every single time it's me who suffers. It's me who is left broken and alone. It's me who gets all the pain. Every time it's me, when it comes to agony and suffering.
At this point, I am convinced that happiness is not made for me.
It is not what is written in my share.
But I deserve it, don't I?
I deserve to be happy like other people. I deserve to laugh and enjoy with my loved ones. I don't deserve to cry or grieve over my misery. But that just doesn't happen. Because whenever I am happy, something has to go wrong. Something has to ruin everything. Something has to kill my joy.
And I was mistaken when I thought it wouldn't happen again.
I was mistaken when I thought, now that I have my love by my side, nothing can go wrong. And if it does, we will fight it together.
But guess what happened.
My happiness was snatched away. Again.
The love, who I thought will fight the world for me, with me, forgot my entire existence.
I did not want it. Trust me, I never did. But yet, I got it. Because that's what's written in my share. Misery, grief, pain, suffering, agony, torture, ache. It has always been what I have received. Whatever I do is never enough for God to stop this. They say, what you give is what you receive. Then why does this rule not apply for me? Why in my case, what I receive is something I never gave?
He was the reason for my happiness. He gave me a reason to live. He provided me with peace and comfort. He became the sunshine for which I wake up every day. He entered my life as my knight in a shining armour, who came to protect me from all the evils. He became my home.
Before finally leaving me all alone, homeless, in this strange world.
Funny, how it's always the people you love the most who give you the deepest wounds.
Intentionally or unintentionally, he became the reason for my pain and agony.
I don't blame him. I can't. Even if he did it intentionally, I wouldn't blame him. But, I can't live without him any longer. It's already been three months.
I tried. I really did. I tried very hard to try to move on. Try to start a new life. Try to keep him in my heart as a good memory and look forward to something new. But it didn't work out.
He was supposed to be my endgame.
He was supposed to be my forever.
He was supposed to always stay by my side as my love, my Rian.
But he left. He left me all alone.
For me he became the reason for my entire existence, but for him, for him I am left being nothing but a stranger. A stranger who he might not even remember by now.
He said a body can't survive without its heart and soul.
He was right.
I can't survive without him anymore.
There is no reason left for me to wait for the next morning and see what it brings with itself. And without a reason, we are nothing.
I don't want to live as nothing or a nobody. It's better if I cease my existence.
If I cannot live happily, for even once in my lifetime, what is the reason to live? I don't have any.
My eyes move towards the glass window which gives me a view of the living room, where my entire family, except for Ariv bhai and maa, is sitting. Their faces fell down with sadness and worry. Probably because of me and my condition. I have locked myself in my room for these past three months. Didn't come out until very important, probably just three or four times in the entire period. My family has been worried sick about me. They suggested that I go for therapy, but I couldn't. I didn't want to. I don't want to recover. I don't want to live. I don't want to be happy.
I don't deserve it anyways.
I give one last glance to them before moving three steps backwards. One more step and it's done.
I am aquaphobic, not extreme but to the point where if I enter the swimming pool, I will drown and die soon. Because of this, our swimming pool is not filled with water on most days, only when Ariv bhai and his friends organise a pool party or something. But today, I filled it. No one noticed it because no one notices these small things nowadays. They have bigger problems to deal with, alongside worrying about me. And I am glad no one noticed.
It's finally time now.
I looked at them for the last time and a lone tear escaped my eyes, after three months.
My hold around the sharp blade tightened and I glided it over my wrist before taking another step back and water splashed from the pool.
I am surrounded by water. Blood fell out of the cut and mixed with the water. It didn't hurt though.
Nothing hurts me now. Not after that day.
But it's scary. The water is scary and dark.
The demons are coming towards me. They were waiting for this.
A whirlpool is going to hit me anytime soon.
My limbs start to move by themselves , trying to get out of here. My lungs start to constrict. My gaze turns heavy and I can't keep my eyes open anymore. I cannot breathe anymore. I cannot move my body anymore.
The monsters are near me.
Very near.
My death is near me.
Finally, I will be free.
Free from this pain, agony, tranquillity, grief.
The world slowly began to darken and a faint smile appeared on my lips. I will be out of this trap in no time. I will be relieved from this misery. I will finally leave this world and this body for good.
Rian's face came in front of me. He was smiling at me and my smile grew wider. He was coming my way to rescue me. I could see him nearing me. He reached out for my hand and held it. With that, everything went blank.
:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:
Author's POV
The family members were sitting in the living room, discussing Aadya's mental health and ways to convince her for therapy. They were all heartbroken and sad, seeing their daughter shattered is not something a parent ever even thinks of in their worst nightmares. Suddenly, the sound of a splash of water reached their ears and they all became alert instantly. Their eyes moved towards the glass window and they saw the swimming pool filled with water. They noticed the movement in the pool and stood straight the next moment.
Mrs Sharma and Ariv also reached downstairs and all of them ran outside. Their eyes fell on the figure drowning inside and their senses seemed to stop. Ekaksh instantly ran towards the pool and dived in. He wasn't thinking straight. Who would? After all, it was his beloved sister who was drowning. His beloved sister who had aquaphobia, who would never go anywhere near a pool, ever.
He swam towards her and reached out for her hand. Holding it firmly, he pulled her closer to himself and helped her out of the pool. The entire family was shaken by this. They knew Aadya wasn't mentally well, but they never expected she would commit or even try something like this. She was stronger than this. Wasn't she?
Ariv helped both Ekaksh and Aadya out of the pool and that's when their eyes fell on her wrist. Tears rained down everyone's eyes and their hearts shattered to pieces. No family would want to see a sight like this. No one can even imagine something like this. And yet, it happened.
They immediately got to their cars and made their way towards the hospital. Manisha and Ariv tried to console the elders while Ekaksh drove Aadya to the hospital. The others soon followed behind them. It took them about half an hour to reach the hospital.
Their heartbeats are getting faster with each passing second now because the longer it will take, the lesser will be the chances of their beloved's survival. The hospital was owned by Ika's family, so the need for any sort of paperwork at that moment was not a necessity for them. They were also given their privacy which no one dared to invade. Ika and her family reached the hospital soon after Ariv informed them about the incident. Everyone was scared, broken, and ached. Never in their wildest dreams they imagined this day would come.
"Save her, doctor. And I am not requesting you." These were the last words Ekaksh said to the doctor before letting his sister in the ICU.
He wouldn't tolerate anything bad happening to his sister. He will kill everyone. Burn everything. Destroy the entire world, if his sister does not heal back or recover. He tried more than enough to help her through these past three months. And if it wasn't for him, this day would have come earlier.
The entire family waited outside the ICU for more than an hour now. No one said a word to each other. No one had the strength to. Their tears dried up but the ache in their hearts didn't seem to stop. It only increased, with each passing second that their daughter spent in the ICU.
After around ten minutes, the doctors came out of the room. All the members of the family straightened up and looked at them with hope in their eyes. Ekaksh reached out to them and interrogated about his sister's condition.
"There is nothing to worry about anymore. You brought her here just in time and that's why we were able to save her. A good amount of blood was lost because of the cut in her wrists which has made her weak. We have done the required tests but we will have to wait till tomorrow for the results to come. She is resting for now and most probably will wake up tomorrow morning only because of all the painkillers. You can meet her if you want, just make sure not to disturb her." The doctor finished and everyone was a little relieved.
They thanked the doctor and one by one made their way towards the room where Aadya was. Suddenly, the doctor remembered something and turned around.
"Excuse me." He called for them. Ekaksh, Isha and Ika sent the others inside the room and came towards the doctor.
"What about the guy who lost his memories, three months back? How is his progress? Does he remember something?" His question uncovered the deep wounds of their hearts.
"We don't know much as he went back to New York but I talked to him three days back and he was speaking about some weird dreams. Probably it's the hint of memories or something. But that's all I am aware of." Ekaksh replied to him and the doctor nodded.
"Let's hope he remembers everything on his own. You can go meet your sister now." He smiled at them and left.
The other three made their way inside the room where Aadya was peacefully resting, with her left wrist wrapped in a bandage. Who would have thought she could do something like this? Everyone had the same question in their mind.
:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:
Aadya's POV
I woke up with a stinging pain in my body and head. The faint light coming from a window nearby, woke me up from my sleep. I slowly opened my eyes to see how the world looks after the death of a person but to my shock, I only found bhai, sitting on a chair beside my bed, with his head lying on the end of the bed I was on. I tried to sit up straight but it was very difficult because of the pain and weakness. I looked around to see a room, which was not mine. It looked plain and basic with some hospital equipment around.
Oh, I am in a VIP room in the hospital.
But how did I get here? I was dying. I was leaving this world forever. Then how was I saved? Why was I saved?
I looked above myself with anger in my eyes. An emotion I am feeling after a long time.
Why would you not let me die? Why do you want me to live in this world when all you have written in my share is grief and pain? Why do you want me to live with the misery I am granted? Why would you just not let me come to you?
"Princess, you woke up." Bhai's voice brought me back from my trance.
I looked back at him, only to find him staring at me with those painful eyes. Sad, heartbroken, painful, tear stricken eyes. Bhai never cries. Guilt thrived inside me and my gut clenched. I made him cry. I made everyone cry.
"Are you feeling fine, princess?" He softly whispered and a lone tear left my eyes.
"Bhai, did you cry?" I asked him slowly.
"No, princess. It's just water. I washed my face but forgot to wipe it. It's because of that." He replied and shook his head.
A sad chuckle left my mouth.
"Stop lying, bhai. You are very bad at it."
"Why did you do it, princess?" He asked me, tears betrayed his eyes and simultaneously mine too.
"He left me bhai, my Rian forgot his Dove. He went back, leaving me all alone in this cruel world. I will die without him." I sobbed, holding him closer to me.
He patted my back slowly but didn't say anything. He caressed my hair and I sobbed helplessly in his arms. Soon, I heard the door knob clicking and broke the hug. We looked at the door to find the other members of my family entering the room. Ika and uncle aunty also came with them. Their faces worried and sad.
They are worried because of me.
They are sad because of me.
Why did I not die yesterday?
"You are such a bitch, aren't you? How dare you even try to do something like that? How can you even think that you can leave me all alone and I will let you go? Just get back some strength and I will teach you a lesson." Ika fake scolded before hugging me tightly.
"I was wondering why I didn't die yesterday. Now, I know why. You must have threatened God to not take my life away, didn't you?" I chuckled and she hit my back with a little force.
"Ofc, I did."
We broke the hug and I looked at the others, with guilt and disappointment in my eyes. They don't deserve this. They don't deserve to see me like this. They don't deserve a daughter like me.
"I am sorry mu—" before I could finish, my mother slapped me and engulfed me in her arms, holding me securely there. Making sure no evil can reach me. That's how warm her hug felt, instantly. Even after the slap, there was warmth in her embrace.
"You have no idea how much you scared us. Please don't do anything like this ever again, beta." Her words made me cry.
Tears have not stopped ever since I woke up a few minutes back. The whole build up of the three months is finally coming out.
After a few more hugs and crying sessions, everyone finally stopped. They sat near me and tried to lighten up my mood. Tried not to mention anything about Rian and last night. But little did they know, it was all I could think about. He was all I could think about.
Suddenly, I felt nauseous and my stomach turned. I moved myself hurriedly and tried to get up. Everyone's attention turned towards me and they saw me covering my mouth and understood what I was feeling. Ika passed me a paper bag and I immediately puked in it.
The incident kept replaying in my mind all over again. The water, the blood, the darkness, the whirlpool, the demons. Everything replayed and the urge to puke filled me again. After finally using up four paper bags, I felt a little relieved.
"Are you fine? Should we call the doctors?" Papa asked me, caressing his hand over my hair.
I shook my head slowly and drank some water.
The doctor entered the room after half an hour with test reports and painkillers. I greeted him and he returned the gesture.
"I am glad that you are fine now. Your reports also seem normal, so there is nothing to worry about. But yes, you are very weak for your condition and especially after yesterday, after losing that much blood, you need a proper diet and nutrients to regain your strength." He spoke, looking through the reports.
"How is her overall condition?" Bhai asked him, with concern lacing his features.
"There is no physical damage except for the wound on her wrist but she is very weak from inside. Her aquaphobia triggered a lot of hormones inside her yesterday. The blood loss has taken away so much strength from her body. All this is not good for her condition. You will have to take care of her." He informed them.
"There is no internal damage, right?" Ravi uncle asked.
"No, we are glad the fall didn't hurt her much and her belly wasn't hurt or harmed. That would have caused a lot of damage to the child but we are happy to inform you that the child is safe and healthy."
My eyes almost bulged out of their sockets as my heartbeats increased from his words. This new piece of information was something I never expected. I can't believe my ears. Subconsciously, my palm went on my belly and an unknown ache pulsed in my heart. A child? A new life? Inside me?
"What do you mean b— by the b— baby?" Ika asked him, in shock.
Everyone was as shocked, or even more than me.
"Didn't you know? She is three months pregnant."
*******************************************
Jiske aane se mukamal ho gyi thi zindagi
Dastakein khushiyon ne di thi,
Mit gyi thi har kami,
Kyun bewajah, diye saja
Kyun khwab deke wo le gya?
Jiye jo hum, laage sitam
Ajaab aise wo de gya.
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