Summary: Lucifer is trying to spend some time to get to know Vaggie but she ends up in littlespace so Lucifer takes care of her.
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It was rough keeping a big secret from Charlie. Even though she accepted her now and they were on good terms, things were still very stressful. Her wings contributed to that factor as well. They reminded her of what she did before Charlie found her and it gave her a lot of guilt. A few panic attacks later, she decided to talk about it to Charlie one day, hoping that she'll feel better.
"Maybe you should talk to someone about this," Charlie suggested, "I'm not exactly qualified and there aren't many therapists in hell, but maybe you could talk to my dad,"
"Why Lucifer?" Vaggie asked, a little bit nervous. She didn't exactly want to talk about all this heavy shit to her girlfriend's dad. What if she makes herself look bad and he's unaccepting of them? He did know she was an exorcist but never knew why she fell in the first place. It was too heavy to talk about in their little time together.
"Well, he's also a fallen angel, he might understand how it feels," The princess prompted.
Vaggie bit her lip, wondering what she should do. Finally, after a moment of hesitation, she sighed and agreed.
A day or two later, Vaggie stands in front of Lucifer's room. It was just one of the nicer hotel rooms, so it wasn't supposed to be as intimidating. But it was. She took a deep breath before knocking on the door.
"Mr Morningstar?" She called out, slowly opening the door and entering. He had one of the suites so she assumed he was just in one of the bedrooms.
"Ah, Maggie! Good to see you!" He popped up to her side and gave her a hug. She flinched, but then relaxed.
"It's Vaggie, Sir," She calmly corrected him.
"Vaggie, got it. Anyways, what brings you to my humble abode," He asked, leading her to the kitchen area where he poured himself a glass of water.
"I- uhhh, I was hoping to talk to you about something," She nervously looked around the room, trying to avoid eye contact. She really didn't want to make this more awkward and terrifying than it already was.
"Oh, alright, let's sit then," he walked over to the couch and gestured a hand to the one in front of it so they sat facing towards each other.
"So, I- Uh, Charlie wanted me to talk to you about some struggles I've been having that have to do with being a fallen angel," she began, "I don't even know how to start,"
She thought about it for a second and took a deep breath.
"What do you do when... you feel so ashamed for being an angel that you think it would be better if you were gone?"
"That's a tough question. Mind telling me why you feel ashamed first?" he asked. He would probably have to tell Charlie about these thoughts. It definitely wasn't healthy.
Vaggie's memories and reasons why she was guilty flashed in her head. The people she's killed. The souls lost. It's all her fault.
"I- I- I-," She stuttered.
"Hey, it's okay, take a deep breath," he instructed. After she took a couple, she felt a bit calmer.
"I was an exorcist for years. I killed so many and hurt many more. I lied to Charlie, I lied to my friends, I even lied to myself. I kept saying that it was okay but it wasn't! Nothing is okay! I'm not fucking okay! I'm a murderer...." she confessed. He sucked in a breath but she wasn't done.
"I wasn't even punished! I- I deserve to feel hurt and pain. I deserve agony but no one will give it to me. My stupid wings are a constant reminder of the monster I am," She began to stumble on her words as her lip began to quiver. She's held so much in that she was an absolute mess now that she was talking about it. It made her headspace immediately fall like a bag of sand being thrown off a cliff.
Before she knew it, she started crying, sobbing even. Lucifer got really worried and moved to sit next to her. He wrapped his arms around her shaking body. She was very much ugly crying. The hiccuping, hyperventilating kind too. Why was he giving her comfort. He should be upset with her.
"Vaggie, you don't deserve any pain. You've changed. You're not deserving of a punishment anymore. You deserve comfort and help," He told her in a calm, gentle voice. It was quite nurturing too.
Being a caregiver, he could notice easily when a headspace dropped and he could tell hers went deep down fast. He gently pulled her into his lap and began to rock her, trying to calm the baby down.
"Shh, shhh, you're okay, we all forgive you, shh, shhh," He spoke soothingly into her ear.
He made a rubber duck appear and held it in front of her.
"Look! It's a ducky!" he sqeaked it, trying to get her attention. She looked up at it, still crying but not as many hiccups. Lucifer moved it around and made little quacking noises to entertain her. It seemed to help.
He gave the ducky to her once she stopped crying. She immediately tried to put it in her mouth.
"Ah, ah, ah, you don't know where that's been," he took it out of her mouth and made a pacifier appear in her mouth. She sucked on while playing the rubber duck.
He lifted her up and placed her on the second couch. He snapped his fingers and her clothing changed. She was now in a thick diaper and onesie. Lucifer had babysat enough times to know what clothing helped her feel safe.
He brought her over to the bedroom and laid her down in bed before he took off his shoes and climbed in too. She seemed very clingy so he definitely would need to cuddle with her.
She snuggled up close to him as he massaged her scalp. He felt bad that she had to deal with all of this guilt. It was upsetting to say the least. Even though they weren't very close, he still cared and worried about her.
He felt content once he heard soft snoring coming from the girl. It was a peaceful sight, knowing that she was no longer fighting her inner demons. He slipped out of the bed without waking her up and went back into the small living room area.
He brainstormed what kind of toys Vaggie would like. He wanted to make sure she had something to do when she woke up. After summoning a couple of blocks, a shape sorting game, and setting up a cute purple tent and filled it with a bunch of pillows and blankets, he sat on the couch and scrolled on his hellphone. He contemplated calling Charlie but he didn't want her to think he wasn't good enough to take care of Vaggie.
He sat there for a while until a scream erupted from the bedroom. He shot up and scrambled towards the sound. He followed it and opened the door. The sight he was greeted with was sad to say the least. The poor girl was shot up in bed, bawling while clutching the blankets. He could easily see sweat beads rolling down her forehead too. Using context clues, he realized that she must've had a nightmare.
"Sweetie," he sat down next to her on the bed. He rubbed her back and kissed her forehead, waiting patiently for her to calm down. He wiped away her tears and held a tissue to her nose, which she blew into, clearing her sinuses. She cried for a minute or two until she was feeling a bit better.
Lucifer summoned a bottle filled with cold water and pulled her into his lap. A diaper change was in order afterwards but for now, he fed her the water, knowing that it would help. Once she finished it, she mumbled a "t'ank you,"
"You're welcome, Little ducky. Do you want to talk about your bad dream?" Lucifer asked.
"Dun wanna think about it," She told him. "Scary,"
"It's okay, baby, you don't need to talk about it. I have a small surprise for you but do you need any help getting your diapy changed?" He asked. She nodded, feeling way too small to do it herself.
He laid her down on the ground and began to make quick work of the change. Vaggie played with a small fidget cube so it wasn't so overwhelming. Once he was done and taped everything up, he carried her on his hip into the living room where watched her play with blocks and sorting games.
Lucifer never realized how intense her trauma was. He was glad that he now knew so he could prepare for any future mishaps. It made him determined to be the best caregiver ever. He would make the small and scared fallen angel feel happy with herself again.