Twenty - six weeks after Lee's death.
Alex woke up to feeling lips press soft kisses down, along her spine. A smile graced her lips as she took in a deep breath, slowly rolling over and seeing Kayce look up at her with a smirk on his face. The sheets were tangled all around him. Alex was sure her hair was a mess just like Kayce's. He moved his lips to press against the soft skin of her stomach and then he moved up, pressing his lips where he could find open skin. When Kayce got to Alex's neck, he peppered kisses all the way up, until he pressed his lips down on hers in a proper morning kiss.
"Morin'," Kayce's low voice made every limb tingle as Alex snaked her arms around him.
"Good morning," Alex said as Kayce kissed her cheek.
"How'd you sleep?" Kayce asked.
"Not long, but good," Alex laughed. "You?"
"Had some good dreams," Kayce mumbled, running his nose along hers.
"You gotta work today?" Alex asked him with a yawn.
"It's Thursday, baby," Kayce chuckled. "Yeah...I gotta go into the office."
"Fine," Alex sighed, dropping her hands from around him. "Guess I'll stay in this bed by myself."
"Don't tempt me," Kayce leaned down and gently bit her neck, making Alex laugh.
Kayce pulled back and stretched from his spot in the bed. Alex watched him get up and slowly walk into the bathroom. A minute later she heard the shower turn on. She decided to go downstairs and make some coffee for her and Kayce. Pulling on some clothes, Alex padded her feet across the kitchen tile to the coffee machine. She waited as it brewed and glanced out the window. It was one of those strange, warmer days where the sun was out, but snow was on the ground. One where the temps were cooler, but wearing a heavy jacket would fry someone out.
"Morning."
Alex looked over her shoulder to see John walk in.
"Good morning," Alex nodded. "Coffee is almost ready."
"I've had a few cups already," John sighed. "But thank you."
"Working today?" Alex asked.
"Yeah," John nodded. "Kayce up?"
"Shower," Alex said.
"You seem to be in a better mood this week," John mentioned.
Alex looked at him.
"Some weeks are better than others," Alex said.
"Does she do something to you?" John asked.
Alex didn't reply, almost confused by his question.
"Monica," John said. "Does she do something to you?"
"What do you mean?" Alex asked.
"I know that's who makes you..." John waved his hand as if he couldn't put into words what he wanted to say.
"She's challenging," Alex nodded, pulling two mugs down from the cabinet.
"Alex," John said.
Alex sighed, pulling the pot out and filling the two mugs up before looking over at John.
"She hates me," Alex said. "And now the feeling is mutual. She doesn't want me here, let alone close to Tate. She views me as the help around here and... I've just been having a hard time adjusting to it."
"What does Kayce say?" John asked.
"When I get to the point where I throw a fit, he'll finally budge," Alex picked up both mugs. "But it's only so much. He's..."
"Scared," John nodded.
"I wish he didn't have to be," Alex frowned. "I get it...custody is a bitch, and I'm sorry he's got to go through what he does. But I'm running out of options. I feel my skin boil around her and I'm scared that one day I'll just...pop off and it'll ruin something for Kayce."
"Kayce is tougher than you think," John nodded as Alex made her way back around the kitchen island. "Keep on him."
"I don't want to push too hard," Alex said.
"Alex...you didn't push hard against Lee," John looked at her. "You didn't and so he was always the decision maker. It was his rules."
"Giving relationship advice, John?" Alex raised her eyebrow.
"I'm saying Kayce can take it," John nodded. "So give it to him...it's the only way you'll truly find your place with him and also here. It's not Lee's anymore, it's Kayce...we all have had to adapt to that."
Alex watched John walk out the back door. She carefully carried their cups back up to the bedroom and saw Kayce buckling his belt.
"Thought I'd have to come find you," He adjusted his shirt and walked over to take one of the cups from Alex.
Kayce pressed a kiss to her cheek and walked over to his boots. Alex sat down on the bed and took a sip of her coffee.
"I'll be back this evening," Kayce said as he drank his coffee. "I'll be passing by the Res on my way in tonight and I wanna stop and see Tate."
"On the Res?" Alex asked.
"Yeah?" Kayce paused and looked at her. "That's where my son lives?"
"How long will you be there?" Alex asked, trying to control her pulse.
"I don't know," Kayce took another sip. "Why?"
"Don't we pick up Tate tomorrow anyway?" Alex asked.
"Yeah," Kayce slowly walked over to her. "But I get a chance to see my son, so I'm going to take it."
Alex didn't say anything but took another sip of her coffee instead.
"What's wrong?" Kayce asked her.
"Nothing's wrong," Alex said, blinking up at him.
"Do you not want me to see Tate?" Kayce asked.
"No," Alex snapped. "That's never what I want."
"Alright, we'll then why are you asking so many questions?" Kayce finished his coffee.
"Because I've had to deal with a lot of Monica the past few weeks and I just wanted to make sure she wouldn't be coming back with you tonight or you staying with her!" Alex glared at Kayce.
Kayce shifted on his feet.
"This ain't about her," Kayce said. "I'm seeing my son, that's it."
"It's not it, Kayce," Alex stood up. "It's never going to just be you and Tate in this equation."
Kayce looked at her.
"She's his mom," Kayce shook his head as if he didn't know what else to say.
"So I'm reminded," Alex sighed. "Every day, every time we're together...by you and her."
They were both quiet for a few minutes.
"What are you looking for me to say?" Kayce asked, his voice low.
"I guess..." Alex trailed off and sighed. "I guess I just want some acknowledgment from you about where I'm at in the equation."
"You're with me," Kayce argued.
"I'm not though," Alex shook her head. "I'm pushed back...not just behind Tate, where it's completely understandable, but behind her as well."
"I told her we were together and for her to respect you last week," Kayce said.
"You stumbled," Alex corrected. "And then I told her to fuck off and slammed the door in her face."
"I think I did some other things after that," Kayce tried to smirk.
"Kayce," Alex sighed, looking down.
"What?" Kayce stepped up to her. "Tell me what you want."
"I can't have what I want," Alex mumbled, raising her head to look at Kayce.
"Then what can I do to help you right now?" Kayce asked. "Do you not want me to stop by and see Tate?"
"No," Alex sighed. "That's not what I want at all."
Kayce glanced at his watch.
"What happened between this morning in bed and you coming back up here?" Kayce asked.
"I ran into your dad," Alex answered.
"And he what?" Kayce asked. "Told you to come up here and start a fight?"
"No," Alex narrowed her eyes. "He told me to stand up for myself and push back for the respect I deserve."
Alex walked around Kayce and sat her mug on the dresser.
"And he's right, I do deserve more respect from you in this situation," Alex looked over her shoulder at Kayce. "You do need to be better about it...because you can't have me when Tate's not here and then be with him and Monica and forget about me."
"I'm trying, Alex," Kayce sighed.
"We're all trying, Kayce" Alex walked into the bathroom and rolled the door shut behind her.
**
It was raining that evening as Alex looked out the window. The rain was turning into sleet too as the temps dropped lower and lower. She saw John's reflection in the window as he walked into the room behind her.
"Kayce not back yet?" John asked.
"No," Alex said softly. "Weather's getting worse too."
She turned around and looked at John.
"Well..." John sighed. "I think there's some leftovers in the fridge."
"He's gonna stay out there tonight, isn't he?" Alex asked looking at John.
"Unless he's already on his way back," John glanced at his watch. "I don't know, Alex."
Alex sighed deeply, shaking her head. She felt beyond frustrated and knew so much was out of her control. She wanted equal time between Kayce and Monica when it came to Tate. But she didn't want to be punished for voicing her concerns and opinions on things because she was involved with this. Not directly, but she was certainly impacted by it. She couldn't live with Kayce in bliss every other week or so, that wasn't sustainable.
"Hey," John said, breaking Alex's thoughts.
He was on the phone.
"Where are you?" John asked.
Alex frowned, having a good guess as to who John was talking to.
"Yeah...I need you back tonight," John looked at Alex. "Got some things I need help with...yeah...alright...bye."
John looked at his phone and hung up.
"He's an hour out," John said to Alex.
"He's coming back because you asked him to," Alex frowned.
"No, he was already on the way," John shook his head. "Said that it was getting slick though and might have to pull off for the night...so I told him to come home."
"How'd he sound?" Alex asked.
"Like a kicked dog," John chuckled. "You'll figure it out, Alex."
He walked off and Alex sighed, walking over to sit down on the couch and wait for Kayce.
He arrived a little over an hour later, and Alex heard his boots stomp in. She looked over the couch as Kayce walked by, stopping when he saw her.
"Roads are bad," Kayce mumbled, walking inside the room. "Tomorrow will be a nightmare."
"Probably," Alex said softly. "How...how was Tate?"
"Fine," Kayce walked over and sat down on the coffee table in front of Alex.
Alex nodded slowly.
"Thought more about what you said to me this morning," Kayce said.
"And?" Alex asked, crossing her arms.
"You're right," Kayce nodded, looking at the floor. "I don't respect you in this situation...but Alex, I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to make everyone happy here with the circumstances we're in."
"Why are you concerned with everyone being happy?" Alex asked, feeling a little jealous with the thought of Kayce wanting Monica happy.
"Because I want to be happy, I need you to be happy...I need Tate to be happy, him above all of us," Kayce sighed. "And I need Monica to be happy because she dictates a hell of a lot in my life right now and will for a while."
Alex bit her lip.
"And I know you hate it," Kayce continued. "You hate her...you hate all this...and I'm sorry. But being with me means being with that. Dealing with my life means dealing with that."
"I feel like I've proven that, Kayce," Alex controlled her voice to be calm but direct. "Have I not proven to you that I want this?"
"But the last few weeks-" Kayce said.
"Are because I've fallen completely in love with you," Alex said. "So much that I don't ever want this to go away. I don't want this to work, I need this to work...I need to be with you."
Kayce's eyes softened.
"So, I'm dealing with it, this," Alex continued. "But, Kayce...you've got to give me a little inch here and there."
Kayce nodded his head slowly.
"What does that look like?" He asked. "Paint the picture for me."
"She..." Alex was nervous now. "She doesn't always get to be around us."
Kayce blinked back at Alex.
"When Tate's here...he's here," Alex said. "Not Monica."
"So you want me to turn her away?" Kayce asked, trying to follow.
"I want boundaries established so there's no need for that to begin with," Alex explained. "I want Monica to realize that...this place is different now. You're different now...it's not how it was and she can't act like how she did in the past."
"Boundaries?" Kayce raised an eyebrow.
"They're healthy," Alex nodded. "And can save relationships."
"Like ours?" Kayce asked.
Alex thought for a moment, looking at Kayce and how the fire danced behind his shoulders. She took a deep breath.
"The way it's working right now isn't sustainable to me," Alex told him. "And I'm trying here...I'm working on this, but I need some help from you. Unless it's not what you want."
"Did I say that?" Kayce asked sharply. "I've always wanted you."
"Kayce-"
"I have always wanted you," Kayce repeated, looking angry. "You don't think I don't want to slam the door in Monica's face? You don't think I don't want to tell her to fuck off? You think I like her fucking with my mind and me seeing my son?"
He was breathing hard now. Alex eyed him and let her shoulders sag.
"Kayce-" Alex tried again.
"I love you," Kayce said. "You."
Alex blinked fast a few times.
"But what if right now? That's all I can do for you?" Kayce asked with a deep frown.
Alex breathed in and out through her nose. She leaned back against the couch, farther away from Kayce.
"It's not all you can do for me," Alex said, looking at Kayce. "You can do more...but you're scared."
Kayce stared Alex down.
"I get the custody issue, Kayce, I really do," Alex nodded. "Monica could fight, but she could only get so far. They wouldn't keep you from your son."
"She could take all of him," Kayce said. "Think about my past, what I've done."
"Kayce-"
"I killed her brother," Kayce said. "You think they'd ever side with me if they knew that?"
"So you just give up?" Alex asked. "You're done? Condemned to...bow down to Monica until Tate's eighteen?"
Alex stood up and looked down at Kayce.
"You're stronger than that, Kayce," Alex shook her head. "The Kayce Dutton I know would never let someone dictate that about him and his son...you always have a plan, you always do that right thing...you're one of the bravest men I know."
Alex bent at her waist, bringing her hands up to hold the sides of Kayce's face.
"She's just got a bigger bark," Alex said. "But her bite is shit...has been since she was little...Monica is loud, but she doesn't have the strength to back it up. She might hold over you your past...but she's got a past too. She wasn't the innocent victim in your marriage to her...so stop letting her treat you like the villain in this story."
Kayce stood up, making Alex drop her hands. His arms wrapped around Alex's waist and sat low on her back. She rested her hands on his arms and looked up at his face.
"Okay," Kayce said.
"Okay?" Alex asked, making sure she heard him correctly.
"But when I feel like I'm failing..." Kayce said.
"You won't," Alex squeezed his arms. "I won't let you."
**
Alex worked closely to make sure she was able to patch up Teeter and Colby. They'd been trampled by an old friend...turned enemy...of John's.
"Fuck!" Teeter hissed.
"Sorry," Alex frowned. "I'm hurrying."
"Hurt's like a mother fucker," Teeter mumbled.
"I know," Alex finished her last stitch. "But the antiseptic will help it not get infected...river water is clean, but no telling what the grass and dirt could do to you. Also...who takes a bath in this freezing weather?"
"Ain't fucking freezing," Teeter turned her head and spit.
"Thanks," Colby sighed from his seat right next to Teeter.
Alex leaned up and pulled off her gloves.
"Don't get that wet for twenty-four hours," She told them.
"Yes, ma'am," Teeter nodded.
She and Colby stood up and made their way out of Alex's stall and to the bunkhouse. Alex finished putting up her things and headed out as well. As she was walking up to the lodge, Kayce's truck pulled up beside her. John was in the passenger's seat.
"Hey," Alex placed her hands on the window seal.
"I gotta go into town," Kayce told her.
"Okay?" Alex frowned.
"Means Monica is bringing Tate here," Kayce sighed. "But I won't be here."
"...okay," Alex glanced at John.
"You okay to get him from her and stay with Tate until we get back?" Kayce asked.
Alex paused for a second, collecting her thoughts.
"Sure," She said, and could clearly see Kayce relax some. "I can do that."
"Thank you," Kayce nodded. "Two hours tops."
"Be safe," Alex said.
"I will," Kayce pulled his truck in drive. "Love you."
Alex was caught slightly off guard. Sure, she and Kayce had told each other that so many times she'd lost count at this point. But they hadn't said it in front of others... especially John. Alex swallowed hard, her hands slipping from the truck.
"Love...you," She said softly and Kayce drove off.
She made her way up to the house and got inside quickly. If Monica was on her way, Alex only had a little less than an hour until she got here.
Alex went up into her bathroom and brushed her hair out, trying to make herself look slightly more like a woman. She reached for some mascara but stopped. Kayce had told her he loved her not ten minutes ago. Why was she reaching for makeup then?
Alex held up her hands and took a deep breath. It was quiet in the house as she pulled off her scrub shirt and walked into her closet. She pulled on a loose, lavender sweater...one of the only colorful ones she owned. It was just different enough that it would be noticeable. She heard a car pull up to the house and took another deep breath.
Alex watched Monica and Tate get out of the car and make their way to the porch. She opened the door and greeted Tate with a large smile.
"Hey," Alex said.
"Howdy, Lex!" Tate walked past her with his bag. "Dad said it's just us for now."
Alex giggled as Tate went up the stairs. She leaned her shoulder against the doorframe, ultimately blocking Monica from coming inside, but not seeming too rude about it. Crossing her arms, Alex looked at the other woman.
"Kayce's in town?" Monica asked.
"Had to run an errand with his father," Alex nodded.
"They're never errands," Monica sighed.
"Excuse me?" Alex asked.
"Errands?" Monica let out a humorless laugh. "When does John Dutton run errands? With his son?"
"I pick my battles, Monica," Alex shrugged, trying to seem as though she wasn't worried about Kayce being with John.
"When will he be back?" Monica asked.
"Later," Alex said.
"I could stay and help?" She looked over Alex's shoulder.
"I'm perfectly capable of watching Tate by myself, Monica," Alex kept her tone even. "I've done it before when Kayce's had to work."
"I'm sure," Monica sighed.
She kept standing there though and Alex couldn't figure out what the woman wanted.
"Well...have a safe drive back," Alex cleared her throat.
Monica stared at her for a few seconds.
"Something else?" Alex asked.
"You tell me," Monica said, putting her hands into her jacket pockets. "Waiting for you to tell me to fuck off."
"Only when you deserve it," Alex said.
Monica raised her eyebrow.
"I'm his mother, Alex," Monica shrugged. "I'm Kayce's ex-wife...I will always be involved with this family."
"Never said you wouldn't be," Alex shook her head. "But I do feel as though you enjoy making me uncomfortable."
"Well..." Monica gave her a small smile. "Don't you enjoy doing the same?"
"I don't," Alex shook her head. "I just want to...I'm tired of this uneasiness we have between us. I want boundaries, Monica. I want us to obviously co-exist when needed, but I want a life separate from you too. You're Kayce's ex-wife, not mine. You're Tate's mom, not mine. There hasn't been one thing I've done where I've impacted your life in any form...but you consistently impact mine and now...I know you've enjoyed it."
Monica's smile dropped.
"You don't think you impact my life?" She asked Alex.
"I know it's different with me," Alex took a breath. "But I haven't done anything to you."
"You're with my ex-husband," Monica pointed out.
"After you divorced," Alex nodded.
"We both know that's not true," Monica frowned. "Who knows how long this has really been going on...maybe you didn't sleep with him, but how long has there been something between you two?"
"Monica..." Alex sighed. "Why do you want to be around me and Kayce? I would think, if you hate me as much as you do, that you'd drop Tate off at the gate and I'd never see you."
"I don't know..." Monica surprised her by saying that. "Because I usually end up hating myself after I am around you and how we've...I've acted."
"I didn't end your marriage, Monica," Alex said gently.
"I know that," Monica sighed. "But it's easier to hate you than Kayce...because it's not even all his fault."
"I just wish we could all co-exist," Alex shrugged. "For Tate's sake if nothing else."
They were quiet for a moment.
"There's still a comfort there with Kayce," Monica said, and Alex felt a sting in her chest. "I know it will never be what it was, but that's just taken some time for me to adjust."
"I'm sure," Alex nodded. "I'm not trying to change your life overnight...but you being here all the time...it doesn't work for me."
"I've gathered," Monica smirked. "I'm sorry, Alex."
"Thank you," Alex nodded. "I don't know what this is supposed to look like, but maybe we can start drawing out a new view for all of us?"
"As in...a little less of me?" Monica smiled.
"Don't you want a little less of me?" Alex asked.
"Yeah," Monica nodded. "I'm sure Kayce's been a nervous wreck with you on this."
"You scare him, Monica," Alex said, feeling defensive. "This power you have over him terrifies him."
"Power?" Monica asked.
"That you'll take Tate," Alex said, fearing she was overstepping. "That you'll ruin his life...honestly, that's what impacted me the most, seeing him be scared to confront you."
"I wouldn't keep Tate from him," Monica said softly.
"Why doesn't he know that?" Alex asked.
Monica shook her head.
"Our marriage was...for the last three years, it was over," Monica sighed. "We both love our son, more than anything, and that's why we stayed and tried to make it work. But that's not why you stay in a marriage. You need more than that...but I won't lie and say I never used Tate against Kayce. But...if you can try to understand me...sometimes he was all I had. A lot of the time with Kayce, I was alone here. Tate was all I had."
"I can understand that," Alex nodded her head. "I was never married...but I understand the being alone here."
"Yeah," Monica sighed. "I'm sure you do."
Alex looked out at the land behind Monica for a few seconds.
"I need to get going," Monica said. "I know Kayce will drop Tate off here in a week."
"Yeah," Alex nodded.
"I won't come back here unless it's out of necessity, Alex," Monica turned and started to walk back to her car, glancing over her shoulder. "I owe you that."
"I appreciate that," Alex smiled. "I'll watch over Tate...he won't be alone here like we've been."
"Thank you," Monica said before getting into her car.