Twenty-five weeks after Lee's death.
Alex sat at the smaller table in the living room. She was helping Tate with the Lego set she had given him for Christmas. They were about halfway through it now and the African Safari set was slowly starting to come to life. She watched Tate carefully place one of the tents up on the tan Lego 'floor' of the desert.
"Not bad," Alex said with a smile.
"You wanna do the Jeep next?" Tate asked.
"How about you start, and I'll go get us something to drink?" Alex stood up.
She smiled as Tate flipped the pages over to where the Jeep started before walking into the kitchen. She started the hot chocolate in a saucepan over the stove. A few minutes later the backdoor opened up. Kayce walked inside, brushing snow off his shoulder.
"Hey," Alex said over her shoulder.
"Hi," Kayce pulled his coat off. "It's coming down out there."
"You could have stayed in with us," Alex said, stirring the drink mix in. "We're all nice and toasty."
Kayce wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the side of her neck. His nose was cold though, making Alex shiver in his arms. It was then though, she felt the tension in his arms, in his chest, and down his body. His breathing wasn't regular and it wasn't from the weather.
"What's wrong?" Alex asked quietly, even though Tate was in the other room.
"Monica is coming here to get Tate," Kayce sighed.
"Thought you were taking him back this evening?" Alex turned in his arms now.
"She called me while I was walking back here," Kayce said. "She's already in her way."
"It's snowing," Alex looked out. Like, honestly I thought it'd play in our favor and Tate could stay another night while the storm rolled on?"
"So did I," Kayce nodded.
"How much longer until-"
There was a knock at the front door. Alex frowned as Kayce stepped away from her, walking out of the kitchen. Alex looked at the stove before turning it off, the hot chocolate long forgotten now.
Alex heard Tate call out to his mom and figured the little boy had run up to her. She pushed tears down from coming up into the corners of her eyes. The back door opened again and this time John walked in, removing his hat and looking over at Alex. She knew her face must look back before John's expression turned into one of worry.
"Monica's here," Alex whispered and grabbed the pan, setting it in the sink.
"Hey, Grandpa!"
Tate had walked into the kitchen with Kayce and Monica following him. Alex felt her throat shrink as she made eye contact with Monica.
"Didn't know you were coming, Monica," John said, his tone even.
"Thought I'd be helpful with this one," Monica ran her hand down Tate's back. "But the snow is really coming down...we need to go now, buddy if we want to be safe."
"I ain't packed yet," Tate looked up at her.
"Oh," Monica looked at Kayce. "Well, I'm sure we'll be okay... let's get your stuff as quickly as we can."
"If it's too bad," Kayce's eyes glanced to Alex who quickly looked away from Kayce. "There's plenty of space...if you'd like to...stay?"
"I wouldn't want to be a burden," Monica told him.
Alex pressed her nails into the palms of her hands.
"I'll tell Gator we'll have an extra seat," John said to Monica.
"I appreciate it," Monica smiled at Kayce. "Thank you...I do have a change of clothes, just in case."
"Tate," John said. "Help your mother bring her stuff in."
"Yes sir," Tate followed Monica out.
John glanced at Kayce before leaving the room himself. It was as if the air in the room had been sucked out. Alex kept her focus on the edge of the kitchen island. It was sharp, and she figured if he pushed hard enough, she could crack Kayce's head on it.
"It's just a night," Kayce's voice was rough.
Alex looked at him with a deep frown.
"You know it ain't that simple," Alex said.
"It could be?" Kayce tried.
"This is not all on me," Alex bit back.
"No one's saying it is," Kayce shook his head. "It's one night...and the weather is shit. I don't want Tate out in that."
Oakley looked out the window at the snow piling up. Kayce may be right about that one point, but the smiling, the offering, the simple being was doing things to Alex's mind. She could feel a spiral right at the edge of her thoughts.
Alex looked back at Kayce. He was watching her closely. She sighed and moved to walk out of the room, passing by close to Kayce and whispering harshly.
"You didn't have to cave so quickly."
**
When Alex got downstairs, she saw she was the last one there. After leaving Kayce in the kitchen, Alex retired to lie down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. She counted her breaths and prayed her heart stay calm. But seeing Monica sitting next to Tate, who was next to Kayce, was like a knife slicing through her chest.
Beth and Rip were across from them, so Alex took the seat next to Rip, across from Monica, and stayed silent. She didn't say one word during the meal. Not that conversation was plentiful, but Alex barely touched her plate even though she didn't say anything. She received a few nudges from Rip, but after the third time when Alex kicked him under the table, he stopped.
"Mom, you have to see the Lego kit Alex and I are working on," Tate brought Alex back to attention. "It's so cool."
"What's it of?" Monica asked.
"A safari?" Tate smiled.
"How cool," Monica smiled back and then looked at Alex. "Thank you for watching him with that."
Alex raised her eyebrow. Monica wasn't sincere in her thanks, that much Alex could pick up. When she saw Beth also give Monica a strange look, Alex knew she wasn't reading into things wrong. A tense silence fell over the table. Monica was still looking at Alex and her smile was just a little too smug for Alex.
"Not the first time," Alex said, her voice sounding funny. "Tate and I do a lot of projects."
"That's kind of you," Monica nodded her head.
Alex took a deep breath. She didn't like how Monica was treating her as if she were a babysitter, or as if Tate was a chore for Alex.
"Said we're supposed to get another nine inches tonight," John spoke up.
Everyone looked at him except Alex. Her eyes were still on Monica.
"That's gonna be trouble on the roads tomorrow," Rip said.
"We might have to stay an extra day!" Tate looked up at Monica.
"Maybe so?" Monica winked at Tate.
Alex leaned back in her seat, done with the two bites she'd taken. She caught John's eye as she crossed her arms, refusing to look at Kayce. As soon as John cleared his throat, Alex was up and out of the room. Usually, she helped clear the table but not tonight.
She made her way back up to her bed and fell backward on it. Hot tears pooled in the corners of her eyes until they started to fall, wetting her hair.
It wasn't the thought of Monica. It wasn't the thought of Kayce having an ex-wife. It wasn't the thought of Tate having a mom. It was how Monica handed it. It was how Monica handled Alex. It was the old feeling of not being good enough that came from looking at Monica, especially when she sat in her old seat with the family.
The door creaked open and shut softly. Alex leaned her head up and saw Kayce walk slowly over to the bed, his hands in his pockets. Alex leaned her head back down.
"I don't wanna talk to you," Alex slowly released some air.
"Why's that?" Kayce asked bluntly.
"'Cause you already know," Alex bit her lip briefly. "But you don't care."
"I care," Kayce said.
"Don't lie to me," Alex sat up and glared at Kayce.
"What would you have me do, Lex?" Kayce asked her, throwing his hands up. "It's fucking snowing, the roads are shit...she's Tate's mom!"
"I know all of that," Alex argued.
"Then what is it?" Kayce asked her.
"It's how you treat me when you're trying to make sure you still please her" Alex cried.
"What?" Kayce dropped his hands.
"It's..." Alex shook her head. "It's how you treat me or how you allow her to treat me."
"Alex..." Kayce frowned.
"I'm always second to her," Alex said quietly. "I will always be second to her, won't I?"
"You're not second," Kayce argued.
"Yes I am," Alex nodded, standing up from the bed and facing Kayce. "She came here to get Tate because she knew she'd get to stay here...you let her, you then let her stay, she's then in her fucking chair at the family table and I'm sitting like I'm some pathetic guest!"
"Alex-"
"I was above her!" Alex snapped. "I was even above you!"
Kayce watched her behind cautious eyes. Alex was breathing hard now.
"I had your fucking seat at one time," Alex married her eyes. "She has no idea who I used to..."
Alex trailed off and ran her finger through her dark hair. Her eyes then found Kayce's again.
"I know who she is," Alex said slowly. "I don't need that lecture when it's pointed out to me every fucking week or two...but what I do need is you...giving me some God damn grace for once."
Kayce took a deep breath.
"You want to be with me, Kayce," Alex tapped her chest. "Me...so maybe, I don't know...maybe you could act like it for once in front of Monica?"
Alex then paused, waiting for Kayce to say something to her. The ring he had given her felt like it was on fire against her skin. The voices of Tate and Monica floated up to the room as they made their way upstairs.
Alex covered her face with one hand and turned around, so if someone looked inside they wouldn't see her face. She heard them pass by and thought it was over.
"Monica?" Kayce called out.
Alex snapped her head to look over at him. Both Monica and Tate appeared in the doorway. A string of profanities shot through Alex's mind.
"Tate, go wash up and put your pajamas on, buddy," Kayce said and the kid walked off.
Monica looked between Alex and Kayce as she stood there, her arms crossing.
"What's going on?" Monica asked.
Kayce looked over at Alex and she felt like another knife had been stuck through her chest. Kayce's eyes softened though as he looked back at Monica.
"I'm with her," Kayce said, his voice soft and low.
"What?" Monica asked as though she was confused.
Alex blinked fast as she looked at Kayce. He briefly glanced at her again before looking back at Monica.
"I'm with her," Kayce repeated. "Alex and I are together...we're..."
Alex felt her heart try and beat out of her chest.
"You have to respect that," Kayce said.
"Um..." Monica looked between them again. "I thought I did?"
"We all know that you don't," Kayce said. "But I'm going to need you to respect her...and respect us being together."
"Just because you two are..." Monica sighed. "It doesn't mean I don't get to be mindful of who is around my son."
"Tate adores Alex," Kayce argued. "And she's good with him...better than I deserve her to be that's for sure."
Monica's lip twitched.
"Monica-"
"Maybe this is my best, Kayce," Monica snapped. "Maybe this is as good as you deserve from me."
Monica's eyes flashed to Alex. She waited a few seconds before turning on her heel and heading down to Tate's room. Alex let out a shaky breath before stepping back and sitting down on the bed.
Kayce looked over at her. Alex pulled her hair over one of her shoulders and took a few deep breaths.
"Alex..." Kayce walked over and kneeled in front of her.
"Don't," Alex shook her head, her fingers twisting around her hair.
"I'm sorry," Kayce told her.
"I-I know," Alex sighed.
"Dad!" Tate called from down the hall. "Come read our book!"
"Go," Alex sniffed.
Kayce stood up, leaning down again to press a kiss to the top of Alex's head. She watched him walk out of the room and down to where Tate, and Monica, were waiting.
**
Alex was already under the covers when Kayce walked back in. He shut the door and made his way into the bathroom. Alex was on her side as she listened to Kayce get ready for the night. Her eyes were all dried up at this point as she stared at the wall. The lights turned off after a bit and she felt Kayce crawl into the bed.
He sighed out loud as he settled back against his pillows. Alex listened to him take a deep breath. It was quiet between them. Alex tucked her hands under her cheek as she shut her eyes.
"Alex?" Kayce asked in the darkness.
Alex opened her eyes, taking a second before she rolled onto her back and looked over at Kayce's silhouette.
"C'mere," He held his arm up.
"I'm tired, Kayce," Alex blinked.
"So am I," Kayce said. "C'mere."
Alex thought for a moment before she rolled over and landed next to him. Kayce's arm wrapped around her back and held her against him.
"M'sorry," Kayce pressed his lips to her forehead. "You matter...you ain't second to her, or anyone for that matter."
Alex scooted closer, tangling her ankles with Kayce's. Her cheek rested on his shoulder as she looked at his face.
"I don't want to rock the boat," Kayce sighed. "But I can now see that means I sometimes hurt you...and that's not fair to you."
"Seems like none of this is fair to any of us," Alex said.
"I see you going out of your way to make sure that everyone else is comfortable," Kayce said. "The least I could do is return the favor to you."
"It was nice to hear you asking her to respect me," Alex admitted.
Kayce leaned his cheek on top of Alex's head. A few seconds later a knock on their door sounded. They both sat up, but Kayce got out of bed and walked over to the door. Alex could see Monica when Kayce pulled the door open. She was whispering though, so Alex couldn't hear what was being said.
"Give me a minute," Kayce sighed and closed the door slightly, the light from the hallway coming through the room though.
Alex watched him walk over to the closet and pull out his boots. She pushed the sheets back from her legs.
"What's going on?" Alex asked.
"Branches are hitting against her window," Kayce sat down on the bed and pulled his boots on.
"What?" Alex asked, rubbing her eyes.
"Branches," Kayce stood up. "It'll take two minutes to pull them over so they ain't hitting the window...Tate mentioned it a few days ago but I didn't get to them."
Alex glanced at the time and before Kayce could reach for the door again she stood up.
"Wait," Alex walked over and yanked the door open.
Monica was waiting and stepped back when she saw Alex.
"Are you serious right now?" Alex snapped.
"Excuse me?" Monica asked.
"It's almost midnight," Alex said. "Can you not wait until morning? Or could you not have moved the branches yourself?"
"No I can't move them myself," Monica glared.
"He has to move them now?" Alex asked. "Right now, you had to come down here and ask him."
"Alex," Kayce said.
"No," Alex stepped in front of Kayce. "There's three other bedrooms up here you can sleep in...pick one of them, and for the rest of the night, please leave us the fuck alone."
Alex shut the door in Monica's face. She looked back at Kayce and narrowed her eyes.
"Feel better?" Kayce asked.
"That'd be easy for you, wouldn't it?" Alex asked as she walked past Kayce.
He reached out and grabbed her arm though, pulling her back against his chest. Alex struggled against him for a moment before giving up and turning her head to look at him.
"Breathe," Kayce told her.
"It's be easier with you suffocating me with her," Alex said.
"Okay," Kayce flipped Alex around fast, pulling her flush against his chest.
Kayce kissed her, deeply. His hand tangled in her hair as he tilted his head, his tongue pushing past her lips. Alex tried to push him off her once, but Kayce's hold was too tight. Alex ended up kissing him back, trying to match his needs.
Kayce walked her backwards until Alex felt the back of her knees hit the bed. She held onto Kayce's arms as she bit down on his bottom lip, tugging before letting go and looking up at him. They were breathing hard as they stared at each other.
Kayce reached low on Alex's hips and pushed her back on the bed, her knees still hanging off. Alex leaned up on her elbows as Kayce kneeled in front of her.
"What're you doing?" Alex asked in a harsh whisper.
Kayce paused.
"Oh? Now you're quiet?" Kayce asked with sarcasm lacing his tone.
He reached for her sleep shorts and tugged them down her legs.
"Kayce!" Alex said as she tried to close her legs.
Kayce stood up and leaned over Alex, forcing her to look up at him. His lips barely brushed hers as he spoke to her.
Let me respect you," Kayce's voice vibrated throughout Alex's body.
"There's..." Alex cleared her throat, her mind getting fuzzy. "They could...hear."
Kayce kissed Alex again, pulling her up the bed and both of them fell back onto the pillows. Kayce maneuvered his hips to rest between her legs.
"Let her fucking hear," Kayce's lips attached themselves to Alex's neck.