posted 4 chapters
"I should show this to mum," Zayn said after a while of staring at the black leather journal. He rubbed a thumb across his father's initials, imagining him doing the same motion.
Liam had sat quietly next to his werewolf, not wanting to disturb Zayn's thoughtful silence. The journal was full of notes in different types of ink, with even a few drawn images. Zayn had only flicked through the pages, but he wasn't able to properly look. Liam brought his mind back to him when he touched Zayn's lower back. "Let's go see your mum."
Liam got up first and held out hands for Zayn. Liam tried to pull him up the way Zayn would often pull him from the floor, but Zayn was just too big and heavy.
"Struggling?" Zayn smirked when Liam's socks slid on the wooden floor and Zayn didn't budge an inch.
"It's because you have a wolf inside of you. That's why you're so heavy," Liam grinned, giving up and letting Zayn climb to his feet by himself.
"No, it's because I'm now 6ft 6, and you're a little 5ft 5."
"You grew an inch?"
"I'm now breaching tall for a werewolf" Zayn said, ruffling Liam's hair.
"You don't call yourself tall already?" Liam asked, straining his neck to connect their eyes. "You're taller than everyone in the pack."
"For an Alpha, not exactly the tallest. But for a human I am really tall." He tilted his head. And you're pretty small." Zayn pinched Liam's round cheeks. "Which is so cute."
Liam always blushed when he did that. They looked like opposites but enjoyed those parts about each other. Sometimes reaching Zayn for kisses was awkward. Though Liam only had to tug on Zayn's hoody strings for him to know what Liam wanted.
Hugging someone so large made up for the struggle. Liam loved to be engulfed by Zayn's smell and warmth and strong arms, especially on cold nights.
"Do you think you'll grow more?" Liam asked as Zayn crouched to peck his lips.
"For our neck's sake, hopefully not."
"Maybe I'll grow instead." Liam grinned and Zayn poked his dimples.
"Hopefully not." Zayn looked him up and down.
"You like me short?" Liam asked, biting his bottom lip. He had missed flirting with Zayn. Being sad consumed his every action.
"I like you" This time, Zayn pressed their lips together for a few seconds longer, cherishing the feel of him. They intertwined their hands and walked happily together to the third floor. Zayn felt lighter in his head and in his heart. He hoped the diary would break his mother's emotional chains too. He knocked on his mother's bedroom door.
Solana was hesitant to answer.
"Not now. I'm busy" she yelled.
Zayn frowned. These days, his mother was never busy. "With what?"
"Just... not right now Zayn."
Zayn hummed lowly and grabbed the door handle. "Why?" He could hear noises, like she was rummaging through drawers. "What are you up to?!"
"Maybe we should give her some space," Liam said, trying to pry Zayn's hand from the handle.
"She's up to something" Zayn mumbled, tightening his grip. "Can I come in and ask about how the therapy session went?"
"..no."
Zayn narrowed his eyes. Only earlier, his mother had complained about the lack of inclusion. Now she was sending him away. "What are you doing?"
"Zayn-" Solana sighed. "Just leave me be, please."
Zayn almost took his hand from the handle, but something made him pause. Instead of walking away he entered her room with a stern frown.
"What are-" he saw her shoving clothes into a rucksack. "What the fuck are you doing?"
"I'm going to see Thea, you know, our other family members who you refuse to acknowledge"
Solana said, stopping when Zayn's frown turned into a disapproving one.
"What? I'm not being held a prisoner in this Packhouse any longer. I need time away from the memories Zayn."
"Were you just gonna sneak off?" he asked as Liam stood awkwardly by the doorway.
"Yes I was. I knew you'd react this way."
"Are you planning on walking? Rogues are out there and they're probably waiting for-"
"Stop this paranoia, Zayn. I ordered a government car to take me there." Solana quickly shoved the rest of her things into the bag and zipped it up.
"How long are you going?" Zayn asked, eyeing her small bag.
"Just a few nights. Maybe a week. It depends."
"Depends on what?"
"Whether I enjoy being away from your father's ghost." Solana stepped closer to her son and squeezed his shoulder.
"Everything reminds me of him. This room, the smells, you." She smiled softly. "I just need to go."
Liam hid Roden's journal behind his back. Now was not the time.
"Are you going to the northern Shadow Packhouse?" Zayn mumbled. He wanted to keep his mother where he could see her, but she was so miserable. He would be cruel to keep her where she didn't want to be. Even he couldn't deny that a change of scenery would be good for her. Zayn only worried about the journey in between. Solana nodded, so he asked, "Do they know you're coming?"
"Yes."
"Good."
"So, you'll let me go?"
"You'd go anyway."
"I would." Solana hugged him, and Zayn stood stiffly for a moment before hugging her back.
She felt much thinner than the last time they hugged.
"I love you" Solana said into his shoulder.
"What're you being all soppy for?" Liam chuckled from the doorway, and Solana
pulled away, rolling her eyes."Just say it back for once in your life."
Zayn eyed Liam who only grinned wider.
"Love you," he grumbled. He had been serious about changing.
Opening up was the first of many things he had to work on.
"Come on, walk me to the car, both of you." Solana ruffled Liam's hair on the way past.
Both Liam and Zayn exchanged odd glances before following her to the ground floor. As Solana greeted the driver by the front door, Liam whispered, "therapy must have really helped her find what she was looking for."
"She had one taster session."
"Yeah but I guess she needed to listen to someone who knew how to help. Maybe they discussed her visiting Thea for a few days to clear her head!"
"Maybe," Zayn said, putting his arm around Liam's shoulders.
As the boys glanced lovingly at each other, Solana looked to her son, cherishing his face, and the way he held Liam, and the way his lips hinted towards a smile. In that moment, she knew that as long as he had his mate, Zayn would always be okay. She had felt that way once.
Liam then waved to her, and she waved back before getting in the car.
"Text me when you're there," Zayn yelled.
"I will" She watched him for a few seconds longer before shutting the car door.
The driver adjusted his mirror and turned to look at her. "Where to?" he asked.
Solana then faced away from her son and Liam who watched from the entrance. She placed her rucksack by her feet, taking a slow breath. "To the nearest beach, please."
******
"It's been two hours. She should be at the Packhouse by now and she hasn't sent a text yet," Zayn said, stabbing his pen into his paper, glaring at Baela from the desk. She was helping him look through the yearly finances, but Zayn was rather distracted. He felt anxious for his mother, more so than usual.
"Call the Packhouse and ask because she might've just forgotten," Baela suggested. "You know how Thea can be. She's like a vulture when it comes to your mother. I'm worried her sympathy might be too overbearing."
Zayn rubbed his stubbly chin. "I'll call"
At first, nobody answered. Now irritated, Zayn phoned again. Someone picked up with a lazy greeting and Zayn did his best not to yell down the phone for his mother.
"Has Solana Malik arrived yet?" he barked.
"Yes."
There was a pause on the other end. "Uh... is this Zayn Malik?"
"Okay. Let me find out for you."
Zayn heard the phone being put down, then footsteps shuffling away.
Baela pulled her chair closer to the desk as Zayn put the phone on loudspeaker, so she could hear too. The other end was silent for a while until a familiar voice came through.
"Zayn? It's Louis, is everything okay?"
"Is my mum there yet?" Zayn asked in his usual monotone voice, though it was less blunt with his cousin.
"Oh, I didn't know she was coming. When did she set off?"
"Mum said she phoned ahead to tell you she was coming."
"She didn't. Hold on, let me ask Heroth." The phone went quite again and Zayn glared into the table.
"She has a few brothers, doesn't she?" Baela asked.
"Yeah. Heroth is Thea's oldest son, and next in line for Alpha. Now that the Shadow Pack have split between the north and south, I bet Heroth has taken over the northern pack while Thea's away." Zayn couldn't help but feel jealous at their freedom.
"I see," Baela said, resting her chin on her palm.
"I'm sure everything is fine. Maybe Solana went to the south pack instead?"
"No." Zayn didn't like the sound of that. He glared harder until Louis returned.
"Heroth says he's heard nothing from your mother for about a week. He was already on the phone to my mum when I asked him. Mum says Solana hasn't been in touch at all."
Silence twitched between everyone listening in on the call. Zayn's heart jolted painfully.
"She said she was visiting your Packhouse for a few days. She said she phoned ahead already," Zayn spoke
calmly.
Baela hated his serene voice when his dark eyes roared ferociously.
"When did she leave?" Louis asked. His
light-hearted voice was heavy with worry.
"A few hours ago."
Zayn then heard quiet muffling from Louis' end.
"Heroth asks if we should send out wolves to look for her? She might still be on her way."
"I would appreciate that." Zayn gripped the front of his hair. He should have sent an Omega to go with her. She didn't have her wolf, she was weaker than ever, and a little unstable. "Please let me know the moment you find her. If you don't find her, let me know too. I'll send wolves out to follow the roads. If we don't find her within the next hour, I'll call surrounding packs."
"Okay. Don't worry Zayn. She probably just said she phoned ahead, but really meant to do it in the car and forgot. We'll find her. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about."
Zayn wasn't so sure. He still felt a rupture deep in his gut that he shouldn't have let her go alone.
"We'll find her," Louis repeated when Zayn was silent. "Okay?"
Zayn didn't like the concern dimming Baela's green eyes either, but he couldn't yet think the worst. He was a very pessimistic person, but right now, he made the optimism shine through, hoping that there was nothing to worry about, and that his mother was just stuck in traffic.
Though the way she had hugged him and told Zayn that she loved him was strangely out of character.
"We need to find her," he whispered, not wanting to have shared a final glance with his parent without knowing it. Not again.