Title: Agent 007
Author: Youngforever_07
Reviewer: -sylver
▂▂▂▂▂▂▂
SYNOPSIS
𝘕𝘰𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗿. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢 𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧.
Jessica Kennedy, armed with a new identity, embarks on a mission to dismantle the criminal empire with a trusted partner in tow.
Jessica completes her mission successfully, but becomes enigmatic to her beloved, who reciprocates her feelings. She discloses her true identity and declares that her family has undertaken a task in collaboration with the family of her significant other.
Jessica has found happiness with her lover and child, but her tranquility ends with a revelation shaking her to the core. Someone she had never suspected has been manipulating the course of her life, and Jessica is now caught in a master plan not of her own making.
What is the mission Jessica meant?
What is her real identity?
Who is the master planner?
▂▂▂▂▂▂▂
1. TITLE
Review: Agent 007 is unique, I like it. Don't see too many titles similar to it. It references the story nicely and shines light to the main character as they're known as Agent 007 in their agency.
2. COVER
Review: The color palette for the cover is very pretty. It honestly reminds me of a movie cover. The only thing I'm not particularly fond of is the subtitles, kind of. It says "I'm not in danger, I'm the danger." What sets me off is that you capitalized the second danger I believe and it just looks weird. Other than that the cover is nice and visually pleasing. It fits the story's genre.
3. BLURB
Review: At the start of the summary you had my attention and then lost me with the second paragraph. The last sentence in the second paragraph is very thrown together. I'm wondering what "family" is being mentioned in the first part of the sentence when hers is dead as Ryan can't be her actual brother, especially since he seems to hold attraction towards Jessica... Mentioning a significant other is kind of revealing the plot of the story when at the beginning Jessica was curving Ryan because she thought it was inappropriate to have a relationship with him. The last part would be the reason why I wouldn't check the story out. It's like a movie trailer that shows the whole plot. In the beginning of the story Jessica doesn't have a child and then I read the blurb and see that she does and I'm just dumbfounded. Your blurb shouldn't over reveal plot details. It should introduce the main character, the setting, a mini portion of the plot and some of its stakes. You did the hook quite nicely but everything else could be touched up on so readers can get a sense of what the story's about overall.
4. PLOT
Review: Your story's very fast paced. I love fast paced stories but yours is fast in a way where I'd like it to slow down a bit.
First chapter already raised red flags for me. How do you date someone for two months and don't know their name? That should've been elaborated on slightly. The lack of imagery details makes the arrest of Arnold aka Sean Smith very sudden. Also you would think a serial killer would be smarter to not reveal his identity just because someone asks. Hannibal Lector would be ashamed of Sean Smith. Will Graham figured out Hannibal killed people and no one believed Will because there was no evidence that Hannibal was a killer. I'm sure the same could've been said for Sean Smith if he didn't voice confess.
I reread chapter two after reading all ten chapters and then I thought, how doesn't she know the faces of the other people she's trying to infiltrate? Every time someone is introduced it feels like she's also learning with the audience. Sean caved so fast in chapter three because of the promise of sex. It was weird. I just didn't expect him to be that daft and trusting especially since she's a secret agent. Feels like common sense she's lying.
Chapter four reveals a lot in the same chapter. First we got a recap of why Sean died. Then we have Ryan aka Agent 001 having to figure out what name Maverick will be using and what his pretend life is. Then it jumped to Jessica working in a restaurant. I thought Mia and her were casual friends outside of Jessica's job for a second. She meets "Mark" who instantly later reveals to her that he's Maverick just because she's a pretty face. And I know that there's plenty of people with the name Maverick but he later reveals to her that he's a gangster, and that they love each other. I feel like the relationship moved a little too fast. Also calling him Mark instead of Maverick everytime his dialogue shows up is slightly confusing as it's supposedly not his real name.
The concept of The Agency being corrupt is neat.
Jessica losing her job was slightly odd. No one would get fired for a customer sexually harassing them. You could get a huge lawsuit for firing someone because of that. The customers were in the wrong so the manager is an idiot. Maverick coming to get her after she loses her job/apartment is convenient. Would've been cool if she called Maverick. Would build more trust between the two characters. Show's Jessica is doing her job and relying on him, and Maverick is falling for her ruse.
It feels like you're trying to make Jessica's fake life her life before she joined the agency and it doesn't add up.
Ryan showing up trying to be her brother was so weird to me, and then it sounds like he's actually her brother and I'm like, "ew?" My reaction. Try to clarify her work at the agency, her fake life that she's trying to deceive Maverick with, and then her actual life before the agency. The life before the agency is what you seem to be blending with the life she's trying to deceive Maverick with.
5. CHARACTERS
Review: Jessica Kennedy isn't really giving me badass vibes. I can tell you want your character to come off that way but I don't feel it. Instead she seems confused about everything but that she wants to be involved. It's like if you took a random civilian off the street to go undercover for your organization. She doesn't seem like she knows what she's doing.
Ryan Scott seems like he'll be a problem in the future parts of the story. Because he likes Jessica I think he'll be jealous that she's actually in love with Maverick from what I can tell. Is Daniel Scott a brother to Ryan?
I think Sean Smith is dumb for a serial killer so his death seemed warranted.
Maverick doesn't appear to be a gangster. I'll give him props for being a leader as he does have some attributes. But so far his plot has been to simp for Jessica and then disappear and call that him "working".
I'm still not sure of Mia Williams purpose yet but I know she was kidnapped and Maverick's pretending Mia is his sister.
Alex Smith and Albus Martinez are clearly sidekicks to Maverick. They feel like they're only there to give Maverick a crew and that's it.
David Edward Robinson seems like a mysterious character that'll turn out to be a reckoning.
Because of the lack of details many of the characters named feel a bit thrown in there so the world doesn't seem so one dimensional.
6. ORGANIZATION/STRUCTURE
Review: Because you write in a script format, structure is very important to your story. Your setup is fine for the most part, including the placement and appearance of the character banners throughout the story. The organization is debatable as I think your story is very fast paced so events are kind of blurred through.
7. GRAMMAR/DESCRIPTION
Review: This also goes along with structure but I decided to mention it in the grammar section since it's also a grammar thing as well. I'm not a huge fan of ??? in placement of characters that are about to be introduced. It's odd that the dialogue appears before being like "here enters a new character" if you get what I mean. You should look at script references. Even though you write dialogue differently than a normal novel, the paragraphs introducing the plot leading up to the dialogue would remain the same. I'll use an example from my story since it's around the same genre.
Before:
Personally I didn't see the point in gaslighting myself or lying to God if I knew I wasn't actually on a path to finding redemption. It was deceitful, so watching my brother Emilio form a cross over his face and mumble something under his breath amused me.
"Is he hearing your prayers, Big Brother?" Maurizio asked, grinning at Emilio as he observed him with his blue eyes.
Emilio glanced over at our little brother with an annoyed expression, his lips forming into a frown. "That's what I'm hoping for."
Script:
Personally I didn't see the point in gaslighting myself or lying to God if I knew I wasn't actually on a path to finding redemption. It was deceitful, so watching my brother Emilio form a cross over his face and mumble something under his breath amused me.
Maurizio: Is he hearing your prayers, Big Brother?
Maurizio grinned at Emilio as he observed him with his blue eyes.
Emilio glanced over at our little brother with an annoyed expression, his lips forming into a frown.
Emilio: That's what I'm hoping for.
Remember to type out numbers sometimes. Like in chapter one you write 5 instead of five. You seem to know where to place punctuation, but don't seem to have edited your story before posting it as sometimes you've missed a simple thing like a coma. So I'd recommend just reading through your story and fixing the grammatical errors.
8. WRITING STYLE/FLOW
Review: Dialogue carries the majority of the story. It's missing basic descriptions to give readers a sense of character personality and looks. Your writing style seems to cater to teens as when I'm reading a lot of the characters act like teens more than adults. The flow is pretty fast paced you need to slow it down and explain the plot.
9. CREATIVITY/ORIGINALITY
Review: I used to read mafia and gangster stories a lot so your story isn't exactly something new to me. It is creative but I have read something similar.
10. PERSONAL ENJOYMENT
Review: Well speaking on my personal preference your story isn't my cup of tea. I'm not a huge fan of script format. I do like the genre you've written in but the fast pace makes the plot confusing and you lack necessary imagery detail so I'd suggest going back and adding some.