Cameron
I've been looking for the slip since I got home Wednesday night. I can't find any slip with Alpha's or Kiran's name on it. There are a lot, and I've gone through each one, only yo find nothing.
I told Kiki about the whole discovery thing. She was really excited. I think she's so excited because, in a way, she was right. She told me that I was in love with him. I was just too stubborn to accept it. She just left a while ago. She was helping me find the slip.
It's Friday night. Yeah. I know. I've been looking for a damn slip since Wednesday, and I've come out with nothing. In all this, I'm so scared that I might be too late. Maybe Alpha has moved on. He still is not answering my calls or texts. I don't know what to do.
I sent him two texts telling him that I really need to talk to him, but he doesn't seem to care because he still won't pick up or send a text. I don't know what to do.
I sit on the floor staring at the papers and slips lying around everywhere. This place is a mess. I was going to go over to Alpha's place as soon as I found his address, but I've not gotten it.
On Sunday that they came to church for the first time, and dad told me while we were driving to church. This means dad must know his mum one-on-one. If the slip is not here. Forget about the slip. Dad must know where they live.
I quickly gathered all the papers and arranged them all back where I took them out. I rushed out of the study and to the parlour where I saw him last.
"Dad!"
"Yes, Cameron." Oh good, he's there.
"I have a question." I sit on the couch with him.
"I'm all ears."
"You know Kiran and her son?"
I start slowly.
"Yes."
"The Sunday they attended our service for the first time, you told me about their arrival before the service."
"Yes."
"So, you know them? One-on-one?"
"No, honey."
"No?" My smile wears away.
"But then, how did you know they were coming?"
"Your mother told me."
Mum.
"Really?"
"Yup."
"Do you think mum knows them one-on-one?"
"I think she does." My smile returns.
"Why are you so interested in them?"
"They're nice people."
I try to hide my blush.
"Cameron?"
"Yes, Daddy." I whine.
"Is this about her son. What's his name?"
"Alpha."
"Yes. Is it about him?"
I look at my dad to try and decipher his reaction. He looks calm.
"Maybe." I just say.
"Be careful, honey." He smiles.
"That's all?"
I'm shocked to the core. It took forever before my dad agreed to Laroi and I dating.
"You're a smart girl, right?" He looks at me with stern eyes.
"I am." I give him a matching glance.
"Good."
He returns to the TV.
"I like that young man." He speaks quietly.
"Good."
I walk up the stairs to find mum. I need to know if she knows Alpha and his mum personally.
That's the only miracle I can see now.
She's not in the study.
She's not in the laundry.
She's not in her room.
I even checked my room. She's not there.
Olivia's room!
I finally got her there.
Entering the room, she's sitting on the bed. I can hear little sniffles coming from her.
Is mum crying?
I walk closer to her.
She is.
She doesn't even notice my presence. She's clutching unto Olivia's teddy bear and crying her eyes out.
I wonder how I didn't hear her since.
"Mum?"
She quickly cleans her tears, trying to hide them from me.
"Yes, honey."
"Mum?"
"Mum, are you OK?"
"Why are you crying?"
I'm trying to understand why my mum would sit here in Olivia's room crying.
Mum starts crying again. She won't answer me. She won't say anything.
Her tears become stronger, and the sounds louder.
Panick sweeps over me.
Is Olivia alright?
"Is Olivia fine?"
Her eyes lift up to mine.
"Mum! Say something."
I shout at her.
Why isn't she saying anything?
I'm so scared.
She still doesn't answer me. I run downstairs.
"Dad!"
"What is it, Cameron?"
"It's mum."
"What's wrong with her?"
"She's crying in Olivia's room, and she won't tell me why."
I and my dad rushed up to Olivia's room. Mum is still crying when we enter the room.
"Honey? What's wrong?"
My dad reaches towards her and sits on the bed next to her. I stoop down and rest my hands on her laps.
Mum manages to stop crying after my dad calms her down.
"What's wrong, Cilia?"
"It's.....it's Olivia."
My heart starts pounding.
God, please let her be OK.
"What's wrong with Olivia?" Dad pushes her.
"She's......" Mum bursts into tears again.
I'm crying now, and I don't even know why. I'm so scared.
I can't stop envisioning horrible things.
"Cilia. Say something." Dad is equally panicked now.
"Olivia is dead."
The room goes quiet. I can only hear my mother's tears and the loud ring in my ears.
Dad is staring into space while rocking my mum.
The tears fall from my eyes. Her words can't be true. Mum is joking. She's playing a prank on me.
Why would Liv die?
Why would she leave me?
I saw her this week. She was happy. We went for ice cream. She can't be dead.
"Mum?"
I kneel and raise my hands to her face.
"What are you saying?"
Mum just stares at me with sadness in her eyes.
"Don't look at me like that." I scream.
"Who told you that Olivia is......?" I can't complete that sentence.
Mum cleans her tears and looks at my dad. He's crying now as well.
"I was in our room when my phone rang. It was Paris. She was crying when I answered the call. She....she....told me that Liv......just died."
Her tears start falling again.
"What did Paris say?" Dad asks her.
"She said they went out to get coffee. On their way back, they were crossing the road. Paris went first because Olivia went back to get biscuits. When Olivia was crossing the road, a car drove into her and sped away."
My heart stops. It literally stops. My entire body is shaking with pain.
Liv is dead. The tears pour heavily. How can my elder sister be dead?
Mum and dad are crying as well. Mum clutches tightly to Liv's bear. She's holding unto it so tightly like if she let's it go, Olivia will really be gone.
My dad looks at me. His glassy eyes are void and filled with sorrow. I can't comfort my parents.
I can't do this. I clutch at my chest. The pain I'm feeling is going to kill me.
The room is spinning. It feels like the room is closing in on me.
I can't breathe anymore. My lungs are caving in. My head is spinning. I'm immediately so dizzy, and I can feel the immense pain weighing me down.
I stand up from my kneeling position, almost falling because of how dizzy I feel.
"Cameron." My dad stretches his hand to me. He's waiting for me to take it, and come to them. Mum looks up.
I can't do this.
I run out of the room, down the stairs and out the doors.
I can hear my dad calling out to me, but I don't stop.
All I want to do is run. So, I run.
I keep running and running. The tears are blinding my eyes. I can't see properly.
I run into someone. "I'm sorry."
It's an old woman. She sees my tears and becomes worried.
"Are you OK, dear?" I run from her too.
I can't deal with anyone now. I can't deal with the words that are hunting me.
Olivia's face is stuck to my mind. Her beautiful and happy eyes. The last smile she gave to me on Wednesday. Her last hug.
My sister is gone.
My elder sister is gone.
Liv is dead.
Olivia left me.
Why did she do this? She didn't allow me to tell her how much I love her.
I didn't appreciate her enough. I just started opening up to her.
I stopped running. I look around. I don't know where I am.
I can't escape it anymore. I can't escape the pain. It's crawling on me.
I'm suffocating. I can't feel my legs. My lungs have still forgotten how to work.
The pain is so immense that I scream. I try to scream it all out.
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why?"
It's not working. This pain is stabbing me. It's eating away at me.
"Why did you leave me?"
"You can't do this."
"Why would you go?"
I'm angry all of a sudden. I don't control things, but He does. My blood is boiling.
"Why did you let this happen?"
I scream at the sky.
"You're supposed to be all-knowing. All powerful."
"So, what happened? Didn't you see the car?"
"Why didn't you save her?"
"Why?"
The anger vanishes, and the pain resurfaces again.
"Tell me, why?"
"Please, don't do this to me."
I fall to the ground and address Him again.
"She's my only sister. She's my world."
My heart is fading away. I grasp at my chest again.
"Don't take my world from me. I won't survive."
"Fuck."
Wherever I am. It starts spinning again. I'm hearing her laugh, her voice. The last silly argument she and Paris had in my presence popped back in my head.
I can't handle all this.
I ran away from that place as well, away from her voice, her laugh. I run away from Olivia.
I run and run. I don't even know where I'm going.
My aim is to run far away. So far that she won't be able to find me.
I don't want the truth. I don't need the truth. I can't handle the truth.
I don't know where I'm running to. I just keep going.
After what feels like an eternity. I stop hearing her voice.
I stop running and bend to catch my breath. I wipe the tears from my face.
Where am I?
I look around to try and find out where I am. I look across the road.
Shit!
I ran to Olivia's school. I can feel the pain creeping in again.
My last night with her comes into view. The pain increases.
I want to run again, but I remember Paris. She lost her best friend.
Crossing the road after contemplating for about five minutes, I walk into the school.
I head over to the dorms. As soon as I see their dorm room, my feet stop moving.
I can't move. My legs are glued to the ground. I can feel my tears at the verge of pouring.
Breathe.
One step at a time. One foot and then the other.
I knock on the door. I half wish that Liv would open the door.
My wish doesn't come true when the door opens and Paris' face comes into view.
Her eyes are already swollen from crying. "I'm sorry. I couldn't save her." Those are her words to me.
My tears fall at her words. She cries too. She pulls me in for a hug.
I didn't know I needed one up until now. We just stand there in that same position with the door open crying.
"I'm sorry, Cam. I couldn't do anything."
"It's not your fault, Paris."
"I watched her die. I just stood there."
I can't console her. She was closer to Olivia than anyone.
Paris is the most affected. She watched the person she loves the most die.
"Paris, do you think Liv would want you to blame yourself?" I ask her.
"Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. There's no way you would have known."
She just keeps crying. I cry to. I cry into her, clutching her for life.
After some time, I let her go and clean my tears again.
"I want to see her." I let out.
"Without your parents?"
I nod.
"Are you sure? Maybe you should wait for them."
"Please, Paris." I fold my hands and beg her.
"I really want to see her."
"Ohk."
We leave the dorm room. When we get to the parking lot, Paris wants to climb in her car.
"Can we walk?" I don't know why, but I'm suddenly scared of cars and the road.
"Of course."
She closes the door and locks the car. We both walk silently staring ahead.
"Do you remember the first time you came over?"
I speak up.
Paris lets out a small laugh.
"I do."
"I didn't want to talk to you."
"She forced you to. She held you by the ears and dragged you to her room."
A small, sad laugh escapes from my lips. If not for her stubborn nature, I wouldn't be close to Paris.
"Do you remember our prom?" It's Paris' turn to speak.
A little smile plays on my lips.
"She was so bent on wearing trousers to prom." I answer Paris.
"She and mum would always fight when the topic of a dress came up." Paris says.
We both laugh a little as we continue talking about moments spent with Liv while we walk to the hospital.
We both site the hospital at the same time and our smiles disappear.
"You don't have to do this alone. Wait for your parents."
"But, I'm not alone. You're here."
We walk ahead and step into the hospital. I hate hospitals. The atmosphere is always tense, sad and depressed.
Paris asks the receptionist for the direction of the mortuary. She tells her who we're here to see, and then she fills a form.
The receptionist gives us the directions we need and we walk to the mortuary.
With every step, my heart rate increases. The air in my lungs sipping away. We come face to face with the doors of the mortuary.
My feet stop moving. Paris stops as well. I just stare at the doors. This is it. Whatever I see behind these doors is the truth.
"Are you sure, Cameron?"
I nod in response. Paris holds my hand and gives it a little squeeze. We walk through the doors together.
It's a bland and plain room. There are little windows at the sides and an air conditioner. The room is really cold.
They're are beds with bodies on them covered at almost every angle.
Why the hell did I come here alone?
I look around me and realise that Paris is still there. I take a deep breath and keep walking.
They're are name tags at the foot of each bed. I'm walking past each one silently, praying that I don't see Olivia's name.
My prayers are not answered.
I come face to face with a bed that has her name stamped on it. The tears spring up again.
How do they know just when to arrive?
Paris grips me by the shoulder. I've come this far. I have to finish what I started.
I move to the head of the bed where I can see the face of whoever is beneath the covers.
As my hands reach to take off the covers, my eyes are honestly closed. My fingers are shaking, and I'm so cold.
I take off the sheets, but I can't see anything.
Oh yeah, my eyes are closed.
Slowly, I open my eyes. My entire body is shaking from the cold in this room and the fear in my heart.
It's Olivia.
I stare down at the lovely face of my sister. The life and colour in her skin are already fading away. She has a sweet smile on her face. Her eyes are closed, hands clasped together on her stomach. She looks peaceful.
I can hear Paris sob by my side. My tears that were once at the bank of spilling have gone missing.
I don't know why, but for some strange reason, I can't cry anymore. It's like my tears have run out. There's no more left.
I bend over and place a kiss on Liv's cheek for the last time.
"I love you!" I say in her ears as if she can hear me.
I pull the sheets over her again and take Paris away from the mortuary. I guess I got what I wanted.
I saw her.
In the halls of the hospital, I and Paris just sit there. My mind wanders every where. Literally. Paris has stopped crying, she's just staring into space.
"Paris?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you OK?"
"What do you think?"
I don't expect her to be OK. She has been Olivia's best friend for as long as I can remember. They've never been apart.
"Brat?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you OK?"
"What do you think?"
We go silent again.
I pull out my phone and turn it on. I didn't realise that it was off. I have a million missed calls from mum and dad.
I dial my dad's number. He will be in a better condition to talk to.
"Cameron, are you OK?" He enquiries at the first ring.
"Yeah."
"Where are you?"
"I'm at the hospital."
"Why did you go alone, honey?" His tone is broken.
"I wanted to see her. I couldn't wait, and I wasn't alone. I went with Paris."
"We're on our way. Please, don't go anywhere." He practically begs me.
I know that my parents are going through hell. They just lost their first daughter. I won't be a burden to them.
"I won't." I end the call and slip my phone back in my pocket.
An hour doesn't go by when I see my mum and dad walking up to me. I stand on my feet as they practically run to me once they lay eyes on me.
My mum throws her hands around me and hugs me tight. My heart breaks, but like I said before, I can't cry anymore. I don't want to feel anything again.
Mum cries into my hair and my dad presses his hand to her back. He gives me a reassuring smile, and mouths the question, "are you OK?", to me. I just nod and place my hand on my mum.
"It's enough, mum. Please, stop crying." I stroke her hair.
Obviously, she doesn't listen. She keeps crying.
"Mum." I pull out of her grip and wipe her tears with my fingers. "You have to be strong for me. Please." I beg her. "I can't stand your tears, and Olivia wouldn't want you to cry like this either. She never liked it when you cried."
It's true, even when we were kids, Olivia would hurt when she saw mum cry.
Mum obeys me and stops crying. She goes over to Paris and gives her a hug.
"How are you, darling?" She asks Paris.
"I'm trying to hold on." Paris says. "How are you?" She asks my mum.
"I'm holding on, honey."
"You both have seen her, right?" My dad speaks up.
"We have." I tell him.
"Honey, do you want to see her?" My dad turns to her.
"Yes, please." She smiles at my dad. I can see her tears, but she's making sure they don't spill.
Mum and dad walk to the mortuary. I go back to my seat, while Paris goes to the restroom.
Paris returns looking better. She washed her face and tied her hair again.
In a little while, my parents return. They sign some papers and pay the bills of the mortuary and walk up to us.
"Are you ready to go?"
I look at the path that leads to the mortuary. A void is in my chest.
"I am." I rise from the seat. "Let's go, Paris." I give her my hand. She looks in the direction of the mortuary as well and takes my hand with a small smile.
We all walk to the car in total silence. I hear mum sniff from time to time, but she's not crying anymore.
When it's time to enter the car, I turn back to the doors of the hospital. It's like I'm waiting for her to run through them.
I stand there waiting, but she doesn't come. Is she really gone?
"Cameron?" I hear my dad's voice from the side. "Are you OK?" I don't like this question anymore.
I give him a smile. I'm about to enter the car, but I can't. A ride in a car suddenly doesn't sound good to me.
"What's wrong, honey?" Mum asks this time.
"Nothing." I won't tell them about this new fear.
I take the deepest breath I can and enter the car.
We drive away from the hospital leaving Olivia behind.
The ride is haunting and terrifying. There is not a single sound in the car.
Every minute of this ride is torture. My breathing increases, and I feel like the car is closing in on me.
I rest my head back and close my eyes tight, and try to control my breathing.
I feel a hand on mine. I open my eyes to see Paris' hand on mine, and see her looking at me.
"You'll be fine. Everything will be fine." She says to me with a loving and compassionate smile.
I give her a nod and a little smile of my own. I rest my head again and close my eyes as my mind drifts back to Olivia, and the peaceful smile she had on her face.