i was trying to be as quiet and slow as i could. it's 4am and i'm getting ready so i can head to the building around 5am. there's a long day ahead of me, i have to get these girls ready for a runway show. in which i will not be attending because i'm that tired.
i'll get them ready, take their pictures and then leave. whatever happens at the runway will be whatever, it's like a modeling competition. some ANTM type shit.
all i know is i'm being paid hella good to have them ready for their shows. then i'm paid extra when i have to take their photos for the whole thing.
"baby."
fuck. i huffed turning around to see bey awake, so i smiled small. the last thing i wanted was to wake her up while i was leaving. she already doesn't like me leaving this early as is. it's only because she's been on this week break so she's home alone.
"hey mama. goodmorning."
"are you getting ready to leave?"
"yea. yea i gotta go."
"can i come with you? please?" she sat up quickly and i kind of cringed. ummm. i wouldn't mind but she definitely would. especially because this is a day that my team will be in.
tae, khalil, lauren. i needed them today for the runway. if i won't be attending then someone has to. but she just might not be bothered. she's been chilling lately and i love it.
"i don't know-"
"i'll stay in the office if i have to."
"no. no you don't have to. come on baby." i waved her to the bathroom. she got out the bed happily following me inside. i understand that her being here isn't fair especially cause she'll be completely alone. like not a kid.
we got inside the shower washing all that sex off from last night. well just her juices and fluids that were released on me. i didn't let her do anything to me.
when we had sex earlier that day i had to show her what she missed. put it on her in the best way. it was enough for me, i don't want her to start fucking me to sleep just yet. need a little more time.
so last night we had sex again and i just put her to sleep. made sure she was fine/okay.
"are you sore?"
"i mean....im a bit sensitive...swollen. but i'm fine."
"swollen?" i looked horrified. her vagina is swollen? i'm not sure that's the word she meant.
"yes onika. when you have someone pounding you, or sucking on you, you tend to swell." she spoke bored and i nodded. okay. well i knew that but there's plenty of ways your...area can be swollen so...i just wanted to be sure. make sure nothing was seriously wrong.
we bathed our bodies for some time before getting out. i didn't wanna goooo. all i wanna do is go to sleep for gods sake. i got dressed alongside bey before we left.
bey was asleep the whole way i went to get breakfast and to the building. she jumped up once i came to a complete stop in the parking lot. i chuckled because she scared the shit out of me. she's such a mother jumping up like that. that's how you know she stresses herself.
i handed her the bag of breakfast so i could get my other things out the trunk. then we went inside. before eating i started to set up with a bit of beys help. she kind of knew what she was doing from all these years. it'll shock me if she didn't.
thankfully i had about an hour left until the girls were too show up. so i used that time to eat with bey in my office. she was in my chair and i got on the floor with my food. it was kind of comfortable the way i was slumped against the wall.
"so what's gonna happen today?"
"i get them ready for the runway and take their shots before they leave. i'm sending my team with them. at first i was supposed to go and take shots but i'm tired, i wanna go home early."
"you could see if kam is down."
that's a good suggestion. i'm sure she wouldn't mind if she was free. but that's heavy on the if. college started back for them and they've had classes on top of work. kam actually works with michelle.
"i'll see for you. but you need an assistant or something onika."
i shrugged. they've been saying that forever. assistants just make jobs harder honestly. because you have to make sure you're doing it right along with them doing it right. stressful when you can do it right from the beginning.
"lyric has been trying to be your assistant. you know the modeling world is what she really wants. she's just been waiting for one of us to give her that boost. no one's gonna just take her being that we're her parents."
of course they wouldn't, i made sure of that. those people are not about to break my baby's dream. i very much rather her come under with me and build from there. can't even say follow bey because she has her own people ahead of her. they be crushing her soul, shit.
my baby is fragile and sensitive. they'll try to take advantage of her. then i'll be getting into it with rich white men over my child's feelings. and i'll be pointed as the angry black woman.
as always.
"i'll see. i just didn't want her to come in too early without experiencing the world first. like she has a really good job, i don't want her to drop that for this. she's in this relationship and they're working on moving out. you know how world stop this industry is. it takes preparation. a lot of it."
"and i think she's ready onika." bey spoke softly. i slightly rolled my eyes. no one's ever ready until they make it here. "she's seen us her whole life nearly, i don't think there's anything she could've possibly missed."
"when she comes to me and we speak about being ready herself, then we'll talk."
"she's not gonna do that. we know what her dream is so us as her parents, she expects us to be on hip with her. she's not a regular person out here begging to be in your face onika. she's our child."
"so you want me to baby her and treat her how she won't be treated once she's let from under my wing? bullshit beyoncé, i'm not gonna brainwash my baby like that. because then when she's out there and realizing that we're the ones blinded her, she'll be beyond upset."
i know lyric just as much as bey knows her. she doesn't like being treated differently. if and when she comes into this world she'll wanna be prepared truthfully. i'm sure she can already see how things go from being around for the little time she is. she's not dumb. she'll know if i'm sugarcoating shit for her.
"i'm not saying to brainwash her."
"so when lyric is ready, she'll come. i'm not pushing her more than she shows she wanna be pushed. she still has a whole life ahead of her. this modeling shit isn't going anywhere for us. it'll be here later just as it is now." i got off the floor and left the office.
there were girls now coming in, removing themselves from their comfortable clothing. i spoke my goodmorning before heading to the dressing room. surprised me to see khalil inside.
"hey. when did you get here?"
"oh i've been here for some time. i saw you and the wifey come in, i was sitting in the parking lot. i've got a lot of the pieces put together. see?" he stepped to the side allowing me to see. i nodded in approval. we discussed a lot of looks over video and i'm happy to see them coming together in person.
"that's amazing khalil i really appreciate you for this last minute."
"it's no problem. anything for the queen."
i chuckled patting his shoulder before leaving him to it. more and more people were piling in now. tae, lauren and a bunch more team members. like set cleaners and stuff.
"lauren you can get the girls started with makeup and then tae can get hair situated. when they're done with you guys send them to khalil. we need a flow so this can get done and i can go home."
"got it."
they walked off quick and i started with the cameras. fixing the set lighting while everyone else moved around doing their jobs. now i will say hiring someone for these sets would be amazing. but once again....who can do it the way i want without stressing me out?
"i can do the set." bey came over as i was on the ladder. she tapped my leg making me come down and watch her go up. "i saw the pictures so i know what to do."
"are you sure-"
"onika you have to trust people. you'll never find someone to help when you don't trust that they can do it the way you can."
"alright. go ahead." i walked away to see how everything else was going. lauren and tae had a good flow going so i went to check with khalil. those who hair and makeup were done stood in there getting their outfits put on. "everything good?"
"yep. first girl should be out soon."
i nodded going back to the set. bey was still working on lighting so i sat behind my camera and waited. just as the first girl came, bey had finished. she stepped down the ladder looking at her work before throwing thumbs up at me. i chuckled giving her the same back.
"thank you mama."
"no problem. told you i could do it."
"you did." i looked through the camera lenses. it actually looked great, im proud of that. getting up to fix it is the last thing i wanted to do.
"can i go help with clothes? with khalil."
"do what you want but if he doesn't want help then don't push it."
"ok." she walked off leaving me to it. i started with the first girl, getting her head shots before full body shots. i'm not sure this girl is gonna continue. she's just not strong enough. everything she does looks hesitant as if she doesn't know what she's feeling or doing.
i hate when girls do that to themselves. she has the beauty, everything else but not the right application in front the camera. and i can't even too much help her.
as i was moving on to the next girl, the studio door opened. in walked the people ahead of this whole thing. i didn't think i would really see them. at least not while in the middle of taking photos.
"hi."
"hey." i glanced over before going back to the girl in front of me. she gave face but too much fucking face. when they get up here and start doing the absolute most....jesus. just let it come naturally.
"everything looks to be going fine. we have some recording to do if that's okay with you. just of the process happening before the show."
"yea. yea that's fine. i just ask that you go nowhere in the back, i have family here." basically i don't need my office on camera. beyoncé is in dressing with khalil, if they go in there she'll be on camera. but i'm sure she'll remove herself when noticed.
"ok. and where is the dressing room?"
"first door on the right. we have some inside now."
"thank you." they walked away with their camera guys and i sighed. only three more days and this will be over with. for me at least. they'll be going to another location.
i was paid really well for two weeks. sold a couple pieces in the midst of it all.
"ok you can go." i grabbed the camera looking through the pictures. my head wanted to shake so bad but i don't need anyone catching that and they know she did bad.
so i just clicked away, getting the next girl started.
"i didn't think this would take all day." bey whispered to me in my office. the runway isn't until later tonight so getting these girls ready and their pictures was taking some time.
my baby is ready to go home.
"i'm almost finished mama, i'm just talking to the directors about how this recording would go inside of my building."
"ok. i'm not rushing but i am tired."
"alright." i pecked her lips before leaving her inside. watching the girls grab their bags to head out made me mentally cheer. directors talking about setting up inside of here so they can capture most moments of the girls getting ready. just for the last few days.
i don't mind, but i know i won't be dressing up for this shit. being on camera doesn't make me excited. they'll see me however i come.
"so we have rights to record correct?"
"yes."
"great. we have our restrictions down, no office, nowhere near the back with storage. is there a reason?"
"that only i need to know." it's just my work. hella unfinished pieces that i thought to scrap but didn't wanna get rid of it completely.
"alright. we'll see you bright and early tomorrow ms.maraj."
i nodded watching them leave before skipping to my office to get bey. she lit up at my smile grabbing her things, trash, and shoes. swear she ordered food like four times. from all different places.
"here. eat this." she held up something but i shook my head. i don't even know what that is. "eat it tanya, i'm not playin."
"why i gotta eat something out your hands?" i mugged grabbing her hand to push it down. she smacked her lips putting the food back in the bag before mushing it against me.
"eat it onika. you've been working all day and haven't eaten."
"alright mama, imma eat when we leave. that was the plan i promise you." i grabbed the bag and my personal bag too before we left out. she typed away on her phone as i headed home. "can you cook something for me?"
"like what?"
"whatever you want. or whatever the kids want. i don't mind. as long as i eat so you don't kill me." i chuckled. she'll for sure try to kill me for not eating if i don't die of starvation first.
"yea i'll cook you something. you deserve it." she reached over rubbing my neck. damn right i deserve it. got her love struck, she'll be trying to make me breakfast, lunch and dinner. my appetite isn't even strong like that anymore.
"i wanna smoke first and then i'll eat."
"well i'll get to cooking so by time you're finished you can have a plate. don't smoke too much baby."
"i'm not."
i do need a high though. at least so i can chill quick. work mode makes it hard to get comfortable in your own home. especially when there's a lot on my mind when it comes to work.
i'm never not having anything to think about.
"you know it's getting cold out."
"mmhmm. really fucking cold."
"i wanna take a family trip."
"to where?" i scrunched my face some. we've never been on a whole family trip. mainly because we don't have time for that. literally ever.
"somewhere hot. warm at least. i wanna get the kids and the family out to enjoy being around each other. you can get your mom and dad. kelly has been having a lot of time on her hands. only person we'll have to get is chelle."
i nodded listening to her. a trip would be nice. im leaving this to her though, she can do all the planning she wants. all i need to do is go and give her my card when she asks for it.
"so i can do it?"
"you can do what you want love."
"ok but talk to me about it. i want your brains too."
"just make sure everyone is down. make sure kam doesn't have any assignments with chelle, lyric can take off, chelle is free. yaknow, be sure baby."
"yea i planned on getting everyone to sit down and discuss schedules so i can know the start day and end day."
"that's smart." i mumbled while pulling into the garage. she got out helping me grab my things and went inside. hearing the kids kind of gave me some excitement. who would've known i would crave the sound of my children's voices?
"mommyyy!" kyri came screaming, running on his tippy toes. oh they got my baby in a playful mode today. i chuckled as he hit my legs with a smile. lyric must've taken his braids down because this head is messy. "me miss you mommy."
"i missed my booger too." i kept walking through the house, sitting things on the island. my hands were full. i picked kyri up and he rested his head in my shoulder.
"we just had him playing ma, now he's about stop messing with us." lyric came to me with a straight face. i apologized because i didn't mean to. shit, he came to me. "come here kyri. let's let mommy cool down from work." she took him and he thankfully went with no issue.
i heard his giggles again then heavy footsteps so i knew they were running around. bey gave me a look but i shook my head. she better not go into mother mode on them, they're only having fun.
they probably just got home from school and work, having kid time. lyric and kam will pick the little two up from school or after school things depending on the time they go.
no telling how long their days have been. they deserve some play time although they're the oldest. those are always the ones to play more.
plus i wanna smoke so having children around me wouldn't be best. i pulled the stuff out my purse starting to roll up on the counter. bey got to cooking.
she would rub me or kiss me in between. i know she doesn't like the smell of weed but the fact that she's cooking took the smell away.
"i'm about to go smoke outside."
"don't be long. i want your presence."
"i gotchu baby." i stepped out the back door and got comfortable in one of the chairs.
i'm about to smoke this whole blunt.