It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply. Like the prickling blades of grass digging into the soft skin on Cloud's back or the pungent, charry, smell of ash that lingers in the air.
He gradually opens his eyes, finding himself waking in the woods, staring up at a dull, empty, sky. All alone, feeling wet and sticky.
Thrusting himself into the sitting position, he peers down at his bare torso, finding the scarlet culprit clinging to his bruised knuckles and sprayed across his muddy chest.
Only afterwards does he notice the dead carcass sitting just a few paces away from him. The deer, or at least the head of what formerly resembled a deer, lays motionless on the uneven ground, seemingly left discarded after its hind legs were gruesomely removed with only part of its liver and intestines remaining.
It stares back at Cloud with its glazed over eyes, the only semblance of life remaining being the tiny parasites swimming around in its eye like fish in a tank.
"Again?" he mutters, scrambling onto his bare feet after hearing the sounds of the forest, almost slipping because of how numb his legs feel.
The revolting smell of rotting meat makes Cloud heave, the feeling only intensifying as he spots the other wild animals laying dead on the ground, deliberately placed to surround where he had once been sleeping so peacefully only moments ago.
It's been a few months since the last time something like this had happened and seemingly all attempts to rid his memory of the smell of death have failed as it has burnt itself into the inner hairs of his nostrils so that each encounter feels worse.
Cloud limps away from the charred patch of exposed earth, wincing with each painful step as he climbs the nearest bank to gather his surroundings.
Although he can't feel the cold, he is partly grateful that he still has on his boxer shorts, even if they are covered in a thick cake of mud and grime, sticking to him like a heavy layer of extra skin.
It only takes a few seconds for him to figure out the way home, surprised to find himself so close this time. These episodes of missing time usually send him much deeper into the woods. Closer to where it happened.
He sighs, grumbling the very first words that come to mind to quieten those thoughts. "Great."
Cloud saunters his way to the nearest dirt path his parents spent weeks setting up, trekking through the woods on their off hours of their already busy lives.
The alternative would be spending their time mending the tiny cuts on the soles of his feet which had always proven difficult with Cloud being the patient.
The sky becomes progressively brighter by the time the residence made of wood and glass comes into view and Cloud places the time at anywhere between four to five in the morning, having always hated summers in Everwood for their terribly long days and increasingly short nights.
It's an entirely different ball game in the winter months however. The sun hardly exists at that time, reminding him yearly why he never audibly complains about not being able to sleep with sunlight bursting into his room from the windows opposite his bed.
Cloud sneaks in from through the sliding glass doors, finding the door left slightly ajar from when he escaped in the night. It must have been left open the entire time he was gone as there is a chill that holds around ankle level like an invisible smog.
Not wanting to wake his parents, Cloud sneakily tiptoes into the downstairs shower that was indeed installed for situations just like this, but even his lightest step adds to the blueprint of his movements by leaving a trail of muddy feet through the house.
He waits for the water to heat up, watching the muddy puddle forming at his feet slowly trickle into the drain.
He steps into the jetstream of water, unflinching as the scolding water pelts down onto his shoulders, not even when the room has already steamed up and his skin itches from the heat.
He grabs a towel and skips up to his room, throwing on a blinding white shirt and a fresh pair of shorts before going back to clean up the mess that he made.
Only when he goes downstairs again, still drying his damp head of chestnut curls with the same towel, does he realise that Mr and Mrs Jefferson are already awake.
"Crap..."
Amy Jefferson stops crouching on the ground, feverishly pulling the yellow rubber gloves off her hands and pushing her wavy brunette hair behind her ears.
She sighs, squeezing her lips together as she watches him avoid eye contact, her own eyes glossing over. "Oh Cloud."
"I'm fine, all limbs intact." Cloud murmurs, throwing his towel over his shoulder before shaking each of his limbs.
Jonathan Jefferson lumbers around the kitchen isle like a rugged giant, favouring his left side because of the slight limp in his right leg.
"Sit." he commands, his husky voice sounding uncharacteristically soft as he nods his head to the side, directing Cloud towards the handmade wooden table. "You should eat."
Cloud rolls his eyes but doesn't bother arguing, pulling out a chair and dropping into it, missing the knowing look between his adoptive parents.
Jonathan scoops up a bowl of freshly made oats and carries it to the table, placing it in front of Cloud before rocking back in the seat opposite him.
"What was it this time?" Jonathan inquiries, his low, gravelly, voice hushing the light chirpings of the morning birds as well as the rattling of Cloud's spoon clanking against his bowl.
"Deer, Crows, scorch marks...the usual." Cloud mutters, pinching his ear as he rests his elbow on the table.
Jonathan soothes his wife, gently rubbing his rough hand over hers when Amy places her hand over his shoulder. "What else?"
Cloud struggles to swallow his next spoonful, having hoped that they wouldn't have been able to see through him so easily.
"And a Bear."
The almost simultaneous shuffling of the Jefferson's reminds Cloud of why he always hates the mornings after the blackouts.
They're pretty good at masking their feelings from him but after eighteen years together he can just tell by their tense postures that they're worried.
"I'll call Doctor Fitzgerald after work, see if I can get you started on those stronger meds we talked about." Amy struts towards the stove to hide her face, looking around for things to busy herself with. "Your father has a shift at the fire station, so I'll drop you off at school on my way to work."
"I can just take my bike, there's no-"
"-Honey, we've talked about this!"
Cloud casts his green eyes away from his mother, locking eyes with Jonathan who appears just as unwilling to agree to letting him ride his bike to school like he used to.
"Can't blame me for trying." he sighs into his bowl, swallowing another spoonful that gets stuck in his throat.
"It's only been a few months." Mr. Jefferson offers, catching Amy's eye as he turns in his seat. "We can talk about this again after the summer."
"But until then you'll...Cloud?" Mrs. Jefferson frowns, noticing something off with Cloud as he scratches at his throat. "Jon, I think something's wrong!"
Mr. Jefferson turns around just quick enough to catch Cloud rush to the sink and choke up a plume of inky black feathers, blood and large chunks of undigested meat.
Cloud wipes his mouth with his arm, peering into the sink with watery eyes, his abs aching from violently contracting with each heave.
"Yeah, that can't be good."
A sharp knocking on the sliding door almost makes the family leap out of their skin as an unexpected face reveals herself to them.
"Hey C.J."
"Freya?" Cloud utters softly, fluttering his long eyelashes as he gets over the initial shock of seeing her standing there after being missing for god knows how long. "You need to leave."
"I... I can't..."
Before she can say another word Helel's heavy footsteps race down the stairs, followed by the appearance of Hunter who manages to come up behind Freya in a blink of an eye.
Helel grumbles as soon as his bare feet touch the ground floor and he uncovers the situation. "I thought I told you to stay away?"
The Lightbringer pulls her eyes away from Cloud to stare off against Helel who doesn't appear too enthused to see her again.
There's a tension in the air between these two specifically that Cloud has yet to uncover a reason for. Helel tries to convince him it's ancient history but from where he's standing, it doesn't appear to be.
"I had a vision," she says sternly, her attitude changing once she turns her attention back onto her younger brother. "A message really."
Jonathan crosses his arms, the frown lines on his forehead deepening, never having been one to take too kindly to threats. "What sort of message?"
"She says...she says she's coming for the Source." Freya replies, her eyes twitching as if actively delivering the words of someone else off her tongue. "She has marked you, Chaos Walker!"
"Who is she?" Cloud asks, simultaneously wanting to know and fearing the answer all together as he glances over at the black feather's splattered against the bottom of the kitchen sink.
"Not who, but what." Helel utters, biting down on his tongue as he realises how much more permanent his stay in the Everwood forest has just become.
She who walks in gold, and dresses in night, locked for all time beyond the stars.
My opposite.
The Destroyer.
She is...returning...