Word count:1560 words
TW, MENTION OF SELF HARM AND THERAPY. BE CAREFUL INCASE IT TRIGGERS YOU XX
Monday 5th January, 2007. 9:36 am
Julietta's POV
It's my first therapy session today. I'm petrified. Why the fuck does mum think that because I didn't tell her, I'll want to tell a stranger about my self harm.
Tried my level best to beg mum not to go, that didn't work. Pretended to be ill, didn't work. I even hid in my wardrobe for 10 minutes hoping that mum would forget yet she didn't. When I refused to move from my wardrobe, she called for Jamie. Her literal words were "If you don't come out of the wardrobe right now, I'll get your brother to drag you out". I don't ever think my mum has that harsh. I probably deserved it though.
Knowing that my behaviour was childish, I still refused to move and Jamie had to drag me from out the wardrobe whilst I tried to kick at him. That probably wasn't my proudest moment but we will all go to outrageous lengths to skip what we really don't want to do. Well who knows if that counts for everyone but it certainly counts for me.
I'm now sat in the back of my mums car, next to Jamie whilst my mum is driving. I considered undoing my seatbelt and getting out the car then running as far as possible from my mum and Jamie but we started moving before I had the chance to do that and I didn't fancy getting out of a moving vehicle.
"You alright Jules, you look worried" my mum pipes up. Yeah funny that mum. I'm scared shitless because you're forcing me to talk to a stranger about my problems but aside from that yeah I'm happy as Larry.
Seriously. I wonder what goes through her head.
Several minutes later, we pull up outside an ominous grey building. Jamie and mum open their doors and get out the car. I stay sat where I am.
I'm not going. I refuse. I'm not budging. Nothing can make me.
"Julietta get out the car" mum asks, frustrated. I don't move.
"Jules just get out the car" I still don't move.
Jamie opens my car door, annoyed, grabs my arm and pulls me out. He then lets go of me and I bolt for the other side of the carpark. Before I even get two meters away from my family, two hands grab my arm and yank me backwards. It was Jamie.
I walk/get dragged to the entrance of the grey building. It smells funny. It smells clean. Too clean. I hate it already.
Mum goes to talk to the lady at the front desk whilst Jamie takes me what I'm guessing if the waiting area.
"Take a deep breath Jules" He instructed me and I follow said instructions. I bounce my leg and accidentally hit it on the table in front of us.
It's a small table. It's barely big enough to hold the pile of ten or so magazines which rest upon it.
I take a look at an NME magazine as it said on the front cover that there was "An exclusive interview with the arctic monkeys inside on page 4". I flick to page four and begin reading.
There's a picture of the band and to which I then show it to Jamie and say "That's a mugshot of you".
"Shut up" he replies.
Taking a look at the magazines on the table helped a little. It's taken my mind off of the fact that my mum is forcing me to be here.
The leather chairs in which we are sat on are a horrible colour: they're a sort of sand colour which doesn't go well with the dusty lilac walls.
I feel as if I'm being too judgemental on this place. I don't want to be here so I'm slagging off every bad thing I can find about it. Is that a bit harsh? In truth, yes it probably is. But that doesn't mean I am going to stop what I'm doing.
Just as I was about mentally judge the weird colour scheme of the curtains, a woman calls my name.
"Julietta Cook?"
Fuck.
I stay sat in my seat, pretending that I'm not Julietta cook. However, this plan backfires and Jamie pulls me up from my weird coloured leather chair and begins pulling me in the direction the voice came from.
There's a pretty small woman stood next to my mum. She looks no older than 35 and is wearing a white blouse which is paired with black trousers.
"You must be Julietta?" She says, knowing full well that I am indeed Julietta. "Would you like to follow me?" No I fucking wouldn't but I know she means 'You will follow me'.
"We're gonna be outside Jules, Okay?" Jamie says, trying to reassure me a little.
I follow the small lady down a corridor then into a square room with a desk which has a chair either side of it.
"My names Lisa" she says happily. I don't say anything.
"Take a seat" She motions towards the chair. I sit, having still not said anything.
"How are you today" she smiles.
"Fine" I reply nonchalantly even though I'm panicking internally.
"So, I'm here to speak to you about your mental health, Julietta. Your mental health is an important thing to look after. Sometimes, people end up in a bad mental place which to lead to anxiety, depression, things like that okay?"
"Mhmm" she's talking to me like I'm a little child.
"And from what I've been told, you've self harmed a few times, is that correct?"
"Mhmm"
"Well, I'm guessing that you don't want to talk about self harm right now, correct?"
"Yeah" I say, surprised. I thought she was going to force me to talk about it much like how my mum forced me to be here.
"Well, I'm going to start this session with a positive. We might occasionally speak about self harm but its not going to be too overwhelming or stressful for you okay?"
"Okay" I say, relaxing slightly. Maybe this Lisa lady isn't as bad as I thought she was.
"So, Julietta, do you have anybody you trust?"
"Yeah" I reply, a bit scared as to where this question is going.
"Do you feel comfortable naming any of them?"
"Umm well, there's Katie who's my best friend, my brother Jamie. Uh who else? Oh there's Alex too, he lives across the street from me. He's really nice to me.
"Okay," she makes note of something, "You said Alex is really nice to you, is there any way you could expand on that?"
"Well he lets me try to write songs on his guitars, he lets me come over if I need too. He let me have a nap in his bed a few weeks ago. I don't know really, he's just a kind person. He wouldn't hurt a fly. He often asks if I'm okay, which is nice I guess. I don't know really. He's just so sweet and-" I get cut off.
"Okay. What about your best friend, Katie?"
"Oh yeah umm she lets me come round when I need to. She lets me borrow some of her books.
Before I know it, an hour has gone by and my first therapy session was finished. I head outside, back to the waiting area to see Jamie on his phone and mum reading one of those magazines.
"Jules. How was it?" Mum asks me.
"It was fine."
"That's good" Jamie smiles and hands me my coat as we begin walking back to the car.
I can't stop thinking about what I said about Alex. It was all true. If I hadn't had been cut off, then I could have said one hundred more words about how kind he is. He's just one of the sweetest people ever, so caring and kind. Aside from my brother, he's probably the kindest boy I've ever met. I don't even know if Jamie counts because he's my brother so he has to be nice to me. And if Jamie doesn't count, then that makes Alex the nicest boy I've ever met.
It's his birthday tomorrow and out of all the presents he's going to receive, mine's the best. I guarantee it.
I've bought him this gold chain that he's been wanting for ages but his parents wouldn't buy because it was too expensive. I just worked a few extra shifts so I could get the money to pay for it.
A gold chain honestly is an underwhelming gift but it's the thought that counts I guess. I mean he's been talking about it every chance he gets. He really wants it. So I bought it for him. I also got him some other little bits and pieces.
His party is tomorrow too. Jamie, Matt, Nick, Miles, Katie and I are going. I'm really excited to give him the present so I can see the look on his face when I give him the thing he's been wanting the most for ages.
SORRY ITS BEEN A WHILE. HOW ARE YOU ML? SORRY IF THERES ANY MISTAKES, IM RLLY TIRED. NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE OUT SOON. HAVE ANGOOD DAY/ NIGHT XX