Ohm was on his lunch break when he saw pictures and fancams of the Feel Fan Fun Camping Concert. Of course Twitter was flooded with comments regarding how a busy Nanon was still able to attend his Phis' event and have fun while his supposed great friend was at the hospital. Fans even recorded a video of P'Arm and P'Namtan dancing the Love Score choreography in their seats with the singer.
Ohm dismissed the malicious comments online and just felt relieved to see that his boyfriend still found some time to unwind. He knew Nanon needed that, and he couldn't help wishing he was there with him. That was the same venue where the OhmNanon1stFM took place, and a wave of nostalgia ran through him as he recalled the life changing hours Nanon and him shared together on that stage. The fact that Nanon was in that very venue again, this time as part of the audience, sitting next to P'Aof, and other Phis enjoying the same song Pat sang to Pran on episode 8 of BBS made his heart ache. He missed his boyfriend like crazy, and he envied those Phis who could hang out with him indiscriminately.
They hadn't seen each other for just a few days, but those days already felt like decades for Ohm. Since he couldn't be with his boyfriend as often as he wanted to, he tried to at least comfort his heart with the sound of his lover's voice. Therefore, he took advantage of the last few minutes of his lunch break to call his boyfriend.
"You haven't been picking up my calls lately. I know you're busy, and all, but, can you come see me?"
"Ohm, you're filming till late these days, and so do I. I don't wanna distract you from your work. Plus, I'm a bit far from where you are right now."
"Do you want me to beg?"
"What's wrong with you? As far as I know, I'm the clingy one." Nanon snorted. He missed his voice too. He missed his man like he had never missed anyone in his life. He couldn't help smiling when he saw his lover's name lightning up the screen of his phone seconds earlier. He was glad Ohm called, even though he forced himself not to call him.
"You see? I'm already acting out of character because of you. This detached behaviour of yours is pretty unusual! Or perhaps...Were you trying to get my attention all this time you've been hanging out with all your pals from GMMTV? Are you trying to make me jealous, babe?"
"No chance. My world doesn't revolve around Ohm Pawat, you know? Besides, I have a life outside work, and whenever I can, I try to live a little. You should try it sometime too." Nanon replied cheekily, he was low-key pleased to hear the desperation in his lover's voice. Apparently, distance did make Ohm's heart grow fonder. If that was even possible.
"Come on, Non. I can't stand being away from you any longer. Where are you? Maybe I can escape from the shooting for an hour or two and pick you up. We could go somewhere private and-"
"Is that an invitation for a quickie? Forget it. You can't possibly meet me right now without disrupting your whole schedule of the day. I'm at Rajamangala National Stadium." Nanon confessed, hoping to not let his anxiety show. He was clearly avoiding his boyfriend the best he could, and Ohm was going to notice that if he wasn't careful enough. Although he struggled to say all the right things, Nanon knew his boyfriend would flip now.
"Wait a minute, are you at Octopop Fest? Non, what the hell? You're not even at work, and you're ditching me for a concert? And I bet you're not alone there. I'm actually offended right now." Ohm complained unreasonably.
"Don't be like that, Ohm! It's not just a random concert, and you know it. It happens once a year! And it's been a while since I've seen all my favorite bands play. I've gotta support P'Bright, P'Mew and P'Beep too. Our Phis are performing this evening and I can't miss their shows."
"No shit. Tell me the truth. Are you avoiding me on purpose?"
"I would never do that to you, Ohm." Nanon was shocked. How did his lover guess that? Was he being too obvious? "Look, the thing is, I also have to do some research, you know? Just like an actor who's getting ready to incorporate a new character, I must observe and absorb. I need to get in touch with this whole musical environment to bring forth the Nanon singer who's been quite dormant within me lately. I have the Thai Japan Iconic Festival this month, Cat expo 9 in November, and Big Mountain Music Festival in December. They are 3 big music festivals, with big stages, and huge crowds. I've never handled such a thing by myself before, and you won't be there to support me. It will be only me under the spotlights, and I can't disappoint my audience. Yes, I am at Octopop to have some fun, but I'm also here to learn from our other Phis by watching them perform. The truth is, I'm doing my best to focus solely on music right now, because I cannot allow myself to fuck up in front of hundreds of people, especially when most of them are my fans...Look, I've been in the studio for too long and I've been practicing nonstop, but being on a festival, is not the same thing. P'Bright can give me some tips, and-"
"Stop right there. You're overexplaining. Now I'm worried, Nanon. Chimon told me you're not sleeping again. Care to tell me what's really wrong with you?"
The singer swallowed, and became apprehensive now. Ohm was not easily deceived, and apparently, Chimon was not fully convinced that he was okay either. That's exactly what he feared. Those two could infallibly see through him. He needed to find a better excuse to convince his lover that he wasn't withholding.
"Alright. Insomnia comes and goes, okay? It's not a novelty. You are aware of that. At least my back is not giving me grief these days, so that's a win. Work has been overwhelming though. I'm stressed because I have to keep balancing the presence of the singer Nanon, and the actor Nanon more than usual. The filming of UMG series hasn't wrapped up yet, but we still have these stupid products to promote all the time. It's one event after the other, and being one of the top GMM'S 'salesman' gets fucking tiring at some point. I'm sure you can relate. And gosh! I haven't had a break during this whole year, and I can't believe we still have 2 fan meetings in different countries before 2022 is over. We've gotta learn how to sing in Korean, then in Mandarin...I know things are gonna get worse next year. There's Singapore, Philippines, Vietnam, Hong Kong, Japan again, and probably some other fan meetings in God knows where. I get antsy because I worry about not being good enough for our fans. I need a goddamn vacation, and so do you. But then again, we might not get vacations at the same time, and that sucks. I miss you too, yet, I'm too exhausted to even admit that to you." Nanon said at once and took a deep breath, hoping to have covered all the possible reasons that could make him feel unwell, without bringing up the Mark Pakin issue .
"Bullshit. You're overexplaining again. This is not about the amount of events you have to attend. You're a pro, and you don't whine about stuff like that. You've always handled thousands of works at the same time. You love Fan Meetings. You even told me we should have more of them, in bigger venues, in other countries, even outside Asia. Being busy keeps you going. You yourself told me that an hectic schedule is the result of a good work. Everybody in this industry knows that. You're not an amateur. Don't lie to me. This is more personal, isn't it? What is it, Nanon? Still having problems at home? Is this about Nonnie?"
Nanon sighed exasperated. Was Ohm able to read his fucking mind now? When did that shit start happening?
"Okay...My sister is regularly visiting 'You Know Who' at the hospital. Mom already knows about her brief involvement with him, and she's just not giving her a hard time because Nonnie is already pretty down in the dumps. I'm concerned about my baby sister, you know? And I've been staying home with her as much as I can. I'm not avoiding you, I'm just trying to give my sister all the support and attention she needs now." The singer's answer was pretty short this time, and he knew that strategy would do the trick.
"Geez, Non..I'm really sorry to hear that she's in a bad place. Look, if there's anything I can do-"
Ohm was interrupted abruptly. Nanon heard through the phone someone telling the older actor that his break was over, and that P'Fon needed him for the next scene.
"Ohm, we can talk about it later. Just go back to work. I promise I'll be okay."
"Damn it, I wish I could make you feel better somehow. Are you sure-"
"Listen, P'Win is calling me. P'Bright's soundcheck is starting. I have to hang up now. Forget about me, and focus on your role. This concert might lift my spirits a little, so don't worry."
"Promise me you will call if things with your sister get worse. I do feel bad for her. I'm partially responsible for her emotional state, considering that if it wasn't for me, the guy she likes wouldn't-"
"Don't say that. She isn't blaming you for the accident, no one is. She's just depressed because the person she loved never really existed, and the guy who's withering on a hospital is just a shadow of the man she thought he was. Don't stress yourself over that. She just needs time to grieve her broken heart. She will be fine after a while. I'll make sure she gets better. See you on the 24th, okay?"
"Okay, then. But keep me updated, alright? Call me when you can. I'll text you later if you don't call. I've gotta go now."
"Yeah, I know. Work hard."
"I'll do my best. See you, babe."
"Humm...I love you." Nanon said softly, hating himself for lying. But what could he do when Nonnie, P'Aof, and even his own mother wanted him to see Mark? No one was saying anything to him, but he knew that whenever he happened to enter the GMMTV building and ran into Drake, Jimmy, Prom, Love or any other actor who worked on BBS, they were also wondered why he was ignoring his 'friend's accident. He needed to go there just once, and he needed to do it soon.
"I love you more." Ohm said tenderly and hung up the phone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bright Vachirawit was certainly one of those Phis who was often seen having the time of his life with Nanon. Besides being a Monday Knights' member, Bright and Nanon seemed to share an intense passion for being on a stage performing in front of hundreds of people. Music was definitely their thing. So Ohm wasn't surprised when, later that day, he watched a few fancams of the duo vibing to the sound of some random band among a group of GMM's artists who attended the Octopop festival. The 'party boy' Nanon, was the nickname some fans called that enthusiastic version of his boyfriend. The party boy Nanon was always dancing, smiling, and energetically singing out loud while headbanging nonstop. Ohm was acquainted with that version of his boyfriend too. That Nanon hyped everything that moved around him. That same Nanon could be found at GMMTV's after parties, singing along every single melody that played through loudspeakers, and he never failed to take over the dance floor. Karaoke machines also happened to drive him wild, and whoever tagged along with him on that musical journey, should be prepared to sing their hearts out all night long.
Nanon had his 'party boy' phase once in a while, and it never bothered Ohm, but he couldn't help feeling a little apprehensive when he kept reading some comments online of people criticizing the singer for having too much fun while his supposed good friend was in a hospital bed. At first, he didn't think those comments could be a big deal, since there were only a few dozen of them on social media, but now they seemed to have doubled in numbers. Ohm believed that if Nanon was aware of those comments, he would probably dismiss them, since he never paid any heed to what people discussed on social media about him. But Ohm did, and probably their manager would have to find a way to shut those people up. After all, Nanon had an image to maintain. P'Kwang could suggest they go and see Mark, and deep down, he knew that visit was inevitable. Ohm even thought about inviting Nanon to visit Mark at the hospital with him just to keep the appearances, but at the same time, he hated the idea of subjecting his lover to that repulsive experience, so he never mentioned such a thing to the singer, and decided to stick to their 'pretend-Pakin-is-dead agreement'.
The couple didn't have much time to talk on the phone, and when they did, they usually talked about their daily schedules, without getting too much into dense subjects. Nanon informed him that Nonnie was doing better, and Ohm felt a bit more relieved. During that busy week, the lovers tried to meet up a couple of times, but all of those attempts failed, since when one of them happened to be free, the other was busy, and vice versa. Of course Nanon himself did make a few of those attempts unsuccessful on purpose, but Ohm was still unaware of that.
The Thai Japan Iconic Music Festival 2022 was an event Ohm wished he didn't have to watch through the lens of strangers' cameras. He was dying to see his lover charm festival goers with his own eyes. But all he could do was stalk every fan account on social media to get a glimpse of his beloved's performance. His eyes watered as he saw Nanon shine and successfully enrapture his audience like a pro. When the fireworks went off during his performance and Nanon spread his arms as if to embrace the loving fans who screamed his name, held signs and sticks with his name, and some even had shirts with his name, Ohm felt like the proudest boyfriend in the world. It was a monumental scene to behold. As the notes of a melody was sung by hundreds, and the lights on the stage danced around him, the singer seemed to hold the power of the sun, providing warmth and brightness to those orbiting around him. Nanon glowed, as his lips descended on that microphone.
Seeing his boyfriend taking the stage of a festival as a solo singer was something he didn't want to miss, but he had no choice since he was still filming a TV series. Although Nanon had told Ohm not to feel bad about not being there, Ohm still felt like he should be there. He even sent his little brother in his place to represent the Chittsawangdee family, and Thai was glad to accomplish that mission. Nanon was practically a member of the family, and the youngster happened to like his songs a lot. Ohm had made his little brother listen to all of them nonstop, and Thai had almost learned all the singer's lyrics by heart. Thai promised Ohm that he would keep an eye on his 'wife' in his absence, but he also informed the actor that he didn't have to ask him to be at any of Nanon's concerts in the future, since he was already a fan of the singer. Thai assured Ohm that he would be at any venue his brother-in-law was requested to play, and he would send him some 'souvenirs' from each concert.
Thai made his own 'souvenirs', which happened to be up close fancams of the singer's performance, and he sent all of them to Ohm. The latter couldn't help envying his brother's free time. Thai had captured brilliant moments at the festival, especially one in which Nanon's eyes sparkled with a restless passion, and a stunning smile adorned his face as he felt the adoration of his fans. And what a spectacle of a smile! It had delight written all over it. Ohm could tell that blinding smile of pure joy was also one of accomplishment and freedom. Nanon was always happy whenever he was able to do things the way he liked freely. And music allowed him to express himself in ways that acting couldn't. He was great at both arts, and most of the time Nanon himself didn't know which one he liked best, but the way he walked the stage as if it was his own habitat, made Ohm think that perhaps, music made Nanon more cheerful and fulfilled. His boyfriend was born to be an artist anyways. There was nothing he couldn't do if he put his mind to it. Ohm never felt like he had to keep up with him, or compete with him. They had already agreed to grow together, but sometimes, Ohm wondered if his lover would be okay with him even if he wasn't able to mature as fast as him. He wondered if he would be enough, in case their growth became too disproportionate, and their ambitions led them to different paths.
Ohm couldn't avoid those thoughts as he allowed himself to be mesmerized by his lover's talent as he glued his eyes to his phone and read excited fans' review of the show. He wasn't surprised to see so many people praising his lover. He always knew Nanon had something unique about him. Years ago, during the filming of Blacklist, he could tell that the boy Korapat Kirdpan was nothing like the other actors he had met before. His admiration for the boy's craft made him want to work with him on future projects. It made him curious, and captivated. And it made him want to know more about the boy with the most adorable dimples he had ever seen. Falling in love was not an accident. Love came painfully quick even though it was unrequited. Ohm was aware of its symptoms, but he was also aware of the dangers it posed to him. Real life was not like Pat and Pran's fictional universe, prejudice was all around, and he hadn't heard of any gay celebrity couple who had a happy ending in his midst. Ohm had never doubted that Nanon was straight back then. The singer had already told him about the girlfriends and the grisly breakups. Ohm was convinced he had no chance with his 'best buddy', and the fact that his co-star asserted his heterosexuality in a certain interview, breaking the hearts of a few OhmNanon shippers, just rubbed salt in his wounded unrequited feelings. Not even in his wildest dreams he would've imagined that one day Nanon would see him as more than a friend, let alone date him. But now that he could miraculously call the singer his 'boyfriend' and vice versa, the problem was that they had to do that in secret, like Pat and Pran. However, unlike their characters, they had much more to lose if they were outed to the world.
If anyone found out that they were dating, Ohm believed that they wouldn't be casted on a TV series, or a movie ever again. And his lover's ambitions of being a movie director in the future would be certainly obliterated. The singer had always shown interest in being behind the cameras too, and if a scandal took place, maybe Nanon would never get a chance to expand more of his artistic abilities. Dating Korapat Kirdpan in secret was undoubtedly hard, and dangerous but it was still better than not dating him at all.
On the same day of that festival, a fan gathering took place, and Nanon, as always, didn't miss a chance to playfully torture a few hyphy girls there. When one of them screamed, 'Please don't be too cute if you cannot really be my boyfriend', the singer simply replied to her with the same energy, 'What? I'm single right now.' Nanon was just being a tease, of course. His interactions with his fans were often hilarious, and the singer enjoyed seeing his audience's exaggerated reaction to his savage comebacks.
Ohm chewed on his lips as he watched that short video though. Unfortunately, that's what everyone was supposed to believe. That they were both too busy with work to have a romantic relationship with anyone. The sad part of that story was that they were indeed too busy, and the time they spent with each other apart from work, was absolutely none lately.
Ohm couldn't help feeling bothered by the fact that whenever Nanon had a short free time, and he didn't, images of his lover would pop up on the social media of other GMMTV's artists. He often got a glimpse of his lover joining a group of people at a comedy show, a movie theatre, a concert, a fancy restaurant, or at long sessions of karaoke. Nanon was able to mingle with everyone at work and as a social butterfly, it was not weird to see him accompanied by several Phis and Nongs, who usually loved to have him around. Ohm loved Nanon's friendly personality, no doubt, however, he was starting to feel more neglected, impatient, and extremely jealous with the passing time, especially because they had been apart for more than a week.
Nanon still replied to his texts, but he wouldn't call nor pick Ohm's calls. It was hard to find him lately, and the older only got updates of his lover's schedule because P'Kwang was also his manager. The following day Ohm was already fuming when he saw the singer being affectionate with whoever he felt comfortable with at the AIS Calling Melody event. Apparently, almost all Nanon's favorite male acquaintances were there, so he was often spotted holding hands, back hugging, and kissing P'Tay, P'New, P'Gun, and countless other actors during that particular schedule. Ohm called him that very afternoon, but Nanon still wouldn't pick up. He texted him, but Nanon wouldn't even text him back anymore. So, he stopped trying to reach him through the phone, and decided to simply go and find his boyfriend wherever he was.
"Mon? Where the fuck is Nanon? Has he called you? Have you seen him lately?" Ohm spoke in an urgent voice through the phone.
"Hold your horses there cowboy. Hello to you two. Are you missing your bae that badly?"
"Come on, man. I'm not kidding. I would've called his mother or his sister and asked them where he is, but I thought you could help me-"
"Hey, slow down, Ohm! What's wrong? Has he disappeared or something? As far as I know he was at that AIS Calling Melody event earlier this morning. Is everything alright?"
"He didn't disappear yet, but it seems to me that that's exactly what he's trying to do. I have a bd feeling about this. Have you met him these past few weeks?"
"You and your unhealthy obsession...Ohm, come on, that's normal. When we're busy, we barely see, or talk to each other. There's no reason for you to be so worked up-"
"I'm his boyfriend and he's avoiding me! He's not picking up my calls, or texting me back. There's something seriously wrong going on. I don't know what it is, but maybe Nonnie is trying to alienate him from me because of what I did to Mark, maybe Nanon realized that I'm too toxic to be around, maybe he is being wooed by some of his favorite Phis at GMM and he finally realized that he's way out of my league, maybe he decided that he's only into girls now, and that he doesn't love me anymore, or-"
"Meung, chill! You sound paranoid! Seriously, calm down, will you? Nanon is just busy, and you know how committed he is when it comes to work. He's insomnia is not helping-"
"He's ignoring me for real! And it seems to me he's doing the same to you, but you're too dense to realize that. He's hiding something from us. Don't you see? He's pretending that everything is fine, but he can't fool me. It's not impossible for him to fucking text me back after any of his his schedules-"
"Holy shit!"
Chimon's stunned voice cut Ohm off abruptly.
"What is it?! What's wrong?"
"TripleN is trending."
"An why is that? Did any fan capture another super cute angle of him being affectionate with any other celebrity?" A sarcastic Ohm huffed. "Great! Maybe now I'll get to find out his whereabouts. Was he spotted at some party or something?"
"Oh, man...I'm gonna quote a Tweet here, but don't panic, okay? It says, 'Who says Nanon Korapat doesn't have a heart? Those who've been claiming that the GMMTV golden boy was a fake friend were wrong. A hospital staff captured an emotional moment of the actor breaking down in tears while visiting his comatose friend Mark Pakin."
"Come again?!" Ohm could barely digest what he heard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hours earlier...
"He looks quite peaceful, doesn't he?" Nonnie's faint voice reached his ears, but Nanon could barely look at the unresponsive man lying on the bed and attached to a few machines that made uneasy sounds in the room. He thought twice about going there, but when Nonnie showed up at the GMMTV building after his schedule, and asked about the promise he made her days ago, the singer was compelled to get into a taxi and accompany her to the hospital.
"I guess." Nanon replied, as he looked at the door. He couldn't bear being in that room. It wasn't repulsion he felt, it was fear. He feared that Mark could wake up at any moment and give them a jump scare. It even crossed his mind that the former player could be faking that coma. And the singer was doing his best to keep his anxiety in check.
"Don't you wanna come closer?" Nonnie asked softly, and Nanon just shook his head in denial.
"I'm fine here." He leaned on the wall near the door and crossed his arms, still averting his eyes from the bed. "Don't mind me. Go ahead and say your goodbyes."
"I will soon. I'm just gonna stop by the toilet first and then come back here, okay?" She said out of the blue. Nanon frowned at that.
"Wait, what?" He licked his lips nervously. "Can't you go after we're done here? I mean, how long do you expect me to be here in this room with-"
"It will only take a second, Phi! I promise you I won't be long." Nonnie ignored the expression of horror on her brother's face, handed him her purse and went out of the room.
Nanon took a deep breath, and counted to ten, and then to one hundred. The noise of those machines was driving him crazy, but he didn't allow himself to run out of that room yet. He had to be brave. He owed that to Nonnie.
He did try to keep his eyes on the door, but he slowly let them wander the room, and finally descend on the man on the bed. There was his worst nightmare, Pakin Kunaanuwit, the very villain of his love story with Ohm. However, for some strange reason, when Nanon had a better look at him and finally approached the bed, he couldn't see the psycho who tormented his nights and days. And slowly, very slowly, his fright was replaced by something else, something similar to a longing mixed with sadness. Nanon didn't understand why the dead-looking expression on his former friend's face affected him that much. He didn't realize when his tears started falling, and he didn't even care about what his sister would think when she entered that room again and found him holding one of the man's hand. He had to say his goodbyes too, on his own way.