"You and your sister have always been close. Care to tell me what is going on between you two? I know you're fighting, and that's very unusual. I am your mother and I know you better than anyone else. I can clearly see when something is seriously wrong in my household. I need to know what exactly is making my children behave like strangers towards each other." Ning stated as her eyes travelled from her youngest to her oldest child. They were mostly silent at the table. Nonnie wouldn't raise her eyes from her soup, and Nanon was disturbingly monosyllabic.
"We just had a mild disagreement, mom." Nanon uttered in a small voice. He was relieved to know that Nonnie hadn't ratted him out, but he wasn't used to lying to his mother, and he felt like the worst son in the world for making her worry about them.
"Oh, he speaks!" She huffed. "Nanon, you don't really think I will allow you to leave for your next schedule before you tell me what this disagreement is all about, do you?" Nanon's mother put her chopsticks down, gave him an impatient stare and folded her arms. "I'm waiting."
"Mother, I'm gonna be late." Nanon averted his eyes from her and tried to leave the table, but she held his arm firmly.
"Does this have anything to do with that unfortunate boy lying in a hospital bed?" Ning's question had a certainty to it. Nanon's eyes grew wide as he faced his mother again. The tension in the Kirdpans' living room suddenly became so tense that it could be cut with a knife. Nanon's muteness was deafening, as two pairs of eyes fixed on him. He was like a deer caught in the headlights. His heart raced, as he wondered how his mother could guess that their fall out had to do with Mark Pakin. He swiftly glanced at his sister, but an uneasy Nonnie immediately stood up from her seat and ran up to her room. He swallowed and blinked a few times before he locked eyes with his mother again. She still had a strong hold on his arm, and he didn't dare to brush her off. So he sat down again and took a deep breath.
He tried to open his mouth to say something less damaging than the truth, but he couldn't, he was unable to. When his silence became too uncomfortable, Ning spoke for him. "I know about your sister's involvement with that friend of yours. And I know you're mad at both of them for hiding their relationship from you. At first, I thought it was weird the fact that you didn't even pay the boy a visit at the hospital even though you two were so close, and then when I went there myself, I was even more puzzled to find your sister crying her eyes out in front of his room. Believe me, Nonnie didn't want to tell me what was going on, but when I threatened to tell her father she was skipping school to see Mark, she finally opened up to me. She told me you weren't happy to find out that one of your best friends was dating your sister. She also told me you fought with Mark and forbade her from seeing him. And that the two broke up one day before his car accident." She paused for a second, as she studied her son's shocked face. "That's her version of the story of course. What's yours?"
"She's telling the truth." He said nervously. Unable to deny, or correct a few details his sister made up in that story. His mother sighed in frustration.
"Listen, I was once livid when I heard that a few of your actor friends hit on your little sister a couple of times. The fact that they were your friends, and still dared to do that is really worrisome. Having a relationship with a celebrity is not ideal. She's still too young, and I really don't want that kind of life for my daughter. I married a person in this industry before, and I know what it's like, so I don't recommend it." Ning's tone became softer as the firm hold she had on her son's arm loosened, and it slowly turned into gentle caresses. "I've always tried to protect both of you the best I could, Non. But there's only so much a mother can do for a child. I can guide and instruct my children to do the right thing, but I'll never keep them from following their hearts. I know that since your dad and I parted ways, you feel that it is your responsibility to watch over Nonnie like a father. I really praise you for that. But as much as we still see her as a little girl, your sister is already a woman, and she can make her own decisions."
"Mark is a bad decision." Nanon muttered, as he pronounced the man's name like a curse.
"Son, that boy is dying." Ning commented sadly.
"Nonnie will be fine." He assured his mother. "She barely knows him. It will pass."
"He's her first love, honey. She won't be fine for a long while. Believe me, I've never seen your sister talk like that about someone. Imagine how would you feel if the person you love didn't have much time left, and there was nothing you could do about it?" Ning asked in a rather soothing voice, and Nanon suddenly felt like telling his mom everything that Mark had done to him. However, he knew that something like that could break his mother, and cause her unnecessary suffering. Every burden that her children carried was also her burden, and if she found out about all the trials he had been through without her knowledge, Ning would certainly blame herself for not being there for him.
"What do you want me to do?" Nanon asked in an anguished manner. "If the doctors can't save him, what am I supposed to do? Pretend to feel bad for him? It's not because they broke up that he's in that hospital bed. You should know that this whole thing between her and Mark was one-sided. He never loved her. She was the one chasing him around. He didn't even consider her his girlfriend. She was nothing but a pastime for him. And you know what? If his death is the only thing that can make her get over him, I hope it happens soon!" The bitterness coating every word he spoke astonished Ning.
"Korapat Kirdpan, you don't mean that!" His mother censured him.
"Yes, I do! You have no idea what he is like!" Nanon hissed, and Ning frowned.
"Mark frequented our house for quite a while and then he suddenly stopped. Did you guys have any other issues besides his involvement with your sister?" She sounded quite suspicious now, and Nanon instantly tried to keep his feelings in check.
"He played my sister while pretending to be my friend. What could've been worse than that?" Nanon looked away, and ran an agitated hand through his hair.
"According to her, he was not the player type, and he always treated her with respect." She narrowed her eyes, as she observed her son's discomposed expression.
"She's delusional. People in love tend to see things that aren't really there." Nanon scoffed and shook his head in utter disgust as he remembered how the former badminton player claimed to have used his sister as a 'replacement'. His oblivious mother dismissed his comment, as expected, taking it for a mere sibling's overprotectiveness. Nanon had always been possessive towards his little sister at some point, but never on an unhealthy level.
"Once your anger goes away, you will see things more clearly, but it will be too late, and you will feel bad for not being able to forgive your friend-"
"He's not my friend, mom! He never was!" An impatient Nanon corrected her quickly.
"Why?! Because your sister likes him? Perhaps because you're afraid you're not the only male influence in her life anymore and your title of 'super bro' is being threatened by a 'boyfriend title'? Don't be ridiculous, Nanon! You need to understand that everyone has their own life and you can only interfere in their life to an extent. It's extremely hard to watch someone you care about make bad choices, but you have to let them make their choices whether you like them or not. One day you won't be around to protect your sister, and if you keep protecting her from every little thing before this, she won't know how to deal with what she is faced with. Let her have her experiences. She needs them to grow up, and expand! Sometimes, all Nonnie needs is for you to be there by her side when things go wrong. So you just aid her then. Help her fix her mess the best way you can, just don't be part of the mess."
A resigned Nanon sighed deeply and nodded to his mother. He stood up slowly and pretended to have understood everything she had said to him.
"May I be excused now? I guess it's time for me to patch up things with my little sister."
A hopeful looking Ning gave him a tiny smile and let him go upstairs to have a chat with Nonnie.
Nanon was fuming when he entered his sister's bedroom without knocking, but he was still smart enough to close the door behind him in order to keep his mother from listening to them.
"You went to see him?! For real?" The singer eyed his taken aback sister who was sitting on her bed with a headphone around her neck and a laptop resting on her legs.
"Where are your manners? Don't you know how to knock?" She demanded in a sudden annoyed tone.
"Why did you tell that shit to our mother? I forbade you to see him? You and I are fighting because I made you break up with him?!" Nanon clicked his tongue and started pacing around the room.
"Well, it's an excuse better than the truth. You told me to keep my mouth shut, remember?" She retorted caustically, while putting her headphone and laptop away.
"Why do I have to look like the bad guy in that tale of yours?" The singer threw his hands in the air exasperatedly.
"Would you like me to make P'Ohm the bad guy instead?" Nonnie's defying tone made him stop pacing and look at her.
"Wait a minute! Mark Pakin, that psychopath you've been visiting in the hospital is the only bad guy-"
"P'Ohm caused that car accident. He destroyed your room with a sledgehammer. He had already beat up Mark in that alley next to that ice-cream shop where we had a double-date! And who the fuck knows what else he does when no one's watching! Do you even feel safe around him? What's with you and psychos, huh, big bro?" Nonnie asked with dark sarcasm in her voice. Nanon was speechless for a second time that night, but he struggled not to lose his temper with her. He kept reminding himself that whatever nasty provocation that came out of her mouth was just a sad consequence of the time she spent around the former badminton player.
"Look, I know you're hurt. I know your teenage little head is trying hard to cope with the latest events. And I know you resent Ohm. It's understandable. But deep down, you know he's not a villain. Whenever Ohm lost his shit, it was because of Mark. He's nothing like that piece of trash. My boyfriend is a pretty decent guy, and he has never given you a reason to think he's abusive or-"
"Why do you get to be with the one you love and I don't?! It's not fair..." Nonnie's voice trailed off as doleful tears started running down her cheeks. "I know, Phi, I know why P'Ohm did it, and I'm fucking glad you have someone as brave as him to look after you. I should be thanking him for being your knight in shining armour. I have no doubt he would kill for you if he had to. But why can't I have someone like that too? Why do I have to lose Mark? Now that he is in that state...Should I pretend to be happy for your sake? I don't have to like what your boyfriend did, do I? I'm sorry but I just can't, I don't know why, call me a bad sister if you will, but..."
Nanon didn't let her finish her sentence. He just sat on the bed abruptly and pulled his little sister to his arms. They hugged, while Nanon let Nonnie cry on his shoulder.
"It's okay, kid. You're not a bad sis. You're amazing, and nothing can change that. You might be confused right now, but this won't last forever. Please don't cry. I hate to see you like that. You deserve to be happy too, and you will. I promise. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you will love again. You'll find someone who loves you as much as you love them. Just give it time." Nanon told her softly while stroking her hair in a consoling manner. He couldn't bear to see her cry, and every single time she did, he would do anything to make her feel better, but at that moment, he genuinely felt at loss. His 'super bro' powers were useless and completely neutralized in that situation. Pakin was his kryptonite, and Nanon couldn't help feeling guilty once again for introducing his sister to his archenemy.
"I already love Mark, goddammit! I don't want anyone else." She whined helplessly, as she hugged him tightly and buried her head in his chest. Even Nanon felt like crying too, but he did his best to keep it in.
"I'm sorry, sis. I really am." He whispered to her in a soothing manner.
"You shouldn't feel sorry." Nonnie spoke in a defeated tone as she squeezed the fabric of her brother's sweatshirt between her fingers. "You can't feel sorry, right? I can't let you feel sorry. It's not your fault I fell for him."
"For what it's worth, I don't think it is your fault either. He made a fool out of us, out of everyone." He consoled her, as he gnawed at the inside of his cheek to swallow down a sob that threatened to crawl its way out of him. "I really wished he was the friend I thought he was, and you really wished he was the man you wanted him to be. But he isn't any of those, and he never will be. Now we can't lie to ourselves and keep wishing the impossible. He's hurt us in so many ways, that I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him even after he's gone."
"Let's see him one last time." She begged in a tiny voice, and Nanon instantly tensed against her. "Please, Phi. Just to say goodbye to the Mark that used to be your good friend, and say good riddance to the vicious guy that screwed us over."
"Nonnie." The singer groaned in a displeased manner. He had no intention of doing that to himself. He believed that staying far away from Mark was the best way to preserve his mental health, but he rarely rejected a request from his baby sister. He was unable to deny her anything.
"It might be therapeutic. Come on, let's do this together. Just once." Nonnie insisted.
"Do you think that if you take me to see a broken, unconscious Mark in a hospital bed, I will forget what he did? Do you really think it will change the way I feel about him right now?" Nanon let go of her just to look deep into her eyes.
"No, I don't. But it might change the way I feel about him." She gave him a disheartened smile and Nanon wiped the tears streaming down her face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.
"How so?" Nanon gave her a puzzled look.
"It could be you in that hospital, Phi. If P'Ohm had not stopped him, I could have lost you, my idiot super bro. Maybe I just need to keep reminding myself that his accident was a necessary evil. And I need you to be there when I tell him I'm moving on." She uttered as she reached for her brother's hands and held them tight. "Will you come?"
"I- I...Yeah, sure." Nanon said at last and hugged her again, bringing the girl to lay down on his shoulder as he made himself comfortable on her bed. "Get some sleep, okay? I'll stay here with you till you fall asleep."
"Don't you have to go to the studio or something?" Nonnie mumbled against his collarbone, and Nanon patted her head fondly.
"It can wait, Nong. My family always comes first." He told her and they stayed like that in silence for a while, until Nanon spoke again. "Did he ever touch you without your consent?" He asked abruptly, though he dreaded her answer.
"Never." She replied honestly. He sighed in relief.
"What about pictures? Did he ever take any of you? I'm talking about all kinds of pics here, you know." He clarified, a bit uncomfortable.
"No. He wasn't interested in me enough to do that." She replied, and another wave of relief ran through him.
"Taking inappropriate pics of someone without their consent is not about interest, it's about being a disrespectful prick. What about drugs? Did he ever gave you any?" Nanon pressed.
"We smoked weed once, but that's it." She revealed guiltily.
"Pitchaporn Kirdpan." A disappointed Nanon inhaled as he quickly closed his eyes and opened them again.
"I was the one who gave it to him though." She added quickly.
"What!?" He cocked his head to have a better look at her.
"A school classmate offered it to me, and I didn't say no. But I promised myself I would only smoke that around someone I trusted." She explained herself, but her brother couldn't help feeling worried.
"You're not the kind of girl who gives in to peer pressure. You're better than that. You know that shit is illegal, and bad for you. Why did you even take it? Will you please tell me who's the dealer at your school? I'll surely report his ass." Nanon said in an annoyed tone.
"Come on, you know I can't do that to a friend. I told you I only smoked it once. It's not happening again. I promise. You know you can trust me, right?" She said softly, while giving him a pleading stare and waited for his irritation to subside.
"Do you even trust me?" Nanon asked out of the blue. Nonnie frowned and lifted her eyes up to meet his.
"Of course I do. Do you even have to ask?"
"Well, I wasn't the one you invited to smoke a joint with you." Nanon muttered, and the girl couldn't help gasping.
"Gosh, are you jealous?" She eyed him in disbelief.
"I'm your older brother, and we've known each other for more than 18 years. He's a two-faced asshole you barely know." He looked away, and she clicked her tongue.
"Oh, come on!" She slapped his chest lightly. "You're Mr. Goody-two-shoes. You would never dare to smoke a joint with me, and you would probably tell mom if I ever mentioned it to you."
"Well, at least you know now that the one you chose to share a joint with was a bad choice. And let's look at the bright side, shall we? You won't share anything with him ever again." Nanon said coldly, and Nonnie gave him a hurt look. "I don't mean to be mean. But I really hope you can move on from him."
"When are we going to visit him then?"
"After the Thai Japan Iconic Festival. I can't see him before that. I need to have a clear head before I get on that stage, and I don't know how this visit will affect my emotional stability." He confessed sincerely.
"Brother, I'm not forcing you to come with me. If you think you can't handle-"
"I'll handle it. I promise I will." Nanon swore, as he ruffled her hair. She tried to do the same with his, but he playfully batted her hand away and told her to get some rest. She pinched his cheek, and he pulled her ear. She stuck her tongue at him, and he booped her nose. They teased each other for a few more minutes, but ended up falling asleep in each other's arms.
Half an hour later a gentle knock on the door and a soft voice woke him up.
"I don't mean to interrupt the Kirdpans siblings' moment, but your manager has been calling you, Non." Ning spoke as she poke her head through the door and smiled at the adorable scene before her.
"Wow, it's so late. I ended up falling asleep here." The singer whispered as he checked his watch and yawned. He then placed a tender kiss on Nonnie's temple and carefully removed her head from his shoulder to place it on a pillow.
"So, there's no reason for me to worry about you two anymore, right?" His mother asked in a lower voice, trying his best not to disturb Nonnie's sleep. Nanon nodded and left the bed at last.
"We're fine now, mom. Everything is fine." Nanon assured his mother, before giving her a hug and walking away. He truly hoped that taking Nonnie to see Mark would be worthwhile. He expected that one last encounter with the former badminton player could close a dreadful chapter in both their lives. He just had to keep quiet about that matter whenever he was around his boyfriend and best friend. Neither Ohm nor Chimon had to know that he planned to visit Mark at the hospital. The 2000 gang had agreed to forget about the former badminton player's existence, and Nanon felt like he was going to break a rule they had recently established and agreed to follow in order to maintain some balance in their lives. He knew that Chimon wouldn't let him go see his tormentor by himself, and if Chimon told Ohm about it, Ohm would certainly try to change his mind. Therefore, he thought that keeping them in the dark would be better for everyone. And to successfully avoid the 'Pakin' topic around the two people closest to him, Nanon was aware that he would have to make a few sacrifices. He didn't like hiding things from either of them, and sometimes, he didn't even know how. Ohm and Chimon knew him very well, and they would be able to tell that something was off with him if they spent just a few minutes on the phone with him. So, before he went to visit Mark, the singer decided to keep some distance from the pair, and that included not contacting his boyfriend and BFF as much as he wanted to. It would be weird at first, but if he blamed his tight schedule for his 'temporary isolation', he knew the pair wouldn't suspect that anything was wrong.
That night, he simply texted his boyfriend to say that dinner at the Kirdpans' residence went fine, and that he shouldn't worry about Nonnie spilling the beans about Mark's accident anymore. Ohm sent him a few happy emojis and asked if he could video call him later, but Nanon said no, and claimed that he would turn off his phone to work on his music. Ohm accepted his excuse, even though he wasn't happy about it.
Nanon spent the last hours of that day in the studio, practicing his singing and working on new music. He didn't feel like taking a break just to take a nap. He knew he wouldn't get any sleep even if he tried to. Work usually helped him take his mind off things, so that was exactly what he intended to do. He needed to occupy his mind with something useful, instead of wondering what Ohm and Chimon would think of him if they found out that he was going to visit the former badminton player.
The singer immersed himself in his work completely, aiming to diminish the anxiety he felt whenever he thought of seeing Mark again. However, work wasn't distracting enough to shy away his unquietness, so he believed that going out could also do him some good. The next morning he had to go to the UMG shooting, and although he was tired as hell after filming for hours, he still attended the Mini Motor Expo 2022 in the afternoon and the Feel Fan Fun Camping concert in the evening. This last event wasn't an official schedule, but a pastime. He had a chance to go with P'Arm, P'Aof, and P'Namtan, and even Chimon and Perth showed up later, although they also had tight schedules that day.
"I looked for you everywhere, just to find out you left without saying goodbye?"
Chimon texted him when his friend suddenly disappeared from the venue after the concert.
"Sorry, man. P'Aof had to leave earlier and he was my ride home." Nanon texted him back, relieved to have dodged Chimon at the venue.
"I could've driven you to your condo."
"You're not P'Aof." The singer said in a teasing voice.
"Fanboy."
"And proud of it. That Phi made Pat and Pran possible." Nanon added with a bitter taste in his mouth, as he reminded himself that the BBS series also brought him closer to Mark, and that obviously wasn't a fortunate fact. The funny thing was that, even though Mark played the role of one of Pat's college friends, in real life, he got closer to the actor who played Pran's role. Nanon wondered why that happened.
There was a time that even some fans believed that Mark Pakin hung out at Nanon's house more often than Ohm, due to the pictures and videos Mark unceremoniously posted on his IG account. The former badminton player got a lot of online hatred because of that, but Nanon never reproached him back then, he just thought his older 'friend' was eccentric. The singer wished he had noticed those red flags, especially when Mark started posting pictures of him sleeping on his bed. Now only Nonnie, Chimon, Ohm, Thai, Perth and him knew that Mark had no eccentric bone in his body. While outsiders like P'Aof, had no idea that the guy was a serious head case. Therefore, Nanon already expected P'Aof's confusion when they met at the FFF camping concert.
The singer wouldn't tell Chimon that P'Aof brought him to his car and told him that almost every actor and crew who worked on the series had been to the hospital to see the former badminton player. He wouldn't tell Chimon that the director also questioned him about the reason why Ohm and him were avoiding their moribund friend. He wouldn't tell Chimon that besides Nonnie, he ended up also promising the director that he would find some time in his busy schedule to visit Mark.
"Oh, big fucking deal! What about me? I made OhmNanon possible. I introduced you to Ohm, remember? You're such an ungrateful jerk."
"I guess I am." Nanon shook his head in amusement, as if he could picture his friend scoffing at him. "But P'Aof made us kiss, though. If it wasn't for him, maybe Ohm and I would still be just friends."
"Right, you got me there. I would never make my 'straight' friend kiss my bissexual friend, not even as a dare. I knew Ohm was into you for a long time, and that would have been mean. Anyways, you looked tired at the concert, have you been sleeping well?"
"A little. Don't ask such a thing to an insomniac, please. I've gotta go now, okay? I have this paper I need to finish, and I have no idea if the professor will give me more time to review it."
"Non, is the insomnia striking again?"
"It never really goes away, you know that. But I can at least take advantage of it, and do some school work."
"If you're this busy, why the heck were you even out so late?"
"I had to be there to support our GMM'S Phis. You and Perth are also busy this week, and you guys still attended the concert."
"Well, we're not as busy as you are. Anyways, are you really okay? You know...A certain someone hasn't woken up yet, but I just wanna know how you're holding up."
"I'm good, Mon. Can I go now?" A suddenly rattled Nanon asked quickly, before he talked too much.
"Alright. Just call me if you need anything. Go finish your paper now."
"Thanks, man. Have a good night."
"You too."
Nanon took a deep breath after he hung up the phone. Fortunately, Chimon didn't insist on extending that phone call. Throwing him off the scent was easier than the singer expected.