Gemini made sure Fourth was asleep and only then sat down on the floor with his back against the bed and started writing. A small lava lamp and the laptop screen were the only lights illuminating him, but he didn't need anything else. He smiled gently as he remembered what happened that evening.
★★★
Today was definitely one of the crazier days. I haven't written in this journal for a long time because I haven't had much time for it, but now it's time to fill in the gaps. I'll start from today. I met Heart. Okay, not just me, Fourth met him too. Heart admitted that he was a ghost and that he was responsible for planting the photos on me. He didn't want or couldn't say how he got them. But that wasn't the most interesting thing! The best part happened right after Fourth came out of the bathroom! Aaaaah! I don't know why, but my cheeks burn when I think about it! It was so... what would you call it...? Surreal? I guess so, I guess that's the best word. Anyway, Heart's ghost was in a great mood and decided to play a trick on us, so as soon as Fourth, disturbed by the noise as he later told us, came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, Heart, the prankster, used his magic to pull him off this towel.
I really thought he wouldn't be wearing anything.
In a split second I imagined what I might see, but I was met with bitter disappointment.
"No, you've already put your pants on" - I said and covered my mouth with my hands. Fourth looked at me like I was crazy. I'm not surprised at all. P'Erin wanted us to get closer, but just because I was really hoping to see him completely naked, doesn't that mean I'm starting to cross a line? It should not be like that.
Yes, the bastard had managed to put on pajama pants, but they were shorter than the towel, so I didn't notice anything before. Smart guy!
"Oh, this is no fun," -the ghost named Heart looked much more disappointed than me. As if in protest, he snapped his fingers and all the lights went out. Fourth, terrified of what was happening around us, instinctively ran towards me, but Heart joined in the fun again, pushing me with some unseen force and causing me to trip over my own backpack, abandoned in the middle of the room. Fourth spread his arms wide at the last moment and grabbed me. I felt his warmth again. My heart skipped a beat again. I was afraid to look at him. My cheeks and ears were burning. The sweet scent of my own shower gel reached my nose. I've never paid attention to such trifles, a scent is a scent, it's important to be clean, and now suddenly, completely unconsciously, I leaned forward and smelled the bare skin around his collarbone.
"What are you doing?" He asked me, scaring away all the magic of this moment. At that moment it dawned on me that I must have been acting really strange. I probably looked like an idiot to him, great, just awesome!
"N-nothing" - I replied, stammering as usual in such situations.
I wish my voice didn't shake when I said it. I wish I could not show how this unexpected closeness affected me. I wish Fourth would never see me struggling with myself and never see me fail. He was one of those few people in front of whom I wanted to always be strong and brave, masculine and not childish. In his eyes, I wanted to be a winner.
"Gemini?"
"Yes?" - I looked up and saw him staring at me. If I believed in love, I would say that was how Fourth looked at me in that moment, with love in his eyes. Love doesn't exist. There is no such thing. And I'm not going to suffer like my mother. I told her so many times to give up and forget about dad, he's not worth her tears or the fact that she hates me because of him. I'm not him. And I'm not going to let the chemicals in my brain cloud what's important. Fourth doesn't love me. And that will never be possible. I will never believe it. Never!
And speaking of love...
Phuwin heard my conversation, or rather argument, with Pond and went to talk to him, but he didn't find him at home. He waited for him for over two hours, but when my friend didn't show up, he went home sounding like someone who had lost faith in everything.
Phu is a romantic, no wonder he was captivated by Pond's story.
Is it just me or does Pond not seem as much in love as he claims? At the company, he often spends time with me or Joong, they are very close. This worries me. I'm afraid he will hurt my brother. I want to trust him, I know he is my friend and I should support him, but something tells me that Pond is hiding a lot from us, maybe he has some hidden intentions? What if he was the one who planted the cardboard box with the flag on it? After all, it's not impossible at all. Pond knows me very well, he knows when I have classes at the university, and he has a lot of free time lately, which means he has a lot of opportunities. It wouldn't be strange if he was the perpetrator.
But why? What would he gain from this?
The answer came from Fourth, who said:
"What if it's Pond? How well do you know him?"
"But Pond is my friend, he wouldn't do that" - I denied it, but the seed of doubt planted in my heart by Fourth was slowly starting to sprout.
"He has a motive. You have a job, you have new projects, he has nothing. If you were him, wouldn't you take the chance to eliminate your biggest rival?"
I had to think this through carefully. Pond seemed to me too good-natured to hurt someone so badly, and too stupid to come up with a more complicated plan. No, he was off the suspect list. Well, unless he wasn't acting alone. Pond was just a typical big, even gigantic teddy bear who loved to dance and wanted to be hugged. Even though I don't fully trust him, I've decided to keep him close for now.
"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" - What if Pond did that and got closer to me to get closer to Phu and make it harder for us to find the truth? Then I have to pretend to believe him.
And Joong? He's literally a walking ideal: he's handsome and hot, even though he's not dating anyone. He and Pond are in one group, they can both have whatever they want and whoever they want. They are the ones in charge, I only go out with them sometimes, I am just a background for them. And now I won't even be allowed to meet Pond in public... Because of this, I don't know how to continue our investigation.
Oh yes, an investigation!
Once Fourth had helped me sit up and I had time to catch my breath (I hadn't noticed I was holding my breath as I stared at Nattawat until the familiar voice of an amused Heart reminded me to breathe), Heart seemed to have never noticed anything and as if nothing happened he sat between us. An unnatural cold radiated from his pale figure. The temperature in the room dropped by at least 10 degrees. I pulled the gray checkered blanket off the bed and wrapped it tightly around me. I'm not used to the cold, it's always hot in Thailand.
"Okay, calm down now, we need to establish some facts" - I said, pretending that I wasn't shivering at all. Fourth noticed this and moved closer to me, wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin on my shoulder. I didn't miss the fact that Heart smiled slyly at that exact moment, as if it had been his plan all along.
"Damn, we're dealing with a ghost who is also shipper. This is going to be a lot of fun!" I thought and remembered that Heart could read people's minds. I immediately focused on something else.
The heat of Fourth's body and the icy cold of Heart's figure warred with each other, alternately warming and freezing me. I was fed up with this. I got up and hid under the covers on the bed. Without thinking much, Fourth followed in my footsteps, causing us to lie on my bed next to each other, covered with one blanket.
"Okay, okay, I won't freeze you anymore," - Heart promised politely, remaining in his seat. - "Oh, actually, I wanted to ask, how did you come to see me? I had been trying to get anyone's attention for a month, but they all walked past me, and sometimes straight through me, completely indifferently. You are the first".
I got goosebumps when he announced that.
"Probably because we saw someone die," - Fourth said it so flatly, but something changed in his face, his muscles seemed to freeze in tension, waiting for a blow that didn't come. It occurred to me that I should comfort him somehow, but I didn't know how, so in the end I did absolutely nothing. I felt helpless. I wanted to ask whose death he had seen, but one look at him was enough. He didn't want to talk about it, and I had no right to ask.
"Oh yes, it's possible" - The funny ghost admitted.
"Is there anything we can do to help you?"
"I think so".
"Wait, one tiny moment. So it was you who threatened me? " - I exclaimed, jumping out of bed and going to the closet where I hid a box with a bloody LGBT flag and photos of a dead boy.
"No, it's not me, I just forced Fourth to put the photos in that box. I don't know who exactly delivered it to you or how that flag ended up inside".
He sounded convincing.
"If not you, then who?"
Fourth and I looked at each other, but no idea came to mind. Fourth himself didn't remember having these photos in his hands before. He swore he saw them for the first time at my place. This raised more questions. We wanted to ask Heart about it, but while the two of us were busy trying to compare the handwriting in the Instagram photo with the handwriting on the cardboard, the ghost disappeared. It was as if he had never been with us.
"All right. Enough of that. We won't solve it today anyway. I suggest watching a series to relax. What do you think? For example, Bad Buddy with Ohm and Nanon".
I thought for a moment.
His proposal sounded sensible. We were both still a bit nervous about what had happened, so watching two or maybe three episodes of such a series could cheer us up and help us fall asleep peacefully.
"I'll go get some snacks," - Fourth offered. He dried his hair thoroughly, put on black jeans and a plain white T-shirt, and got ready to leave.
The rest of the evening passed peacefully. I felt overjoyed when Fourth rested his head on my shoulder and later when he fell asleep, still holding my hand. I know it doesn't mean anything, I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but it was still very nice. And now he's sleeping and doesn't know that I'm sitting here looking at him. He doesn't know that the feeling that I fear the most and that I have always tried to escape from is slowly emerging in my heart.
Fourth Nattawat sleeps peacefully with his mouth slightly ajar and doesn't feel me brushing back the fringe of his hair and running my finger over his lips. It's beautiful, and I like everything that's beautiful. It is also unattainable and no one knows that better than me. I'll have to be careful. I have to keep some distance between us. Let him sleep in my bed, I'll sleep on the sofa in the living room. This will be best.
"Don't break my heart beautiful boy, please. Don't do to me what my dad did to my mom" - I whisper into his closed eyes.
And only now do I realize how weak and defenseless I am in his presence. Me, this strong, tough guy with no heart and no belief in love, now I'm sitting next to him and I'm so fragile, so vulnerable...
No, it can't be like that. I can't afford it. I have to be persistent and relentless.
I watch his chest rise rhythmically with his calm breathing. Suddenly, the sound I once hated, the sound of a sleeping person breathing, becomes a beautiful and fun melody to me. Fourth doesn't snore, his breathing barely audible over the other sounds of the city. In this light, it looks like the work of the best artist-painter who created a portrait of the perfect boy. Strands of his black hair fall to the sides. Long, black eyelashes cast short shadows on the cheeks. Pink, soft lips tempt you to lean in and taste them.
I force myself to look away.
It's so beautiful!
I can't forget! I can't help but think about it, but I have to stop. I have to become the best actor and just survive it. It will pass. Yes, it's nothing.
😂😭😂😭😂😭😭😂🪄😂🪄😂🪄🪄😂
Heeeey!
Was anyone even waiting for the new chapter? I hope it is OK?
Have a nice day, Wonderful People!
Bye!
~Annie