You know when we feel our heart warm in some way? That's how I feel about my parents. They seem to be having fun as they prepare dinner. I am very happy to see that nothing has changed between them. Even after so many years, their mutual love still feels the same. Their relationship has always been my inspiration, ever since I was little, and I longed to have a marriage as happy as my parents.
Is my marriage to Valentina like this? Or at least comes close to it?
I can't believe I'm thinking about it, but I am curious. I very much doubt that I would have married this woman and spent so much time by her side out of comfort or just because the child we have together. Our marriage must have been, at the very least, happy. It amazes me that I spent so much time with her without filling divorce. I come back to reality and snap out of my thoughts when I feel a tug on my blouse, followed by an adorable voice in the background. My eyes meet this cute little boy with his green eyes and huge smile. I think it's amazing how he has traits of me and hers, it's scary. And I have no idea how that's possible.
- "Hi little one."
I smile at him, not even caring about his weight as I bring him into my lap. Leo seems to love it, grabbing my neck with a strong warm hug. I still can't explain how I really feel knowing that I am a mother, but this child somehow seems to give me hope for better days.
- "See Mom I smell great," he says as he walks away, tilting his head sideways so I can inhale the smell in his neck. When I inhale his smell, it's like I am experiencing some kind of déjà vu. I remember that smell well, it looks a lot like the perfume I used to wear when I was younger. It's always been my favorite.
- "Mm" It smells like that,
- "I am wearing your favorite perfume. Mommy bought it and gave it to me as a gift". I knew that smell. I raise my eyebrows, surprised that Valentina knows this, but it was to be expected, after all we've been together for a long time. Living together makes us get to know people, right? I believe she knows and remembers a lot. I envy her memory; I wish I had mine too. It's sad.
- "Your Mommy made a great choice," I tell him, and the smile doesn't leave my face. I feel like someone is staring at me and I look around, finding Valentina standing with her shoulders on the wall, watching us. Her hair is damp and combed back, thrown in anyway. A smell of freshly taken bath feels over the room and she flashes a huge smile on her lips, looking quite happy to see me interacting with our son. It's too weird to think I am married and have a child. I still feel like I am sixteen. All of this is surreal, and it's going to make me a while to get used to it.
I look away from her and turn my attention back to Leo. He's excited and doesn't stop talking about his day at school. He said that he is also excited for Christmas. I pay attention to everything he says, my heart is racing. This feeling of loving him is very good, and it has not changed even with the lack of memory. I will follow Dr. Kauan's advice and try to live my life as normally as possible. Who knows, if my memory decides to come back?
Valentina decides to join my parents and help them with dinner. When she passes us, she gives the little one a kiss on the forehead and then leaves. I am still there, with Leo. The rest of the night goes- by so naturally, nothing seems out of place, and realizing this is as weird as it was waking up naked to the idiot this morning. Anyone who looked at our interactions from the outside would confirm that we are a happy family. But I don't feel connected to her, I say to her "Dinner was delicious" and my parents spared no praise for the spice of Valentina. Mom made a point of complimenting her all the time, stressing how good a cook and exemplary mother she is. It made me even more curious to see her. My parents seem to love her too much. They get along, it's visible. I just want to remember how it all happened to get us here, how things fell into place that way. I just want to know how we got to this point of our life, how it all started between us, when the feeling arise, every details. I want to know everything so I can understand what made me love Valentina Albuquerque.
Unfortunately, my parents had to leave, claiming they have to leave early for their respective jobs, though it seemed like a huge lie so they could leave us alone. But I couldn't do anything to hold them there. They both have their lives; I am no longer their responsibility. When I lead them to the door, they join in to say, as if they had rehearsed the little sermon together:
- "Don't be rude to Valentina. She's not to be blamed for anything, a lot has changed between the two of you. Allow yourself to see that. You have a very nice family."
"Can you explain this to my brain? That dumb brain is at fault. All I remember is hating her." Of course, I thought that, I don't want to say it loud, at the risk of getting scolded from both of them. Besides, I've never disrespected them to be like that. And they looked like a huge Valentina Albuquerque fan, I can't compete with that. So, contrary to my sarcastic person, I just agree and say good bye to them. I wait for the car to turn the corner and let a sigh escape. I need to get used to all of this. This is my life and I have to deal with it. When I enter the house, I hear the noise of television in the living room and I go there to find out who's watching.
My first impression of that space is one of admiration: everything very well decorated, spacious and tasteful. We seem to live really well, after all. It's not full of luxury, but its quality stuff. Leo is the one in the room. Lying in an unconventional position: face down, hips raised and knees bent, his green eyes fixed on the television. Does he always stay that way? That doesn't seem like a good position to watch television. Even though I wanted to question him about that position, the noise of the dishes in the kitchen caught my attention, and with an extra dose of courage, I walked in that direction. I know I need to talk to her, talk about our life and better understand how all of this happened.
- "Hi", my voice doesn't come out as loud as I would like, I am awkward and afraid. Valentina heard so much from me today, being practically humiliated and snubbed. I am really embarrassed to have to face her, now. Without the presence of other people. She stops rubbing the plate in her hands when she hears my voice, lifting her posture a little. She looks over her shoulder, and I hope her gaze is hard, but contradicting me, she looks surprised and cracks a small smile. Her full cheeks makes her adorable, and the hair tied up in a ponytail shape gives her a more youthful appearance. Valentina isn't old, but it's clearly different from what I remembered. After all, I only remember her as a teenager and arrogant.
- "Hi", She looks shy and withdrawn, and noticing this, I crack a smile to reassure her. Her eyes follow me as I make my way towards the table. I need to sit down if I want to have any conversation with her. Valentina still in the same position, waiting for me to say something.
How should I behave with my wife, who in my mind I still can't stand, even with everyone around me saying I love her?
- "Are you okay"? she asks – "Uh I mean do you feel better?" I nod, and she sighs. It's the truth, I don't really feel good after all.
- "I washed some strawberry and put them in this chocolate-covered jar", she continues. "Do you want some grated coconut on top to go with it?" My face is a complete mess. In fact, me as a whole person is at mess at this point. I don't remember asking her for it, but it could be dessert.
- "Dessert?".
She finishes washing dishes, and grabs a cloth over the sink to dry her hands, and turns to face me. I am staring at her, waiting for an answer. I feel so uncomfortable in her presence, not sure what to say or having no idea what might come out of her mouth. I want to attack her all the time, even though I know I shouldn't.
- "It's hard to get used to like that," she says, as if it were a confession or outburst, and sighs, placing the cloth in the same place she had picked it up from.
- "Generally, you like to eat some fruit after dinner. I always take it to you in the room, I thought you would be there, and I would take it to you." She clarifies, speaking matter-of-factly, though the smile on her face reveals that she is shy. I just shake my hand understanding, stretching out to pick up the round, green pot in front of me. I look inside, and the strawberries look quite appetizing, which fills my mouth with water. When I taste one of them, it's impossible not to groan in satisfaction.
- "Mm" I close my eyes, enjoying the taste. "They are delicious". I eat again, devouring most of the strawberries in a matter of seconds. Apparently, my appetite is still huge, I can't eat little. I remember ending up in hospital more than once because I had crossed line. My parents always fought with me for this. But what can I do? Eating is divine. Valentina doesn't take her eyes off me, watching me as I devour those delicious strawberries. She seems to be amused; I can swear I heard her giving a few laughs. But I could not care less, my priority is to eat.
- "More? She asks", and I pause instantly, realizing what I am doing, licking the jar in which strawberries were once in. My mother would scold me if she saw me doing that. I feel my face heat up with shame. I didn't even realize I was acting this idiotic. I slowly place the empty pot on the table, refusing to look at it. I am completely bland. "How beautiful, Mrs. Luiza, your parents would love to I see you act like a rude teenager." I thought. I need to learn to behave like a grown woman, but it's so hard.
- "I am satisfied", I lied of course. I would love to ask for more, may be eat every strawberry I had in this house. But I had just pushed the boundaries of impoliteness, I didn't want to give that woman anymore reasons to laugh at me. Valentina doesn't say anything, just collects the pot as well as the spoon, and only then do I notice how pale she is. All these years living in Miami and this woman still looks like a huge human candle.
- "That's so funny" she says between laughs, and it makes me angry.
- "What so funny, idiot?" As in previous times, she retracts and does not rebut my rudeness. The years have left her slack. Why doesn't she retort what I say, like she used to?
- "Nothing." she finishes washing the pot and spooning it, storing them in the drain.
It's funny to see her being awkward. I don't even remember the last time I saw her act like that. My face contorts confusion. I expected, in fact, that she would say that I had been embarrassed by acting a hungry child or something, but then again, she is surprising me with all her mature posture.
- "I have always been shy", Valentina nods, leaving me confused.
- "Huh? You were in your teenage years."
She holds the edge of the counter, where the sink is installed, and her gaze is nostalgic. She seems to be remembering a few things.
- "That only lasted until you finished high school. After that, in college, you became different, more confident and full of attitude. You hardly looked away from anyone when people were stared at you."
I place my elbows on the table, leaning forward slightly. I'm curious to know a little more about the woman I have become. I know I have totally changed, and so has she. Valentina is completely different from what she used to be: nothing arrogant and even became shy. Right now, she's starting at the table, one hand on the back of her neck. Valentina had always been overbearing and full of her. It's strange to see her that way: Calm and quiet.
"Can you tell me how it went."
- "Mommy!"
I was going to ask how the two of us started getting along, but Leo's call interrupted me. I could have been angry of course, but I remembered the uncomfortable position he was lying in, and something in me got worried. Had he been hurt? I knew he shouldn't lie down like that. I get up quickly, arriving before Valentina does. He continues in the same position and scratching one of his eyes, sleepy.
- "Are you okay?" I question worried, as I duck down next to him.
At the same time, a smile is born on his face. Looking closer, I can see that he has lovely freckles down his cheeks and that his smile is very reminiscent of Valentina's. It feels like the time when she had her front teeth a little bigger than normal. How is it possible that they look alike so much?
- "Where is Mommy?"
- "I am here" she replies before even I can, sitting down next to him, and Leo yawns briefly, pointing at the television.
- "Adventure time has begun, remember you said you will watch with me?"
I am intrigued. He's clearly sleepy but struggling to stay awake and watch television with her. That surprises me. They adore each other, she must be a good mother. Leo is clearly in love with her, it won't even take that much living with them to understand this. At least as a mother, Valentina seems to be doing an excellent job.
- "I remember, yes," she replies, before taking him into her lap. "And do you remember how many times mom told you not to lie down like that, because it's bad for your spine?" He curls into her arms at the same time, knowing he's done something wrong.
I am Mom, right? I knew something in that position hadn't pleased me.
- "Sorry Mom." How could I not excuse him? I wonder if there's any way to fight this cute thing. Am I the mother who rules, and Valentina, the cool one, who covers it all up? I don't believe I am the boss of this house.
- "Alright, beautiful angel," I call him by a nick name, because I don't feel comfortable calling him son yet. I have no idea if I have the habit of calling him by name. As a reflex, I look at Valentina and notice that neither of them was surprised. Maybe I call him that way every time. He has his gaze fixed on the television, just like her, and the two of them look entertained. I could leave them there and go to my room, try to sleep or may be spend the night reminiscing about everything that happened today, but I don't and I am still there, keeping them both company, and it seems to get them excited. Valentina tries to disguise it, but several times I see her with a huge smile on her lips. She seems to really like me, but I can't stand her. I can't imagine how I could fall in love with her. I really want to understand our relationship and know everything that happened between us. How did she manage to win me over to the point where we got married and have a child together?
It's no small thing: a child, a marriage...... A life together. It's a son I beg. It's too surreal to imagine this, I had never considered the possibility of getting pregnant. I remember well that when I found out I was a lesbian, when I imagined myself married, in my fantasies, it was my wife who got pregnant. Really a lot has changed in all those sixteen years.
Leo ended up falling asleep on the couch, and Valentina decided to take him to the bedroom. I took that moment to go to mine. I was in doubt about which my toothbrush was, but I risked the blue one. I know this has always been my favorite color, so this should probably be mine.
I took a quick shower before heading back to the bedroom. I felt a little sleepy and couldn't wait to just sleep. Speaking of sleeping, one thing worries me a lot: where does Valentina goes to sleep?
I know we are married and should sleep together every night, but I don't want to share a bed with her. Just thinking about that possibility. I want to die. Trying not much to think about it so much, I lay down on the bed. It's very comfortable. And being able to observe the whole room this time, I realize how beautiful and well decorated it is. Good taste is what not lacking in this house.
- "Can I take shower or do you want to go first?" I gasp at Valentina's sudden question. I didn't even realize she was in the room with me. Crosses, she's already white like a ghost and still arrives in this sneaky way. One day I'll die of fright.
- "I have already taken mine, actually."
- "Alright, so I'll take mine", she informs, not expecting my response, she crosses the room and enters the bathroom. It's winter, and inside the room it's starting to get cold. Looking around I notice a fireplace built into the wall, right below the television. I am too lazy to get up and turn it on, so I cover myself with two thick covers over the bed, hoping it can warm my body.
Valentina doesn't take long in the shower, and she comes out, all that covers her nakedness is a dark blue towel. Where are this creature's clothes? I am not obligated to watch this idiot's almost naked. No one pays me to put up with it.
She opens a sliding door which I only now realize exists. It appears to be a closet. She walks in, closing the door behind her, and I feel a little better because I am not seeing her nearly naked anymore. It doesn't take long for her to get dressed. Now when dressed only in a Real Madrid t-shirt, which covers almost nothing. Her beautiful legs are exposed, and she doesn't seem to be worried about the fact that I can see the fabric of her panties.
Her scent takes over the entire room, giving me no chance to breathe anything else. Is she using grape cream? It's always been my favorite. Valentina heads towards the fireplace and presses a button, not long before it turns on. Everything in this room looks very expensive and sophisticated. The environment starts to get warm little by little, and I thank her mentally for that. At least the idiot is good for something.
- "Good night, Love," she wishes, just after lying down next to me, and I can't believe it. Why does she keep calling me love? Did she forget that I have a name? And why the hell didn't she go to sleep somewhere else?
- "Are you going to sleep here?" I question, trying not to look too terrified. Valentina has her back to me, but upon hearing my voice, she turns around stares at me without understanding. I want to sleep alone. Do you understand disgusting creature?
- "Yes?"
- "Don't you have any other room in this house?" I think the couch is soft. Valentina looks incredulous, really, I'd never seen her with that expression. I, on the other hand, is restless, desperate for her to get out of here soon. I want some privacy to be at peace, trying to assimilate everything.
- "Are you kicking me out of our room?"
- "Yes"
- "For what reason? This room is as much mine as yours, Luiza."
- "So what?"
- "You know we are married"
- "I don't care, you idiot" I cut her off in the beginning of the speech, I am tired of hearing that, I want some peace. I want to forget, if only for tonight, that I married to the most annoying person and idiotic human being on Earth.
- "I don't want to sleep next to you. Can you respect that? I'm trying not be rude, but your expressions tell me that I cannot."
Valentina gets up from the bed in a matter of seconds, puts on a pair of slippers and, with heavy steps, leaves the room. The thud of the door is loud, and I worry that the noise might wake our son. This time, she looked really angry, but I'm not to blame, I don't want to sleep with her. As she herself said, this room is also mine, and I have my rights. Can I at least get a good night's sleep without her presence?
When I wake up the next day, the first thing I notice is I am feeling a million times better than the day before. As I open my eyes, I realize that there is no one inside but me, and that makes me very happy. Peace and quiet, all I want. I sit on the bed to stretch out my arms.
This bed is wonderful, more comfortable than the one I slept in when I was younger. The room is dark but I know it's light outside. Where is that crazy one? Hopefully far away from here. One more look around and I notice that the closet door is open. A curiosity grows in me, I really want to know how things are in there. I hope Valentina doesn't mind me messing with her stuff. Or would it be my stuff too? After all, we are.... you know.... We're married.
I get up from the bed and head towards the closet. The floor is cold, and I notice that the fireplace is no longer on, which makes me realize that the room has a room temperature. When I open the door, I am shocked by the size and organization of that place: everything neatly arranged on shelves and drawers, two sides with various clothes and shoes. I feel like in a movie. It's surreal to think that part of it is all mine. My family never flaunted many things. We had a good life and we didn't lack anything, but my sisters and I never lived surrounded by very expensive things.
Curious I walk through that space, looking all around, and I can recognize some clothes as being hers, because they are completely of the style that Valentina always had enjoyed using. That doesn't seem to have changed over the years. She still loves to dress casually. And she has good tase on clothes. Carefully, I decided to analyze few things. Armani, Nike, Adidas, Chanel. Damn, I am shocked by so many expensive brands present in the closet. What will our job be? We should earn very well, because we can't afford a life like this if we don't earn very well on a monthly basis. I remember that Valentina was destined to become a judge or prosecutor, maybe that's why we have a good life like that.
Valentina's parents always charged Igor and her to follow in their family's footsteps with a career in law. I know that, because Duda knew everything about them. I knew they came from England and opened an office in Miami, in the United States. At that time, their business was expanding quite a bit, the whole family comes from a lineage of lawyers, prosecutors, judges, etc. She must have even followed in her parents' footsteps. This explains the car we drive, the house and the expensive clothes. I keep looking at everything, really shocked by what we have. In the same way that Valentina has good taste, I seem to have a lot more. My clothes have totally changed, I don't wear as many colorful things anymore, my dresses are more formal and sophisticated. I am a real lady, and it makes me smile. When I'm about to leave the closet, I end up bumping into a wooden box with a frown, and my curiosity arises instantly. I lean down in front of it, trying to deduce what might be in there. I thought they were shoes, but ended up running into mountains of tapes and CDs.
Why do we have these things in here? I know I must be home alone, so I don't worry about flipping everything inside. There's a lot, and I'm curious to know the content of those tapes and CDs. Probably some music or movies. Maybe we would do marathons of old movies. It's a possibility, I know I have always loved watching movies.
One of the CDs catches my eye the most, because Valentina's name is written on the cover. The sound of something resonates and seems to be coming from the room. I grab the CD with Valentina's name on it and close the lid, getting up to get out of that closet. And the sound continues and I use it as a guide to find out where it is coming from. It doesn't take much time to find the huge, tin appliance on the bedside table. You have screen on and you have things written on it. When, finally, I take the device on my hands, a name is highlighted on the screen: Mi Suerte, and just below the content of the messages.
- "Mi suerte: Your Password is 2607"
I sit on the edge of the bed, placing the CD next to me. "Password of what?" My question answered when I notice "swipe to unlock" right at the bottom of the screen. I slip a finger over the spot and a little box appears, also opening the keyboard. I write the numbers I read in the message and the box disappears, giving way to a series of application. I know the phone is mine, because there is a picture of me, with Leo next to me kissing my cheek. It has a small icon with speech bubble and, on top of it, the number seven. I click on it and am directed to what appear to be messages. I find it very curious and practical, this new mobile devices without keyboard. Things have really changed in the last few years.
Three messages from Mi Suerte, one from Big. And lastly, too, there's one from sloppy copy.
- Sloppy Copy? It can only be Carol. I am sure it's her, I remember always saying that when we introduced ourselves to someone. I was born a few minutes before her, so she's the really sloppy copy. I decided to open Mi Suerte's messages first. I was curious.
"Mi Suerte:
Luh, I am in the studio, I won't be late. I just came to check few things
I made you breakfast, it's not hard to find things in the kitchen
Uh... See you later... Good Morning! Kisses."
I know it's Valentina, not only from the content of the message but also because no one in this world call me "Luh". It seems that things haven't changed all that much. I've always hated that nickname because she used it as mockery. But if she still calls me that, I may have learned to like it. Or maybe she is teasing me. She said something about studio. Is Valentina a singer or does she work in music? That explains all the luxuries of this house. And of course, it would also explain those CDs as well. I leave the phone in the same place I picked it up, going back to capture the CD with her name on it and head towards the direction to television. I'm not very familiar with all this new technology, but it shouldn't be too difficult. It took a while and, I confess, it was tricky to figure out that I had to swipe my finger over the button on the television to turn it on. The device below it was less complicated: I put the CD on and went back to bed. Curious and anxious I waited for the content to load. I expected it to start playing some music, but when the screen dimmed and then the image appeared, I was confused. What I am doing there?
- "Luh?" I look around startled, thinking she'd come home early. It takes me a few seconds to realize that Valentina's call actually comes from the video. I feel more at ease, because she hasn't come back yet.
- "I'm here".
In the video, I'm sitting on that same bed, and the only thing different is the color of the wall behind me. I make few jokes, waving at the camera and grimacing.
- "What are you doing? I hear a door sound opening and then Valentina appears on the screen. In the video, she's wearing a huge white sweatshirt, which goes down to the middle oh her thighs, with nothing underneath, and as she approaches, I notice the Real Madrid emblem on it. She was always really fascinated by this team, she used to wear this uniform around school days. Her face is completely free of makeup, and her hair loose and damp. The years seem to have really done her good, I can't deny it. Valentina is pretty.
- "I was testing the camera, I thought it broke last week," I reply, before turning the camera's focus back to me.
Valentina comes over, giving a small laugh, sits down next to me and looks in the same direction as me. Suddenly, the camera was no longer focused on the two of us, and all that could be heard were popping sound. I grimace. Were we kissing? Yuck! Good thing this wasn't filmed. A few seconds later, the camera is back, focusing on both of us. My lips are red, as hers. This time she's the one holding the camera, while I am clinging to her neck, with my head over her shoulder. It is impossible not to see the intense sparkle in my eyes, it is undeniable that I look happy. I really seem in love with her.
- "Are we going to keep this cuddling or can I turn it off?" She asks without looking at me.
I can't believe it when I find myself cracking a mischievous smile on the screen. It was in the face I wanted to get ready.
- "Hmm... I thought maybe we could do an activity." The suggestive tone in my voice makes my stomach churn. I don't believe I was suggesting we do anything inappropriate. Worse, in front of the camera. And even worse, with Valentina Albuquerque.
- "What kind of activity do you suggest?" Her voice is pure sensuality and provocation. It even looked like we were going to start some kind of game. A damn game of seduction. I don't want to keep watching this, I refuse to see the inappropriate things I did with this woman. I close my eyes so I don't have to keep watching, too shocked to get up and turn off the television. Then I hear the sound of my laughter and open my eyes.
I regret it at the time. I have a huge smile and my lips are against hers. Valentina leans forward and tries to kiss me, but I dodge. I laugh again, leaning my lips against hers again. It seems like I was having a lot of fun with the teasing. I continue with this prank for a while, until I surrender when she makes a face of puppy without an owner, begging with her eyes to win a kiss.
- "I want you to do something" I say as I get out of bed, taking advantage of this movement to grab her camera. Valentina still in the same place, the focus is on her. Sitting on the bed, crossed-legged, she watches me curiously, as if waiting for my commands. My gaze momentarily descends to her thighs, and I instantly regret, her panties are white laced and is visible. She cracks a mischievous smile before speaking,
- "What do you want me to do?" She tried to come towards me, but my hand appears on the screen with a "Stop" sign, and Valentina obeys, continuing in the same position.
- "Will you do anything?"
- "Always" she responds quickly, sensually. The glint in her eyes makes it clear that she is totally at mercy, completely at my disposal. I approach her with the camera, getting very close.
- "Masturbate for me. I want to see you cum and moaning my name. Then I will suck you whole. Every part of you."
My ears can't believe what I just heard. I can't tell if I am more shocked to learn that she would do what I asked for or to confirm that I had become a damn pervert. Valentina smiles, unfolding her legs. I threw myself back on the bed, bewildered. I didn't want to watch anymore; I wish I could erase it from my memory too. The video keeps rolling, but I'm not paying any attention. Who was this Luiza? I don't recognize myself. What kind of person I have become? Speaking in a foul way, recording indecent videos. Getting married to Valentina Albuquerque.
- "Are you going to suck me hot? And then will I be able to give back?" That line makes me look at the screen again.
Valentina is lying on the bed, popped up on her elbows and staring at me lustfully. The detail that shocks me the most is the fact she has already removed her sweatshirt, with her breasts fully exposed. I can't help but notice how beautiful her nipples are, with a very light shades of pink, contrasting perfectly with her skin tone. I'm paralyzed.
- "I'm going to suck you really hot and I want you to suck me the same way. I know you can. I love the things that hot tongue of you can do to me. I love that dirty mouth of yours, I am going to eat you all with it."
Valentina does not answer anything, just smiles even more and lies down fully on the bed.
I though the video would end up there, that way, but no. She brings her hand on the hem of her panty, lifting her hips a little and then her legs to pull them off, it felt like everything was in slow motion as I watch her undress. When she is finally completely naked, she throws her panties towards me and lowers her legs, parting them so I can get a view of her...
I REFUSE!
I'm almost dying. I can't believe I was seeing Valentina completely naked again, but this time in more detail and very clearly. My heart is racing. The image of her on the screen with her legs apart and straightening in a sensual way is...
Disturbing.
Completely disturbing. When she sticks her finger in her mouth and then leads it towards the middle of her legs, I finally get a reaction and turn off the television. All the time, the remote was by my side and I didn't even have the strength to pick it up and turn off, but I finally made it. It feels like my mind was going to crash. I can't believe what I saw.
- "Luiza?" I hear Valentina's voice and I know it's not because of the video this time. It makes my eyes widen. I get up from the bed with a jump worthy of an athlete, run to the device and, with trembling hands, take the CD from inside, turning it off anyway. Valentina's footsteps echoed in the house, soon she'll be here, and I need to hide everything. I jump back on the bed to grab the cover, and fairly quickly I manage to put the CD away, just in time for her to finally reach the bottom of the bedroom. When I hear the door open, I rehearse my best expression of boredom. I hope she doesn't notice anything strange.
- "I'm here..."
My heart is racing inside my chest, and I hold my breath because I don't want her to notice how much I am panting. All the adrenaline rush in this moment has caused me a little desperate. She analyzes me for few seconds, looking suspicious.
- "Are you okay? Haven't had your coffee yet? Can't find your phone? I left it at the bed-side table." She looks worried, but at the same time afraid to approach. That's great, I look away. I won't be able to face her without remembering that I was seeing her completely naked, in a very intimate moment, a few seconds ago.
- "I'm fine, yes, I just was... Hm, I'm going to go down to eat," I reply quickly, dragging myself out of the bed. I need to stay away from her, I don't want to look at her and remember how she looked in that video.
I live with my head down, but I feel her gaze on me. I don't face her back; I want to get out of there as soon as possible. I need to keep my distance. From this woman. When I get to the kitchen, I feel a little calmer and let go of the air that was trapped in my lungs. The table is set, it seems to have quite a lot and everything is properly covered. She even knows how to prepare a feast. I know my appetite remain same, for when I smell the coffee still fresh, my stomach seems to wake up and complain of hunger. I really need to eat, that video made me hungry. I begin to remove all the things that protected the food. I want to know at once, everything that's there. My eyes meet the stuffed waffles and you can see chocolate dripping down the edges, even that they were not so fresh anymore.
Valentina seems to really know me; I can confirm this just by looking at everything she had prepared. I'm so engrossed in drinking my coffee and feeding myself that I don't even feel the presence of another person in the kitchen. Only when the refrigerator door is opened do I realize that I am no longer alone. I look under my eyelashes towards Valentina and regret it at the same time. Did she really have to get that ass up? Valentina is bent down, grabbing something from the fridge, and her ass look so round and hard in that chalk-colored skirt. The outfit is glued to her body, highlighting her curves well. It must be said: what curves! Valentina looks like a sexy businesswoman. That ass...
I get distracted with the coffee when the footage from the video takes over my mind, without even asking for permission. Suddenly, I visualize her naked on the bed again, moaning my name as I thrust her into orgasm. My thoughts seem to have no end, but they do. I get a fright when something passes in front of my eyes. It's Valentina, and she's standing next to me, staring at me.
- "Are you alright? You seemed to be far away from here, and your face is red" She looks worried, but the tone in her voice is one of amusement. I quickly pull myself together. I need to learn to control myself when I am around her. I go back to looking at the food, because only then will I able to focus on something else.
- "I am fine, yes, I just got distracted by some unimportant things."
- "Oh, Yes," she leans over the table for something. It's strawberry. Valentina takes it to her mouth and bites into the fruit eagerly, letting out a long moan. Yes, she did.
- "It's delicious. You should taste them."
Not satisfied with all that previous eroticism, she brings her fingers to the mouth and sucks them, seeming to savor them willingly, right there in front of me, without any kind of shame. Her green eyes stare at me, and full lips catch my eye with those movements. Maybe it could be something normal, but at that moment I didn't want to see these things. Could she take it easy? Unable to control, my mind is again invaded by images. This time, I visualize Valentina on one of the kitchen counters. She has her legs apart and a jar of strawberries in her hands. When she bites into one piece of the fruit and takes the other down the middle of her legs, I feel like just leaning over and...
- "STOP!" my sudden scream startles her. She jumps up and look at me, not understand anything.
- "Luiza, you-"
- "I am fine, Valentina!" I get up from my chair, dragging her back hard. I don't even look at her, I just walk out of the kitchen. I need to stay away from her to restore my sanity. I'm having erotic visions with the psychopath. That was all it took for my life to get better. Thank you, life, you hate me more and more.
Now I am in the living room, watching a movie or at least trying. I hear noises upstairs, but I try not to be shaken. What is this woman up to? All that's left is for her to be some sinister sadist and want to torture me until my memory comes back. I need to stop these thoughts. I go back paying attention or trying to pay attention to the movie, but the sounds of something being dragged upstairs stoke my curiosity. To go there or not? Better not, will I see unnecessary things? Like: Valentina masturbating and Cumming... Stop it Luiza!
The noises stop. I breathe, relieved, but the sounds of hurried footsteps on the stairs catch my eyes. I won't have peace today, I'm sure.
- "Luh?" Her phone was ringing. Valentina warns me, and I try getting up to pick it up, but she extends the thin device in front of me. And...
- "Was it you who messed with our video box?" Our video box... Wow! Oh... Do you also have videos of me there?! Am I a whore who gave birth! She noticed that I stirred there. Did she know which video I watched?
- "I am not scolding you Luiza. The videos are ours, as everything in that room and in this house too" Valentina says as she notices my possible expression of fear and guilt, and I look away from hers. I don't want to end up giving myself away. She sits next to me, but I don't even bother to her.
- "Love, you need to start feeling good in your home, it's yours. You are not a stranger here." It's easy for you to talk, idiot!
- "Valentina, can you do me a favor?" I turn to look into her eyes, and she nodded, cracking a smile. "Could you stop calling me love?" Her mouth opens and closes few times. She seems to look for something to say, but then sighs, defeated, and lowers her head. She looks scowling and just nods awkwardly. I roll my eyes. Why does she keep acting this way? Argh! Luiza, you're married. And my dad told me not to be so rude to her, but I can't.
Valentina gets up from the couch and turns to leave, but I quickly hold her by the wrist.
- "It's just that... It's very difficult, you know?" I explain. "I don't know how to handle all this. It's not been easy for me."
Valentina lets out a laugh without any trace of humor, and confused, I frown, because I thought she was hurt. I let go of her wrist at the same time.
- "I am trying to understand you, Luiza. I swear I am!" she almost spits out the words. Her voice is pure irony, the way I remembered. That's the Valentina I know.
- "Is it hard for you not to remember anything? But I am sure it's not worse than seeing the love of your life treat you so coldly, like I am nothing, when I used to be your everything."
- "You need to understand me, dammit!" I scream suddenly. I am exhausted, about explode, and not just figuratively. Valentina, like, is gasping. Her face is red, with a vein bouncing off her forehead.
- "It's not been easy for me. I've lost my whole life, it's hard."
- "Is it being hard for you?" She takes a step towards me, and on instinct, I step back. It was hard to see her get off the hook, and I am really worried.
- "Don't you see that it's been hard for all of us?"
- "Valentina"
- "No! You'll hear me!" I shut up, hearing her stern tone of voice, and swallow dryly. It feels like my throat has been out of water for a long time, so dry. "Do you think it's easy to see the love of my life acting the way you have? Do you really think it's been easy to see everything we've built, during these years, just fall apart, and I can't do anything? I---You---" she pulls away, runs her hands over her face and lets out a long sigh.
- "I love you, Luiza. Probably, more than I once imagined loving someone in my entire life. And I promised at the altar that I would be by your side at all times, in health and in sickness, in joy and in sorrow. Think it's been hard just for you?"
My eyes start to burn because of the tears. To see her in this way, so vulnerable despite her previous anger, causes me an unknown anguish. Since it all happened, I've never stopped to think about the way she's feeling. It must really be hard for her.
I don't know what to say. It's all really hard for me. Valentina moves a little closer to me, stopping inches from my body. This time, although she still looks angry, her manner doesn't scare me. I don't walk away; I know she won't do anything to me. With long tug of air, she raises a hand until she touches my face with her fingertips. They're icy and draws a small line on my chin. Her eyes follow the small trail, and a sigh escapes her.
- "You've lost your memory, but other people haven't, Luiza," she tells me. It makes my eyes widen and I hold my breath. Her eyes meet mine. So intense.
- "You've never been selfish, don't start being now"
And after saying the last sentence, she just turns around and walks towards the stair. Fast, heavy footsteps echo through the empty house, and I then hear the loud thud of a door being shut. My skin is still warm in the place she touched. But even with her affectionate touch, I know Valentina is still angry, and this time she has every reason to be. Unable to help the tears anymore, I am, once again, crying. What should I do to get everything fixed? How could I love someone I used to hate? I sit back on the couch, feeling lost. My eyes wander aimlessly around the room, I don't know what to do. I hear the front door be opened and then closed tightly.
She must be really in need of space; I'll respect her this time. My phone starts ringing non-stop. I search for the device on the couch and read Big on the screen. I wouldn't even need to see the picture on the screen to know who it was. It could be only be one person.
- "Luiza?" My heart races when I hear that voice. Not in a thousand years would I forget Duda's voice. It's always been a safe heaven for me. "It's me Edudara. Big! Did you miss me? I'm coming to your house in a few minutes. Toni isn't home and Igor just left. He said he would meet Nayara and her husband" She snaps. I wonder if she knows about my memory. Well, if you don't know, I'll have to tell you.
I'm really surprised she quoted Igor. So, the wife he quoted yesterday was Duda? Oh my God! I can't believe my best friend married her elementary school crush. And who would Toni be? Their son?
- "I will be there in a bit. I'm taking cupcakes. Kisses." ** Hanged Up**
She simply spoke non-stop and hung up. Well, Duda is still the same as always. At least I'll have someone to vent to. I really need someone who understands me. Today was very intense, and nothing like the presence of my best friend to calm me down. I need someone to make me understand this whole situation better.