There it is, shining above our heads like a dialed down star. It turns out that Scott got his learner's permit a few months before he got enrolled, so while his driving us around town still isn't exactly legal, it definitely isn't the worst thing I've been a part of. Besides, he's a...decent driver. That's probably putting things a little too kindly. He swerves around every corner like we're in a race car, and doesn't quite seem to know how the brakes work on this thing. Still, he got us all here alive so that's a good enough job in my book. Even if Jean does look like she's gonna puke all over the upholstery.
Scott smiles to me. "Dang, your dad has some nice wheels."
"Yeah, um, Charles is kinda loaded." I say, looking up at the mall.
Jean unbuckles her seat belt and leans forward.
"Elle, are you still sure about this?"
I meet her eyes, "of course I am."
"It's just that," she sighs. "There's a lot of people in there."
"There's a lot of people at the school," Scott buds in.
"Scotts right," I nod. "I can handle this, Jean. I don't need you babysitting me."
She frowns. "I'm not, alright? It's just...Estelle, you know this is a bad idea."
"Someone once told me that the bad ideas are the only ones worth acting on."
Suddenly Jubilee scoffs so loudly that I'm sadly reminded of her presence. "Bullshit, you totally just made that up."
"Did not."
"You so did."
I shake my head. "What? Why would I-"
"It doesn't matter," Scott quickly interjects. "We just have to remember the most important thing."
"What's that?" Kurt asks in awe.
Scott smirks. "Don't get caught."
💙💙💙
We walk into the mall and...nothing. I look around like a crazy person, I mean this isnt what's supposed to be happening. I'm supposed to be freaking out, things are supposed to be flying, the grounds supposed to be shaking. Thats what happened last time I came into a place like this. If anything, it should be worse now. Everythings been getting worse. Everything but this.
Suddenly, I feel fingers wrap around my own and I look up to see Scott standing over me.
"You alright?"
"I'm..." It takes a moment to set in. "I'm fine."
But really, that's a lie too. No, I can't be fine. I can't be because in an odd way, I feel normal. Like a normal person, someone who cant...I cant read his mind.
Panic strikes me like lightning as I focus on his brain, trying to hear Scotts thoughts. Nothing.
I move on to Kurt, then Jubilee, then even to Jean. It's like I'm not even here, like my brain is somehow somewhere else and they are all very far away. I know this should be a good thing. I mean, maybe this is what it looks like to be getting better. In a way though, this scares me more than being out of control, because as of right now...I have no control at all.
"What is that?" Kurt exclaims, breaking me out of my head.
Jean looks around. "What are you talking about?"
Kurt walks forward, practically forcing us to all follow behind.
Finally he stops. "This. What is it?"
Jubilee grins. "You mean the escalator?"
"Yes," he sends her a confused smile. "The escu...this thing."
"It's like a worse version of stairs." I say.
Scott turns to me in shock. "What? No it's not."
"It's literally a death trap." I say, smiling without even meaning too.
Kurt takes a step back. "A death trap!?"
Jean shakes her head with a light laugh. "Elles just being dramatic, like always."
"Oh, so I'm the dramatic friend," I say, my smile staying on my face.
"Yes you are," Jean confirms. "You know, we watched the parent trap the other day and she literally went on a thirty minute rant about how dysfunctional that family was."
"Well they were."
"It's a Disney movie," She laughs.
And before I know it we're all laughing too. This is good. I'm having fun and I can feel it. For one day, maybe I can afford to just not care. To let everything fall away. I know I'm not the best person, but even I deserve one good day. Just one.
"Fine," I say. "I'll go up the death trap, come on."
I take a step forward and it's only then that I realize Scotts hand is still interlocked with my own. For a moment I wish I could take that movement back. In wish I could stay still, and feel the warmth of his palm in my own...but it's too late. I've already broken free, and I'm already sprinting up the escalator.
Each step feels tortuous, like at any second I could be thrown back down. To be honest, I really didn't remember escalators being this dangerous, but it's a little too late to turn back now. I let my forward momentum rush me on. Step after step. Finally I'm so high up that Scott, and Jean, and Kurt, and Jubilee all look slightly smaller. Not like ants, not like people did from a plane. Just smaller than me. I like being high up. It makes my problems feel far away. It makes me feel tall.
My foot crashes against the tile floor and the other rushes right after it until I'm finally standing still. I look down with a wide smile, feeling very achieved...only to see the others staring up at me in shock.
"What?" I call.
Jean sputters to speak. "T-that one goes down."
I stand still. "Down?"
"Yeah," Scott says. "You uh, went the wrong way."
"Oh."
Jubilee looks at me like I'm crazy. "You seriously don't get out much, do you?"
With that, laughter fills me and smiles plaster on the others faces as well.
"Maybe I am a little dramatic."
💙💙💙
As we all walk side by side past stores, I start to feel a pull. It's odd, like something is grasping my hand and trying to get me to turn around. There's no hand in sight though and no matter how many times I glance over my shoulder...there's still nothing there.
Not yet anyways.
"Hey," Scott says with a smile, "earth to Elle?"
I blink a few times before straightening out. There's no pull, it's not real. I'm paranoid, that's it. This is self sabotage to its fullest extent. I can go out with people and have fun. My life doesn't need to simply consist of life threading event after another. I can't be that much of a beacon for tragedy. At least I can't be for today.
I look to his tinted glasses that are currently reflecting off the near blinding ceiling lights. "What?"
A laugh escapes Jean's lips from where she stands to my right. "I told you she was ignoring you."
"I don't know," Jubilee jumps in. "Maybe that's just the face she gets when she's thinking really hard."
I furrow my brow. "Totally, and this is the look I get when-"
"This place is like a temple," Kurt somewhat innocently interrupts. "I've never seen anything more beautiful."
Scott and I exchange smiles, both of us clearly holding back our laughter. A part of me does feel somewhat bad for Kurt though. If this is the most beautiful place he's ever seen...then what did his life look like before this morning?
I shake my head slightly and continue on. We pass a group of teenagers, probably about our age. They all look boringly typical and I almost look them all over compliantly but as the final girl walks by, a brunette with long braids...she whispers something to me.
"What?" I question, meeting her eyes.
She just glares at me in confusion though and walks on, giggling to her friends about me being strange.
"Jeeze, rude." I frown looking back at the teens but talking quietly enough that they can't hear.
"What are you talking about?" Scott asks, looking back as well.
I shrug, "that girl, didn't you hear her?"
"Estelle," Jean frowns. "She didn't say anything."
I slightly shiver at that, a chill washing over me. I'm getting confused, clearly. Reality seems to be twisting before my eyes and I'm confused. Suddenly I don't feel so well, like I never really got out of bed this morning and now that I've woken up I'm horribly ill.
Thinking on it further, confusion doesn't really do a justice to explain how I feel. Disoriented is better. I feel utterly and deeply disoriented.
We keep walking though, passing by another group of people, these boys seeming to be in their early twenties.
Kurt stares on in awe as they send him a polite smile. "They don't fear us."
'Oh my god, what is that thing?''
I tense up and close in upon myself. "Believe me, they do."
In an instant fingers interlock with my own and Scotts warm palms press against mine. He sends me a smile, the corners of his mouth pinching against skin and creating light dimples.
"Hey, come on," He pulls on my hand and starts leading me towards a lit up blue sign. "Lets go have some fun."
💙💙💙
The blue sign was for a brand new arcade. The floors are covered with a wine colored carpet that ruffles under our shoes. The place is somewhat empty other than a few groups of young kids, and we have pretty much free reign of the games. Jean wanders over to some game involving a bird and brings Kurt along with her. Needless to say, Jubilee doesn't stick around me for too long and she ditches to go talk to the tan guy working the front desk.
So that just leaves Scott and I, standing here, alone...
"No way!" I exclaim, a particular game catching my eye.
My feet carry me forward and I stare up at the familiar character printed onto the front.
Scott smiles and follows my gaze. "I'll add that to the list of things Estelle likes, arcade games."
"Oh," I laugh. "So you're saying you have a list?"
"Maybe," he jokes, beginning to dig around in his pockets. "I got a few quarters if you want to play."
I feel a wave of memory hit me. "Yeah...but just so you're thoroughly warned, I'm pretty good at Pac-Man."
"Is that a challenge?" He asks with a smirk, taking a step closer to me.
I grab the quarter from where it sits in his palm and load it into the machine. "Definitely."
I put my hands on the stick first, my concentration getting consumed by the challenge in front of me. I hit all the right corners and as I do, I can't help but remember all those days I spent in the basement, playing with someone else...I jerk back to reality as a go just narrowly misses me. I keep trailing on for another few minutes until finally I mess up and turn the wrong way.
GAME OVER
-NEW HIGH SCORE!-
93,852 POINTS
I turn around to see Scott perched over me, his eyes trained on the screen. "You cheated, you must have cheated."
"If I cheated I definitely would have gotten a higher score," I say with a smile. "Give me an hour and I could go up a digit place easily."
He shakes his head. "You're amazing, you know that?"
"Shut up," I brush him off. "Besides, I didn't think you were one to turn down a challenge, it's your turn now."
"There's no way I'm gonna beat you. My mom barely even let me play board games."
I take his hand into my own and lead him onto the controller. "Come on, I'll teach you."
His checks slightly flush for a moment, probably because of the lack of ac.
"So," I ask as I move his hand slightly to the left. "What else is on your list about me?"
He tenses as we get close to a ghost. "Well I know you like roofs, music, definitely not escalators, and as much as you don't want to show it, you like me."
My breath hitches for a moment, but I quickly shake the feeling away. "Very observant for a blind guy."
"That," he says, suddenly overpowering me and turning to controller the opposite direction. "Is just mean."
"Scott! You went the wrong way!"
"What? There's nothing-"
He gets cut short by a pink ghost coming down from behind and destroying our Pac-Man entirely.
I release my hand from its place on top of his and turn to face him with a grin. "I guess I'll just have to add that to your list, Scottie, your Pac-Man skills need work."
"So now I have a list?" He questions.
"Of course you do," I say confidently. "Your favorite color is red, you wear it a lot even when you can't see. You're a little scared of heights which you really shouldn't feel bad about considering about five to six percent of the whole world is with you in that boat, which doesn't sound like a lot but I swear it is. Also...that first day we met, you called me a rare baseball card, so I'm pretty sure you're a fan of the sport."
He stares down at me intently through his tinted glasses. He doesn't quite smile but a new look crosses his face. A look that shows off every little feature I never noticed about Scott Summers before today. How he has a few light freckles splattered on his nose, how his ears stick out to the side a little more than most people, and the way the corners of his lip are always slightly downturned even when he grins. Maybe my first assessment of Scott wasn't entirely accurate. Perhaps he isn't just an average guy. After all, nothing at all about Scott Summers is even nearly average at all.
He seems to break out of his trance and it's only then that I realize we've both been starring.
"Let's go do something crazy," he says, grabbing my hand tightly, as if he missed the familiar connection.
I roll my eyes and take one more look at the others. "I'm up for a little crazy."
💙💙💙
"This is crazy," I say with a wide smile, my feet pounding up the dark stairway we're not supposed to be using. "You're crazy!"
He looks back at me for a split second and then continues sprinting upward, his arms finally pushing hard against the wooden door and slamming us into the light.
"I thought you wanted crazy?" He says, spreading his arms outward to reveal the rooftop of the entire mall.
A laugh escapes my lips and I shake my head. "I didn't take you for someone who enjoyed breaking and entering."
He leads me around for a while as we catch our breath. "Okay, so maybe we entered but I'd hardly say we broke anything."
"Accept for that door lock." I shrug casually.
"Hey," he points to me. "You were the one who couldn't figure out how to pick it!"
"And you were the one who melted it beyond repair, a bit of an escalation if I do say so myself."
He takes a seat at the ledge and motions for me to join him. "Fine, maybe we're just not all that great at breaking the law."
"Speak for yourself," I say, collapsing at his side. "You know, I broke into the Pentagon once."
He laughs for a moment before noticing that I am not joining along. "You're not kidding, are you?"
I sigh and lean back onto my elbows. "It was an interesting week."
"I bet," he laughs and scoots a little closer to me.
I find myself kicking my legs around over the edge, feeling the weightlessness of it all.
"Scott?"
"Yeah."
I sigh and keep my gaze downward. "Do you ever wonder how far you could fall?"
"What are you talking about?" He asks, clearly confused.
"I mean, before you'd die." I clarify for him. "I know if you fall from high up it could be horrible but how horrible are we talking. If we fell right now, would we die? Or would we just live on in absolute agony?"
Scott goes silent for a moment and the rushing wind floods my eardrums.
Finally he puts a finger on my chin and meets my gaze. "I-I don't really know, Elle. I do know though that even though you can fly and you're probably way more powerful than anyone else and dont need anyones help...if you lose your way, I'll never let you fall. I'll always catch you."
My lips slightly part and before I know it his face is close to mine, closer than I've ever been with another human being in my entire fourteen years of life. Closer than I may ever get again.
"You got something wrong on your list, Scott."
I can feel his breath on my lips. "Oh yeah?"
"I-I definitely do like you Scott," I start, nerves beginning to fill my stomach. "I just don't know...I don't think I like you like other people. You're different and I don't want to lose you because of that."
A new gleam seems to fill his eyes and he bites his lower lip. "I might have to give in that thirty day notice then...because I don't think I like you like most people either."
"Oh," I breathe
Disappointment of some form washes over me but it is only met with true and utter confusion. I don't know what I mean by the words coming from my lips but I know for a fact that they are the honest truth. Something scares me about that though. The unknown is vast and my legs can only take me so far. I know though that I don't want Scott to hang out with other people like he hangs out with me. I know, that's jealousy and self centered and selfish but I don't think I can change that feeling, whatever it is.
I shake my head and back away from him. "I saw you and Jean talking the other day."
He looks taken aback.
"You mean when I got my glasses?" He asks. "She's cool, told me she'd help me with my homework at lunch."
I feel my heart twist like a soaking wet rag. "Yeah, you two, um, I think you're good together."
"Me and Jean?"
"Duh, I mean your both like, perfect." I say, shaking my head with a forced smile.
He closes the space between us. "Elle I want to be Jean's friend but...I don't want to be your friend."
"I-yeah, I know," I say.
He looks into my eyes. "I want to be more than your friend."
I scrunch my eyebrows. "Best friends?"
"No!" He says quickly. "I-I..."
Silence engulfs the moment and it's only now that I realize how close we've gotten to each other again. His breath hovers over my lips and a strange wave of clarity rushes through me. I am typically a very thoughtful person, maybe too thoughtful for my own good. Overthinking is my staple, it's gotta be when you have the ability to hear everyone else's thoughts. Still, despite everything...for once, I don't think at all.
In one swift movement I close the space between us and our lips crash together. Scott tenses for a terrifying moment before a sense of calm seems to rush into him and he leans in further. His lips are soft. Maybe all lips feel this way? I don't exactly have any previous experience on the matter. Still, I'd like to think Scott has the most beautiful kiss in the whole world.
I pull back probably too quickly, leaving Scott frozen with a goofy smile on his face.
And suddenly I comprehend what I've done.
"Sorry!" I announce, springing to my feet. "I dont...I dont know why I did that!"
He looks up towards me and I expect his smile to melt away, nothing more than a shocked form of courtesy.
Instead he laughs a little. "You taste like mint."
"Um...I just spat out my gum." I fumble over my words.
💙💙💙
My previous words patter around in my brain like a pinball as I sit in the passenger seat, not daring to look to my left. 'I just spat out my gum'? Why is that what I had to say? Why did I have to go and kiss Scott in the first place? Sure, he doesn't seem all too unhappy about it, but what we had was good. I liked being friends with Scott, liked going on carefree adventures. Jeans probably gonna murder me when she finds out. I wonder if Scott knows how she feels, I doubt it honestly. Still, I did, and I was the one who kissed him. The guy I've known for less then a week. I don't know what Jean meant the other night, going on about love at first sight. I don't know what I feel towards Scott but it's definitely not love. Can you kiss someone you don't love? Can I...like someone more than a friend, but not love them, at least not yet? What is love anyways?
"-Elle?"
I turn back in my seat to see all three other passengers sending me confused glances.
"What's up?" I ask
Jubilee looks me over not too kindly. "I asked if you could put on the radio. Like, ten minutes ago."
I only raise an eyebrow her way in response. "Next time try asking again."
"Um.." Jean awkwardly cuts in. "She kinda did, Estelle. You've been staring off into space, unresponsive, for a while now."
I sink into my seat a bit at that. Her statement doesn't sound right. It only feels like I bucked up a minute ago tops...
"Sorry, no problem I'll just-"
But my words get cut short.
At first it feels like a needle, making its way slowly into my brain. It's worse than a headache, no...it feels more precise, planned. I try to breath away the pain but within seconds the needle turns into a knife and a scream ripples from my lips, my head dropping into my hands.
"Estelle!" I hear Scott scream from beside me, his volume only making the pain intensify.
Jean unbuckles and grabs my hand, "we have to get her back to school. The professor is there, he can help her."
"You sure?" I hear Jubilee snarkily reply from behind.
I can't respond, can't even think about talking. My vision starts to flash in and out and pictures appear before my eyes. At first there too fast to make out, blurs of blue and metal. Then they come more into focus, as if someone has given me heavily prescripted glasses. I see an unfamiliar blue man standing besides...my dad.
In an instant they disappear and I'm back in my seat, the school only mere feet ahead of us. My brain still feels like it is splitting into two though. This is wrong. Something is utterly and completely wrong. This pain, it's not being caused by my powers. No, it's as if I'm seeing out of another's eyes. This isn't an attack on myself at all...it's a warning.