It opens up to Chris on a runway
Chris: Season 3 of, Total Drama folks! The world is gonna be mine now! Sea to shining sea! Sadly, I'm forced to share my world with a group of teenage traveling freak shows. They'll be competing all around the globe for another million dollar prize!
(A blue bus arrives)
Chris: Soo! Let's meet our players!
(Courtney walks out followed by Duncan, Heather, Gwen, Leshawna)
Chris: Courtney, Duncan, Heather, Gwen, Leshawna!
Gwen: (she bumps into Heather) ugh! Are there reserved seats? I.E can I have one not behind heathers pony hair pony tail
Heather: (she turns around with her arms crossed) um, my extensions are HUMAN hair!
Duncan: you learn something new everyday
Gwen: (giggles)
Chris: Lindsay!
(Lindsay walks out of the bus and blows a kiss towards the camera
Chris: Owen, DJ, and Harold!
Owen: (grunts while dj carry's him out of the bus) Sweet strawberry preserve! No-o-oh!
Dj: He's afraid of flying remember?
Harold: (walks out) aerophobia, from the Latin, as opposed to aeronausaphobia, the fear of air sickness.
Noah: ( walks out) keep up the fascinating facts, and I'm going to be aeronauseous all over you!
Chris: and returning favorites! Noah, Cody, and-
Ezekiel: (Ezekiel exits the bus) yo yo yo! This years winner is in the house! Er- bus- or runway!!! Where's the plane eh?
Izzy: I know right! Let's fly! (She jumps on his back knocking them both down)
Chris: ....eh- yup! Izzy's back! Also returning this season, Tyler!
Tyler: (he poses and trips and falls on Izzy and ezekiel)
Chris: and the co-host of the total drama aftermath, Bridgette!
Bridgette: WoAh! (She trips and falls on Tyler, izzy, and Ezekiel)
Ezekiel: yo Chris you forgot introduce me!
Chris: (sighs) and Ezekiel.
Chris: and now to mix things up and keep it all fresh- we're adding three new competitors! He's an honor roll student with a diplomat for Dad, and an amazing ability to charm the pants off of most species on earth! Alejandro!
Alejandro: (Spanish music plays in the background as he exits the bus) perhaps I can be of assistance? (He helps Bridgette and izzy up)
Izzy: wow-we!
Bridgette: I-I-I have a boyfriend!
Alejandro: and amigos, please, allow me. (He helps Tyler and Ezekiel up)
Ezekiel: wow- eh?
Tyler: I like girls (ITS THE LINE HEY AHAHA)
Chris: she's a sugar addicted super fan with 16 total drama blogs! Sierra!
Sierra: (creepy music starts playing as she exits the bus) Oh my gosh! I love you guys! This is the greatest day of my life! (She hyperventilates) anybody got a paper bag I can breathe into? (She rushes over to Cody) oh my gosh Cody! I dreamt of this moment for years! Only you weren't wearing a shirt!
Chris: yeah. And, he's a different kind of weak! With being your average librarian, Mr Braniacatron, Bentley!
Bentley: nice name, I bet you thought real hard for that one...
Chris: thanks
(Suddenly a big sand scrappy war-type plane appears behind the contestants)
Duncan: what the?!
Courtney: excuse me, but I'd like to express some concern about the safety of our plane
Chris: relax! It's perfectly safe! (A part of the side of the plane breaks off as he finishes his sentence) Now boarding!
Owen: No! I can't ride in that thing! It's a death trap! Call the United Nations! Call a cab! Call my mom! No! I'm not doing this! I'm out! This is unethical!
(Chris slams owen on the head with a frying pan which leaves a big pink bump to pop out of Owens head)
Owen: mommy!
Chris; anyone else got a problem with it?
Cody: no! (Nervously)
Lindsay: love it! (Nervously)
Bridgette: dibs on the window seat!
Chris: now boarding on a voyage to a million dollars! We're saving you a first class seat (he points to the camera) for all the action! Right here on- (in a sort of singing tone) Total Drama Wooorld Tooour!
Duncan: Seriously?
(INTRO THEME)
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Gwen: singing really? I thought Chris was joking about that!
Courtney: I don't have a problem with it!
Leshawna: yeah cause you LIKE singin'.
Duncan: well I don't! Girls sing, little birdies sing (he fake chuckles) DUNCANS DO NOT SING!
Harold: (to Leshawna) think I'll get to beatbox?
Duncan: I'll beat ya if you try! (He says while holding his fist out in a threatening manner)
Heather: why are you doing this to us?
Chris: because singing reality shows are HUUGE! And the worse the singing the higher the ratings which is why in this show there will be no vocal coaches or rehearsals or warning!
(Everyone complains)
Chris: anywho! This is the dining area where you will enjoy inflight prepared meals!
Ezekiel: not for long eh! Prepare to lose tot eh zeke!
Gwen: okay, so not trying to be mean here but you do know you got voted off first last time right?
Ezekiel: word! And I spent every second of every minute making sure that don't happen, I'm stronger , faster, smarter-
Chris: chattier, blabbier, can't shut uppier! Now zip it and let me finish the tour so we can get this bird in flight!
Leshawna: is there a ladies room?
Chris; just through there (he points in the direction where the bathroom is)
Leshawna: good! Cause I got to make a deposit!
(Cuts to Leshawna in the confessional)
Leshawna: there's a camera in the potty, again? Ugh! Can't a sister get a little bit of privacy on this program?
(Cuts back to Everyone in the loser class)
Chris: losing teams will enjoy a luxurious economy class between destinations!
Lindsay: okay but where are the beds?
Chris: Owen! Care to demonstrate?
(Cut to Owen sleeping while strapped in a safety harness)
Owen: (snore) PLANES! No!! (Goes back to sleep)
Heather: that does not look comfortable!
Chris: no comfort for losers! Safety harnesses and an emergency exit! But no comfort here!
Sierra: (walks up to Chris) a-ha-ha-ha! Omg Chris I am just so lol! (She laughs)
Ezekiel: we should hit the winners compartments eh! Cause I ain't never gonna sit back here, (scoffs) Never!
Noah: is never your policy on mouthwash too homeschool?
(Cut to everyone in first class)
Chris: this is the first class area! The domain of each weeks winning team!
Alejandro: (to Lindsay) now this is the kind of accommodation ladies deserve!
Lindsay: they get ladies in first class too? Oh! Me! You meant me!
Dj: that guy is as smooth as mommas gravy
Tyler: Lindsay's supposed to like me!
Dj: haha! Nobody can compete with gravy!
Tyler: Lindsay! Over here! Watch me do a handspring! (He attempts to do a handspring but falls in midair on his face) awwww...
Lindsay: oh my gosh! Poor- uh I'm blanking on his name! Oh- oh I know! Alejandro!!
Alejandro: that's, my name.
Lindsay: and what a nice name, Alejandro! I could say it all day!
Alejandro: please do.
( Lindsay giggles)
Heather: (in the cockpit confessional) I can see right through that guy. (Looks around the cockpit) you know this extra confessional is 1000x nicer than talking to the toilet
Chef: maybe for you! I'm trying prep for a flight here!
Heather: Hello venting! Shhhh! Anyway new guy is so transparent, so fake, so-
Chef: deliciously seductive?
Heather: that is exactly the opposite of what I was trying to say!
Chef: pretty good looking guy to boot! I'm just saying!
Heather: ugh! Forget this!
( cut to everyone in Chris's area )
Cody: wow! Where are we now? A grand piano! A wood burning pizza oven! A four person hot tub with led lightshow and dancing waters!?
Harold: how do I win this? My fair Leshawna loves hot tubs!
Chris: easy tiger! These are my quarters! And they're off limits! Clear!
Harold: crystal..
Sierra: oh chris! I heart your limits.
Bentley: (confessional) looks like we have a grade-A suck up on our hands
Heather: (confessional) anyway! With Beth gone, lindsiot, and ale- whatever looking like a huge threat. My only strategic option is to make friends with the new girl, but pretending to like that is going to be haaard. I do not HEART, the new girl!
(We're back at the dining area)
Chris: anyway that's pretty much it, I skipped the cargo holder, but I'm sure you'll find the most exciting destinations later when I accidentally (he puts up quotation marks with his hands) lock you in them!
(The plane tumbles and Bridgette tumbles over into Alejandro's lap)
Alejandro: senorita! Are you okay?
Bridgette: is the earth moving?
Izzy: nope! We are! Wooh!
Chris: one more thing! I'm sure you remember a little something called the elimination ceremony! Takes place right in there my friends!
(Cut to the elimination room)
Chris: if you don't receive a barf bag full of air-lined issued peanuts-
Ezekiel: I got peanut allergy yo- or more like a sensitivity?
(Chris looks irritated with Ezekiel)
Chris; you will be forced to take the drop of shame!-
Ezekiel: okay I just don't like-
(Chris grabs Ezekiel by the hoodie and throws him off the plane)
Chris: kind of like this!
Ezekiel: heyyy! Woo-ho-ho-oh! Good one eh! Now slow down and let my bling back in!
Chris: all eliminations are final bro!
(He waves)
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(Everybody is sitting in the dining area)
Dj: every second we're getting closer to adventure and further from mamma!
Sierra: Cody Emmett Jameson Anderson! I also happen to know that your birthday is April 1st, you're my very own April fool!
( suddenly they all here a bell ring and the lights turn out with a spotlight on Chris McLean)
Chris: every time you hear that friendly little bell it's musical time! So let's hear it!
Courtney: but what are we supposed to sing?
Chris: you have to make it up as you go, wouldn't be challenging otherwise now would it?
( a tune starts playing a Courtney smiles)
Courtney: up!
Courtney&Izzy: up!
Courtney&Izzy&Sierra: up!
Courtney&Izzy&Sierra&Lindsay: up!
Harold: sing!
Harold&Cody: sing!
Harold&Cody&DJ: sing!
Harold&Cody&DJ&Tyler: sing!
All: (except Duncan and Gwen) were flying and singing! We're flying and we're singing!
(Cut to Sierra pushing Cody on concession stand in first class)
Sierra: come fly with us!
Sierra and Cody: come fly with us!
(Cut to Izzy in a bag holder)
Izzy: got a lot of crazy, tunes to bust haha!
(Cut to Bridgette and Lindsay in first class)
Bridgette: (steps on a couch) come fly with us!
Lindsay&Bridgette: (Lindsay steps on a chair) come fly with us!
Alejandro: (comes from behind a chair) it's a pleasure and an honor and a must! (He helps Bridgette and Lindsay down as they blush and giggle)
(Cut to the dining area)
Duncan: dudes this is messed, you're singing in a plane.
Harold: what did you expect? Chris is freaking insane (as he spinning his nunchucks around he hits himself and he falls off screen)
Gwen: yeah! But guys, you're singing on TV!
Courtney: (pops out from behind Gwen) haven't you always wanted to? It can't just be meeeee! (She ballet dances off screen)
(Cut to dj and Leshawna in first class, they are both doing embarrassing dances)
Dj: come fly with us!
Leshawna and DJ: Come fly with us!
(The plane tumbles and they fall over)
(Cut to heather and chef in the cockpit)
Heather: do you know how to steer this thing?
Chef: I try..
(Cut to Ezekiel in the cargo holder)
Ezekiel: (in a harmonic tone) they thought they could leave me and depart, but this stowaways got winning in his heart!
(Cut to Noah and Owen in some of the windows)
Noah: COME FLY WITH US! COME DIE WITH US!
Owen: WE ARE FLYING? I HATE FLYING STOP THE PLANE!
(Chris bashes him on the head with a pan again)
(Cut back to the dining area where Duncan and Gwen are refusing to sing)
Sierra&DJ&Heather&Cody: Come fly with us! Come sing with us!
Duncan & Gwen: NO!
Chris: anyone care for a copy of season 3 rules because in order to escape instant elimination-
(Bentley snatches the rule papers and grins)
Bentley: All contestants must sing in each show!
Courtney: Duncan do it! Let's go.
Cody: Gwen sing it, don't go!
Gwen: I don't want to go home... Come fly with us come fly with us! Come and fly with us!
Courtney: Duncan come on please?
Duncan: thiiiiiiiis suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.
All: yeah!
Chef: (over the intercom) enough singing fruit cakes! Strap yourselves in we are now beginning our descent into Egypt. Musical numbers, worst idea ever, Chris is such an idiot- hey why is the PA still in (Chris gasps) ohhh- (the intercom cuts off)
Chris: we'll be right back...
======================================================================
( we cut to everyone outside the plane in egypt)
Chris: (he's being carried by two underpaid interns) you guys ready for a little fun? Huh, wow, it's a scorcher out here huh?
Bentley: only you wouldn't care
Chris: I call todays challenge.... Pyramid over under!
Leshawna: an 11 hour flight, chefs in-flight cuisine, a forced musical number, NOW WEVE GOT A CHALLENGE?
Chris: don't you love this game?
Bentley: yeah.... Sure do.
(Cuts to everyone at a starting line)
Harold: it's like we're being cooked in an oven!
Leshawna: it might hell if you weren't dressed like a giant baked potato!
Harold: aluminum foil means the alien can't reach your brains! It's a real problem in this area!
(Chris blows an airhorn really loudly)
Chris: man! Alright! Pyramid over under means you get to choose how you get to the finish line. Either you can go over the pyramid or through the pyramid. The choice is yours! Got it? (Everyone nods) ready! Set!-
Ezekiel: wait up yo! You guys! Wait up! I told you I wasn't gonna lose this time eh!
Chris: then we leave you in Halifax or Whitehorse or whatever?
Ezekiel: it's called landing gear homie! I climbed it and hid with the cargo!
Chris: impressive! Buuuut you're still out!
Ezekiel: no way! I'm in it to win it! WORD!
Chris: ehh, it's your funeral.. -set! Go! (He blows the airhorn really loudly in Ezekiel's face, and everykne starts to run)
(Owen, Izzy, Noah, Leshawna, Harold, Cody, Sierra, DJ, Heather, and Ezekiel go through the pyramid, while the rest decide to climb up and down the pyramid)
Bentley: ( in confessional) I sure as heck ain't going through that thing, there must be some twist with mummies and ghosts knowing Chris. I'll stick with going over, how hard can it be?
Noah: (in the pyramid entrance) oh great... our friendly neighborhood host dude failed to mention there are different paths!
Heather: hey Sierra! Which way do you think we should go?
Sierra: me? Uhmm, uh, oh-
Owen: how do we know which way to go?
Izzy: oh I know! I saw this in a spy movie once! You lick your finger and hold it up to find the air flow! (She licks her finger) mm! The sand really crunches in your teeth! Fun! Heh, K, DJ, give me your hand!
Leshawna: Don't do it DJ! You might catch a case of the crazy! Come on Harold. (DJ, Leshawna, and Harold to through the middle path which has a scarab beetle above it
Izzy: ooh! Let's take the scary mummy door!
(Cut to bentley walking up to the pyramid and looking up)
Bentley: they're are a lot bigger in person.. (he slowly steps away from the pyramid)
(Tyler, Bridgette and Lindsay walk up to the pyramid)
Tyler: is it too late to go under instead?
Lindsay: Alejandro's doing okay, he's like the super cutest mountain goat I've ever seen!
(Alejandro jumps down from the pyramid and offers to help Bridgette and Lindsay up the pyramid)
Tyler: wait! I can be a goat!-
Alejandro: may I be of assistance?
Tyler: Lindsay! I'm a goat look! baaaah!
(Cuts to Courtney and Duncan)
Courtney: (ties on her and Duncans waist) rock climbing was the team building challenge back when I was a C.I.T! And if Tiffany Prizzlebuzski hadn't been such a lousy partner, I'd've won!
Duncan: I always said Tiffany was overrated!
Courtney: Mock all you like, Duncan! But my superior ballet skills are going to assure our victory!
(Duncan looks up and notices Gwen struggling)
Duncan: Hey Gwen! (He shouts up to her) are you going over to?
Gwen: working on it!
Duncan: I think Gwen could use a hand!
Courtney: fine but only because a 3 person delay is stronger!
Bentley: (walks past them, looking confident) good luck you two
Courtney: I don't get good vibes from that guy!
Duncan: why? He looks like a twig!
Courtney: well I don't think so. Whatever let's just focus on getting up there.
( cut to Noah, Owen, and Izzy inside the pyramid)
Izzy: ooh! Look! We're in the nurses office (she points to a bunch of bandages on the ground)
Noah: it's a pyramid not a highschool...
Izzy: costume party! Mummy me! (She throws the bandages to Owen and Noah)
(We cut to Alejandro carrying brigette and Lindsay to the top of the pyramid)
Tyler: Lindsay! Wait up! (He's stung by a scorpion which sends him tumbling off the pyramid and crashes into Bentley sending them both to the bottom)
Bentley: great...
(Cuts to Duncan, Courtney and Gwen climbing)
Courtney: (to Gwen) and your form is appalling!
Gwen: gee thanks courtney! I was just wondering about that!
Courtney: you know you're only here because I'm feeling nice today!
Gwen: Wow this is you being nice? (Shouts to Duncan) My sympathies!!
Courtney: are you hearing this duncan? You're not gonna let her get away with that! (Duncan has an irritated expression)
(A beat up Bentley passes them and whispers to duncan)
Bentley: I would feel bad but you are dating one so it's a lose lose (he chuckles as he keeps going up)
(Cut to dj, Leshawna, and Harold running past a bunch of fragile statues of mummies animals)
Dj: (slides back to look at the dog statue) That's a real dog! Poor little guy!
Leshawna: DJ! We do not have time to cry over a stuffed dog!
Dj: hey there little buddy! Wish I had a bone to give ya! (He puts his hand on the top of the statue and it cracks and disintegrates) what did I do, what did I do?! (Scarabs beetles start falling from the roof
Harold: scarabs! Run!
( cut to Ezekiel venturing through the mummy path)
Ezekiel: Guys? Anybody? An intercom? What the shizzle? Yooo playas! Is this thing on? (He taps it and a bunch of bandages come falling on top of him)
(Cut to Alejandro, Bridgette, and Lindsay at the top of the pyramid)
Alejandro: it's too steep for me to carry you down!
Bridgette: there must be an easier way! (She notices the metal sign next to them) I'm a surfer! I can surf this down! (She tries to get the sign out of the pyramid, and Tyler finally reappears, exhausted)
Tyler: Me to.. (he gets smacked in the face by the bottom of the sign)
Tyler: (he's sent flying down and when Bentley looks up his eyes go wide) OHHH NOO!
Bentley: (exhales) crud.. (Tyler falls on him only for him to go flying all the way back yo the bottom while Tyler is where Bentley was before he got knocked off) AHHHHHHH STOPPPPP!
Courtney: (looks up and laughs) haha! Karmas a- (Bentley falls past muffling what Courtney said)
======================================================================
(Leshawna, DJ, Harold make it out of the pyramid and cross the finish line)
Chris: good job guys!
Dj: we're first? We're first!
Chris: go stand behind the number 1
Harold: in Egyptian it's waheet (idk bro)
(Cut to heather, Cody, and Sierra running from izzy)
Izzy: oh guys guys! How about another musical number?! A pyramids just a triangle with room inside! I would be awesome as Frankensteins bride!
(Cut to Noah and Owen)
Noah: hey brick house, I found your girl.
Owen: yes!
(Owen walks up to the mummy)
Owen: saaay you do make a cute mummy, you gotta big kiss for old Owen? (He attempts to kiss the mummy)
Noah: That's not Izzy! Run!
(Cut to Lindsay, Bridgette, and Alejandro sliding down the pyramid with the makeshift surfboard, they make it to the finish line)
Lindsay: yeah!
Bridgette: that was awesome
Lindsay: ladies! After you!
(They walk past the finish line and go to the number 1 but Chris prevents Alejandro from passing through yet)
Chris: not so fast! This season, 3 teams! Bridgette and Lindsay round up Team 1! Alejandro on the other hand is the starter of Team 2!
Harold: in Egyptian it's eightnane (still don't know)
Chris: if it's any consolation you do get (Tyler starts falling down the pyramid and gets buried in the sand once he hits the ground)
Alejandro: uhh, Tyler was it?
Chris: yup Tyler is Officially on Team 2 and you also get-
(Noah and Owen run out of the pyramid screaming)
Chris: them... congratulations!
Alejandro: that's...... wonderful!
Alejandro: (confessional) "BLEEP" QUE DIO! "BLEEP" INCOMPETENTES! "BLEEEP"
(Sierra runs out with Cody on her back followed by heather)
Sierra: oh I'm so happy we found you! Heather aren't you so happy?!
Heather: so happy I could scream.....
(They cross the finish line)
Sierra: we did it! Group hug! (Sierra hugs Cody by his head) come in heather bring it in!
Heather: (rolls her eyes and very regretfully hugs Sierra)
Chris: aaaand hugs over! Sierra, get behind the number 2. Hetaher and Cody are starting Team 3!
Harold: in Egyptian!-
Chris: no one cares Harold.
Cody: where's Gwen? Not that I care or anything, I'm just curious
(Cut to Gwen, Duncan, and Courtney on the top of the pyramid)
Gwen:I'm telling you! We need to untie!
Courtney: and I'm telling you it's unsafe, I'm in charge and-
(Chris interrupts their bickering by shouting at them with a megaphone from the bottom)
Chris: uhh kids! (The musical bell rings) recognize that sound? Time for you three to give us a little musical reprise!
Duncan: you said 1 song per episode!
Chris: yeah and this is a reprise not a new song! So if you don't want to sing you're out!Now let's hear it!
Duncan: you know what? NO! (Duncan starts jumping his way down the pyramid taking Courtney and Gwen off their feet and falling after him) no no no no no no no no!
Duncan: three hours of these two squawking on this dumb pyramid, in this dumb heat? and you want me to sing? FORGET IT!
Chris: Duuude, you have a contract
Duncan: CRAM IT MCLEAN, if you need ME, I'll be in the plane waiting for a ride home cause I'm out! (He takes out his knife and cuts the rope connecting him to Courtney and Gwen) I'm done! I quit!
(Courtney and Gwen look in shock and gasp, Cody lends a hand to Gwen to help he get up) Hi, looks like we're teammates!
(Suddenly bentley comes falling down the pyramid looking more beat up then Tyler did)
Bentley: SOMEBODY HELP ME! (He keeps falling and his face lands in the sand, he groans)
Cody: (confessional) girls on the rebound are the best! They cry and then you get to buy them a pop and then, well, they still don't go out with you but you get to buy them a pop!
(Izzy comes out of the pyramid carrying another mummy)
Owen: IZZY NO!
Noah: you're carrying the undead!
Izzy: cool! Bite me and I could be your undead friend like Frankenstein! (The mummy hops out of Izzy's arms and takes the bandages off and it's revealed to be Ezekiel)
Ezekiel: thanks for all the help ya knobs!
Chris: Izzy, Bentley, you two to join Team-
Harold:-Teleata, or three.
Ezekiel: come on guy! After all this you gotta let me back in the game!
Chris: fine! But I only because we're down a man because of Duncan McQuittyPants, go ahead and join Team 1, Gwen and Courtney you're in Team 3.
Chris: alright teams talk amongst yourselves and determine a team name, you only get three minutes while I enjoy my ice cream!
Team 1: Team Victory!
Team 2: (endless bickering)
Team 3: Team Amazon!
Sierra: Team Chris Is Really, Really, Really, Really, Hot!
Team 2: (except Sierra) WHAT?
Chris: alright beat team name ever! Oh and here are your rewards! Team Amazon, you win a Camel! Team Chris is really really really really really hot-
Alejandro: I think there were only 4 reallys
Chris:- you win a goat! (The goat hits Tyler in the stomache) and team Victory, here ya go! (He throws Leshawna a stick)
Leshawna: you mean the guys you came in last get camel and we get a stick?
Bentley: haters gonna hate. (He crosses his arms)
Chris: all will be explained- if I feel like it, next time on Total Drama Woooooorld Toooouur!!!
Bentley: is he gonna do that every time?
(END CREDITS)
I don't think I did bad for my first self insert episode. I think I made myself get just the right amount of screen time for a newcomer. I'll try to make one of these every week.