“You’re Sofia! Of course you’re not crazy!,” Gabby exclaimed rather loudly while we were in the canteen.
I slapped my face with my notebook due to embarrassment. Gabby can get a little wild when we talk about my mother. She doesn’t really like her but at least she doesn’t hate her.
“Gabby, I’m not joking,” I mumbled against my notebook.
“Hey!,” she grabbed the notebook away from my face and looked at me. Her eyes are squinted and her lips pressed tightly in a line. “I just said you’re Sofia of course you’re not joking!,” she exclaimed again with her fists on her waist.
“Gabby,” I groaned.
“Yes that’s me,” she answered happily sitting across from me.
“I’m really wondering why I even bother ,” I sighed.
“You need me Fia!,” she yelled again and I groaned in embarrassment. My face flushed at the thought that other students may have been looking at our table. Sometimes I feel like smacking her. “You need a little ray of sunshine like me,” she added. She was smiling at me and it brought me back to the first time we met.
“Do you know why you’re here?,” a man in a white coat sat across me. The pin on the left pocket of his coat says he’s Doctor Ralph C. Wyatt. I was wondering what his C was when a throat was cleared. I looked back at him. He looks too young to be working here. Did he graduate ahead of his class? I thought.
“Sofia,” he said and I blinked. Stunned that my mind kept wandering at unnecessary places.
“Is it okay if I call you Sofia?,” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered but my voice sounds foreign.
“Okay let’s try again,” he composed himself. “Do you know why you’re here Sofia?,” he asked again.
Do I? I wasn’t sure why I was here.
Yes. I wanted to tell him but it would be like telling myself I’m really crazy.
No. I wanted to say but it would be like letting him tell me I’m here because I’m crazy.
I’m not sure. I wanted to finally say but it would sound like I wanted them to think for me.
“Sofia,” a soft voice called out to me. It then dawned on me that my parents were there. They were in chair across mine. I was too busy looking at the doctor to realize I wasn’t alone with him in this room. I turned to look at Dr. Wyatt again. I started to form a sentence in my head.
“I.....,” and that was all I could say.
“Do I make you uncomfortable?,” he asked.
“No,” I answered.
“I’m sorry that it has to be me but the rest of them are already having their Christmas break,” he smiled apologetically.
“Sfine,” I whispered. “Why aren’t you on your Christmas break?,” I asked. My curiosity had gotten the best of me.
He smiled, “I was about to but I think you being here is the best gift for me this Christmas.” He put his pen aside and intertwined his fingers. He looked more welcoming now than when he was ready jotting down anything he could get out of me.
I frowned remembering his answer.
“What do you mean?,” I asked him. I didn’t think consulting a psychologist could be a best gift. “Do you mean the fee?,” I added when I realized he could be happy because he would receive more pay during holidays if he’s still working.
He laughed. He laughed so hard that he clutched the table. He cleared his throat and looked at me. “No,” he chuckled. “I heard you just woke up after being in a coma for three years,” he added.
Oh. I’m a miracle. He was happy because he got to meet the miracle.
“Thank you,” I felt like I needed to thank him like how I thanked the nurses and doctors who had taken care of me.
“You don’t need to thank me, Sofia,” he smiled warmly at me.
“Oh,” I sat there dumfounded but his refusal didn’t hurt. It just surprised me. I didn’t have too?” I thought.
“But you’re a good kid,” he nodded to himself. His eyes were casted down on a piece of paper. “It says here you’re hearing voices,” he added.
I tensed. How did he know? I was panicking. My breaths came out shallower. Arms were wrapped around me and the my rigid body found warmth in it. I closed my eyes trying to calm down. I remembered telling my mom about the voices but I didn’t think she’d tell someone else about it. I felt betrayed. I pried the arms wrapped around me realizing that my mom owned it.
I stood up.
Too sudden because the action made me dizzy. I staggered backwards. I saw dad trying to extend his arms as if he’s afraid I’d fall and hurt my myself. I looked at Dr. Wyatt and then to my mom. They were saying something but I couldn’t hear them.
My heart was beating louder than normal and it was all I could hear. Their words were swallowed by my own heartbeat. The room was too small for me now. I feel like suffocating. I tried finding the door. I looked around frantically. When I caught sight of it, I rushed towards it.
The hallway was crowded with too many people but I ran. Iran and I ran. I never stopped. I was looking for something but I didn’t know what. I heard yelling after me but I was too busy catching my breath. I continued to run when I suddenly bumped into someone.
“Ow?,” squeaked a girl’s voice.
I stopped on my tracks and a few hours later we were both looking at our doctors who were discussing things we don’t even know how to say, or even spell.
“English please!,” the girl I bumped into suddenly intervened in their discussion which had earned her a glare from a doctor I don’t know.
“Don’t glare at me Grace! I thought I told you I like running. I warned y’all,” she clicked her tongue.
I was watching her in awe. I haven’t been awake for long but I like her already. I looked at her hand as if she could sense me, her head whipped in my direction and she smiled at me.
“Um...,” I tried finding the right words to say to her. “Sorry,” I added but whispered it. I didn’t think she could hear it.
“It’s fine really,” she heard it. She pulled out her heart monitor and a ringing echoed inside the room. The doctors suddenly turned to look at us in panic and I just smiled apologetically. I didn’t expect her to do that. I really didn’t. I was telling them that but it all just rushed through my head and my mouth wasn’t that quick to say it.
“Gabriela!,” Dr. Wyatt hissed at her.
“That stopped all of you talking science, didn’t it?,” she smirked.
The doctor she called Grace held her forehead. She must have been having a headache. And I would too if I would be her doctor. My doctor, Sarah, smiled at herself. I could tell she was fond of a little bit of fun.
I felt like they were all looking at me. And I was right, they were looking at me. I turned to look at Gabby who was also shocked at the way they looked at me.
“She smiled,” my mom’s voice croaked. My dad smiled at me and he held my mom while she was hugging him. Her shoulders shook. The doctors were all smiling at me.
“She has never smiled since she woke up,” my mom mumbled against my dad’s shirt.
I didn’t. I thought.
Wow. I thought. I even amaze myself.
Gabriela then sighed beside me, “Man, I’ve never felt as unimportant as this before.” And that sent me into fits of laughter. The first laugh I had since I woke up.
“Hey!,” a snap broke me out of my memory.
I looked at Gabby. Trying to remember how she looked back then to how she looked now.
“I know. I know. I’ve long known that I’m beautiful,” she added complacently. I looked at her indifferently. I was trying not to crack up in laughter.
She looked back at me, “Fine. Fine. I’m awesome.” I was holding my breath so not to burst out laughing. “Hey! Stop looking at me like that! What else do you want me to say?,” she added dramatically.
I laughed. I laughed so hard like the first time I did. Just like the first time we met. She’s my little ray of sunshine. No doubt.
“God, I love you!,” I said finally calming down.
She stood up and grabbed me by my arm, smiling and sauntering our way towards the Publication Office.
“When I told you I was afraid of food, you told me I’m not crazy but I was pretty sure I was crazy. You told me that the voices are the voices I wanted to tell myself because you think I just couldn’t imagine that people would tell me such things. And you were right. You told me I had control. I took it. And you were right,” she surprised me by saying ‘it’ which should not be named.
It was our secret.
It was just ours.
We didn’t stop walking even if I badly want to. I was afraid that she would get sad but she didn’t look like she would cry. She looked happy. She looked free.
“But these voices you hear. They’re not inside you Sofia. They’re in your head because it was always there. Someone put it there. You didn’t put it yourself. I never liked your mother because she made you feel like you’re crazy,” she added as we stopped outside the Publication Office’s door.
She grabbed both my shoulders. She faced me smiling, “You’re not crazy Fia. I believed you when you said you think you’re remembering. And I still believe you now. Now go kick some butt in there,” she practically yelled the last part before running away. I chuckled. I haven’t met her boyfriend yet but I could tell he got his hands full on Gabby.
I knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer it.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you?,” I stood there flabbergasted at the sight of him again.
“Peter?"