Glancing over to my clock, reading at four in the morning. I groan, throwing my head back onto my pillow.
"We need to talk."
Theo approached my bed, sourness danced off of his words.
Letting out a sigh, I prop myself up, ushering him to come forward. Although I would rather be sleeping, talking to him will make my mind be at ease for a little while.
He sat at the foot of my bed. For quite some time neither of us said a word, just staring at one another, waiting for the other to cave.
"So you expect me to just want to "talk" after how you treated me? Okay, I'll talk, you ignore me for merlin knows how long, then expect me to be happy to see you?"
I finally spat out.
Theo appeared to be taken aback by the sudden aggression in my voice. His jaw clenched as he began to come back at me.
"I am not finished."
Theo's mouth closed immediately.
The anger began to fill in his body as his breathing became more rapid.
"And then you have the audacity to make me feel horrible for entering your mind after you entered mine? I apologize for seeing so deep but that's not my fault you don't have a strong enough mind to block me out."
Confidently pushed my chest out to him.
I couldn't believe I had finally gotten, most, of what was on my mind out. Yet this only caused Theo to finally break, or so it seemed.
Throwing his head back in a low chuckle, he brought his eyes forward, focused them on me. His eyes deepened in a way that I could not describe, it was hard to differentiate the difference between hurt and anger, it might be both.
"Please, I was ignoring you for a reason, you're just another shag that ended up being a disappointment."
Pushing himself up from my bed, he took three steps, before pausing directly in front of me.
"I am not weak, as I said before, I showed you something made up, what your mind failed to mention was that it was a warped reality. You really think I would do that if it were to actually happen, please. If I were to do anything to Adrian like that, it would be to show how powerful I am. You were just a pathetic pawn that just so happened to create the perfect situation."
I hadn't noticed my eyes begin to swell with tears as Theo dropped down to eye level with me.
"Like I said, pathetic."
Theo smiled as a single tear trickled down my cheek.
No words, even if I wanted to try and fight back I couldn't. My head was fully empty at this point, no thoughts, just the feeling of emptiness beginning to cave in.
Watching Theo leave my room without another word exchanged, he didn't even bother turning back.
A lump had formed in my throat, protecting me from anymore tears to leave my eyes. I should cry, who wouldn't. The words he spoke to me were unlike any he had ever said.
The things he used to say did not matter anymore, only what was said just a few moments ago. It lingered in the air and the room began to close, just like the emptiness in my head.
The urge to get up and run off the castle grounds was almost mesmerizing, to have the cold air coursing through my lungs, allowing me to be free but alas, I had no energy to do nothing, just lay in the room that no longer comforted me the way it once did.
Slowly, I rest my head upon my pillow once more, closing my eyes, trying to make the best out of the hole I was in.
4:15
5:15
6:15
7:15
8:15
Yet I had yet to fall into a slumber, not even a moment went by where drifting off to sleep came about.
I hadn't to acknowledge Pansy as she had come back during the period of my failed attempt at a peaceful sleep. I didn't want to say anything let alone hear anything, so I kept my eyes closed for as long as I could.
At this point multiple hours had passed since the last time I had checked my clock. I only knew this because Pansy had left to what seemed to be a few hours prior and just now came into the room.
Her presence slowly made its way to my bed.
My eyes shot open as a massive pinch came from my cheek.
"Bloody hell Malia, I thought you died!"
Pansy let out a breath she had been holding, flinging herself onto me.
"No I'm not dead."
I wish I were, maybe I could sleep.
"Amalia, I think you may need some time back at home."
Pansy grabbed my hand into hers, rubbing small circles with her thumb on the back of my hand.
"Pansy, I'm okay, we only have a few more weeks, I'll be fine."
Pansy's face dropped in disbelief.
"You aren't, but if that's what you want to do, I'll help you."
She gave me a small smile and a quick kiss on the cheek.
Smiling back and returned back to my original position. Pansy was right, maybe being away at home would help, being anywhere else but here would, but I can't show how weak I am, especially since I had already let my guard fall during the morning hours with Theo.
Pansy left yet again and I used that as my own personal clock to know how long I would be stuck in this continuous loop. Looking at my own clock would just make me even more weary.
~*~
A knock came from the door. I had fallen asleep, it was short lived by the looks of it but I had successfully fallen asleep, had is the key word, all thanks to the conveniently annoying person who had awoken me.
Trying my best to ignore the person, I closed my eyes yet again, focusing on one thing, sleep.
The knocks became more aggressive and more frequent until I could no longer take it.
Throwing my blanket off in a heat of rage, I stomp to the door, almost ripping it off of its hinges to tear into the person before me.
It was Snape.
Instinctively my shoulders pushed themselves back and my posture was as solid as a soldiers.
"Yes professor, I apologize I was-"
"Asleep, I know."
Without permission, Snape brushes past me, making his way into my room.
My head jerks back at the professor who has now taken out his wand, pointing it before my belongings.
"Professor, what're you doing?"
With a flick of his wand, my clothes began to emerge from my wardrobe, neatly placing itself into my trunk and suitcases.
My heart dropped as I noticed Snape had a slip in his hand, I could only make out one word which was 'Absence'.
"Professor Snape stop, I do not wish to leave Hogwarts."
"I know you do not wish but you have no choice, your mother has written to the school and has decided it would be best that your holiday start earlier than others. I suggest you thank her, given the recent state of your well being."
"My mother? Why would she-"
Pansy.
The lump reformed in my throat. No anger resides inside of me, sadness has now found a temporary spot in its absence.
Staring a while longer as my belongings finished settling in my luggage.
"You will be leaving promptly. It would be in your best interest to clean up and say your farewells to your friends, I will be waiting outside for you so do not take long or I will be forced to rip you from them."
Snape pivots to the door, letting his cloak fly behind him.
Hot tears let themselves trail down my face. I did not expect to be leaving at all, let alone within such little notice, but I obliged to Snape's orders, slowly slipping on a green jumper and a pair of jeans.
I did not bother to fix my hair, rather putting it in a ponytail and calling it a day. I motion my bags to trail behind me, closing my door gently as I did not want to bring anymore attention to me that will inevitably already be there.
Keeping my head down I make a line to the doors, I could hear Mattheo and Pansy call after me as I passed by them yet I would not dare turn to look back at them as I knew he was sitting right beside them.
"Amalia, I'm sorry I had to tell Blaise, I did not think he would tell your mother."
Pansy jumped in front of my path, holding my shoulders.
Nodding, my eyes refusing to depart with the stone floor. Pansy pulls me close, holding me tighter than she had before, I began to feel multiple eyes on me and released Pansy from my grip, pushing past her to go back to my original path.
"I'll see you this summer!"
Was the last words I heard before the entrance to the common room closed.
"Let us be on our way."
Snape remarked in the same monotone vocals he has had since I met him.
It was a quick and silent walk to the end of the castle where I was met with Dumbledore.
"I hate to see that you are leaving just before the final task Amalia, but I understand that we all need time for ourselves."
Flashing Dumbledore a weak smile, he pats my head before extending an arm to help me into the carriage that I normally would be riding with others to head home.
As the enchanted carriage took me further from the castle, I lifted my head to watch how the enormous castle fade slowly out of my eye sight until it was finally gone.
I have yet to know how my mother feels about this situation. I know she will always support me and help me but I am not too sure that telling her what had happened would be a good idea. On the other hand I really have not had anyone to confide in so maybe it won't be so bad.
The spring air filled my lungs, making me realize I was feeling ever so slightly better. There were no walls to make me feel ill or as empty as I did. There was a sense of peace that settled atop of the void within me as the spring flowers danced in the wind, it took me to a better place, one where I did not have to worry whether or not I would get sleep or if the boy I had despised for years felt the same as I did.
Thinking back as to what Dumbledore said, the last task, Cedric. I knew I needed to write to him as soon as I made it home, I no longer have Theo to threaten him and I do want to see him succeed.
Although Cedric and I have flirted before it was harmless, I had never felt anyway about him and I know he felt the same, I wanted to just be there to support him and reassure him that he has the win in his hands.
Before I knew it, I was at the train station, I sat in my spot for a minute, overlooking the empty train station. At least I won't have to scramble to find a spot on the train. Reluctantly I waved my bags to follow after me, leaving behind the enchanted carriage.
Theo was right, I am pathetic, this whole ordeal is pathetic, leaving school because I was too upset to even leave my bed, for what? A boy.
No.
No, it wasn't just a boy, it was him. He made me feel, worse beyond his words, his actions were as if he had murdered my mother. Theo can not make me feel any type of way, but he did, I let my emotions get the best of me and I ended up caring for a boy who never cared for me in the first place.
Laughing to myself realizing how ridiculous I was for believing, even for a second, that a boy like that was capable of making me feel any way towards him that wasn't negative.
I found myself wondering through the halls of the train as if it were packed as how it usually was.
I settled in a far room, just like how I normally did, only this time I was not with a bunch of random students, I was alone.
Placing my belongings in front of me, slumping into my seat. Without missing a beat the train began its descent. I turn my attention to the outside world, taking in what I won't see for a long while.
This will be good for you.
I really hope I'm not lying to myself.