"I'm alive..." Akutagawa muttered to himself as he looked at his hand with the heart monitor linked to his finger. It was the middle of the night at this point and all Akutagawa could see was the few stars illuminated through the window. He quickly leaned out of the bed and disabled the heart monitor before pulling the pin off his hand; he didn't want to alert Yosano or anyone else.
As he tried to creep out of his bed he felt something pull at the hem of his shirt. When he looked down he could see the brief outline of a hand gripped tightly. With an exasperated sigh he carefully released the hand and managed to sneak away, he'd much rather be in his apartment than in the Agency infirmary. It was starting to become a second home to him and he didn't like that idea.
"God it's cold." He complained as he stepped into the streets, he couldn't find his coat so he assumed someone had taken it to his home already. He was about to quicken his pace when he felt something drape over his shoulders.
"Then you should wear a coat then." Akutagawa pulled the coat closer to his body as he slowly turned around. It was Atsushi.
"What do you want?" He questioned in an emotionless tone. Atsushi was incredibly worried that this was already too broken to fix, but he had to try.
"I came to apologise."
"For what exactly?"
"For treating you like this..." Atsushi felt the words in his mouth freeze, why couldn't he just tell him. He'd been planning this for months, so why couldn't he just say it.
"Well, I'm waiting?" Akutagawa was not in a good mood, the last he could recall was being at Gin's house but not much more. All he knew was that there was currently a slight discomfort in his stomach.
"This was not how I wanted to do this..." Atsushi muttered under his breath as rummaged in his pocket for something. Akutagawa was becoming more impatient, it was cold on the street and he wanted to go home.
"So as you know I've been working a lot of extra shifts." Akutagawa nodded at the man's words. He felt a slight fear creeping in the back of his mind, he quickly shook it aside and listened to Atsushi.
"Now the reasoning behind it was one I was wanting to wait a bit longer before asking. But after everything that's happened recently I think now is a better time than any." Akutagawa was confused with his words, he thought his boyfriend might be going insane.
But when Atsushi dropped to one knee it all began to click for him.
"Ryuunosuke Akutagawa, you have cared for me since the first day we met. Even if it was rocky to begin with, you were willing to sacrifice yourself for me time and again. And I hope that you'll allow me to do the same for you in return, so-"
"No." Akutagawa began, he stumbled backwards, he tripped over his own feet and crashed to the ground. Atsushi felt his heart shatter at those words, he hadn't even got to the question yet.
"No, no, no, no, no. No! No! No!" Akutagawa began to shout and cry while pulling at his hair. This wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening. He didn't deserve this. Atsushi shouldn't be settling for him. He could be with that Lucy girl, she'd probably treat him kinder than he ever had.
Before Akutagawa could gather himself and make his escape Atsushi grasped his wrist.
"Why?" He himself had tears running down his face. He thought they both wanted this, he'd given him a promise ring nearly a year ago. If he was saying no did that mean it was a lie giving him it?
"It shouldn't be me. You should go with someone else, someone... Better..." Akutagawa managed to croak out, he tried pulling his wrist away from Atsushi's grip but to no avail.
"You're so stupid." Atsushi muttered under his breath, he finally released Akutagawa but before he could question what he'd said Atsushi landed a square punch to his face.
Akutagawa went down immediately but was quickly brought back up by Atsushi pulling at his shirt.
"You idiot! You think I'm settling for you!? You think that I'm better off with someone like Lucy!? You think you don't deserve to be with me!?" His grip tightened on Akutagawa's shirt but he slowly lowered his head onto his shoulder.
"I'm not... I'm not settling... You are the only person who gave me unconditional love, despite me treating you as harshly as I have. Despite us once being enemies. Despite me not saying I love since the day you gave me this ring, I promise you that my feelings never wavered. I never said I love you back as I didn't think I deserved to love you. You've survived so much, you've lived a fuller life than mine. So tying you down with something like this made me worry." Akutagawa could hear Atsushi's quiet sobs as he stopped for a second.
"I don't want to take your freedom, especially when you gave me mine." Akutagawa couldn't take it anymore, he pushed himself to sit upright which caught Atsushi by surprise.
"We're both a bit of a mess aren't we?" He questioned, his voice was so soft towards Atsushi. He cupped his boyfriend's cheek with his left hand and rubbed his thumb across his cheek. Trying to wipe away a tear that had fallen although Atsushi's face was full of them so he didn't accomplish much.
"I guess we are..." Atsushi sputtered out as he gave a small laugh in amusement.
"How about you ask me again?" Atsushi was shocked at this, part of him thought Akutagawa never wanted to get married. Quickly regaining his composure he made sure there was no tears upon his face.
"Right, ahem." Atsushi coughed into his hand as he mentally prepared himself once more.
"Ryuunosuke Akutagawa, you have helped me since the day we met. Either through small minor actions or large life changing ones. Despite your appearance of being a stone hearted individual I have learned that is not true, you care. You care a lot more than people give you credit for, and I am lucky to have received as much of your heart that you have given. I know we have had our differences, and that we don't see eye to eye all the time. But it would be an honour if you would agree to marry me. So Ryuu, will you marry me?" Even though Akutagawa had told him to repeat his proposal it was still nerve racking for Atsushi who was shaking ever so slightly.
"Yes." Akutagawa smiled as he answered, as Atsushi looked up at his now fiancé he could see the moon behind him illuminating all of his features. Atsushi could have compared this moment to an angel looking at him, it looked so surreal.
He quickly got over the surreal perspective he had of Akutagawa and moved to put the ring on his hand, Akutagawa admired it upon his hand. It was a beautiful mix of a golden yellow and an amethyst purple. As he looked to his fiancé he realised something.
"Your eyes... You remembered..." He smiled so softly, he'd once mentioned to Atsushi that his eyes were his favourite thing to look at. They were so beautiful and unique, he'd always felt lucky to have a lover with such astounding eyes.
"Of course, now if I'm not next to you, you can look at that ring and you'll see your favourite part of me." Atsushi smiled with a soft blush on his cheeks, however it deepened when Akutagawa grabbed at his waist.
"I won't need to," He pulled Atsushi close to plant a kiss on his lips. "Because I know you'll always be by my side." Even though Atsushi had been the one to propose with a grand speech he melted at his fiancé's words.
"But just so you know... I might not be the best husband."
"I know."
"I might hurt you again..."
"I know."
"I might not be able to love you the way that you think..."
"I know."
"And I- What did you have for breakfast?"
"I kno- Hey wait a minute!" The pair burst into laughter recalling the memory. Atsushi just grabbed his face and spoke lovingly.
"Despite what you may do, or what I may do, I will love you regardless. And I imagine you will do the same." The elder nodded and planted another kiss on Atsushi's lips. They parted for a second smiling at one another. Atsushi was going to kiss Ryuunosuke again but he sneezed away from him.
"Sorry, it's just really cold." Akutagawa apologised as he began to shiver slightly. Atsushi shook his head at his words. There was no need for sorry between the two of them.
Atsushi grabbed Akutagawa's hand and began to drag him to their apartment. It was a bit of a distance without the train but they'd get there.