Wattpad is being a real big hoebag about letting me copy paste from my Google Doc today. Be glad I updated.
Another nothing chapter. I honestly have very few shits to give at this point. I love you tho.
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My heart skipped a beat. "You have to go? Now?" It felt like his words had landed in a pit in my stomach.
Allen sighed and ran his hand trough his hair, mid-throwing-clothes-in-suitcase. "I'm so, so sorry my love. But I have to go to this meeting. This whole Alpha-killing-Alpha thing is a very delicate subject and we can't discuss it over chatroom. I need to go." He zipped pushed the suitcase together and zipped it shut, before turning to me, his face falling.
He shook his head, reaching out his hand. "Oh, no no no, my love. Don't cry, please, please don't cry. I'll have around the clock security. There'll be 6 guards stationed around the cabin at all hours of the day, and they'll be more than happy to take a bullet for you. You'll have nothing to worry about other than decorating Christmas cookies with your pops, okay?" He kissed my forehead, his warm hands coming up to cub my face.
I shook my head. "Allen, please don't leave me. I need you. I can't... I can't..." I shook my head, pressing my lips together to suppress a sob.
"Oh no, Paige, my love. I'm so sorry, but I have to go. We'll fix up the negotiations, chop-chop, and I'll be right back, okay? Don't worry." He placed another kiss on my forehead, his hands falling away from my face.
"Allen, I'm begging you not to leave me."
He sighed as he lifted his suitcase off the dresser. "Love, I love you, more than anything. But I have a duty to my pack. Millions of wolves. Even more humans. I'm responsible for all of them. I need to help figure this out."
"Can't they come here?" I wiped the tear off my cheek with my sleeve.
"My love, most of the Alphas are already headed towards New York. I can't ask them to change their routes now. I really have to get going, love, I can't be late. I've already caused enough chaos - not that I regret it though, the fucker deserved to die - but I have no hope of having any type of influence if I disrespect all the other Alphas bu not showing up on time. They're already very dissatisfied with me, I can't make them more so."
I bit my lip, looking desperately around. I'd tie him up if I had to. Could you waterboard someone into not getting on a plane? Probably.
It felt like time slowed. I was looking all over and everywhere. If I jumped out the window, would he think I wouldn't be stable enough? What if I set something on fire? That'd get his attention.
His hand was closing around the door handle, pushing it down when the words left my lips. "Then let me come."
He turned around a frown already on his face. "My love, I really don't think that's a good idea."
I shrugged, walking over the expensive hardwood floor. "I'm the cause of this whole mess. And with everything, you fixing the HSA, needing to change everything because you had to save me... shouldn't they see what they're changing things for? Shouldn't I, as your mate, speak up in this?"
He looked at me strangely, the suitcase in his hand dropped to the floor. "You? But, my love... You're just.. you're, uh...?"
I blinked. "I'm what?"
He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "It's not... usual. I... Goddess it sounds awful when saying it out loud, but usually, the mates, especially the human ones don't get involved in the alpha stuff. You don't understand pack dynamics, let alone the complex social paly that's involve-"
"I won't just sit back and look like a pretty little damsel in distress for you, Allen. I love you, and I want to be there with you, for you and for myself. For my family, for all humans who grew up like I did. I'll happily face off every goddamn alpha if I have to do so to get them on board with... whatever plan you and I come up with."
He shook his head, walking up to me - not in a threatening way. Actually, much to my pissed-off ness, he walked up to me in the way in which you'd walk up to a child you're trying to calm down from their tantrum.
"Love, my sweetheart, it's not just gonna be the two of us deciding something and then we'll magically convince all the others to agree with us and we'll all live happily ever after forever and ever in peace and harmony. That's not politics, that's not what being an alpha is. My love, I was raised for this, trained for it since birth. I know the balances here. I know the dynamics, the power plays. You don't. And..." he sighed.
"It could be an outright disadvantage. You showing too much emotion, not respecting a certain person the way you ought, it could make my position much weaker. Not to mention that it'll make me seem weak for making you be my emotional support when you're the one who needs it."
Anger churned in my stomach. "Allen, I am your mate, and I demand that you let me have some influence in this."
He blinked. "De... demand? Love, what? I... no. no. It's too soon. I love you, with all of my heart. I know where this is coming from, but just because I do doesn't mean I'm going to indulg-"
I sputtered. "Oh, you know where this is coming from, do you? Well, where, then? Please enlighten me!" I threw my hands up in the air. I was yelling too loud. My entire family could most certainly hear everything I was saying.
He gestured to the bed, which was still unmade from when we had gotten up just hours ago. At lunch, approximately 20 minutes ago, he had gotten a phone call and left the living room. When he'd been gone for 15 minutes, I'd gone up to look for him, finding him mid-packing and telling me that he was leaving for New York City within the hour.
I stomped over and took a seat, crossing my arms and waiting. He sighed And stood in front of me, his arms crossed as well. For the first time in a long time, we were entirely closed off to one another. "You are overcompensating." he said. "You've been through a very traumatic experience. And I'm sorry, so, so sorry about that, but you can't get your revenge and save the world by going with me to New York. Love, arguing with a bunch of Alpha's won't change what happened. You're in a vulnerable place-"
My fists began shaking. "Enough! Allen, I..." the words died in my throat as I looked at hime. I turned my face town, looking at my toes. I held my hands straight out to lay out the facts. "Allen, what happened... what he did and tried to do was scary and I'll carry it with me for the rest of my life. But I am not broken."
I took n a shaky, deep breath to be able to finish what I wanted to say without breaks, without stopping. "You calling me vulnerable, saying that I'm a risk because I'm too emotional, that It's too soon when I know that I want to do this... that makes me feel like I'm damaged. That's what makes me feel like I am fundamentally changed by what happened. So please, please don't treat me like I'm some... broken delicate teacup that you need to super-glue back together. Sure, maybe a little chip broke off, or the paint is flakey, but I'm still functional! I haven't fallen apart, I'm still whole, I'm still useful. Please, don't put me on display in a cabinet. Let me be useful!" I looked up at him, pleading in my eyes. The tears were trailing down my cheeks. Down his, too.
He shook his head. "Love, I... I can't..." He knelt in front of me. He looked down too. Now he seemed unable to meet my eyes. "I don't know how to do this. I've..." A dead laugh left him. "I've been trying to read up on it, at night after I'm sure you're asleep. Tried to read up on how to help you, how to offer the correct form of support so that I don't make this any harder for you. I have no idea what I'm doing, and with all this shit on top, I just can't..." He shook his head.
I grabbed his face and titled it up. Pushed the hair out of his face. I tried to smile. "Allen, I have no idea how to do this either, I mean, I'm trying to follow the therapist's advice. I am doing my best too. I don't know exactly what you're supposed to do either, but I know that you pushing me to the side to protect me and spare me is most definitely not helping. So let me make myself clear – I am going to New York with you. If you do not allow me to go, I will sneak into the cargo. And if I can't manage that, I'll use my Alpha mate privileges to get someone to fly me there in a damn helicopter. understood?"
He sighed with a little smile, looking both defeated and relieved. "Pack your stuff. Quickly. I'll explain the situation to your family. We're leaving in..." he looked at his wristwatch. "30 minutes. So get your beautiful butt moving, okay?" He pecked my lips.
I nodded, relief washing over me, and headed straight over to find my suitcase while Allen headed downstairs.
27 minutes later, we were in a car speeding towards the outskirts of the little town, out to where a small propeller plane would be taking us to a larger airport from which a jet that Allen had rented would be flying us on to New York.
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I decoratedfor Christmas in my own apartment this weekend. That was a pain and a half in my ass.
I'm really tired and I have a 9 AM lecture tomorrow - although that one will be easy to get up for, since it'll be on human remains. I'm real good with the bones!
I love you all so so so so so so much.
Fun fact: I am absolutely obsessed with Helluva Boss. I love that series. It is torture having to wait for new episodes. Also, Fizz and Ozzie are the type of dynamic and sweet cutesy couple I aim to write.