Dear Readers,
It's been awhile, how are you? Kamusta kayo? Kamusta kan? Hindi man natin kilala ang isa't isa, but I know na may mga hindi masasaya at may hindi malulungkot, ganyan ang buhay. Naniniwala ako sa yin and yang, kailangan balanse lang... Pero bakit ang bigat bigat nang yin? Ang bigat bigat nang kalungkutan? Isa lang naman ang masasabi ko, darating ang araw na kakayanin natin lahat to. I'm hoping to the person who is reading this can bear all the heaviness, malapit na... Sana malapit na.
I have a real story I want to share, it's my story.
It's been a month already nang may bumabagabag sa akin, every night before I slept, and every time I'm waking up iniisip ko nang iniisip. Nasan na ba ako?
Andito pa rin ba ako kung saan ako nag simula, o nasa kalagitnaan na ako nang laban kaya ang bigat at nakakapagod na? Nakaangat na ba ako o yun lang talaga ang tingin nang karamihan sa akin.
Nakakapagod isipin, hindi ko alam... Hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko sa tanong ko. Natatakot ako na baka may naapakan na pala ako, hindi ko lang alam.
Kung meron man, pasensya na! Buong puso ako humihingi nang tawad.
Naiiyak, naguguluhan, nalilito ako. Pero sana sa desisyon kong ito, mabigay na ang kasagutan o kahit man sana yung peace na gusto ko, yun naman gusto natin lahat na mahanap diba?
I'm not going to make this longer, and write what should I suppose to write this time, I rarely make a notes, but this note I hope you continue to read.
Sorry for the sudden decision, but I'm already leaving the world of writing stories, It is the time that I'm giving up my hobby and routine. My readers like you become the best part of my life as an author, I like how you support my creativity and my random thoughts. I'm sorry if I will discontinue my books, without a proper ending.
But like I craved for spotlight when I'm starting, I'm also craving for a peace without any thinking to make an update. Gusto ko na ulit yung panahon na wala akong iniisip na gagawin, sulatin, at i update.
Kahit man gusto ko sanang tapusin yung mga libro na naisulat ko, wala... I can't find any words to describe the narration like how I can't describe my feelings today.
Masaya ako, sobrang saya ko na nakilala ko kayo pero— mas masaya ako na nakilala ko pa yung sarili ko.
Mahal na mahal ko kayo, ingat kayo palagi. Mabigat man, pero kayang kaya natin to buhatin kahit ano mangyari.
Salamat sa lahat, salamat sa ilaw na binigay niyo para makita ko ang daan papunta sa bagong ako.
Nag mamahal,
Kung sino ako ngayon
She look at her friend, "Masaya ako." Even the tears already sliding through her soft skin.
"At least dalawang taon kang naniwala sa sarili mo." Her friend answered.
"Sobra-sobra na yun." She smile through the pain, "Salamat."
"Sa akin?"
"Oo, andyan ka noong nag simula ako... Ngayon andiyan ka pa rin nung natapos ako." A soft smile now.
"Salamat sa mahabang pasensya, at sa lahat nang binigay mo sa akin." She added, "Wala ako dito kung wala ka. Alam kong naniniwala ka sa akin."
"Paano kung hindi pala ako naniniwala sa'yo?"
"Hmm? Okay lang, kahit ano okay lang. Ako naman naniniwala sa'yo, kahit anong gusto mong tahakin andito lang ako."
She know that her friend is somehow proud of her, even her friend keep to deny it.
"Hangga't nakakausap kita, okay na sa akin. Ayaw mo naman kasi mag share nang nararamdaman mo." She sarcastically chuckled.
"Kaya ko sarili ko." Her friend answered.
"Alam ko." She kept quiet.
"Dito na tayo?"
"Oo, hanggang dito na lang siguro." She felt something... She doesn't want to end here but— she needs to end here or else she won't find the peace she wants...
She went to the church to light a candle for herself and for her friend.
Closing her eyes mumbling a self and sincere prayer from the God above, praying that they will both find their peace— to find the real definition of peace.
She sat down inside the church, the only noise she can hear is the vehicles outside and people outside.
A boy seat beside her, out of nowhere.
She look at him, she stare for a second.
"Irene?" He called out.
She gulp a little, "H-how?"
"Nothing, wala lang." He chuckled.
Irene get teary eyes, her heart isn't heavy anymore but something make her cry.
"Do you believe that someone is writing our life?" This boy ask.
Before answering she ask first, "What's your name?"
"You make my name." An unserious answer for him.
Irene raised her eyebrow.
"Greggy."
The name of the main character in Irene's book.
"Am I imagining?" She stare more deeper.
The description of Greggy in her book is like a photocopy of this man.
"Greggy." She whispered unconsciously.
"Yes Irene." He can't explain too, but something pushed him to talk to this girl and blurted out a random name— and luckily it's her name.
"So your answer?"
It make Irene feel— weird.
"Someone is writing our story." She repeated but not in question tone.
"Do you believe with that?"
Irene nodded.
"Oo tanga lang siguro yung writer ko." A sarcastic answer.
"Bakit?" Another question from him.
"Feeling ko walang happy ending." She answered, "Lagi man akong pinapagod nang writer nang buhay ko."
"Maniniwala ka kaya sa sasabihin ko?" Greggy whispered.
"Ano ba yun?" She straighten her focus on the altar.
"Feeling ko... May nag susulat sa buhay ko."
"Bakit? Lahat naman siguro meron."
"Ewan ko ba, bigla akong nag bago. All my hobbies and all the things i've use to do." He answered.
"Do you already graduated?" She ask, just a random question.
"Oum, under business entrepreneurship."
Irene's mouth open a little, "Last two years?"
She can see how Greggy nodded in her peripheral vision.
"I'm an author... Do you want to know my story?" She ask, opening it a little bit.
"Go on." He answered.
Greggy is a freshly graduate under the program of business entrepreneurship, he just so young to know the real world in corporation world. No one can deny that this boy is too ambitious, he's so good to the fact that he's afraid to fail... He is afraid to make a mistake.
But this girl change him.
He met this girl in the church, the girl is having so much problem in her heart. Unlike Greggy, she's afraid that someone will judge her if she always do the right things. This girl named Eirene, an art student who is studying abroad but always going back to Philippines every two months.
They talk and they went comfortable with each other's presence.
"What happened na?" Greggy ask.
"Tinigil ko na— kanina I decided to unpublished it without the ending."
"Kung bibigyan ka nang pagkakataon na magkaroon nang ending, ano yun?" He ask, his hand holding each other playing the ring on his finger.
Irene take a peek of his finger, of how he caress his ring.
"Galing kanino?" She suddenly ask.
"Nabili ko sa Paris." He answered, "Actually it's a matching ring."
She is trying to connect the dots.
In her story, Eirene is the one who bought the ring, it's a wedding ring just for fun. She doesn't know where to put the other ring so she put under the bench in their campus digging it a little bit so it won't be noticable.
"I hope the boy in my destiny can see and take this ring."
"I put it on chair, above the chair I even jokingly said na ang makakakuha nun mapapangasawa ko." Greggy explain even grinning.
Irene wanted to run but her own feet can't even move an inch.
"I-I have the same ring." She pull the lace of the necklace on her neck and show the ring that she made as pendant.
"I actually don't know— but I get it randomly."
It's the exact ring, Greggy knew it knew how the design and the size that he randomly said when he's buying it.
"Tayo kaya open ending din kaya?" She ask, even she can't imagine what's happening right now.
"Hindi siguro."
"Sana nga." Irene smile.
"Yung story mo—"
"A peace is already a happy ending." Irene smile, "How about your life?"
"What we have is what I can consider as a happy ending." Greggy hold her hand.
Holding it until they make in front of the altar.
"At least our love story isn't an open ending, everyone knows that it's more than the happy ending they are thinking." Greggy whispered, he can finally marry the girl that get his other ring.
"I'm hoping that they will have their happy ending too." Like then, she still continue to wish and pray for others too.
They are resting after the wedding, Irene laying down on his chest.
"Can I ask? Bakit ka nag stop mag sulat?" He suddenly remember.
"Dahil sa mga sabi-sabi, sa mga walang tiwala." She pouted.
"What they said?" He can't help but to ask.
"Ano raw mapapala ko sa pag susulat, or masyado na daw mayabang kasi may mga readers. Natatakot lang akong ma prove sa kanila yung point of view ko."
Greggy eyebrow raised.
"Alam kong dapat kong ipaglaban pero— mahina talaga ako. Baka totoo naman wala akong mapapala, wala akong mararating, sakit lang—"
"Sa mismong pamilya ko pa narinig."
Greggy comforted her, "Takot na ako na mapunta sa'kin attention nang mga tao, baka may magalit." Irene whispered until she fell asleep because of heavy heart again remembering all that phrases she used to heard.
Greggy look at her silently, "I know our ending na."
"You and I are just one, you made my reflection and I made yours. Binuhay mo ako, I give those spotlights to you."
They both vanished in other's attention, Greggy even become a stockholder to just have a peaceful life unlike of being an chief executive officer. He choose it so he can be with Irene in the corner.
He just hope that to young Irene— to an author Irene, is she can conquer all the things she's afraid of, and to her reader that don't mind other's presence especially if they are giving a negative energy.
Everything's going to be alright, and it's normal to have a mistakes, it's pretty normal to have a day where you are finding yourself on your knees crying yourself out without finding what's the reason of it. As long as you can bear yourself, you can do it! Nothing can do and help you but yourself too, darling! Unless you have your own Greggy who can stand beside you through the years.