His heart was pounding, and Evan put his hand to his chest to calm himself. His anxiety was still rising, though, and he had a feeling it wouldn't be long before it turned into panic. It took him a few seconds to realise that even though he was nervous about this conversation, all these emotions weren't just his.
Ryan must have felt his pain and probably tried to contact him but to no avail. Evan's phone was still lying next to the pile of his clothes in the bushes where he had left it.
"Are you okay?" Kieran's voice snapped him back to reality, and he nodded automatically before realising it wasn't true. His hand was still clutching his chest and he knew he had to do something before Ryan had a heart attack.
"Can I borrow your phone?" he asked Kieran, knowing he wouldn't ask unnecessary questions. And he was right. Brunet immediately took his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it, and handed it to him without hesitation.
Evan mumbled a quick thank you and started punching in the numbers from memory. He'd memorised Ryan's phone number a long time ago and it paid off.
It only took a few seconds for Ryan's voice to come over the phone, and just as Evan had expected, he sounded out of sorts.
"Hey, it's me," Evan said right away and heard Ryan let out a relieved sigh on the other end of the call.
"Oh, thank God," Ryan responded, and it was audible that he was relieved. "I felt your pain, and you didn't pick up the phone. I was at your house, but your mom told me you went outside."
"I hurt my leg," Evan admitted, quickly adding, "but it's okay. Kieran and Josh took care of it. I'm fine, really."
If Ryan was concerned that Evan had gone running like a wolf and was suddenly with his human friends, with one of them being his ex on top of that, he didn't let it show. Instead, he sounded reassured by Evan's words and confirmed it verbally, "Okay. You got a way to get home after? If you're going home. I'd just like to see you and make sure you're okay."
"I'll send you the address, and you can pick me up in an hour," Evan suggested. One glance at his friends assured him that they didn't mind, even though they had no idea who Evan was on the phone with.
"Are you sure? Not that I don't want to, but..." Ryan paused, and Evan was surprised at first by his uncertain tone and words, but then it dawned on him. Ryan was giving him a chance to think it over, knowing that Evan was still giving Kieran space and not purposely showing up around him with his new boyfriend.
"Yeah, I'm sure," he confirmed. He had an hour to make sure everything was all right, and he had to try hard not to screw it up.
"Okay," Ryan agreed and then added, "Can you reassure me that you're okay? I need to hear it again if I'm going to calm down."
"I'm perfectly fine," Evan assured him in a soft but firm tone. "Don't worry about me. I'll see you in an hour. Until then, you can get me my clothes, if it helps you clear your head," Evan suggested, biting his lip. He didn't want to ask him for a favour, but he also knew that Ryan wasn't going to be completely calm in that hour, even if he claimed to be.
"Okay, I can do that," Ryan confirmed, sounding a little calmer.
"Thank you," Evan thanked him in a gentle tone and added, "I have to go. If anything, Angie will definitely be happy to see you."
"Maybe I'll pay her a visit," Ryan muttered, clearly thinking about it.
"Okay, see you later," Evan said goodbye and waited for Ryan to say the same before ending the call.
When he moved the phone away from his ear and the end of the call appeared on the screen, he wordlessly handed the phone back to its owner.
"Thank you," he said, and Kieran nodded, but looked as if he was considering saying something. In the end, he clearly gathered up his courage as he asked, "That was him, wasn't it? Your mate."
Evan was surprised at his deduction, but after realising that they must have heard something of his call, plus the fact that Evan knew his number by heart, he recognised that he was easier to read than he thought.
"Yeah," Evan confirmed, and although he was expecting anything, Kieran surprised him by saying, "You forgot to text him the address. I'll do it." And as he said, he did.
"Oh, thanks," Evan tried as hard as he could, but he couldn't quite keep the surprise out of his tone.
"Sounds like you're together," Josh commented, finally joining the conversation.
"We are," Evan confirmed, adding, "We got together on my birthday." He was going to explain everything to them anyway, and if he really wanted to clear the air between them, he might as well start like this.
"And you said you had nothing new to share," Josh reminded him. Although those weren't Evan's exact words, he understood what he was getting at.
"I didn't want to ruin it in the very beginning," Evan replied honestly, and although his answer was directed at Josh, his gaze rested on Kieran.
"I'm not angry that you've found someone," Kieran told him, sounding sincere. "I would be if you did it while we were still together, but it sounds like that's not the case."
"It's not," Evan agreed immediately.
"So... back to the beginning? I don't know about Kieran, but I'd like to hear the whole story," Josh interjected.
"His name is Ryan, and I've sort of known him all my life. Or rather I've known about him, that sounds more accurate," Evan began, not quite sure how he was going to continue. He just wanted to be honest and explain it in a way that wouldn't hurt Kieran.
"He's not from North Hallson, but his cousin Michael is," he continued, but Josh interrupted him again.
"The one who won't teach you how to drive?" he asked, and Evan nodded. "Yep, that's him."
"Okay." Josh let him know that he could go ahead, and Evan instantly used the opportunity.
"I didn't know that Ryan was my mate until the beginning of this school year. I found out through a vision that also showed me he was at North Hallson and at that point, I just decided to avoid him. It wasn't the best plan and I found that out quickly, but at the time, I really believed it would work."
He paused for a moment, considering his next words, not wanting to admit out loud that he was starting to develop feelings for the raven-haired boy while he was still in a relationship with Kieran. It was something he pushed to the back of his mind, and he liked to pretend that the truth didn't exist. Although he didn't act on those feelings, he still felt guilty about them, even though the only thing wrong with them was their timing.
"Until the beginning of the school year," Josh repeated after him, and Evan wasn't sure if he should take that as a bad sign.
"I honestly didn't expect it to happen. I didn't expect it to happen at all, to be honest, so I didn't know how to react," he admitted.
"Why didn't you expect that?" Kieran seemed confused by his statement.
Evan's eyes fell on his hands, and he noticed that his nails had left red marks on them, which he was currently making worse. "Ever since Riley left, I've had a little aversion to mates, I guess. I've completely put the subject out of my mind, and since my parents had a clear idea of who my significant other was going to be, ignoring it seemed like the best option."
"They wanted a girl, didn't they?"
"They still do," Evan replied in a bitter tone, lifting his head.
The looks on his friends' faces softened, as they always did when the subject of Evan's parents was brought up, and he was grateful, even if he wasn't in the mood for pity.
"So they don't know about him?" Josh dared to ask.
"No," Evan replied, adding, "They know who he is and that we're friends, but that's about it."
Kieran was silent, not joining the conversation, and Evan was glad because he could obviously relate to Ryan as he had been in the same position more or less once, which was also the reason why Evan was worried about what he might say about this.
"Anyway," Evan decided to continue and not waste another minute of silence. "Eventually, Ryan and I became friends. The bond between us made it impossible to avoid each other. I started talking to him and thought I could control it. I was wrong," he chuckled bitterly.
Right after that he took a breath and carried on, "We started to spend more and more time together, and later on I started to suspect that Ryan was onto something. There were more and more signs that he at least thought we were mates, but somehow, I kept denying it in my mind until it was too late. He saw us together." His eyes moved from his hands, back to Kieran's face.
"At the Depot," Kieran added for him, and Evan repeated after him, confirming "At the Depot".
For a moment there was silence between them again, as if neither of them knew how to continue. Even Josh was reluctant to say anything, yet Evan suspected that if anyone was going to tell him outright that he was being selfish, it would be him.
"Did he tell you to break up with him?" Just as he'd assumed, it was Josh who broke the silence, but he certainly wasn't expecting his question.
"Of course not," Evan clarified straight away. Ryan was the most amazing person in the world, and he had to remind himself that his friends didn't know that just because they didn't know him yet. "He wouldn't do that. He was devastated but it was my decision."
"You can still blame me. You should still blame me. I didn't mean to hurt you and I handled it really badly, but I knew I couldn't take it back. In the end, it was still the best decision, I just didn't do it right," Evan explained, finding a stability in his voice that he didn't know he even had.
"I think I'll need a minute to process it anyway. I know the circumstances are different, but it still sounds horrible to me to know that you broke up with me for a third person," Kieran admitted and Evan just nodded silently. Kieran was understanding, but he deserved not to have his feelings taken lightly. And Evan wasn't about to take that right away from him, even though he hoped their friendship wouldn't end because of his decision, to be honest.
"If you don't want to see me for a while, I'll understand. I'm glad I could finally be honest with you, but I'm not happy that it hurt you again. For what it's worth I never meant to hurt you. That was the last thing I wanted," Evan added in a soft tone, and this time it was Kieran who just nodded at his words.
"Have you ever considered..." Josh began but then paused, pressing his lips into a straight line. He frowned and seemed to consider his own words. Evan had no idea if it was because of Kieran or because of him, so he decided rather to wait.
"Have you ever considered picking Kieran at the end?" he eventually finished his question. Both Kieran and Evan immediately turned their gaze to him in surprise.
"I know. I know you're with Ryan now and I don't expect you to break up with him. It's purely a hypothetical question." Josh raised his hands in front of him defensively.
Since Kieran didn't intervene, Evan figured he wanted to hear his answer too, so he sighed and admitted: "I did. For a long time, I thought I would. I couldn't even imagine us breaking up, and I really thought we'd make it."
"When did that change?" Kieran asked quietly.
"I had to face the truth," Evan began, his eyes falling on his hands again. How he wished he had the rings on his fingers now, so he could play with them. "I'm not exactly a traditional werewolf. All wolves wait their whole lives to meet their other half. They all take it as the most sacred love, the greatest gift you can receive. Your mate is your other half, someone to whom you have given half your soul, and you don't even know it. And the longer a couple is together, the stronger their bond is. At the last stage, you get to the point where there are no longer two souls. Simply when one dies, the other dies too." He knew that explanation wasn't what Kieran wanted to hear, but he felt the need to say it.
"I'm not a traditional werewolf, but Ryan is. I knew what it meant to him and that being with me was his only chance at love. The one chance I was robbing him of by choosing not to give him a chance before I even knew him," he continued to explain.
"The answer to your question... I don't know the exact moment when I realized it all. I simply spent time with him and kept discovering more and more that he was a good person who deserved better. I felt awful knowing I was hurting him, even though he didn't know it. I knew that my final decision would hurt one of you and in the end, I had to face the truth that you were the one who could still find someone else," he finished honestly, feeling the harshness of his words himself. It didn't matter what tone he used. He still sounded like the most selfish person in the world.
"I... I understand." Kieran said, and Evan gave him a fleeting glance that showed him Kieran still hadn't lifted his head.
"It was all my fault and I know I made the most selfish decision in the world. Hell, I made the most selfish decision back when I agreed to go on a date with you. I just couldn't resist. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," Evan added, his voice reflecting all the emotions he was feeling.
"Couldn't resist, huh?" Kieran lifted his head, and though his words were playful, his eyes reflected the sadness that was going on inside.
"What can I say, you're really charming," Evan gave him a small smile.