The Things We Lost In The Fire
season 12 ep 8
🎵Deep End-Birdy🎵
"I don't know if you mean everything to me"
~~~~~
It had been three months, three months of doctors appointments and disappointments. Every conversation was positive, but every test was negative.
And so, Madelyn and Aprils relationship was hanging on by a thread. I don't think either of them really knew how much the idea of having a baby was truly the main reason why they were even still together.
At this point, they were still trying.
April was still naive to the fact that when Madelyn suggested that maybe they stopped trying for a while so they could do the whole 'couples therapy' what she really meant was I want to stop, because I don't think we should be together anymore.
April initially shut down the idea of couples therapy, but she could see how desperate Madelyn was so....
So, they compromised. Couples therapy, alongside trying to start a family.
Rule number one when it comes to couples therapy.
Don't. Have. Sex.
So naturally, they've had sex, on multiple occasions.
April on the surface doesn't seem to think there is a problem in their relationship, or maybe she's just in denial.
Madelyn on the other hand is either overly vocal about their problems or she's overly vocal at pretending nothings wrong.
It's a great system, and they look exactly like the kind of couple who should be deciding to have children....
"Well, you know they're saying it's about you" Arizona says to April
"What?"
"You and Riggs. A torrid affair in Jordan" the blonde says
"You and Riggs?" Madelyn says overhearing the conversation
"What- no God no Mads-"
"Yeah i'm kidding. That guys got nothing on me" Madelyn says proudly "Although I did pretend I thought it was the truth so the barista would give me free coffee's"
"You idiot" April exclaims
"Don't worry. I shut that down" Arizona says
"God! Thank you. Geez!" April says "No, I think it goes back further than that, because I worked with Riggs, and he never even mentioned knowing Hunt"
Arizona gasps "Oh, my gosh. Hunt and Riggs... What... what if they had the torrid affair?"
"Come on" April says in disbelief
"No. Just think about it. Wartime, no rules, men in uniform, kissing" Arizona says
"Huh" Madelyn replies seeing the blondes vision
~~~~~
"Four crews of firefighters were trapped battling wildfires east of town. We have at least 40 injuries en route. I said we would take all of them" Bailey says to all the doctors
"40? We're gonna hit capacity, and..."
"We will take all of them" Bailey says firmly "We're looking at second-, third-, and fourth-degree burns, smoke inhalation, and some traumas. All non-critical... patients, um... are being transferred to Seattle Pres and Tacoma. This entire hospital is now a burn-treatment center. If you are a little rusty...Residents, stay with your assigned attendings unless needed in the burn unit or in the pit. Uh, everyone who is on call has been called in. This is an all-hands-on-deck situation...Prioritize according to... Triage in the E.R. Send the critical patients to the burn unit or the O.R. Dr. Avery is your point person on this, okay? Uh... Let's see....Then that's... That's it, people. Okay. Get to work"
-
"I'll jump on triage and the most acute injuries" April says walking through the ER "You and Jackson take any compromised airways"
"April-
"Now is not the time Madelyn" April sighs
"We have time before it gets crazy"
"It's already crazy" April replies "Our E.R.'s about to be jam-packed. I-I-I don't have time, and neither do you" she says as the elevator doors shut
"You would make time if it was for sex" Madelyn yells as she watches the elevator doors shut "God" she exclaims
"People, if you are not on your specialty, you are on burn. Consider yourselves burns and plastics specialists for the day. We treat, debride, admit. If you have any questions at all, you come find me" Jackson announces
~~~~~
"Chief, the burn unit is full, and I need beds down here" April says "We can't take any more. We're already at capacity"
"I have patients with extensive burns that are on gurneys in the hallway" Madelyn says
"We need to start diverting to other hospitals" April suggests
"We're not doing that" Bailey says
"Well, I need to know what we are doing, please. Do I need to notify Seattle Pres?" April asks
"Chief?" Jackson questions walking over
"I said we're not turning firefighters away. Come with me" Bailey orders leading them to the cafeteria "Okay! You folks, take your food to go. All of these tables go. Put away this food. We triage here"
Madelyn shrugs in agreement "I need gurneys in lines of three all the way back"
"Minor and first-degree burns are going the pit, guys" April says
"Criticals can go to any available I.C.U. bed. We need burn supplies, surgical trays, gowns, gloves at every station" Jackson says
"This enough room?" Bailey asks
"This will work" Jackson replies
-
"Proximal humerus fracture. All he needs is a sling for a few weeks" Madelyn says looking at Jacksons patient
"Yeah, but I've got a full thickness burn on his hand and forearm. Will a graft even take?"
"You've got bone exposure. Give me a minute to think about it. I'd recommend it" Madelyn says
"Yeah, the graft?" Jackson asks
"Counseling. It gave us a sense of where we were, which was nowhere. But still..." Madelyn trails off
"Second-degree burns on the chest" Ben says
Callie approaches Madelyn for the 100th time today "Do you even want to work it out with Kepner?" she asks
"Can we not do this right now?" Madelyn asks gesturing to her patient
"Sure. But one thing our therapist said that turned out to be true... Do not have sex while you're sorting things out. It's messy. It's confusing. No sex" Callie says making eye contact with Madelyn before letting out a sigh "You guys had sex"
"Yeah"
"We did, too. It's... messy" Callie says
"It's really messy" Madelyn agrees
Ben interrupts "I think you can both get what you need"
"Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I feel like it's so complicated" Madelyn says
"No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about his hand" Ben says "We do a living graft with an abdominal pedicle flap. We literally sew his hand into his abdomen. He'll have a graft and a sling"
Callie nods "That's good. Yeah. You two have fun with that" she says pointing between Madelyn and Jackson
-
"I mean, I knew it was a good idea, but looking at it up close it's pretty spectacular" Ben says
"Yeah, yeah. It's a miracle of the modern age. So, what kind of sex was it?" Jackson asks
"I am not talking to you about sex" Madelyn says
"Make-up sex or break-up sex?" he asks
Madelyn groans "It was... you know, I-I have no idea, actually"
"Well, what did April say?" Jackson asks
"Let's just drop it" Madelyn suggests
"Agreed" Ben says
Jackson ignores them both "Well, okay, 'cause, you know, break-up sex is, um... well, it feels sad-happy. It's an emotional potpourri. All the feelings, all the history, all of it... it's all just right there, because it's... you know, you just know. You just know that it's the last time, and it's like taking in all the air you can before you go underwater. It's like "do me or die." Break-up sex is the best"
"Yeah, but then you're broken up" Madelyn says
"Huh. You know what? You're right. Make-up sex is better, because make-up sex is like coming up for air when you thought there wouldn't be any more air. So it's like all is forgiven, and you can throw off your troubles and your clothes, and you're like out of the dark and into the light, full speed ahead. Oh, God, it's the best. So... Which was it?" Jackson asks
"I don't know, because we've had sex multiple times so maybe it's neither?" Madelyn replies
"Messy" Jackson says
"But you know what's not messy? This. I mean, this... this... this is elegant genius" Ben says
"Mm. Mm-hmm. I'll tell you one thing... he is gonna be pretty surprised when he wakes up" Madelyn says
~~~~~
"Hey Bambi....What's wrong?" Madelyn asks when she sees Jo's red eyes
"Nothing...I was just looking for extra Betadine. Which is right there. So, obviously, lamest excuse ever" she replies
"What happened?" Madelyn asks placing her hand on the girls shoulder
"Alex- And Meredith, it's like he prioritises her over me, but it's worse because sometimes he doesn't even acknowledge that i'm a person"
"Jo-"
"You think i'm crazy and dramatic" Jo interrupts
"Well you are crazy and dramatic" Madelyn says "But that doesn't mean the way you feel is wrong. Look Alex is an idiot, he always has been, and if he's ignoring you then he's the biggest idiot ever. Just try and talk to him"
"And you're going to try and talk to April?" Jo asks
"It's like talking to a brick wall sometimes" Madelyn groans
"Maybe we're the idiots" Jo says
"Probably"
~~~~~
"I know you have to do your doctor thing, but maybe you can keep the full moon under wraps" Madelyn's patient Charlotte says
Madelyn softly chuckles "That's the part that I kind of need to see"
"Oh, you can see whatever you want" Charlotte clarifies "It's the guys in my squad. I'll never hear the end of it"
"I'll be discreet. No free shows" Madelyn says
"No guy has seen that since a middle school wardrobe malfunction. Hopefully, you're an expert, a... What, a butt doctor? That can't be right. You can fix my butt, right?" Charlotte asks
Madelyn laughs again "Yes. The burn is confined to one cheek, and luckily, I have a good one to compare it to"
Charlotte smirks "Wow. Thank you very much"
Madelyn immediately retracts her statement "No. No, no, no. I... and I didn't mean..."
"No. I'll take it" Charlotte says
"Yeah. It's... It'll do the job" Madelyn says awkwardly
"Hang in there, Turner" Charlotte says to another firefighter "God. Here I am, complaining about my butt burn"
"Don't do that. Don't feel guilty for not getting hurt" Madelyn says
"I mean, I work a job where in order to make a house payment, to put food on the table, there have to be fires. And big fires mean overtime, hazard pay. You work like hell to put them out, but... a dirty, little part of you is thinking, "burn, baby, burn," and you hate yourself. It sucks"
"I make my living off of sick and injured people" Madelyn says "I even specialised in two areas in the hopes i'd get to treat more people"
"You get it"
"Mmm hm" Madelyn hums "This will heal nicely, probably in about six weeks"
"So, um... will I get to see you again?" Charlotte asks
"I mean you can always make an appointment with the admissions nurse" Madelyn says
"And can I request I have you as my doctor?"
"You can- sure" Madelyn says
"Prefect"
"So, just use the crutches until it doesn't hurt to walk" Madelyn says
"It's not the walking I'm worried about" Charlotte says with a fine "Would you be willing to wait six weeks until i'm fully recovered?"
"Wait for what?" Madelyn asks
"Sex?" Charlotte asks
"Oh- oh...is this because I said you had a nice butt?" Madelyn asks
"Yes...and because you're like the hottest person i've ever seen"
"Well, i'm flattered, but i'm also married"
"Marriage is overrated" Charlotte says "Well, if you ever get divorced, call me" she says leaving
"Wha- Oh, April" Madelyn says catching a glimpse of the redhead "April! April, come on! Stop, damn it! Come on"
"Madelyn, I've had a long day"
"Yeah, me too. Look-"
"What is there to talk about? We had sex. I'm not pregnant again. That's it" April says
"You took another test?" Madelyn asks
"Yeah. I'm not pregnant. So go ahead say it" April says
"That's not- we should talk about the fact that we had sex"
"Fine. Fine. Talk about it. We had sex. We had sex. And that was..." April says
"Confusing" Madelyn says as April says "Amazing"
Madelyn sighs "It was sure, it was also amazing, but this is why I..."
"See? No! Stop, stop! I'm not confused about the situation. I know exactly what it was. Because it was... it was amazing. It felt good! For the first time in forever, it felt like us! And then... then I saw it. I saw it on your face, I keep seeing it on your face, Madelyn. And every time I don't get pregnant I can see you slipping further and further away. And this look on your face right now....This is it. This is goodbye. So when we had sex last night I thought, "Well, if we're over, this is the way to go out." At least this is what I want to remember... the amazing. I want to end where we began, in a bed, in love, and I just want to keep us there for a minute. And anything you say right now is gonna ruin it, so please just don't!"
"Don't you see? This is what you do. You just decide how things are gonna go" Madelyn says
"I am not the one deciding in this situation!" April exclaims
"Of course you're the one deciding!" Madelyn yells "April, you're always deciding! You decide to go to Jordan. You decide to leave. You decide to stay. You decide you need me, then you decide you don't. You decide we can talk. You decide we cannot"
"I don't want to talk because I know what you're gonna say! You're gonna say you love me but..."
"You don't know what I'm going to say!" Madelyn interrupts
"I'm pretty sure I do"
"It doesn't matter! You don't!"
"Fine! Tt-then go ahead! Say it. Oh, my God! Madelyn! God, please, just say it!