Ten weeks after Lee's death.
Alex heard the screams as she was pulling her hair into a ponytail that morning. It was like clockwork, every day Tate would wake up from nightmare after nightmare.
Tomorrow would be a week since they have been rescued. A week of everyone in the house hearing Tate wake up from screams. Alex sighed, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She had avoided Kayce as best she could. When there were no other options, she'd make an excuse to walk away from him as quickly as she could.
Alex figured Kayce needed to be with his family right now. Tate needed him and that meant Monica also needed him. Whether they were still divorcing or not, Alex couldn't stomach to think about it for long. But every time she would come across Monica in the hallway or near a meal time, they would stare at each other and then walk around. It was awful, plain and simple.
Alex had been benched from work too. Mandated by her boss, she needed to complete a psych evaluation and Alex had yet to visit with the psychiatrist at the local clinic. To talk about this, would only lead to talking about every messed up thing in Alex's life and she didn't feel like she was ready for that.
Alex walked back into her bedroom and slipped on her boots. She needed some fresh air, some time away from the house. And while she wasn't allowed in town by herself yet, John had kept an iron grip on this place, she knew one means of transportation she could use. Last night she had asked Lloyd if he would go riding with her this morning and he told her to meet him at eight, after their first round of chores.
The sun was bright as Alex walked down to the barns. The crisp air felt good on her skin, almost like a wake-up call. She could see two horses saddled by the far fence and figured that was her ride. But when she got closer, it wasn't Lloyd who walked around the horses to meet her, it was Kayce.
"Morning," Kayce mumbled.
"Morning..." Alex slowed down her walking. "Uh...Lloyd was gonna ride with me, I wasn't going by myself."
"I know,' Kayce nodded. "Thought I could go with you though instead?"
"What about Tate?" Alex asked.
"He's with his mom," Kayce's eyes glanced back to the house.
"Don't you need to be with them?" Alex stuffed her hands in her coat pocket.
Kayce's eyes softened, glancing up and down Alex as she stood in front of him.
"Can I just..." He trailed off, almost like he was biting his tongue from what he wanted to say. "Do you mind if I come with you?"
Of course, Alex minded.
"No," She shook her head.
Alex walked up to the horse Kayce had its reigns in his grip. She stopped though, after reaching up to hold onto the saddle. Her muscles were still sore, particularly her legs. Kayce placed his hand on her lower back, making Alex turn and look at him.
"I've got you," Kayce mumbled as he looped the reigns around the horn and gently held Alex's waist.
With his added weight in the push, Alex was able to swing her leg over. She only winced once and Kayce placed his hand on her thigh gently.
"Easy," He said. "You sure you're up for this?"
"M'fine," Alex mumbled, leaning up in her seat.
"No shame in wanting to take things easy," Kayce looked up at her now.
"I have to get out of that house," Alex said down to him. "I can't...be in there for another day or else I'm seriously gonna lose it."
"Why do you think I'm asking to come with you?" Kayce walked around to his horse and swiftly got up in the saddle.
"What are you running from?" Alex asked him as they both started to walk their horses out to the pasture.
Alex didn't want to play a contest, but Kayce hadn't been abducted because they thought he was someone else and then kept in a room for five days without proper care.
"Not running from anything," Kayce shrugged.
"Then...?" Alex looked at him. "What are you running...after?"
"You," Kayce looked over at Alex.
Not wanting to respond to that, Alex clicked her tongue and her horse took off. Kayce trailed her for about thirty minutes. They rode through the valley, past the trees, and through openings until Alex pulled up along the river. She slowed her horse to a stop and leaned forward, the soreness almost unbearable right now.
Kayce came up beside her, with a small smile on his face until he looked at Alex. He slid off his horse, tying it to a tree limb before walking over and holding Alex's horse's reins.
"Come on," Kayce reached up to her. "Let's take a break."
"I don't know if I can get down," Alex sighed, trying to breathe in through her nose.
"I'll catch you," Kayce's hands held her waist as Alex rolled her outer leg around and tumbled down.
Kayce caught her, holding her tight against him as he waited for Alex to find her footing again. Once Alex was standing upright, Kayce tied her horse next to his.
"Here," Kayce led her over to a boulder jetting out near the river and sat Alex down slowly.
"Maybe you were right," Alex winced before looking up at him. "Maybe it was too early for this."
"We can take a break," Kayce smiled. "Let you rest some before we head back."
He sat down next to Alex as they both looked out over the valley. They sat in silence for a while, the river being the only sound Alex could hear. It was peaceful and far enough away from the lodge that she felt like she was untouchable there.
She could feel Kayce's eyes on her. Her face had healed some over the past week, but she knew there were still bruises and marks on her skin.
"You're staring," Alex said, looking over at Kayce.
"How are you feeling...really?" Kayce asked her.
"I'm..." Alex trailed off looking into Kayce's eyes.
She felt a lump at her throat again, the all too familiar feeling of being hopeless and alone shot through her veins. Her fingers twitched as Alex took a shaky breath. She glanced around, Kayce's warm eyes too much for her.
Gently, Kayce reached out and cupped her cheek with the palm of his hand. Alex's eyes found his again almost as if by command. He leaned in closer, touching his forehead to Alex's as his thumb gently traced over her cheek.
"I'm sorry that happened to you," Kayce said, his voice low and rough. "M'sorry I wasn't there...that I didn't get there faster, find you faster."
Alex shook her head even though she knew there was truth in Kayce's apology. She knew he had guilt, it was written all over his face every time she saw him. She just didn't realize there would be any for her specifically, no when he son had been in the same boat.
"When I saw you," Kayce swallowed hard. "I just...all I could think about was holding you and keeping you safe."
Alex reached up and held onto Kayce's wrist of the hand holding her face. No one had ever said something like that to her before.
"And it killed me...knowing you weren't safe...because of me, my family," Kayce sighed. "That every bruise on your body is because of something we did."
Alex's eyes narrowed slightly.
"Kayce...you didn't cause them to-"
"Yes, I did," Kayce intruppted you. "They thought you were Monica. They took you to get back at me and ultimately my father."
Kayce reached up with his other hand and held Alex's face as gently as he could.
"I'm sorry," Kayce said again. "I don't deserve your forgiveness...but I'll tell you every day until my last how sorry I am for what you went through."
Alex reached out and placed her fingers against Kayce's lips, keeping him from continuing on. Her mind was spinning now, from his words, his hands, his warm breath across her face...it was all a bit too much for Alex to take right now.
Kayce pressed a kiss to the tips of Alex's fingers, causing her eyes to flutter. The moment his eyes found her again, Alex moved quickly, her fingers tangling in the back of Kayce's head as her lips pressed against his.
Kayce wrapped his arms around Alex, kissing her back with just as much intensity. He pulled her against him, deepening the kiss while she tugged on his hair. Alex let a soft moan escape her lips, making Kayce slide one of his hands along her thigh.
Thankfully, it was too cold to go any further than what they were doing. But Alex felt comfort with each kiss, wanted with each caress from Kayce as he tilted his head and pressed his lips along her jaw. She pulled his face back to hers, one more heated kiss shared between the two of them before Alex pulled back a few inches.
Kayce didn't look hurt this time though, both of them breathing hard as they looked at one another. He reached up and brushed some of her hair back before her shoulder.
"Why do you keep kissing me?" Alex let out a breathy laugh.
"Technically, you kissed me...both times now," Kayce chuckled as Alex rolled her eyes.
Alex leaned back more, Kayce's other hand falling to her thighs as she took in a deep breath. His caramel eyes danced around her face as he waited for her to speak again.
"Kayce..." Alex ran a hand through her tangled hair. "Im sorry. I just...I just don't want to be a homewrecker."
Kayce's eyes narrowed.
"You're not," He said with a bit of force.
"I feel like I am," Alex shrugged. "Especially after what's happened...you and Monica-"
"Are there for our son," Kayce finished for her. "Nothing has changed with the path we're on."
Alex eyed him, almost doubting his words.
"But this last week," Alex pointed out. "You haven't...God, I sound horrible."
Kayce acted faster, grabbing Alex's arm before she could hide her face.
"What about this week?" Kayce asked her.
"You've been...together," Alex sighed. "And I know this makes me sound like such a bitch, but what I saw was the two of you...I don't know how else to describe it. Together?"
"We were together with Tate," Kayce nodded his head. "After Tate though, we aren't together...does that make sense?"
"Not at all," Alex shrugged out of spite. "I saw you go into the bedroom as a family...you eat supper together, I just feel like what you say doesn't match the actions I see."
"Okay..." Kayce thought a moment. "For bedtime, yes...Monica and I stayed with Tate, read him stories, and tried everything to get him to sleep. But after he was out, I was in the bed next door to them."
Alex was surprised to hear that.
"At supper I...I sat next to Tate, not Monica," Kayce shook his head. "I'm with her right now because our son needs us to be. But I'm not with her."
"You slept in the room next door?" Alex asked him, almost feeling worse he couldn't be next to his son.
Kayce blinked his eyes.
"Yeah," He nodded. "I can't...share a bed with her anymore. That's not fair."
"Not fair?" Alex questioned.
"To her, to me...To you," Kayce sighed. "Don't think I haven't thought about you during this week too. Even though you've ignored me for most of it."
"I was giving you all space," Alex mumbled but felt her cheeks warm up.
"I know," Kayce leaned in until his lips were a few centimeters away from Alex's. "But you're allowed to need to be taken care of too."
"It's been, we'll it hasn't been easy," Alex sighed.
"I know," Kayce thumb rubbed gently against Alex's cheek. "I'm glad I can check on you on."
"You...could have asked me?" Alex mumbled.
"You always walked away from me," Kayce smiled. "Though I think, had you turned me down earlier for this ride, I'd have blown up."
"Sorry..." Alex felt her cheeks blush. "I just thought that you and Monica needed-"
"I don't want space from you," Kayce I interrupted. "I want the opposite of that actually."
Alex kissed him chastely, her hand holding Kayce's face as she pulled back.
"You can't take care of me with her here," Alex said with sadness in her tone. "In speaking of being fair...I don't think that's fair to Monica."
Kayce sighed, leaning his lips to press against Alex's palm. He nodded eventually, both of them sitting back up straight. Alex dropped her hand on top of Kayce's that was still on her thigh. Her fingers slid through Kayce's.
"I don't know if it would help him," Alex said. "But when I feel...scared, there's this tapping thing I do that usually helps me."
"Tapping?" Kayce asked her.
"I take my fingers and tap along my collarbone," Alex mimicked what she was saying by tapping along her jacket. "I think it helps my mind from wandering and if I do it before bed I usually don't have bad dreams."
"You've had nightmares?" Kayce frowned. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Space remember?" Alex nudged his shoulder.
"Fuck your space," Kayce growled. "Come get me if you have a nightmare."
"It happens late at night," Alex shrugged.
"I'm up," Kayce told her.
"It would look..."Alex trailed off.
"Like I'm helping my friend," Kayce smiled.
"I told you, the tapping helps me," Alex cleared her throat.
"Could you show Tate?" Kayce asked.
"Sure, I could when we get back," Alex nodded. "Which we probably should."
"Do you feel up to that?" Kayce asked her.
"If we go slow?" Alex squeezed Kayce's fingers.
Kayce wrapped an arm around Alex as she stood up. Eventually, they made it back to the barn in time for an early supper.
**
"So just try and go across your chest...like this," Alex showed Tate how she would tap along her collarbone.
"Like this?" Tate asked her from where he was already in bed.
Alex watched him mimic what she had just done.
"Yeah, just like that," Alex nodded. "Feels a little weird, right?"
"A little," Tate nodded.
"But it helped me," Alex smiled from where she sat on Tate's bed. "Maybe it can help you tonight."
"You have bad dreams too?" Tate asked her.
Alex knew Kayce and Monica were standing right behind them. Monica was in Alex's peripheral while she knew Kayce was still leaning against the doorframe.
"I do," Alex nodded.
"What about?" Tate asked.
"Uh..." Alex didn't want to give Tate ideas if his dreams were different than hers. "What are yours about?"
"I don't think he needs to say," Monica piped up.
Alex looked over her shoulder at the other woman. Her dark eyes locked with Alex's lighter ones.
"About the place we were," Tate said quietly, making the adults in the room all look at him.
He looked terrified, so Alex reached over and held Tate's hand.
"Me too," Alex nodded. "But you know what helps me?"
"What?" Tate asked.
"Knowing I'm back here," Alex said. "Knowing you're safe too...and that eventually you and I are gonna be okay."
"Mom says we need to leave," Tate mumbled,
"Tate!" Monica snapped.
"Stop it," Kayce stepped forward.
Alex sighed and then smiled at Tate.
"Do the tapping," Alex told him with a wink. "And if you need me...I'm just down the hall."
Tate nodded as Alex stood up. Monica stared at the ground as she passed her, Alex looking at Kayce before walking out of the room. When she got back to her own room, Alex changed into something to sleep in and crawled under her covers.
Alex looked up at the ceiling for a while, counting the beams a few times before there was a small knock at the door. Thinking surely that can't be Tate, Alex climbed back out of bed and walked over.
Kayce stood there with tired eyes. Alex could tell he had changed as well and was ready for bed.
"Thank you," Kayce said. "Didn't get to say that before you left."
"It felt like the right time to leave," Alex shrugged.
"She uh...blames everything on this place," Kayce sighed. "Not that it's probably partly true but she's not letting Tate decide for himself I guess."
"That's why I needed to leave," Alex nodded. "Look, this place has its demons, but I also chose to stay here so her...dislike for it doesn't really sit well with me for the most part."
Kayce sighed again so Alex continued.
"And don't get me wrong...I understand having emotions about this topic," Alex held her hands up briefly. "But they thought I was her. They were supposed to get her, but they took me instead, and not once has she said anything to me about that."
"I'm sorry," Kayce said.
"You don't have to apologize for her," Alex looked at him. "She's a grown woman, let her defend her own words when she needs to and let them be when she doesn't."
Kayce nodded his head, a hint of a smile on his lips.
"Okay," Alex took a breath. "Sorry, did you need something in particular?"
"Nope, just checking on you," Kayce smiled.
"I'm fine Kayce," Alex told him, hating how much she loved hearing him concerned with her well-being.
"Okay," Kayce shifted his feet. "But I'm gonna check on you each night now."
"You don't have to do that," Alex shook her head.
"Not your choice," Kayce shrugged, his eyes glancing down the hall.
Alex leaned out, thinking he was looking at something but the hallway was empty. The house was quiet now, everyone in their beds except the two of them.
"Goodnight, Kayce," Alex smiled.
Kayce stepped closer to her, his hand coming up to hold the back of Alex's head while he kissed her soundly. It was sweet and caring, and too short as he pulled back and took a step back.
"Goodnight, Alex," Kayce walked back down the hallway.
Alex touched her lips, still tingling from his kiss as she watched him walk down to his room. Kayce stopped and held onto the doorframe as he looked back at Alex.
She gave him a small smile before you walked back into her room shutting the door softly.