★
Serenity is not something that I have experienced that often throughout my life. One moment the idea of peace seems too far fetched and the next it is close enough for me to grab.
Like sand, it always appears to be slipping through my fingers, falling away from me like all the time that I have spent searching for it.
The solace of being truly happy is something I spent my life watching other people get to enjoy. I get a taste of it, something to draw me back in and make me fight for the chance to feel what other people feel and then before my very eyes, the universe snatches it away.
A dark pair of hands that feel like the devil himself reaches out and banishes any semblance of light in my life.
Over and over. A vicious cycle of unfair and mean advances from the universe.
Serenity is not something that I have experienced that often throughout my life.
The solace of being truly happy is something I spent my life watching other people get to enjoy.
But, right now, calm washes over me as I take a sip of my diet coke before resting the glass beaded in condensation back down on the small round table.
Sitting in the middle of the vineyard, a small table is set up amongst the rows of grape vines. A white tablecloth is spread over the metal table. A single candle standing tall in a brass candle holder in the middle of the table, flickers in the evening light.
I twirl the long strands of linguine around my fork, lifting the bundle onto a spoon and then bringing it to my lips as I look out over Harry's shoulder at the view.
The sun is setting in the background.
All the colours blend together, blurring into one. The primary orange colour matches the shade of my nails. It glints brightly, tinged with different shades of pink and purple. Fluffy clouds that look like candy floss decorate the sky, burning so fiercely that it almost blows me away.
I blink, lifting my hand to wipe my eye gently to see if the mirage in front of me was truly our backdrop for dinner.
The symphony of colours burst through the milky clouds. I'm not sure which part to look at, the mellowing pinks that are dusty and rosy or the violet purples that blend into the blue sky of daylight which is drifting away second by second.
"I've always been enchanted by the endings, you know?" Harry mumbles, his wine glass inches away from his lips as he lifts it to take a timid sip.
My eyes snap to his from the gruff sound of his serious voice.
"-The last chapters in novels, the final line of a poem, series finales, encores at the end of shows... those final symphonies in songs–" He stops, tilting his head at the sky I was just admiring so beautifully. "-Sunsets," He says in humour.
I pause, my lips parting slowly.
My stomach churns and it's certainly not because of the seafood linguine that I have been eating this evening.
I blink, looking out at the purple clouds which are bewitchingly blending into magenta.
"-Is this you b-breaking up with me?"
Across from me, Harry wipes the corner of his lips with a white napkin. The small orange stain from the tomatoey pasta tarnishes the white cloth and as he drops it back down onto the table with a sigh, Harry shakes his head and curses under his breath.
"Fuck–" He mumbles in amongst the small bouts of laughter. "This is definitely not me breaking up with you, Trouble. Promise–"
I smile at him, tipping my head and lifting my own white napkin off the short white summer dress that I was wearing.
The chill rolls through me, cooling every single part of me to the bone but despite the goosebumps that scrub over my arms, I don't say that I am cold.
"Here–" Seeing the shiver that rocks my body subtly, Harry begins to shrug off the slightly oversized blazer jacket.
Immediately, he stands from his chair and rounds the table to lay his jacket over my shoulders. His heavy hands land, giving my shoulders a soft pinch while the remnants of his body heat, trapped inside of the jacket, warm me up.
"Thank you," I mumble, my mind still spinning at where this ominous conversation is heading. "-You were saying... about the endings?"
"Right," He nods, his voice quivering as he hovers awkwardly beside the table instead of sitting back down on the chair he was in.
I look up at him, half of his face glowing with the orange tinge of the sunset that bursts from the sky.
"I mean, I like the endings of things. I find them majestic in their own bitter way. Endings are– endings are like enabling new beginnings in some profound way and I think. I think we had to end back then to be able to begin again, you know?"
I nod, a dainty smile twisting on my lips.
My eyes squint when I realise that he is still standing, sort of pacing up and down the length of the freshly cut grass between the grape vines.
"I know," I tell him weakly. "H, why are you pacing?"
Reaching out, I delicately take his hand. My fingers brush against his palm as I carefully hold his hand and offer my most supporting smile. The palm of his hand is sweaty, clammy and sticky as he lets me take it and give it a squeeze.
"I um–" He shakes his head with a dreary smile before softly squeezing my hand back. "-I'm just a little nervous, that's all–"
"Nervous?" I query hesitantly.
I have this impending doom feeling once again flitting into my chest. It tightens as that serenity that I was getting used to today is pried from between my clawed fingertips that try to desperately hold onto that feeling from before.
The free floating feeling that makes me feel like I am living on cloud nine.
"Why are you nervous?"
He smiles, an anxious laugh flushes his cheeks red.
Stepping forward, Harry presses his index finger against my lips which seem to butterfly around his digit with a firm grip.
"I just– I need to do and say something and I need you to be quiet for a little while which I know is going to be hard for you because you seem to have an answer for everything these days but–" Sucking in a sharp breath, his dimple pops into his cheeks. "-Can you do that for me?"
I nod, waiting as he carefully lifts his finger from my glossy lip and then reaches for my other hand resting on my lap.
With both of my hands in his, he takes a deep breath and pushes his lips to one side before starting.
"I thought that I made a mistake the first time we broke up and- and maybe I did. Maybe I caused us both so much hurt by leaving when you needed me most. Maybe I broke both of our hearts and maybe things should have worked out differently,"
I stay still and silent as he asked of me. My hands are sitting fragilely inside of his which are trembling like the autumn leaves being shaken by the trees.
"But, here we are now. We're so good, Arls. You and me. We're my favourite thing, the most important thing in my life is us and our relationship. And I– I don't think we would be in this place together, now, if we didn't have to go through all of that shit,"
I swallow the lump in my throat, my stomach twisting as butterflies fly through each river of blood in my body.
Maybe we are destined by fate to keep crossing paths until we find a world where we belong.
"We're older now and we understand more about the world and relationships and each other. I think that we had to see how life was without one another to appreciate it now. The importance and the rarity that you and I are."
I nod, licking my lips as they part with a hint of realisation.
"I should have asked you this question ages ago but like I said, I think now is the perfect time for us–"
The pad of his thumb wipes over the peach-toned orange nail polish that sits pretty on my fingernails.
I pause, blinking rapidly.
"Arlie–"
Harry steps back, still holding my hands as he looks at the panic on my face that I can no longer hide.
"Wait, wait, wait–" I stop him, cutting off this whole thing.
"You said you were going to–"
"-Harry, is this you p-proposing?" I rush, blurting the words violently from my lips. "-this is you–"
"Trying to," He mumbles, smiling at me as if he was preempting my interruption.
"Harry?" I shake my head, my eyes beading with tears as I feel my own hands turn clammy in his. "Are you doing what I think you're doing?"
"-No," He pauses, stopping in a half squat position where he is crouching as if he is about to take one knee in front of my chair. "-I mean yes but, sort of–"
My lips slam together, embarrassed that my mind even jumped to the conclusion of him ever wanting to marry me right now.
I'm still in recovery, I've only been clean for less than five months now. Why would he possibly want to be tied to me forever?
"-Just let me finish, babe," He chuckles, lifting my shaking hand to his lips and peppering a kiss on the back of my hand. "-This is me proposing–"
Finally, he falls down onto one knee and takes my hands again in between us.
"-This is me proposing but I'm not proposing. I'm asking you to marry me,"
I frown, prying my hand from his and then lifting it up to cup his cheek softly. My thumb swipes back and forth under his eye as I smile weakly.
"That's generally what proposing means, Pretty Boy," I grin while my voice cracks and a tear dribbles down my cheek.
"I'm asking you to marry me... tomorrow,"
"What?"
Harry awkwardly smiles at me, sheepishly as he leans into my hand on his cheek.
"I wanna marry you tomorrow," He says again. "You can say no. I know this is a lot all at once and I don't want to pressure you... But, Arlie Addams, I am so in love with you and I feel like I am wasting time being your boyfriend when I could be your husband."
I blink, another tear rolling from my left eye and heating down my cheek.
"Tomorrow?" I stammer, looking in his seafoam green eyes that are glistening just like mine. "Don't weddings take time to plan, weeks, months... heck, years even, H?"
He chuckles, kissing the inside of my wrist on the hand that is holding his cheek. Kissing my wrist three times, he grins against my skin and then looks up at me through misty eyes.
"Everything and everyone is go time if you say the word,"
Looking behind me as if I was expecting a wedding to pop up from in between the red vine grapes.
"W-what?" I giggle, looking around in confusion but also happiness.
"I know you," He states. "I know you don't want some big white wedding with thousands of people in attendance. You don't want big and flashy with every celebrity and their mum getting invites. You just want you and me, my family, your family–"
"I don't have family," I interrupt.
"You do. Pri and Cooper and Akira are your family," He says matter of factly. "They're here,"
"Here?" I repeat, slightly in shock from the events of the night. "Here? In Italy?"
"Here in Italy," Harry confirms. "They're with my family in a hotel a couple of miles away."
I puff out air from my cheeks, the weight of the question pressing down on me but I don't move. I don't shake my head or deny him because I want this.
I really, really want this.
"So, everyone is ready?"
He nods, curling his lips up.
"Everyone is ready. Everyone is here and everything is ready. I have an officiant booked, I have everything, Arls, if you want this. If you want me for the rest of your life."
I don't hesitate.
This is the easiest decision that I have ever had to make.
Maybe some people are just inexplicably bonded. Maybe we are drawn together by forces greater than either one of us could ever wrap our minds around. Maybe the universe and the way it magnetises people together is far too complex for simple minds like ours to ever understand.
I nod since my words fail me. My body launches forward, catapulting against his as I melt into him.
Salty tears, broken sniffles and cheeks held by cold hands, Harry and I kiss in the middle of the vineyard in the Italian countryside.
"Is that a yes?"
I nod.
"I want to be your wife," I say through sniffles. "I want to marry you tomorrow and I want to be your wife and I want a million kids and I want a life and I want..." He chuckles, kissing me again as tears pour from his own eyes like they are with mine. "I want you... everywhere,"
He kisses me again, his hand slipping from the side of my face and rooting around in the pocket of his jacket which was limply hanging off my shoulders.
Pulling a small box out amidst the kiss, a small black box which he flicks up the lid and pulls back from my lips.
"Arls, wanna marry me tomorrow?"
I nod, grinning and biting my teeth into my bottom lip. My eyes well with tears but I don't even look at the ring until he slides it on my ring finger on my left hand. It doesn't occur to me to pay that much attention to a materialistic thing when he's in front of me.
But when Harry lifts my hand up, curling my fingers so he can kiss the ring that is now snugly sitting on my left hand, I get to look at it.
Beautiful.
It is absolutely beautiful.
Pulling back, Harry flicks his eyes up to mine, watching me as I admire it carefully.
I've worn expensive and extravagant jewellery before. I have owned priceless things and I have constantly been gifted pieces that are frankly downright enchanting but nothing compares to this.
Not because it is flashy or extra but because he has picked it out.
My eyes trace over the pearl that is central to the gold ring. It is milky, iridescent and set into the thin gold band.
"It's an Australian saltwater pearl for my Aussie," He tells me softly, wiping away the tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand. "And these–"
Pointing to the two smaller black stones that sit on either side of the pearl, Harry uses his little finger to explain.
"-They're black star sapphires."
"Star?" I stutter, "Black star sapphires? I didn't even know those were things,"
Harry shakes his head softly. "Neither did I until I was designing this,"
"You designed this?"
He nods again, pushing his lips to the side sheepishly.
"What?" I question. "Did Pri pick them or something? Did she help you?"
"No–" He tells me, gently taking my hands again and encasing them in his large ones. "-I've had this for a while now, Trouble,"
"A couple of months?"
Grinning at me coyly, he denies this with another shake of his head. "Try a couple of years, Arls,"
His words are teasing but he must pick up on my unsure frown because he continues to explain.
"I umm- I had this made before you went into rehab. You thought I was proposing, you were ready and I was ready to but I wanted you to get some help first and then... well, you know the rest,"
In shock, I look down at the ring on my finger and then back up to my finacè.
"You kept it that whole time? Even when we weren't together and I hated you?"
"I still had hope, Arls. I didn't take that movie for the sake of it. I was auditioning for so many roles but I needed you. I- I wanted you back,"
Kissing him again, I lean forward and connect our lips together. They melt into one being, blending together perfectly as I breathe in sharply through my nose.
My forehead rests against his, our bodies just taking a moment to catch up on the emotions of the day while he holds me just as close. Breathing in each other's air, I let myself feel this elated bubble that I'm sure I only ever experience around Harry.
"Wait- what about a dress?" I panic, knowing that the dress I am wearing right now is the only white dress I have bought with me and it doesn't really work for a wedding, let alone my own wedding.
"Priya has bought a couple of options for you," Harry explains, "She assures me that she has everything under control so if anything is wrong blame her not me,"
"Wait?" I say again, looking down at the ring on my finger and admiring the way it appears as if it has always belonged on my hand. "Did you know Priya bullied me into getting orange nails again? Were you two in cahoots this whole time?"
Harry flashes me a flat expression, his hands resting on my hips. "What do you think?"
"I think you both need to stop planning shit behind my back... but, this one is a surprise I quite like,"
"I promise this is the final secret I will keep from you," He tells me calmly. "This is the last one. Unless I decide to buy a yacht or something and then... you know? I don't think my wife would be best pleased about that."
"Wife," I echo joyously. I love the way it rolls off my tongue. "I'm going to be a wife tomorrow,"
"My wife," He corrects. "Mrs Styles,"
I stop.
It's not that I don't want to be Mrs Styles, because I do. But, I have spent my entire life being Arlie Addams. As much as I hate it, I have made a name for myself and taking that away and replacing it with Harry's name seems like an injustice to myself and my hard work.
Looking down at my lap, I roll my lips in on myself and swallow.
"H," I start, giving his knee a pat. "I want to be Arlie Styles and I will be in private but I am Arlie Addams and I want to stick with that publicly,"
"Okay," He shrugs, far more laid back than I was anticipating.
"Okay?"
"Yeah," He murmurs, "It's your name and your identity. I'm not expecting anything from you."
"I really love you," I tell him, my voice cracking once more. "Like fucking everywhere,"
"Everywhere," Harry mumbles back, smashing his lips back against mine.
Newly engaged with the impending wedding happening only tomorrow, we cannot get enough of one another and I truly hope this is how we spend the rest of our lives.
★
"Wake up," I pester, poking my finger into his cheek as I shuffle the button on the VHS video camera.
Harry lies asleep in his bed in Italy. His head is half under the covers, a pillow stuffed on top of his chestnut curls as he groans in annoyance.
"Shh–"
"We're getting married today!" I sing, zooming further in on his face until his green eyes snap open and meet mine.
They're puffy, still watering from his night of sleep. Like every other morning, the green of them appears almost translucent, clear and twinkling.
"We're getting married in–" Rolling over, he glances at the old alarm clock resting beside the bed and grins wider as he rolls back to face me. "-eleven hours!"
"Eleven hours," I nod.
Last night, after the proposal, Harry spent a great deal of time walking me through each plan and arrangement that he had already made in regards to our wedding but there were a few other errands that we need to get done before our wedding later.
According to Harry, our ceremony is taking place after dark so that we can get married under the stars which might just be the most romantic thing I have ever heard.
"We better get going, we have stuff to do," I tell him, chuckling as he cheesily grins at the camera lens I was thrusting in his face to cement this moment in our history.
"Few more minutes," He grumbles, pulling me towards his chest as I stop recording and place the camcorder back on the mattress. "Just a few more minutes before the craziness begins,"
"-Up you get!" A voice booms.
A loud bang on the door causes both of us to jump in a startle.
"You both better have all your clothes on because Harry's mom is out here and I don't want her to see anything..." Cooper's sharp voice crones through our bedroom door. "-come to think of it, I don't want to see anything either!"
Harry grunts frustratedly as I roll into his shoulder in a fit of giggles, yelling out a reply. "We're both decent!"
"Why couldn't you tell them we were fucking so they'd leave us alone?"
Batting his bare chest, I grin at him and then look towards the bedroom door which dramatically swings open like Cooper is trying to rip it from its hinges.
Huddled in the doorway are a couple of our favourite faces.
Priya crouches lower with Harry's sister, Gemma. Cooper has his arm draped over Akira's shoulder as well as Harry's mother, Anne.
A couple of Harry's other relatives are hovering around in the background, his dad and aunties and cousins.
All of them grinning like a pack of Cheshire cats. Rosy cheeks and flickering fingers formed in jazz hands make me mimic their smile.
"It's wedding day!" Anne cheers, stepping around Gemma to make her way into our bedroom. "Let me see the ring!"
All of this is so backwards but as I shuffle around on our bed, in only a navy blue silk pyjama set, I hold out my hand to show off the ring Harry had picked.
It had been proudly on my finger all night, I didn't want to take it off.
Anne delicately takes my hand, swivelling it around to get a glimpse of different angles. All of the other girls gather around her to also look; Pri, Akira and Gemma are huddled in a small group as they coo with admiration.
"You did good, H!" Gemma tells him teasingly. "Who would have thought?"
"I do alright sometimes," Harry hums, his eyes glued to the ceiling as he runs a tired hand down over his tired face.
"It's beautiful!" Akira mumbles quietly. "I want one,"
"He did good," Priya adds, although I am almost sure she has seen this ring before.
"Yeah," I turn to look over my shoulder and smile at the boy I am going to marry who is already watching me fondly. "He did good,"
Harry winks at me before another burst of energy rockets through the room. Anne still holds my hand with a gentleness that can only come from someone as precious and as loving as her. But even with her light touch and the soothing way that her thumb strokes over my knuckles, she starts to bark motherly orders.
"Harry, go and get yourself cleaned up!-" Looking down at me, she says the same thing. "You too... we've got so much to do. Arlie, we need to go shopping and Harry needs to go with the guys and sort some other things out! Chop chop!"
I nod, abiding by orders instantly but Harry starts to argue.
"Mum–"
"Nope," Anne persists, shaking her head and holding up her palm to silence him. "Shower now. You can't get married smelling like stuffy bedsheets. Get up, c'mon!"
I shower quickly, getting dressed in a floaty summer dress which is a dark blue colour. My hair is left to dry naturally since I will be styling it later.
I am ushered from the house before I have a chance to even see Harry again. The girls crowd around me, handing me my purse and then flapping me out the door and into one of the hired vehicles.
"What are we doing?" I question as I watch the view roll by with the car sprinting towards somewhere that I don't know yet.
"Well, since you only got engaged... last night... and since you're getting married... today... we have had to speed up the timeline and we figure every bride needs a hen night," Gemma explains to me from the passenger seat, she looks over her shoulder where her long hair, the same shade as Harry's, waterfalls down her back.
"Hen night?"
"Bachelorette," Priya translates for me, tapping my knee from her seat beside me. "A bachelorette night... only not a night... more of a lunchtime because the wedding is tonight but that's beside the point!"
"So, the point is?" I frown again, not sure what is actually happening since both of their explanations have been vague.
"Sweetie, we thought that we could get some lunch in town and maybe do a little shopping, have a few Aperol spritz'. That's the plan."
"I love the plan!" I exclaim, looking at everyone in the car and grinning. "I could drink my entire body weight in Aperol."
Akira drives us there, taking us to the restaurant first. We are all gathered around the table, chatting happily together as they all gush over how Harry proposed. Gemma mocks her brother but I can see the sweet smile that she poses when she thinks no one is looking.
She's happy for us, I know that much.
I eat a Caesar salad with a side of parmesan fries and although everyone is drinking spritzers and I would love to join them, I stick to soft drinks.
After we eat, they peruse me through a strict schedule of cycling me through the sweet boutiques that line the town.
"What about these?" Priya suggests, lifting up a silky silky white lingerie set that is hooked on a silk coat hanger.
"Put that down!" I exclaim, batting Pri's hand away and shoving it down from the height she was displaying it. "Anne and Gemma are here!"
"Oh, like they don't know that you two have sex?" She scoffs. "You two are doing it like bunnies constantly, of course, they know that you're going to have sex after you get married,"
I roll my eyes, squirming around as it is deathly quiet in this boutique.
"Okay, but they don't need to see the damn lingerie," I snap.
A voice sounds from behind us and suddenly another set of milk cream lace is thrust in front of my face. "What about this one? I bet my brother would lose my mind if he saw you in this,"
"Gemma!"
Whirling around on my heel, I spin to face her smug grin.
"You guys are insufferable. I can't do this with you lot,"
"Fine," Pri huffs. "We'll just surprise you and then you won't get a choice which one you have,"
Glaring at her through dark eyebrows, I look between the two of them flatly before once again rolling my eyes. "Fine, fine,"
Pri giggles, bouncing back and forth on the ball of her feet with excitement.
"I prefer this one," I tell them, picking out the lingerie set that Gemma had picked off the railing. "Can we leave now?"
The slightly tipsy nature of all of them besides Akira, who was the designated driver, and me who is sober makes all of them giggly and giddy.
Shopping with them is a task. A bit of a headache if we are being frank and yet I was enjoying myself.
From: H <3 (5:33 pm)
4 hours until you're my wife!
I grin down at my phone, a flutter of nervous butterflies twisting in my stomach while I climb back in the car to head back to their hotel. I was getting ready there since I didn't want Harry to see me before I walked down the aisle.
The next four hours rush by in a blink of an eye. I try on the three potential wedding dresses that Priya has dragged over the Atlantic ocean with her.
Two of them didn't feel like me but the third and final one that I tried on made my chest tighten in the best way. When I look in the floor-length mirror and take a peek at myself clad in the fitted slip dress.
With no extravagant details or embellishment, the ivory silk allows my olive skin and dark hair to take centre stage.
It is pretty, I feel pretty in a bridal kind of way.
It isn't often that I get to see myself like this. Natural and yet still feeling gorgeous and confident in my own skin.
Staring at my own reflection in the mirror, I flatten my hands down the material of my wedding dress and draw in a deep breath. The girl looking back at me has a beaming grin curled on her lips.
Soft and dainty, I tuck my hair behind my ear and blink as I try to comprehend that the picture of happiness standing in front of me is actually me.
I am her.
I am happy.
My hands tremble a little bit but I'm not nervous. I think it is more excitement than nerves and as I look at the girl who has fought for her whole to get to this place, I can't help but adore the way they shake.
I deserve to be excited for my happy ending.
This is what everything has been for.
The darkness creeps in through the window and the open curtains. The stars are out and shining in full force like Harry intended.
"Ready?" Priya pokes her head around the door.
The girls had given me a little while alone so that I could really experience everything. So I can let everything sink in.
I nod, sighing as I think about how in just over an hour, I am going to be somebody's wife.
Harry's wife.
"I think so," I mumble.
She rounds the door, pushing it closed lightly and then leaning back on it with a smile that glows from every pore on her face.
"Arlie, you're married,"
"I know," I whisper.
She blinks at me, taking a step closer until she is hovering behind me, looking at me through the same pane of reflective glass.
"What is it?" She questions gingerly.
My bottom lip pops, quivering a little bit as I breathe in through my nose and try to hold my composure. My makeup is done and I don't want to ruin it right before we are due to leave but the bottom of my eyes are lined with tears that are simply racing to drip from my eyes.
"Arlie?"
"I just didn't think I would even make it to twenty-four let alone–" My voice hitches in my throat, broken and trialling off.
Taking a deep breath, Priya places her hand on my shoulder and pulls me into her. Winding her arms around my back, she holds me close, sniffling just as much as I am.
"It's my wedding day," I say.
Priya nods.
"It's my wedding day," I repeat. "It's my wedding day and I– I made it here,"
Nodding again, she thumbs a loose curl that has been blown out in my chocolate hair.
"I'm so proud of you,"
"You're going to make me cry," I shake my head, looking away from the emotional glint in her eyes.
"You're already making me cry," She whispers, swiping her finger under my eye to collect the trails of salty tears that are threatening to slip through the dam I'm building. "Arlie, I'm so proud of you. I don't know how else to tell you this but you're my most favourite person in the whole world. Watching you get your happy ending is... it's all I've wanted for you."
She stops, rolling her lips in as she tries not to sob like a baby.
"Pri–"
"Let me say it because after today I know you won't need me anymore because you'll have Harry–"
I shake my head, my shoulders wracking with tears as I stare at the girl who quite literally saved my life on more than one occasion.
"I'm always going to need you," I whimper. "You're my best friend,"
She tucks my hair behind my ear and lightly cups my cheek. "Not in the same way anymore–" Her voice cracks which makes me sniffle more. "-this is a good thing, A,"
"I'm always going to need you," I deny.
She nods.
I blink away the tears, not wanting my eyes to be bloodshot during the ceremony.
Giving my hand a pinch and smiling tightly, Priya lets go and steps back to wipe her tears away. She flaps her hand towards the door, signalling that we need to leave. Holding her open fingers out for me, I look down at it, taking a couple of small steps in her direction before stilling.
"Do you think you can walk me down the aisle?"
Priya's chest jumps as the tears barrel down her cheeks, creating smudges through her makeup that was once seamless and perfect.
"Are you being serious?"
I nod, my voice failing me.
"A, I would– of course! Of course I will,"
She cries and I cry, hanging on to each other like we were life jackets in a stormy sea.
Priya Patel has bought me more love and light than I thought I ever deserved and I think it is inspirational how devoted she has stayed to our friendship despite how much shit and terror I have put her through.
Harry said that I had my family here with me and while Priya isn't my blood, she might as well be.
She's been the constant through everything and I don't think I could get luckier than having her in my life.
"It would be an honour," She chokes through acute sobs.
Kissing my forehead, she sighs faintly.
"Let's go and get you married,"
★
"They say that when you know, you know,"
I mutter the words over and over in my head, reciting the same pattern of vocabulary as I try to memorise it and not let the vows I had written last night in an isolated room slip from my brain.
Priya's arm is looped through mine, her hold firm and grounding as she passes me the makeshift bouquet of white peonies.
White peonies are my favourite flower but given the sporadic and spontaneous relationship of our wedding, we couldn't get an actual professional bouquet. Anne saved the day with her green thumbs and helped to create something that is far more rustic but fitted Harry and I way more.
My shoes sit on the grass, waiting to walk down the aisle.
In the same vineyard that we got engaged in only last night, was the aisle set up for a ceremony. String lights had been looped around the vines, brightening up the area with the perfect amount of light.
The golden glow was dim enough that you could still see the stars in the sky but bright enough that the few guests who were trusted to come could see the ceremony from their seats.
A few wooden chairs are placed in two rows on either side of the aisle which is also comprised of string lights and candles that flicker in the light breeze.
"Ready?"
I swallow the lump in my throat and nod my head as the light strumming of a harp playing starts to merge with the chirping of the birds that are flying overhead, nesting for the evening.
Over the Rainbow is beautifully played as I suck in a deep breath and ready myself for the most important moment of my life.
No acting, no pretending.
Just me and him.
At the end of the aisle, Harry stands waiting for me. He has a few of his closest friends beside him. Only two, who grin just as widely as he was.
Rocking back and forth on his heels, he is wearing an all-black suit, including the shirt underneath. His collars are cuffed, his hands folded in front of him as he grins at me.
Watering eyes, I chuckle and smile at him.
How this came about in just under twenty-four hours, I will never know but I'm really freaking glad that it has.
Harry's smile beams brighter than the string lights are tossed everywhere.
The happiness that I am experiencing in every crevice of my being is what I have been chasing my entire life. The solace of a being so calming and comforting as the one I am about to marry makes my stomach curl into a love heart.
I can feel Priya's eyes burning into the side of my face with a delicate look of fondness but I can't bring myself to drag my eyes away from Harry.
Harry shakes his head in awe and I think I can just about make out a small tear that dribbles down the side of his face before one of his best friends whips out a tissue and passes it to him.
My shoulders lift as I giggle at him, my teeth biting into my tongue as I grin like a mad woman but this is all I have ever wanted.
If little eight-year-old Arlie Addams could see me right now, I think she would have a heart attack and then scream about how this is a princess wedding.
A tear of my own slips from my eye, taking the doubt that I wouldn't get my happy ending away with it and banishing the feeling from my heart entirely.
I've been in so many movies. I've even had one or two wedding scenes under my belt but nothing, and I mean nothing, could prepare me for the feeling of genuinely taking this leap with him.
We have so much to figure out. So much to sort and come to terms with but this feels right. It feels like it was always supposed to be.
Priya squeezes my arm that is interlocked with hers, slowly walking with me down the grass as the few guests lock eyes on me coming and then flick their sight to Harry in a repetitive motion to see how we are both reacting.
Coming to a stop just shy of Harry and the officiant, Priya kisses my cheek and then passes my hand to Harry's.
"Look after her for me, I'm trusting you with my person, H,"
He nods, lopsidedly grinning.
"Our girl," He mumbles, pecking Priya's rosy cheek.
She nods, stepping back and sucking in a deep breath. "Our girl,"
I smile at her, mumbling a small, I love you, to my best friend as she wanders off to the empty seat on the front row with my flowers.
Harry takes both of my hands in his, both of us practising a light shake.
The officiant starts the ceremony and I would be lying if I was paying attention and not just focusing on the shade of green in his eyes that captivate me.
Or the dimples at home in his cheeks.
Or the short, neat stubble lining his jaw and top lip.
Or the delicate pink shade of his full heart shaped lips that are curved upwards in a carved grin.
My nose scrunches up with a cute smile when Harry winks at me.
We're instructed to read vows to each other, something that was very stressful to devise.
Inhaling, I blink my eyes slowly and look up at Harry with glossy eyes.
"They say when you know, you know,"
I speak, thinking words from my heart as I am put on the spot and forced to try and remember everything I had planned to say to him.
"You can try to deny the pull you feel towards someone but in the end, that resistance is ineffectual because, well, they're your North Star,"
Harry smirks at me, his thumbs running over the top of my knuckles.
I know that only he and I would understand the importance of the North Star.
"Dating a songwriter, an artist, if you will," Our friends and family giggle as I bend my knees a little and add a subtle teasing note to my voice.
Harry rolls his eyes at me playfully and encourages me to continue.
"You hear a lot of talk about love 'taking someone's breath away' or making you 'lose your mind'. I don't think that's true. At least for me, it's not. Harry, you've not taken anything from me. You've not robbed my breath or misplaced my sensibility."
He tilts his head to the side, a feeble movement of curiosity.
"You're the one who reminds me to breathe when I feel like I am gasping for clean air. You're the one who makes me think rationally about everything. You ground me, like the North Star that you are, you make me feel safe, stable, protected."
He stands quietly, his lips gently parting as his thumbs rhythmically soothes my rapid heart. Even now, he is calming me.
"You, H, know my heart better than anyone and you're the one that reminds it to keep beating even when I think it can't. This is all for you, every single beat of my heart is for you and it will be until my last breath because I love you everywhere. Till death do us part, baby."
He chuckles at me, his smile growing bigger.
His teeth nip into his bottom lip, causing a white mark of pressure to form his teeth as he puckers his lips like he wants a kiss but I don't think we're allowed to yet,"
"My turn?" He spins to the officiant and then grins at me when he nods.
He nods, taking a second before he clears his throat and starts to recite his vows to me.
"Arlie– Arls, I never really call you Arlie so it feels wrong to do it now." He corrects himself. "The first day that I met you on the beach. October 18th 2013, as cheesy as it sounds, I just knew,"
I roll my eyes, giving him a flat look that he knows is only me messing around with him.
"You believe in the stars, Trouble, and you always have. I haven't and I'm only just coming around to the idea now but what I do believe is that the stars have a way of letting two people know when they need to find each other. Soulmates or whatever–"
"Whatever," I scoff, mocking him.
He glares at me and I giggle, slamming my lips shut.
"The first night I met you, you were asleep on my hotel bed–" Finally breaking the eye contact between us, Harry glances over to where his mum and dad are sitting at the front. "-Sorry, mum–"
Everyone closest to us laughs but I feel that swirling radiate around my belly and warm me up despite the chill in the air.
"-You were asleep and I sat out on the balcony and I was just looking up at the sky and I swear to you, Arls, I have never seen stars so bright in all my life. It was like someone had flicked up the brightness or something. It was insane and I– I just knew,"
I pout. "You've never told me that before."
With a shrug, Harry replies coolly. "Been waiting for the right time."
"I promise to love you through your weakest moments and through your strongest ones. I promise to love you when you're happy and I promise to you the most when you're sad. That's the point I'm trying to make, I'm here forever. I'm not going anywhere because I love you... everywhere,"
I am already wearing my ring since I didn't want to take it off but I slide a gold band up Harry's left hand and watch with buzzing eyes as he smiles down at it like I have just given him the best gift in the world.
It sits snugly on his fingers which, for once, are barren from any other type of jewellery or ring besides one other which is so special to him.
"Arlie Olivia Addams, do you take Harry Edward Styles to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
I grin so hard that my cheeks begin to ache.
"I do,"
Turning to Harry, our officiant repeats the same question only rearranged. "Harry Edward Styles, do you take Arlie Olivia Addams to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I do," He matches my grin, both of us drunk off the evening.
"By the power vested in me, it is my honour to pronounce you husband and wife."
Our smiles match each other, cheesy and full of light and love. I pinch at her fingers, smiling so wide that I feel like my face is about to split into two.
My husband has a glow about him that shimmers around his body like the bright aura he is.
"You may now kiss your bride,"
"Oh, right," Harry smirks, looking down at me hungrily.
Winding his arms around my back, he holds onto my lower half and dips me backwards in a cliché more that has me swooning.
His lips capture mine with a softness that is still somehow filled with an urgency. I need him close to me so I grab the collar of his jacket, pulling on it with a fist as he folds over the top of me and we kiss to the chorus of friends and family cheering and clapping for us.
My hands tangled in his freshly washed curls and my thumb hooks in front of his ear, running soft strokes up and down his cheekbones.
His hands hold onto the back of my head, holding me close and the dip of my waist which is tightly squeezed into silk.
His kisses are like ecstasy and trust me, I would know. The dizzying high that he brings me is enough to want me to come back for more over and over again. I could never get enough of him and the best part about that is I will get to do it for the rest of my life.
Pulling away, Harry swings me back upwards, both of our cheeks dusting in a rosy red at the commotion of happiness from the people we adore most.
Blocking out the sound of their cheers and whistles, I smile at my husband who is already fondly gazing at me like I hung the stars up above our heads.
Wrapping my arms around Harry's neck, I tip my head back up to the stars and close my eyes.
As I feel the power of the stars burns through me, I feel invincible.
On top of the world.
"Do you think he was helping us?" I ask softly, peeling my eyes open and locating the North Star in a short few seconds.
"Your grandpa?"
I nod, pressing my lips into a small line.
Harry kisses the corner of my lips, his fingers brushing my hair back behind my ear where he hooks it to stay and they hold my cheek.
"He's your guardian angel, isn't he? He's always helping you,"
"But like... me and you? Do you think he helped us find our way back together?"
Harry nods, curling his lips into a fond grin as he also looks up to the stars.
Specifically my grandpa.
"If he did, does that make us written in the stars?"
I sink my hands into the roots of his hair, lifting his head softly so I can feather a kiss to his lips.
"Everywhere, right?"
bet you didn't expect that huh?