trust me, you need to listen to work song my hozier :)
★
My mother hated me.
She didn't know she hated me and I don't think she meant to hate me.
But she did hate me.
She resented my presence in her life, in her home... the one that I paid for with the acting jobs that I was forced to do.
My mother resented me.
She hated me.
And now as I stare at my reflection in the mirror, I start to dissect every intricate part of my appearance.
Nothing was ever good enough for my mum. Nothing ever looked good enough or sounded good enough or impressed her.
I understand that my parents didn't want me, they were too young and too busy with their messy teenage lives to really raise a child but even so, there I was.
There I was, a young little girl who just wanted to be loved. And here I am now, a twenty-six-year-old who doesn't know how to look in the mirror at her reflection without finding something to be disappointed in.
Here I am now, unable to see my own worth because they couldn't. When I wasn't acting and bringing in money for my mother to spend on her drug habit, I was useless. Now, I am taking a break from acting to recover from my own drug habit and I feel just as useless and unlovable.
Standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom of the hotel room, I skit my eyes down over my reflection and grimace. I'm looking at myself but I don't recognise the girl looking back at me.
Everything looks the same and yet something about me is not quite right. There are these tiny imperfections that make me feel like a fraud standing here.
I feel like an imposter inside of my skin, the thought of having to face people like this makes my stomach churn but even so, I sigh and continue getting ready.
Running my hands down over the dusty blue silk that falls over my curves. It is velvety soft under my skin, a soft corn flour blue that is dusty and pastel in colour.
It's pretty. Simple but pretty. But even though it is not extravagant or over the top, I still feel stupid in it.
Taking a deep breath, I drag my eyes back up to the tanned skin of my bare shoulders which is shimmered with a small amount of liquid gold shimmer.
"Arls?"
My lips push to the side as I roll my eyes over my appearance and sigh.
I know the second that Harry steps foot in this bathroom and I see how glorious he looks, I will feel even worse. Being on his arm means that I need to look impeccable at all times. He's so pretty and anything less than perfect isn't good enough to be seen with him.
"Arls?"
Picking up the curling iron, I re-curl the front pieces as I reply.
"In the bathroom," I call back, hearing Harry yell out for me from somewhere within our hotel room.
My hair is curled in soft waves that waterfall down my back softly. The dark strands shimmer in the dim lighting of the bathroom that shines from flickering spotlights above me. It's gotten so much longer recently, falling down my back. The ends of the curls hit a few inches above the bottom of my ribcage.
Not long after I answer my boyfriend, there is a gentle knock at the door which I hum in reply.
The door swings open as I brush back my longer bangs that curl away from my face. The heat of the fresh curl scorching my fingers but even that sharp stinging pain isn't enough to snap me from the trance of self loathing I'm under.
"Hey, Trouble," He smiles gracefully, shutting the door gently behind him despite no one else being in the hotel suite but us.
Looking through the reflective glass, my eyes land on Harry's body emerging from the doorway and standing behind me.
He is dressed for the event we are attending, a party being thrown in his honour in order to kick off the European leg of Love On Tour which he has been waiting to commence forever.
Wearing a pair of suit trousers that look like they are fabricated from a dark denim material. Tucked into this is a white ribbed tank top that sits low on his chest to expose the matching swallow tattoos that he has inked on each of his collarbones.
His hair has been perfectly tousled, sitting beautifully on his head in chestnut curls that swirl around in mesmerising patterns.
He smiles at me, his bare arms winding around my waist from behind. His tattoos flex on his skin as his muscles grow taut while he gages his grip on my hips.
His lips dust against my bare shoulder, pressing a chaste kiss to my heated skin.
"You look beautiful,"
I sigh, taking a deep breath and trying to pull my lips into a strained grin.
"Thank you," I reply softly, tilting my head to the side. "You look... I'm one lucky girl,"
Harry grins back at me, that boyish grin that bursts the dimples on his cheeks as he rests his chin on my shoulder and soaks up each little aspect of my made-up appearance.
Resting the sides of my cheek against his, I look at my makeup that sits heavy on my face.
It doesn't necessarily look heavy but it feels stiff and unlike me. Perhaps it is because I have spent the last two months with a bare face since I haven't been working and now the sensation feels foreign but as I try to find something about myself to admire, I cringe.
The smokey eye that I have painted on my eyelids and dusted out to inch down the severity seems too harsh. It makes the colour of my brown eyes appear muddy and lacklustre. The gentle bronzer that I have dusted around my cheekbones and temples seems too unnatural and the sunkissed blush feels child-like and infantile.
Nothing looks right.
"Arls?" He drawls out my name, seemingly picking up on the hesitance in my eyes that are floating everywhere beside my face in the mirror.
"Baby?" I hum back quietly to make it seem like I am not in mental turmoil. His lips quirk wider in response to the pet name. "What?"
"Why are you not looking at yourself?" He questions softly, lifting one hand from his hold on my waist to underneath my chin. With a curled finger, he lifts my chin so that I meet my own reflection.
Flicking my eyes away, I try to look somewhere else.
"Arlie Olivia Addams," He scolds firmly. "Stop it–"
"H-"
"You don't see what I see and I don't know why," He whispers under his breath, running his seafoam-green eyes down my face. "I don't know why or how you don't see the beauty that I see but one day... one day I hope that you will,"
Pursing my lips, I look at him instead of me. "It's not like that, I just–"
He smiles at me, shaking his head lightly. "One day, you're going to look at our little girl and you're going to see every beautiful part of yourself in her and you'll look back on this moment and know that I was right,"
My lips curl at the mere mention of a miniature version of both him and I together. The idea of getting to rewrite history with him by my side has my lips involuntarily pulling into an unrecognisable grin.
"A little girl, huh?"
"Well," He nods. "You are a girl mum, right? That's what you said,"
I nod as my smile drifts down. "Yeah."
He slides his hand back down to my waist and tightens his grip over my blue dress and hugs me harder. I crush back into his warm chest and feel his heart beating steadily against my shoulder blade.
Like a metronome, it ticks in time with a gentleness that feels comforting to me.
"Our little girl?"
His dark eyebrow raises, curling as he waits for me to ask the question.
"I picture her having a bunny rabbit stuffy."
"A bunny?" Harry grins.
I nod again. "A bunny, they're my favourite animals, you know?"
Again, Harry nods softly, his teeth scraping against his bottom lip before he lets his plump, pink lip pop back out. "I do know, that's exactly why we have Love On Tour bunnies. Because everything in my brain seems to somehow relate back to you,"
I blink. I didn't know that until now. I had never made the connection between his infamous bunnies and my favourite animal before. Assuming it was a coincidence, I simply brushed the idea off.
"It does?"
"You know it does, don't play humble, babe."
Grinning and humming in response, Harry snakes his hands down to my fingers, locking his through mine before lifting our joint hands above both of our heads. He swirls me around, causing my hair to fan out around my face as I chuckle at the feeling of being spun around.
"Do a spin for me, Heartbreaker?"
He continues to twirl me around so that my hair spirals out and my dress floats close to my body due to the lack of material. Suddenly, my body slams into his when he puts on the brakes and rests his hands on the dip of my hips.
"You need to stop calling me Heartbreaker, Harry," I tell him softly. "I already said that I'm not going to break your heart,"
"I know," he nods, tucking my soft hair back behind my ear. "I just like the ring to it and besides, I'm pretty sure you're breaking half the population's hearts by being with me and not them,"
"That's an over-exaggeration,"
"It's not," He denies. "I see people fawning all over you every single day. Trust me, it's bloody annoying,"
"Oh?" I snark back, holding my hands on his chest. "And being your girlfriend is just a walk in the park? Do you know the amount of girls that want to see my head turning on a spit because I get to kiss you and they don't–"
He scrunches his nose up in dismissal.
"-Because trust me, it's a whole fucking lot–"
"Arls–" He starts and I know he is going to apologise on behalf of his fans but I don't need nor want an apology from him. It's not his fault, it's never been his fault.
"Hey?" I cut him off, placing my index finger softly over his lips, forcing him to close them and be quiet. "It's okay. Doing this–"
I lean forward, lifting my bare feet up to my tiptoes so that I can reach his lips. Taking my time, I let the swell of my already glossy lips dust up against Harry's. Slotting our lips together, I feel his eyelashes flutter as he closes his eyes softly.
His bottom lip slips between mine, my Cupid's bow being gifted with a kiss.
Humming in contentment, I feel a pinch on my hips from him pulling me closer and trying to deepen the kiss.
Pulling away, I bite down on the corner of my bottom lip and smile around it. Tilting my head playfully to the side, I grin at him.
"-is worth the hate, right?"
Shaking his head, he presses his lips to one corner of his mouth. "Nothing is worth that... ever..."
I smile, I'm never going to get through to him and I know that. He is always going to carry some sort of guilt for how people surrounding him are treated by his fans. While their love for him is intense and from a place of goodwill, it has been known to ruin relationships for him, both romantic and platonic.
He's so wondrous and I hate that he blames himself for something that is so out of his control.
"We're going to be late if we don't leave soon," I tell him, managing to find the strength to pull out of his grip before reaching for my bottle of perfume that sits beside my makeup bag.
I pop the lid off and start to spritz the perfume over myself and relish in the light, fresh, floral scent that lingers around me.
Leaving the bathroom, Harry shuffles around to slip a matching denim-looking blazer jacket over his bare arms and leaves it open and undone. He then sits on the end of our made bed before starting to tie the laces of his shoes.
Slipping my feet into a pair of black sling-backs, I slide my purse up my arm to sit on my shoulder and wait for him by the door.
"This is going to be fun," Harry tells me gently, opening the door and holding it above my head so I can creep under his arm and out into the fancy hall of the hotel. I wait for him as he locks up our hotel room and passes me the key for safekeeping in my purse.
"So, remind me who will be there again?"
Harry takes my hand, lacing our fingers together and leads us down to the elevator at the end of the corridor.
"You know almost everyone. My mum, sister, Michal, Mitch, Sarah, Pauli, Elin..."
Continuing to list the people that I already know and have met, he presses his finger into the ground floor button. The list continues, Harry counting on his fingers with our intertwined hands as the bell dings and the doors slide at the lobby.
I can already see the blacked out black car that is sitting outside the hotel doors with the engine ready and running for us to quickly hop in. Harry must clock the vehicle at the same time as I do because he nods to himself and then starts to head towards the car.
Greeting the driver as if they were old friends, Harry smiles and pulls open the back door. With his hand on my lower back, he guides me into my seat, following soon after to take a seat beside me.
Feeling like I am floating through the car ride, I stare out of the window and listen to Harry chatting away with the driver. His hand resting on my thigh is the only thing that is keeping me grounded in reality.
It's not that I am sad. I don't think I feel like that. I just don't really feel like I am present in my life right now. If I had to explain it, I would say that I am lingering outside of my body watching as I go through the motions of being Arlie.
But I don't feel like her.
The drive is short, or at least it feels short because I am so wrapped up inside of my own mind. Harry thanks the guy who is driving us, patting him pleasantly on the shoulder before he clambers from the back seat and offers up his hand so I can climb from the seat with seat and grace.
I stand in front of the tall building where we are heading up soon. The rooftop is where this party is being hosted and so I swallow the lump in my throat and twist on a gentle smile while trying to snap out of my own brain.
"You okay?" A sturdy squeeze of my hand has me turning my head in Harry's direction.
A couple of paces ahead of me, Harry has the toes of his dress shoes pressing into the first step we need to climb up to enter the building. His eyes are turned back to me, his arm outstretched behind him to hold mine.
Shaking my head, I flash him a grin and quickly skip up beside him.
Tonight is about him.
"Perfect, let's go, Pretty boy!"
★
The universe's P.O.V.
Harry could tell that there was something up with Arlie from the moment that he woke up to her missing from her side of the bed. The white sheets were pulled back and her petite frame was gone from her usual spot snuggled beside him.
He found her sitting on the balcony of their hotel room, her knees tucked up to her chest and her body drowning in his T-shirt from yesterday. Her hair was wet and dripped down her back, creating a puddle on the tiled balcony flooring.
As his eyes flitted over her appearance from a safe distance inside, he spotted a small amount of steam drifting up from a mug that she had wound her hands around for warmth. Raising the mug to her lips, she timidly takes a sip.
Pulling it back down, she rested the mug against her knee and sighed as she looked out over the city of Glasgow where Harry's first-ever solo stadium show was taking place in only two days.
That was the first time his stomach dropped that day.
Trying his best to distract her from whatever was agitating her fragile mind, he showed her around the city, doing their best to duck and weave around the streets without drawing too much attention to themselves.
The day drew on, Harry managing to draw an abundance of grins and giddy giggles from the girl that he loved and eventually, he started to think that she was just tired this morning and he was worrying over nothing.
However, Arlie was putting on a show. If you looked deep enough inside her brain, you would see that she was having to tell herself to smile when she thought it was appropriate. The action wasn't subconscious.
Like a comedy sketch from the nineties, someone was holding up cue cards, telling her when to laugh and smile and grin like a puppet.
By the time that Arlie and Harry had made it to the party, something had eased up inside of Arlie's stomach but now that uncertainty was passed onto her boyfriend.
The two of them mingled, chatting away to people separately but still being close enough to one another that they felt safe.
"Do you want another drink?" Arlie came up behind Harry, sending a startled shiver up his spine from the soft sound of her voice.
"Umm-" He looks down at the half-finished drink in his hand and purses his lips. "Nah, I could use you though,"
"Me?" She questions, a tiny curl to her lips as she tips her head to the side and leans her back against the wall Harry is standing near.
He grins back, holding his glass in one hand while the other comes to rest on the wall above Arlie's head. His hand splays out on the drywall that was painted a dusty grey-blue colour. Arlie flicks her eyes up to his hand for a moment before fixing them back on the pair of green that consumes her entirely.
Her heart drums in her chest as she grins softly from the close proximity of his body trapping hers.
"Having to share your attention actually sucks ass, I don't know if you know this but It's not easy being jealous,"
Her eyes shine as a small bout of laughter tingles through his veins.
He loves her laugh, the way it sounds and the way that her eyes crease with joy when she can't contain that sound any more. He constantly finds himself mesmerised by the way that her head is tossed back and her lips curl into a bright, sunny smile that is infectious as hell.
"You've got nothing to be jealous of," She tells him, trying to iron out the crease of doubt in his mind.
"I know," He shrugs back nonchalantly, peppering a kiss to the corner of her mouth.
It is just enough to tease her but not quite enough to leave her unsatisfied.
"Arlie?" A loud voice rings out over the bustling chatter and the booming music is beating through a collection of speakers.
Poking her head around Harry's frame to see who had called her, Arlie's eyes skit around the large open space in search of the voice. However, Harry had taken to slumping his forehead forward on her bare shoulder with a groan of contempt at having to share her once more.
If he had it his way, there would just be the two of them in the room so he could have her all to himself.
Just the way that he liked it.
A bubble of jealousy rises in his throat but when he feels her fingertips brush upwards through the back of his hair to comb the strands comfortingly, he starts to feel a little better. He knows that he is her favourite person and so the jealousy is only superficial.
"Harry?" The same voice calls causing both of them to turn in the direction of the dance floor.
A slightly sweaty-looking Pauli was shimmying over to them with that contagious grin that you can't help but replicate whenever you see it. Their face is alight with happiness and they hold both of their arms out, fingers wiggling and curling towards Arlie.
"Can I steal your girl for a dance, mate?" They hold his hand out for Arlie, wiggling their eyebrows as she slips her hand from Harry's hair and brushes it down the front of her cornflower blue dress.
Harry's hand is still resting on his girlfriend's back protectively. She can feel his thumb rhythmically brushing up and down her spine comfortingly.
"I suppose one dance won't kill me. Up to her though," Harry answers, passing the choice back over to Arls.
"Arlie?" Pauli questions, turning to the girl curling into Harry's side with a hum.
She nods politely, holding her hand out for them with a small grin.
"Don't miss me too much, Pretty boy," She murmurs to Harry, leaning up to peck his lips once before she is escorted off to the dancefloor with his bandmate.
Arlie hates to dance which is why she is surprised that she even took Pauli's hand and agreed to such a thing. Her stomach churns with the prospect of getting up on the dancefloor and dancing somewhere so public with dozens of eyes on her.
It is surprising to Harry also because as she pulls back from kissing him and waltzes away, he is left standing still in the corner of the room with a brain spinning. She hates dancing, everyone, especially Harry knows that.
His eyes follow her, fixed on her figure as she and Pauli weave in and out of the crowded dance floor where people are currently going crazy for one of those clichè dance songs.
She looks perfect in the blue dress that she was so hung up on. The cornflower blue dress had been hanging over the door of the hotel room since they arrived there and Harry had spent a whole evening fantasising how she would look in the outfit.
The silkiness of the dress catches the mood lighting of the room, reflecting small blue flecks of shine on the floor. Harry's eyes monitor them, skipping his eyes over the random people who he has no interest in.
It clings to her, the fabric perfectly accentuating her curves which Harry's eyes are glued to.
He has a little flutter in his stomach as he watches from a distance as her nervous smile curls onto her face.
Pauli stops in the middle of the black and white tiled floor and turns so that they are face to face.
Just as he starts to initiate a dance to the song that is playing, it comes to a stop and instead switches from an upbeat and cheery song to something far more intense.
Work Song by Hozier.
Sucking in a sharp breath at the mood change in the room, Harry takes a steady sip from the red wine that is in his glass. The deep taste rolls down his throat and feels like it is narrowing from the intensity of his feelings.
Boys workin' on empty,
Arlie and Pauli stand opposite each other for a small period of awkwardness before they nod their head softly and she steps closer to them. Lifting their hands up that are connected with hers, they lift her arms around their neck.
Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat?
She feels somewhat cautious about the whole interaction. No matter how well she has gotten to know Harry's friend, she is still lingering on the edge of being shy around them.
I just think about my baby,
I'm so full of love I could barely eat,
Her arms hang loosely around Pauli's neck, holding them at a safe distance as she lets their rhythmic feet lead her in a small step-touch movement.
There's nothing sweeter than my baby,
I'd never want once from the cherry tree,
Harry leans back against the wall, his head resting against the firmness of it while his eyes are glued to the two of them on the dance floor. A passive expression paints his face with a look of thought.
As he watches her dance, he finds himself resonating with the lyrics to the sombre song that really is the definition of unconditional love.
'Cause my baby's sweet as be,
She gives me toothaches just from kissin' me,
Although placid in his representation of the emotion, Harry is experiencing a million different feelings rumbling through his body.
On the other side of the room, Arlie was starting to feel more comfortable on the dance floor. It is different from how it felt when it was just her and Harry somewhere private. She would never admit it to him but she actually really loved dancing with her boyfriend.
When my time comes around,
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth,
She loved everything that she got to do with Harry.
No grave can golf my body down,
I'll crawl home to her,
Harry watches her, his brain swimming with a billion thoughts.
He couldn't get over how perfect she is. How captivating that he finds her and it appears everyone feels that way.
That's when my baby found me,
I was three days on a drunken sin,
In a room full of people, everyone is watching Arlie. Her grin, curling up on her painted lips is what is drawing people in but the honey colour of his eyes is what makes them linger their eyes on her swaying softly with Pauli.
If you had told him that Arlie was entirely a figment of his imagination, he would believe you. Because in his mind, there was no way that someone like her could actually exist.
I woke with her walls around me,
Nothin' in her room, but an empty crib,
His heart beats in his chest slowly. It was slow because of how calm he felt watching her. The steady thumps slowly pumping blood around his body and his slow blinks flutter as he comes to a realisation.
And I was burnin' up a fever,
I didn't care much, how long I live,
Pauli lifts their hands from the dip of her back and lifts it to the air after picking up her hands and carefully holding her fingers. They spin her around in a circle.
But I swear I thought I dreamed her,
She never asked me once about the wrong I did,
His heart skips a beat as Pauli twirls the girl that he loves around in a circle. Her curled hair sways around her and as she spins back to face her boyfriend, her grin rockets onto her face and nearly splits it in half.
Across the room, the mere sight of Harry causes her to smile. She feels this strange spark of tingling pleasure course through her as he blinks at her, entirely ensnared by her.
Her smile is something that people write romantic novels about. Her smile is something that people, including him, have written songs and symphonies about.
It was animated and radiant and the sheer embodiment of the sun.
Her smile was a loaded gun.
Her smile was a loaded gun- A tragedy. Dangerous and violent but somehow it is perfect.
Her smile was something that he wanted to see every single day for the rest of his life and like an unwanted friend giving him a hug, the small nagging thought creeps into the back of Harry's mind.
He wanted to see that smile every day for the rest of his time but what happens if he doesn't?
What happens if one day, he sees her smile for the last time before she walks out of his life for good? What happens if one day she decides that she doesn't want him anymore?
Or even worse than that... What happens if one day, she gives up her long battle?
And that was the second time that Harry's stomach dropped today.
When my time comes around,
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth,
But, as Harry is breaking inside, picturing a world where he doesn't get to see that smile every day, Arlie's heart is beating.
Profusely.
No grave can hold my body down,
I'll crawl home to her,
Her chin rests on Pauli's shoulder as she looks across the room at Harry. Her eyes are beaming with some kind of contentment that is not often present in her soul but tonight it is as clear as a summer's sky.
Tonight, all the stars are out in full bloom.
When my time comes around,
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth,
Watching Harry, her eyes fix on his face and as she sways from side to side, she feels her heart thumping in her chest. The feeling of it is surprising for someone who very rarely ever lives inside of their own body long enough to pay attention to such a sensation.
It feels foreign and unnatural and for a second, it has her worrying slightly.
But when she looks at Harry again, she can feel it quicken even more. Beating faster simply from the sight of him alone.
Her lips part and she lets out a soft breath of not only relief but understanding.
This is what she has been waiting for.
Rapid and speedily, she can feel it.
Do you ever have those small, minuscule moments where your sadness leaves your body? The anxiety rushes away and for the shortest moment, it feels like time has stopped. Whether it be sprinting along the coast, the part of the beach where the sea meets the sand and your toes sink into the wet grains. Or riding your bike for the first time without stabilisers as a child. Or getting a standing ovation for the first time.
Or, for Arlie Addams, standing on the dance floor being swayed by another man while staring directly at the man who makes her feel like maybe everything really will be okay.
Harry makes Arlie feel like nearly every moment has been leading up to this. Every second, every minute, every day has been leading up to this moment.
The moment where she feels like for once she is living and not just existing.
Beating and ticking. Over and over until she feels like she is actually alive.
Arlie feels alive and Harry is across the room dying inside.
No grave can hold my body down,
I'll crawl home to her,
Her chest is tight with happiness and her eyes are burning with glossy tears at the realisation that she is experiencing this high without coke.
She is sober and she is still feeling that euphoric high.
My babe would never fret none,
About what my hand and my body done,
But Harry is breaking.
Crumbling in on himself, everything in his body is screaming for him to look away from her and stop picturing the lonely scene of his life without her. Eyes glimmering with tears, a silent one rolling down his cheek, Harry's stomach twists with a newfound nausea.
Feeling numb, he can't bring himself to lift his hand and wipe away the sign of sadness.
If the lord don't forgive me,
I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me,
Hard and heavy eye contact being upheld between the two of them makes it all the more real for him.
Just how terrified he is of losing her.
How badly the idea of her not getting through this scares him.
Tilting her head to the side, Arlie picks up on the distant glaze that has sheened over Harry's eyes. His mum is standing beside him, chatting away and still, he stands like a shell of a person with no reaction.
Blindly bringing his wine glass up to his lips, he takes a timid sip and gulps the alcohol down with the familiar burn of the acidic red scratching at his dry throat. It almost hurts him but he doesn't let up. He drains the glass with a few heavy breaths and then reaches out to place it on the table nearest to him but since he is barely inside of his body, the glass misses the surface of the table and falls to the floor.
Smashing into a million tiny shards of glass, splinters of glass fly all over the flooring and spread around his feet. The sharp sound of the smash catches everyone's attention and suddenly all eyes, including Arlie's, are on him standing lamely in the corner of the room.
His hand is still held in a rigid cupping position where the glass has slipped from. Frozen in place, Harry gulps but still cannot drag his eyes from his girl.
Even from the other side of the dance floor, Arlie can see the way that pieces of the guy she loves are chipping like the glass he just broke. His strong exterior is crashing down around him, falling to the floor triumphantly.
Sucking in a deep breath, she lifts her chin from Pauli's shoulder and pulls back from them. The two of them look over in Harry's direction, Pauli seemingly understanding that she needs to go to his aid.
"I've got to–" She politely begins to dismiss herself from Pauli, looking over their shoulder at Harry's pale face.
If she squints her eyes tight enough, she can see the wet trail of a tear that has rolled down his cheek.
"-He's umm–"
Without giving too much information, she leans up and presses a chaste kiss to Pauli's warm cheek before scooting over the dancefloor and rushing around people.
When I was kissing on my baby,
And she put her love down soft and sweet,
Her eyes skim across to Harry's mum, Anne, who is clicking her fingers in front of his face but still, he doesn't look away from Arlie's body heading straight towards him.
His heart feels like it is barely beating.
He is barely alive.
In the low lamp light, I was free,
"Harry?" Coming to a stop in front of him, Arlie wastes no time in cupping his cold cheek and trying to get any kind of reaction from him. "H?" She turns to his mum, both of them equally as panicked. "Is he okay?"
"I have no idea, Honey, Harry?"
"H?" Arlie whispers, stepping closer to shield his blip from the rest of the party. "Harry, baby?"
"Harry?" His mum calls his name, joining in until suddenly Harry snaps out of the trance he was in.
Lifting the sleeve of his jacket to wipe away the wet remnants of his tears, he connects his hand with Arlie's and weaves their fingers together.
Feeling relief from the feeling of his cold fingers lacing through her clammy ones, Arlie gives his hands three light squeezes, hoping that even in his frantic state, he can understand her secret message.
Heaven and hell were words to me,
Pulling her out of the party, Harry walks with speed down an empty corridor. Arlie rushes behind him, still continuously calling his name in a bid to understand what the hell is going on.
He was fine only a couple of minutes ago when she left him to dance with Pauli and now he is verging on a panic attack and acting like the room was on fire around him.
His world is on fire but to her, the smoke is seemingly invisible because she can't understand what is happening.
"Harry?"
Not letting up, he continues to steamroll down across the floor, pulling her close behind.
"Harry, stop!" She cries, pulling on him to try and dig her heels into the floor. "Harry, what is going on?"
He doesn't stop, dragging her forcefully down the hallway with his stomach churning and his chest jumping sporadically.
The walls are closing in. He can feel it, his chest is becoming so tight that it feels as if a slab of concrete is crushing down on his lungs.
"Harry!" She finally yells, putting her foot down and forcing him to stop at the end of the corridor. "Stop!"
He stops, shaking his head as more tears roll down his flushed cheeks.
"What is going on?" She begs him to talk. "Please, baby, talk to me... what is happening?"
Shaking his head again, he refuses to talk.
"Harry, please?" She whispers. "What is going on? I can't help you if you don't–"
He turns, facing her and she is taken aback by the red flushed expression of his face which is damp with tears.
When my time comes around,
"Don't ever leave me, okay?"
His voice breaks sharply, trembling as he sucks in a breath that audibly rattles through his ribcage.
"W-what?"
"Don't leave me, promise me."
Standing, stunned and too shocked to speak, Arlie simply blinks slowly.
"You're going to fight, Arls, and you're g-going to–"
"Harry–"
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth,
Her hand holds onto his cheek, feeling the warm tears run under her skin as she captures that petrified look in his eyes.
"Arlie, Arlie... promise me?"
Her breath hitches in her throat.
"Harry, what–"
"Promise me?" He begs, his voice croaning as he strains. "Promise me you will fight to stay with me,"
No grave can hold my body down,
Arlie sighs, her lips pressing into a flat line as she feels her own throat tighten up with the impending tears.
Her chest constricts and she can't do anything but gulp.
For him, she would fight.
For him.
"I'm trying," She whispers softly. "For you... I'm- I'm trying, baby. I–"
I'll crawl home to her,
He relaxes into her touch a little, his cheek slumping into the hand of the girl who makes him feel every possible emotion.
"Promise me, Arls, because I can't... I need you..."
She shakes her head, trying to think of a way to reassure him. Her body winding around his to hold him and his quivering body that shakes with fear.
"I need you,"
She nods slowly.
"Promise me you'll fight like hell. Promise me, Arls?"
When my time comes around,
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth,
Arlie nods.
Not because she is sure that she can but because she knows that her intention is never to leave him. She wants to be with him forever and if that means she has to go through hell and back for the sake of his happiness, she would do it.
No grave can hold my body down,
Arlie Addams would do anything for Harry Styles.
Including living.
"I promise. I'm fighting. Every day. I promise."
He sighs.
That's enough for him.
That would always be enough for him.
Lifting onto her tiptoes, she presses her lips against his salty ones, tasting the sadness on them that she tries to kiss away.
"I promise."
I'll crawl home to her,
kinda love how this turned out, can't lie
arls' dress btw
<3