[Jane]
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I was in Lily's trailer cabin. We were alone. We talked, laughed and got to know each other a little better. But now, things were going to get serious. I walked towards her and sat next to her. I drank the last bit of her wine and rest the glass on the table. Her skin was super white and super soft. She take a glance at me but then look at other things around us. She was shy but I wasn't. I admired and loved Lily Thomas even in her movies before she got married. She's such a goddess and I was in awe of her and was ready to show her how I felt about her.
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I started off slowly, touching the hem of her dress and telling her, 'You're so beautiful. I love the way you walk,' and I touched her knee. She jumped at my initial touch but then I put her hand on top of mine. It was for her to guide me even though I was the one making the moves on her. 'I love your sense of fashion,' and I touched the hem of her dress again but this time I held it and pulled her slowly towards me. She came closer. God I was in heaven.
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I continued, 'I love the way your skin shines and I've always wanted to know exactly how soft you are,' and I traced my fingers along her arms going upwards towards her shoulders and then down to the front of her blouse. It had buttons in the front and I was thankful because it made my seduction even more enticing.
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'I saw in your last movie where you were at the beach and I wondered just how soft your breasts feel,' and I slowly began to unbutton her blouse. I deliberately moved slowly and I asked politely, 'Do you want me to continue?' I knew the answer already because she was already making soft panting noises. She was aroused but I paused and waited for her answer.
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She looked at me and said, 'Yes...'
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I smiled and continued unbuttoning her top. I pulled the fabric to the sides, not taking off her blouse but just exposing her beautiful chest and the two delicious mounds covered by a cotton bra. Nothing's more sensual to me than normalcy. I loved the fact that she wasn't wearing anything overly sexy but then I wondered if she knew that I would've taken this so far that she might've worn something more sensual. But I was ready to taste her so I continued. I used the tip of my fingers to gently trace the curves of her breasts and I heard her gasp. 'Hmm... they are soft,' and I began to gently massage the bottom, sides and top roundness of her breasts cupping them. Then I whispered in her ear, 'Are you really all soft there or is there a part hard and pointy and aching for me to touch?'
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As I said my last word, my thumb brushed on her nipples and she moaned out really loudly.
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'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!'
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I was taunting her but when I heard her release her wanting, I quickened up the pace. I kissed her full on her lips as my hands squeezed the softness I was just caressing. As I stuck my tongue in her mouth, my fingers delved into her undergarment and I pulled out her nipples. They were so fucking ripe and my fingers pulled and squeezed them making her scream out inside of my mouth. I felt her vibrations all the way down to my pussy and I knew I was fucking wet but today wasn't about me, it was all about her and making her feel good.
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I released her mouth and she gasped loudly again as my tongue and lips went to her ear. I continued kissing her soft skin, sucking on her lobe and then I asked her, 'Does this feel good? Do you want me to stop or do you want more?'
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She shouted her answer to me, 'Oh fuck. You feel so good. I want more. Please. More...'
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I grinned at her words. She was shy when she said fuck earlier but now she was saying it with confidence so I gave her more. My kissed went lower and I was now face to face with her twin mangoes. She wasn't overly big but not small either. She was so fucking Goldilocks: just right. I took her taut nipples into my mouth and began to suck them as though I was a hungry babe. That I was because her nipples tasted so fucking delicious. She was totally enjoying what I was doing and when her hips began to move, I stopped my sucking and came up to her ear again.
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I still wanted more but was she willing to go that far. This was just for her to feel what it would be like to make love to a woman. This was just for a script but was the scene going to be this drastic. Just how far were we supposed to go? I needed answers fast so asked her, 'Did we practice enough? Or does the scene require more. Do you want me to stop here or should I continue?'
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Lily looked at me and I saw a passion I had never seen in any of her movies before. Neither had I seen this look from any of my previous lovers. She was certainly one of a kind. My goddess then whispered back at me, 'Oh Janie, the scene... It stops exactly here. We only touch our breasts but I want to feel more. I want to feel everything with you.'
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I didn't wait for her to change her mind. I took her and placed her to lie on the sofa. Thanking God that she also had on a skirt, I put myself between her legs and quickly pulled down her skirt. Her panty was also cotton. A matching bra and panty set. So cute. I kissed and caressed her legs. 'Hmm... so soft and sweet,' I said as she was touching her breasts while I took off her panty. I was also thankful that she kept herself neat down below and when came closer to the centre of her legs, I could see that she was already wet. 'Hmm... honey... You're making honey for me. I'm just a mean old bear and I want to lick and suck all your sweetness.' I was talking and telling her what I was going to do to prepare her for my touches. But nothing prepared me for her outbursts especially when my tongue and lips began to do exactly what I said I would do.
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'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK!!!!!!!!! JANE!!!!'
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I was actually taken a back. In our heat of passion, she called me by my name and I think I fell in love with her then. I devoured her clit, I sucked her pussy juice and tongue fucked her. When her hips began to violently drive into my face, I came out and rammed my fingers into her. She grabbed on to me and screamed as though the devil himself was fucking her. Maybe I was the devil but I knew she came from heaven because she changed me in more ways than one.
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(Month 18)
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Life is wonderful. I'm committing adultery but I've never felt so peaceful and warm in my entire life. Finally I found someone who understood me, cared for me and loved every single part of me. Lily... My Lily. She was the flower that blew into my life and her beauty and fragrance enveloped me. Lily's life was improving too. She said her relationship with her husband improved since she met me. It was so weird to hear that but somehow it made me feel like I was actually doing something positive with my life. Lily is everything to me and I told her everything about me... except that...
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Even though we spent many times making love and lying in each other's arms talking about our lives and our dreams, I never had the courage to tell her about the baby I gave up. I had actually put him on a backburner and always reminded myself that I was happy that he had a loving mother and father to take care of him. Yet somehow... I missed him. I wondered how my life would be if he was still in it but then I wouldn't have met Lily and she was everything to me. My past was the past and I was ready to move on.
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(Month 24)
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It's been two years since I left home and I could say that I was living the life that I wanted. I left thinking that I would be with Delia but ended up with Lily instead. I thought that I could be a mom but I found a really great mother for my baby. I met and lost my dad in a few weeks but the money he left for me was what was helping me right now. After all the lawyer fees and such, I was able to purchase a small apartment and also put aside money in a trust fund for my son. I knew his new parents were rich but I thought that I could do at least something for him as my dad did for me. It was the right thing for me to do for him.
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Things were going well. The initial movie that Lily and I were going to act in, changed during production. She explained to me that this was normal especially when producers and writers would 'fall out'. The producer thought that the general public weren't ready to see two women being so intimate with each other. He only wanted the kissing scene but the writers disagreed and eventually left the project. When that happened, they decided to just change my character from being Lily's lover to her distant cousin. I was okay with it because even though we weren't going to be lovers on screen, we were lovers behind the scene.
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Things were going well until the movie was released. Up to that point, I hadn't had any communication with Delia. She left me and blocked me from every electronic account she had but when the trailer for the movie came out, I got a message from her. It wasn't nice at all.
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'Oh wow... Look at you, eh. You're a big-time superstar now. You come here, play on my emotions, I took you in, fed you, clothe you, introduce you to the limelight and what do you do... YOU STAB ME IN THE BACK! YOU BITCH. I HOPE YOU DIE!!! YOU SELFISH BITCH. AFTER ALL I DID FOR YOU, THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME. FUCK YOU!!!'
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After reading that message, I was so scared. Now I had to block her number as she kept on messaging me hateful things. Eventually I had to change my phone and my number as she would use other phones to message me. Her last message was the worst:
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'How do you sleep at night, eh? In that lovely apartment you got. I hope you and your lover die together. Sleep with one eye open cause you'll never know when it will happen.... LOL DIE BITCH!!! DIE!!! Or maybe just kill yourself and I will get what I deserve. WHAT YOU TOOK FROM ME!!!! And what about the baby? Did you kill him? Is he alive somewhere in your house? I don't see any of this so-called precious baby that you wanted us to have together. Maybe it was just an excuse to leave me... If it is alive then I'll kill it too... You and your fucking lover and your fucking child... YOU'RE ALL DEAD... ALLLLLLLLL!!!!!
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Thoughts of reporting her to the police were null and void. Her twin brother was a police officer. He even helped me find my dad. I know I'm at a disadvantage especially as I'm relatively new here plus I have a secret lover. Not to mention I couldn't put my son and his new family in danger. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I don't want to involve Lily as she had her own life to live. Plus, what could she really do? Assign guards for me? Why would she do that and what if her husband found out about us? I can't do that to her. So I blocked Delia again and would keep doing that for every number she messaged me from.
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(Month 24)
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This is bad. This is really bad... Delia just keep finding ways to get to me and I'm literally scared. Lily doesn't understand because I'm keeping this from her. She doesn't need to know or get involved but it has put a knife into our relationship. I've been keeping a distance from my Lil because I'm afraid that my ex would find out about us. Delia knows I have a lover but never mentioned once that she knew it was Lily. At least I'm thankful for that and also thankful that whenever Lily used to visit me, she'd be covered from head to toe and she'd also used cosmetic pieces on her face to hide her true identity. However, these last few weeks, I've been making excuses for her not to come to see me at all.
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Delia has been making it obvious that she's watching me. While Lily would try to keep hidden, Delia was out in plain sight. One morning, I caught her looking at me from across the street from my apartment and another time she was at the mall I usually shop. Because of her stalker tactics, I've been trying to use different routes and changing my usual schedules of jogging and eating places. Yet somehow, she would always find me. But I wondered, 'Why hasn't she done anything to me as yet?' When that thought came to me, I realised (big-time) that I was actually waiting for her to attack me or do something to me and that reality hit me like: BOOM!
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I've had enough of this and even though I love my life here, I know it's time for me to go. I'm gonna put things in place to leave and go back home to SK. Maybe... just maybe, Lily could... Hmmm... I'm thinking really impossible thoughts. Would Lily come with me? Should I ask her? FUCK! All I keep thinking about was her but deep down I already know what her answer would be. She'll never tell me 'Yes'. She'll never leave her husband or worse, her two boys. She loves her family. There's no way in hell she'll leave them to be with me and... if I really love her, then I wouldn't... NO! I shouldn't ask that of her. She means the world to them especially those two boys. I can't do this... I just can't...
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(Month 25)
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What the fuck is wrong with me? I fucking asked Lily to go with me and it caused us to fight. SHIT! Tonight, I invited her to my home to discuss my plan for us but it backfired. I took a chance as I realised Delia wasn't around so I asked Lil to come by. She was really excited as we hadn't been together in a long time but when she came, she saw me packing.
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Lily: Where... What... What are you doing?
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Me: I'm leaving. I'm going back to South Korea.
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Lily: What? Why? (She was genuinely concerned and deeply sad). Is everything alright?
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She did notice that something was up with me but she never pressured me to tell her. Once in a while she was ask what was going on but I'd play if off as nothing. But I think she knew something wasn't right.
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Me: I've been missing home and I need to organise a few things there (I fucking lied)
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Lily: Oh... So then you're coming back, right?
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Me: (I hesitated and she noticed) Well... I don't know.
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Lily: Janie... Please don't keep me out of what's going on. You've been acting real strange these last few weeks and it has been killing me inside that I can't help you. You're keeping something from me and I don't know why. Didn't we share how much we love each other?
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Me: (Don't cry...) Oh Lily... I'm sorry if I made you feel that way but I think things aren't going how I wanted to go here...
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Lily: What do you mean? Aren't we together? I thought you were happy with me. How could you say that things aren't going how you wanted it to? Aren't you happy... that we're together?
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Me: Of course I am...
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Lily: But...
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Me: But... I miss home...
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Lily: Omg... You're lying to me. Why are you doing this?
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Me: Look, I just need to go back. Please understand. (I took a chance) Come with me then. We could find a place to stay in South Korea where we'll be safe and it would be okay for us to be together.
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Lily: (Silence)
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For a deep second, I thought she was actually thinking about leaving with me but I was so wrong.
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Lily: What the hell is wrong? Why are you doing this? You're asking me to leave my boys, my husband, my job and my life... and for what? You're still not going to tell me what's happening with you but you expect me to give up everything for you. I can't understand that at all, Jane.
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Shit! She called me 'Jane' and not her usual pet name 'Janie'. Fuck! I think I knew where this was headed.
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Me: You don't need to know...
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Lily: So there is something wrong and you're still not going to tell me. Well, all I can ask you to do is not leave. Please. Don't go. Just think about it a bit first and maybe if you trust in me, you'll let me in and tell me what's been happening to you.
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Me: (Why am I like this?) I'm scared, Lil (and that's the honest truth).
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Lily: So then tell me what's making you scared and we'll work it out, together.
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Me: No... I can't. But I'm asking you to trust me on this...
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Lily: (Really sad) How can I trust you when you don't even trust me?
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Me: I do, it's just that I need some space and time for things to die down...
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Lily: Just tell me what it is and I'll help you. I'll get help for you... I know the movie didn't make as much as we thought but there are other scripts we could work on.
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Me: (Gosh... My baby thought it was about work) Lily... Please, think about it. Come with me and we'll make more than just movies together...
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Lily: (Even more sad) I'm sorry, Janie... But I can't do that.
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Me: Why not? You love me, don't you? Let's forget the world and just be in love. Don't you love me? You told me you thought the world of me... so why can't you show me that?
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Lily: But you're asking me to give up all that I've worked hard for and making it sound like I don't love you. Love isn't supposed to be selfish and you're not thinking about us right now. You're only thinking of yourself and how nice it would be for you.
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Me: That's not true. We could be together. We could go anywhere: London, Paris... I heard that in Norway they practically let people do whatever they want there... Let's go to Oslo...
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Lily: I'M NOT ABANDONING MY FAMILY!!!
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Me: (Silence... I'd never seen or heard her angry before so sadly I finally backed down) Ok, Lily. I'll stay a few more days and try to think it out...
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She was upset when she left me tonight and I'm hoping that if I give her a few days to think about it, maybe... just maybe, she'd change her mind.
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That was Jane's last entry in her diary. She would never get to write anything else because that was the exact night she was killed. Lily was somehow sparred when she left and she even expressed her thoughts on giving Jane a few days to think over about leaving. Poor Lily... Poor Jane. She didn't even get to make things right with Lily. Whether they were going to migrate together or just be apart for a while.
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We wondered why Jane didn't alert the authorities about her ex's crimes. Maybe she was scared that they would get to Lily or even to her baby. Whatever it was, she didn't even get time to really think things through. Her life was snuffed out that night. Now all we had to do was find out who did it and in the process, find out where her baby was... Off to the hospital we go!
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