A/N : As I have two chapters ready, I'm publishing one today and one tomorrow, that might allow you to find them more interesting or less boring... X)
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"I'm going to break up with her."
"What?" Seokjin said as his head emerged from the neckline of his t-shirt.
Soo had arrived at the hospital and brought Seokjin some clothes given to him by his mother but also to Taehyung who was quick to put them on after showering first. He hadn't put on again the perfume that Seokjin hated so much refusing him to continue claiming he was allergic to him.
While Namjoon, accompanied by Soo, was settling the administrative details of Seokjin's release like an adult, Seokjin was getting dressed on the other side of the half-open bathroom door which allowed him to hear what Taehyung had just said to him in a neutral voice, even if he thought he had heard wrong.
Taheyung, already ready and settled into the chair where Namjoon had slept, didn't look up from his phone when he said those words. His lack of response prompted Seokjin to hurry to get dressed and join him in the bedroom.
"Have you... have you told Yoona about that? And about you being friend with me? And about what I said about her?" Seokjin asked, anxious seeing Taehyung on his phone.
He had never been interested in knowing who Taehyung was talking to when he was on his phone, probably the whole school, but right now he was afraid that Taehyung would repeat to Yoona what he had just said about her because she scared him and he dreaded her reaction. He was beginning to regret being so honest.
He felt like he had lost his temper at the first opportunity, even though he had been able to keep what he felt to himself for so long. He didn't understand what happened him to confide like this at the first opportunity given to him. He suddenly felt vulnerable after being strong in solitude and started to regret opening up to Namjoon and Taehyung again. This might bring him further trouble.
He might have felt confident having Taehyung on his side against Yoona but he remembered that he had also believed he had Taehyung to protect him when Yoona had first threatened him. But he was wrong at that time. Had he just made a mistake again?
"Relax, I'm talking with Jimin right now, not Yoona," Taehyung replied feeling that Seokjin was anxious. "But that doesn't change the fact that I'm going to break up with that bitch."
"Because of me?" Seokjin asked uncomfortably.
"Thanks to you," Taehyung corrected.
"Maybe I got carried away," Seokjin said quickly, "she's not really that bad, she must have qualities that I don't know and-"
He paused when he saw Taehyung snort with laughter, this time looking up from his phone.
"What's funny?" Seokjin wondered.
"You. You don't believe a word you just said you're just trying to cover your back."
"Alright, I don't believe it," Seokjin admitted. "But that's my opinion, you have yours and maybe our opinions don't agree."
"I think they do," Taehyung replied.
"Are you sure you want to do this, you won't regret it?" Seokjin insisted, "I have to admit, I'm not sure you're really ready to do this. If you change your mind afterwards, I'm afraid that you-"
"Tsss, why are you trying to make me stay with her now after convincing me otherwise? Are you moody?"
"I'm not moody, you are! You have changed since only yesterday, it's disturbing!" Seokjin replied sulkily. "And I'm not trying to make you stay with her, I just don't want you to get revenge on me for trying to break up with her if you realize you don't want to in the end."
"I understood that you are afraid since you are a coward but-"
"I am not a coward!" Seokjin exclaimed, offended.
"Don't cut me off. I was saying : I understood that you are afraid but I don't know why since I told you not to be!" Taehyung retorted. "Can't you trust me? I won't change my mind about Yoona, is it so hard to believe?"
"Yes?" Seokjin dared to say, sitting on the bed and putting on his shoes and starting to lace them up.
Upset in turn, Taehyung frowned.
"What?" Seokjin asked stopping tying his shoes and preparing to step back if necessary, without taking his eyes off Taehyung as if expecting him to jump on him. "I just answered your question you can't be mad at me!"
"It's not about that, I'm tired of you doubting me! And stop being afraid of me, this is what annoys me the most tight know!" he added, seeing Seokjin's startled look.
"But I have every reason to-"
"Let me finish! I'm not going to change my mind about Yoona, whether you believe me or not. But if you continue to doubt me and upset me, maybe I'll take Haneul to replace Yoona and console me after my breakup," Taehyung told him with a dark grin.
"No, you can't!" Seokjin protested.
"Why not?" Taehyung replied. "Do you want to console me in her place?"
"I have already consoled you."
"How? I don't remember ever getting a hug like the one you gave Namjoon."
"That's because you don't need a hug, you need advice because you make bad choices. And I did advised you. If you want to heal from your broken heart you can't do that. Haneul is also a mean girl who likes to hurt others and she's Yoona's best friend, you can't surround yourself with a person like that again! Don't replace someone bad with someone bad, okay?"
Seokjin was so outraged that Taehyung rolled his eyes.
"I won't, it was a joke Jin! But I note that you are worried about me..."
"You're welcome," Seokjin said knowing that Taehyung was incapable of saying thank you and expressed his gratitude differently from others.
"...AND that you refused me a hug when I needed one. Even a stone would have been more affectionate than you in this situation."
"You make me feel like you don't take me seriously, no matter what I tell you," Seokjin protested, "but if you don't care about what I said and you want to hurt yourself so much, then I better don't care either, it will save me stress that I don't need."
"Don't. I like when you care and that I can watch you walk on eggshells with me,"Taehyung scoffed
"I told you I wasn't joking, I'm serious!"
"Then understand that I'm serious too, you're not the only one saying true things!" Taehyung exclaimed, "I said I'm done with Yoona, so I'm done. She doesn't deserve me, I'm much better than her, you said it yourself. Say it again, and I will no longer have any doubts about it."
"Uh..." Seokjin hesitated.
Taehyung glared at him.
"Jin, I need support, don't forget that I have a broken heart that you refused to comfort!"
"Are you sure about that?" Seokjin asked skeptically who was beginning to believe that the other was definitely making fun of him about being sad.
But Taehyung no longer seemed to want to make fun when he replied darkly:
"Jin, are you really going to doubt everything I tell you? I thought you were sincere about wanting to be my friend again and it's because I believed that that I'm making an effort. I'm not getting rid of Yoona just for myself in case you wouldn't have understood it yet!"
"Are you doing it for me too?" Seokjin was surprised but then he realized that Taehyung hadn't asked him for advice about Yoona previously. He only asked him if he liked Yoona. So he had made this decision above all for him? Suddenly, Seokjin didn't doubt it because Taehyung told him that he preferred him over Yoona and he regretted his question. He felt stupid.
"I am!" Taehyung said, upset. "But if you won't try a bit to trust me a little, it doesn't matter what I'm doing for you, nothing will change between us. How can I make efforts on my own if I see that you don't? Did you changed your mind, you don't want me to change anymore?"
Seokjin had always believed that he knew Taehyung better than anyone else before he betrayed him and became his enemy. Now he wasn't sure he understood him at all. Indeed, Taehyung had a hurt look on his face and Seokjin somehow had the impression that what hurt him the most wasn't Yoona's betrayal but the fact that his didn't trust him enough.
He tried to push that idea out of his head at all costs, because he didn't want to believe it. He would have preferred to remain blind to that, whether it's true or not, because it would have prevent him for feeling guilty and it would have allowed him to just hate Taehyung as he pleased and move on. It would have been so much simpler!
However, no matter how hard he wanted to, he couldn't turn away from Taehyung. He sighed deeply.
"Am I bothering you?" Taehyung replied offended, misinterpreting his sigh.
"No Tae, you don't. I just realized you're right, that's all."
"Of course I'm right!" Taehyung exlaimed immediately with arrogance before saying, suddenly worried, losing all his pride in a split second : "wait, about what? About the fact that you changed your mind and don't want me to change so we can remain friends?"
"No, I have not changed my mind about that!" Seokjin hastened to answer. "I I really want you to change, so please don't change your mind too, okay?! However, the reason why I said you're right is that I shouldn't doubt your every word, I'm sorry for that, I will make efforts too. I have to learn to trust you again, I just need time, I hope you understand."
His response seemed to reassure Taehyung and confident to see him calm, Seokjin continued:
"And, to answer your other question, at the moment, I'm not sure you're much better than Yoona to be honest, but I still think you're still a little better, "he clarified, closing one eye and joining his thumb to his index finger in front of his open eye to illustrate that "a little".
"A little?" Taehyung repeated flatly observing his gesture. "Is that the only thing that sets me apart from Yoona in your eyes? You hate Yoona! It is by using this kind of compliments that you want me to change?"
"Don't be disappointed Tae, it's a beginning, you will progress," Seokjin told him in a reassuring tone. "Plus, there is another difference with Yoona and you, and that difference is huge in my eyes."
"Which one?" Taehyung asked skeptically, now expecting another disappointment.
"I'm very sure of one thing : you can become a good person," Seokjin said, convinced of that and corrected himself : "Sometimes Tae, you really are a good person to me and that makes me happy. If you are capable of being kind and selfless to me, then you are capable of being kind and selfless to others, it's in you, it just has to stay there and grow a little more. Like a plant."
"What?"Taehyung reacted, confused. "I thought you were serious and all of a sudden you're talking to me about a plant? Do I look like a damn plant to you?!"
"No, Tae, don't be mad and let me explain," Seokjin said with a smile, happy with the metaphor he just imagined, "imagine goodness as a seed that someone planted in your heart and then, for it to survive and grow, you have to take care of it carefully because it's really precious but also very vulnerable. However, when the seed which you will have taken care of will have germinated, a beautiful flower will flourish for everyone to admire, not just me."
"You say a flower will come out of me?" Taehyung asked doubtfully. "Or that I will be a beautiful flower?"
"No, you must not understand it literally ! Uuuh, you did not get anything!" Seokjin protested, disappointed. "I put my whole heart into this explanation!"
"I got that," Taehyung replied rolling his eyes. "Now tell me, Mr. Metaphor, who put this seed in me?"
"Eh?" Seokjin reacted, puzzled.
"This seed, you said someone planted it in my heart. Who do you think planted it?"
"I don't know, someone good to you that you met once? Or maybe I was wrong and it must have already been there forever?"
"No, it wasn't there before, I'm sure of that," Taehyung said frowning, looking at his chest as if expecting to see something emerge from his beating heart. Seokjin followed his gaze. "There was only one person who could have put it there and made it my burden, because I have never felt remorse towards anyone except this person. And now it's that person who has to take care of that seed or I'll let it die."
"No no no, you can't let it die, you have to take care of it, it's important!" Seokjin protested in the most serious tone possible, as if he weren't talking about a seed planted in a heart.
"This is what will happen because I don't have a green thumb, I can't do it alone," Taehyung retorted.
"Do you need a gardener?" Seokjin laughed. "Maybe my Ji-Chan can help you with that."
"Enough of this metaphor, now I'm really lost," Taehyung said, feeling a headache grip him at the same time as his impatience. "I don't need grandpa I already told you who I needed but you don't understand anything and you make stupid metaphors, daring to take me for an idiot when I take them literally. You're the dumbest of us no matter what Namjoon says."
"It wasn't stupid, it was well thought out!" Seokjin retorted, sulking.
"Well I prefer things clearly said rather than coded messages! You said nice things about me before and I just want to know : did you mean them or was it just a gardener's game? Say it clearly and don't think too much this time, it doesn't suit you."
Seokjin glared at him but answered nonetheless :
"What I said about the goodness that is in you wasn't a game. But if you insinuates again that I'm stupid maybe-"
"So you were you sincere in your words?" Taehyung asked, cutting him, looking for the truth in Seokjin's gaze. "Are they the true words of a friend or lies to get revenge on me?"
Seokjin refrained from protesting after being cut off for the umpteenth time. Taehyung had a way of getting on his nerves and then making his forget about being angry. He ended up assuring him:
"Yes, it's the truth. And I already told you, I will not take revenge on you. You don't fix an injustice with another injustice, you know? Rather, we must respond to evil with good or indifference."
"I don't want you to be indifferent to me anymore," Taehyung grumbled who remembered the joyless smiles, sometimes hurt, that Seokjin had distributed to anyone who hurt him. Him included. It had been too long since he had seen a genuine smile on Seokjin's face before he saw it again, directed at Jungkook and not to him, the day before. It had the effect of irritating him to no end.
"I know. My indifference made you sad, I get it. But it was the only thing I could really do 'cause all you gave me was meanness!"
"I was not sad! I was..." But Taehyung couldn't think of what to say.
"Angry? You're always angry, that didn't stop you from being nice to me before. I think this time it was a mix of both. Anger and sadness. And the two together can hurt a lot. They hurt a lot. To me but also to you, right?"
Taehyung didn't answered.
"Listen, Tae, I want to try to be like before with you. I don't like seeing you unhappy and I want you to be happy like I am now."
"You are happy right now?" Taehyung wondered.
"Of course I am," Seokjin asserted. "I managed to earn my admission to Whimoon and became your and Namjoon's friend again. I don't want anything else right now. It means I'm happy. Ah yes, I know what could make me happier: I want you and Namjoon to be good brothers to each other again so can you please-"
"It won't happen, get it out of your head and seek your happiness elsewhere," Taehyung replied.
"You are hateful!"
"Yet that doesn't stop you from liking me since being friends with me makes you happy, you just said that!" Taehyung said triumphantly.
Ashamed for letting himself be fooled, Seokjin blushes. Taehyung for his part, despite his mockery, saw that Seokjin was sincere about his happiness and that puzzled him: how could someone be happy with so little? A school and two friends? Especially considering the fact that one of those friends was himself and he knew himself not to be the nicest person around, he recognized that.
"How can you be like that, Jin?"
"Like what?" Seokjin wondered, though he thought he had pleased Taehyung with his words.
"Kind? Forgiving? It seems so easy for you."
"Well... do you remember that seed we talked about earlier?" Seokjin said with a smile, ready to develop his metaphor again.
"Enough with this seed!" Taehyung exclaimed, and Seokjin gave him a disappointed face. "I just want to know how do you get there. I mean, I forced you a bit, I admit, but in the end, is it possible that you sincerely want to be friends again just like that, without wanting me to suffer in return? Deep down inside, don't you just hope to see me suffer back?"
Seokjin seemed to think so long that Taehyung was afraid he would change his mind about him.
"No need to answer, I guess I don't want to know. Even if you're insincere and your mouth says something other than what your heart thinks, I'd rather you act up and pretend to be my friend."
"I will never do that, I am not a hypocrite!" Seokjin protested. "You think it's easy for me to be forgiving but you're wrong, it's not. Being a good person isn't easy but someone once told me that it makes me strong, so even if it's hard, I'm not going to give up of beeing a good person, take the easy way out and just be mean."
"To be like me in short," Taehyung summed up with a dry throat.
"Yes. You chose the easier path and I did not reach out to you to bring you back to the side of the more tortuous path which leads to true happiness. It's kind of my fault that you're in this deep and you're having trouble getting out, but now I'm ready to reach out to you, you know?" Seokjin said.
"Well, look at that, M. Metaphor is back!" Taehyung couldn't help but joke, not knowing what to say because what Seokjin had just said meant the world to him who had waited so long for Seokjin to come back to him willingly. But that, he was certainly not going to tell him.
"Tae, it's important, don't make it a joke this time, please. At first, I didn't think I could, that's true, but now, I trust you to change, even if you still have trouble. You just need a little help, that's all. I believe you are capable of it so believe in yourself too. And when you succeed, you will become happy, that's all," Seokjin concluded, smiling at Taehyung.
Taehyung managed to suppress a smile and said casually:
"All the more reason for me to go with you to Whimoon."
"What's that got to do with it?!" Seokjin exclaimed, loosing his smile.
"First, you place your trust too easily in people who don't deserve it. It's dangerous and you need someone to protect you."
"I don't need anyone to protect me, I'm strong enough to do this on my own. But if you're dangerous to me, then you shouldn't come, that way there will be no reason for you to believe that I need to be protected," Seokjin tried to argue.
"Second," Taehyung continued with a glare, ignoring him, "it's not just you who should stay with me. It's me who should stay with you too."
"Why, since it is not at all the high school that you need in view of your career plans?"
"You don't know anything about my career plans!"
"No, but I have an idea of the ones your father chose for you," Seokjin replied, ashamed to say that but having no other arguments knowing that he had never really cared about what Taehyung wanted.
"I thought you wanted me to change but you want me to be the same person as my dad?" Taehyung retorted dryly.
"Sorry," Seokjin muttered.
"You better. And even if Whimoon would not correspond to my career choices, it's not my priority. My priority is that you said you thought I could change and be happy like you. Then I need you to help me be a better person. That's why I have to stay with you. That's why I go to Whimoon too."
"This is really what you want?" Seokjin asked happily. "Become a better person?"
"No, that's what you want," Taehyung corrected, and, seeing the disappointment on Seokjin's face, he clarified however: "but if that's what you want and what I have to be to be friends with you, then I am ready to try. Yet, you will have to stay with me and help me. It's your responsibility because you put that seed in me, and you are the only gardener who can take care of it. I won't let anyone else touch it."
"Were you talking about me?!" Seokjin exclaimed.
"Of course I was talking about you, idiot, who else?"
"I don't know, your parents?" Seokjin ventured, thinking that it was his mother who taught him to be a good person.
"Are you kidding me?"
Seokjin suddenly remembered that he knew Mr. and Mrs. Kim and that it was impossible that one of those two had taught Taehyung good. But there were an infinity of people he had been able to meet and who could have been the right person who could have changed him. He didn't feel like he'd done anything to change Taehyung since they'd met. Taehyung must have the wrong person.
"Maybe it's-" He started.
"No need to search further, I know it's you," Taehyung cut him. "And without you, I will become the worst version of myself, I know that now. So I need you to promise me that you will stay with me."
Seokjin was suddenly hesitant because a promise was a strong commitment in his eyes it was different from just telling Taehyung that they were going to be friends again like before. Even though he wanted to help Taehyung and was happy that his relationship with the two brothers was on the way back to what it was in the past, he couldn't forget that his goal was to get out of their circle of influence, moving away from the Kim family, and to live according to one's own choices.
He didn't know if he would achieve this by getting closer to them instead of distancing himself. What if along the way, in wanting to help them, he loses sight of his own dreams? What if by wanting to help Taehyung be happy, he himself becomes unhappy? He was scared thinking about his own future.
On the other hand, if he didn't help Taehyung, who would? He had always been surrounded only by hypocritical people who only had eyes for his family's wealth and influence. His brother may have been adorable and courteous with everyone, he did not appreciate him and that was an understatement as day after day he seemed to hate him more. As for his parents, even if his mother had always brooded over him, she was gradually moving away from him for reasons that still eluded Seokjin and his father seemed as indifferent towards Taehyung as he was demanding towards Namjoon.
"I'm sorry Taehyung, I'm not sure I can promise you that," he declared finally.
"Don't do that. Do not abandon me again. And since you force me to remind you, one day, you already made me the promise who attaches you to me, it's too late to think about it," Taehyung retorted. "I will make you keep this promise, whether you like it or not."
"What promise?!" Seokjin asked, stunned.
"You promise me that you would take me with you when you leave for Europe and I have not forgotten. It means we'll always be together."
"B-but we were kids!" Seokjin exclaimed, amazed that Taehyung remembered that. "I completely forgot about that, it's not fair! How can you bring that out today?! This promise no longer makes sense to me!"
"I don't care, a promise is a promise no matter the time that separates us from it and it's still important to me, you can't go back on your word," Taehyung replied gravely.
Baffled, couldn't understand how a childish promise could have stuck in Taehyung's head and how it could mean so much to him. However, Seokjin told himself that there was still a long way to go before waiting for his European dream and that in the meantime, they would have become older and Taehyung would have found his way here, in South Korea, alongside his family and his high society friends.
"Okay, but anyway, that promise wasn't about high school," Seokjin reminded Taehyung.
"Yes, but that's because you weren't supposed to leave until you had a high-level sporting career. And it wasn't supposed to happen before you finished your studies. Or at least that's not what I thought! I'm not ready. I am ready to follow you if you leave, but if you abandon me permanently, I will be lost. So if I can't take you with me where I'm going, then take me with you where you'll go. It is the only alternative I can tolerate."
Before Seokjin could answer anything, the door burst open on Namjoon. Taehyung glared at him.
"Now you know what it feels like to be interrupted at the perfect moment," Namjoon scoffed before saying to Seokjin : "Come on, it's all settled so now that you're dressed, we're leaving! Soo is waiting for us downstairs."
Relieved that he didn't have to answer Taehyung, and too embarrassed to have heard Taehyung tell him that he would be lost without him, Seokjin nodded and rushed out of the room under Taehyung's scowling gaze.
Namjoon let Seokjin walk away a bit and when Taehyung walked past him he mimicked:
"I will be lost without you!"
Taehyung blushes sharply realizing that his brother had heard.
"Shut your face!"
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A/ N : I suspect that some people would like the story to move faster but I need to go slowly in the relationship between the characters (you have noticed that I like to develop the dialogues, I'm a boring author ^^').
For now, it was essential to develop the relationship between Taehyung and Seokjin. It doesn't mean that Taehyung is the only person who will matter in Seokjin's life, just like that doesn't mean that Seokjin will be the only person that matters in Taehyung's life. Their world for the moment if closed will eventually open. Remember they are still only middle schoolers, many things will happen in the future. Life is complicated, don't be surprised if this book is too, okay?
I'm going to write two books about this story, this is the first one, maybe you noticed the cover changed a bit. Oh and don't worry, I haven't forgotten the other characters and I have already planned the whole book 1, so please... trust me!