It was warm.
Like a hug.
.
Mikey blearily opened his eyes, squinting against the soft glow of the fairy lights all around the room. There was an arm on his chest and someone snoring loudly to his left. There was another person to his right, breathing quietly on his shoulder. Lifting his head, he caught a view of a large figure asleep on the floor, shell rising and falling with each breath.
A blanket was draped halfway on his body, practically tugged off by Leon, whom the arm belonged to. Mikey didn't know how he was both in his space and too far to reach at the same time, but he managed it. Goo was curled up to his right, their head resting on his shoulder, snoozing peacefully beside him.
That meant Raphie was sleeping on the floor, seemingly having either fallen off the huge bed or chosen to sleep on the floor. He was cuddled up with a teddy bear, completely knocked out.
Mikey gently pushed the arm off his chest, slowly rising to sit up on the bed. Try as he might, however, he couldn't escape the bed without waking up the people around him. Goo stirred, grabbing his wrist, more as a half-awake reaction than to get his attention.
"Mm, ouch!" Leon groaned, stretching out beside him. He rubbed the brace on his knee, nudging it off and pushing it down his leg to hang around his ankle. Mikey noted the scars on his leg, little spindles of scar tissue cutting across the flesh there.
He sat up, blinking lazily at Mikey.
"Oh, mornin'," Leon mumbled, "I forgot where I was for a minute,"
Mikey nodded to him while Goo rose on his other side. They rubbed their eyes, yawning widely.
"Mornin' to you too," Leon said, Goo nodding to him. Leon offered a fist bump to them, which Goo sleepily returned. "Now, Mikey,"
"Oh, please!"
"I haven't even said anything yet!" Leon leaned forward, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to say anything, but... it'll probably be easier to talk things out,"
"I-hah, what can I say?" Mikey sighed, "You saw it all, that's what happened. That's it,"
Leon gave him a look and he had to tear his eyes away, only to be met with Goo's soft gaze.
"That's not it and you know it," Leon continued, "Listen, things like this don't 'just happen', and I have a feeling that you might be hiding why,"
Mikey chewed his lip, feeling his hands start to shake. He felt they would make a bigger deal of this than need be. It wasn't, really. It doesn't happen that often. He's fine.
"...It happens to me too,"
That got Mikey's attention, making him glance over at him.
"I'm pretty sure you already know that something happened, given how everyone treats me like I'm going to fall apart if they breathe wrong," He continued quietly, "And if I'm being honest, I don't really like talking about it either,"
He was quiet for a few moments, glaring down at his knee brace, hanging limply from his leg.
"I, I made a stupid mistake and the world almost paid for it," He spat, angry at himself, "I nearly started the apocalypse a-and it took everything we had to fight back against the Krang and-and at the end, I-I,"
He swallowed thickly, taking a shaky breath.
"I did what I thought I had to do," He croaked out, "I had Casey close the portal when we were both through, I-I really, I really thought-"
He became almost calm, unnaturally still. Mikey reached out to him.
"I was ready to die in the Prison Dimension," He breathed, looking down at his knee, "It...It beat me in an inch of my life. I thought I deserved it. Still do sometimes. And then, Mikey opened a portal, but...I thought-I thought it was that, y'know, light at the end of the tunnel,"
He traced the scars on his knee slowly, almost methodically.
"I was so surprised when they pulled me out. The first thing I thought was 'Why? Why would they want me back after all that?'," He laughed quietly, "The first thing I said was 'Ew, Are we on Statin Island?' Heh, just to get a laugh. It's all fuzzy after that. I think it was like, a week until I stayed awake for longer than three hours,"
Goo put a hand on his shoulder, rubbing soothing circles with their thumb. Leon glanced over at them with a small smile.
"Needless to say, I had a lot of healing to do. We all did, and even after we were physically fine, for the most part, there was a lot mentally we had to work through," He continued, glancing back at Mikey, "There was a long time where all avoided- er I guess, we all just, forgot to talk? You know what I mean,"
Leon leaned back, reminiscing on some recent memories.
"We tried coping by ourselves, which went as well as you'd expect. It's a miracle we survived," He sighed, "And there'd be these moments where I'd just, tap out. I would like, blackout for a few hours every so often. That sounds bad enough, but it wasn't half as bad as the flashbacks,
"It wasn't bad at first, literally just small flashes of memories. Then it just kept getting worse. Longer, scarier, and awful to deal with, especially alone. Until I wasn't alone."
Leon fell back onto the bed, pulling Mikey down as well. Goo followed suit.
"I dealt with it by myself because I thought that I needed to, that that's what I had to do to prove myself. One day, somebody said something, I can't remember what, but I got one of the worse flashbacks I've ever had, in front of everyone," Leon whispered, almost sounding embarrassed, "When I came to, Raph was crying, Donny had two bowls of ice for some reason, Mikey was panicking in the corner with Casey, April was yelling at everyone to calm down and Dad, Dad was holding me like I was a little kid again.
"He was looking at me so gently and when he spoke, he sounded so soft, asking, 'Are you here, my son?' I just remember crying, I just started crying. We had a long talk after that,"
They all sat in silence for a few moments, the sounds of the lair echoing outside, Raphie's snores rising to their ears.
"It was a whole process, talking through what happened, what caused it, what we can do to prevent it, etcetera, etcetera. It wasn't just me, either," He cracked his knuckles, "We all did a little wall breaking, opening up about stuff, hugging it out. It was awesome,"
Mikey chanced a glance at his face, noting the fond expression there, how happy he looked talking about his family.
"There's still a lot of habits we've gotta break, but we're trying our best," He looked at Mikey then, "And we talk. We talk when we feel like we're slipping and we help each other out. So none of us feel like we have to deal with it alone,"
"Why are you telling me this?" Mikey whispered, "I mean, yeah, I'm your brother, but I'm from a different dimension. I'm pretty much a stranger to you,"
"Mm, I stopped listening after you said 'I'm your brother,'"
Mikey laughed silently, covering his face. Leon chuckled and sat up.
"And Goo needed to know that we're here for them too," He finished, glancing down at them. They sat up and lifted a flat palm by their head and moved it forward. "Oh, you know sign language?"
This gained Mikey's attention, watching as Goo sadly shook their head. They put their palms up around waist height and made a slow grabbing motion toward themself, then hesitantly put their right hand in their left palm, like they were grabbing something, and lifting it to their head. Then they made circular motions with their pointer fingers lifted.
"Ah, gotcha!" Leon said, helping Mikey sit back up, "I'll set you up with Tello, he's pretty much fluent. And don't worry, he'll talk more than enough for the both of you,"
Leon winked at them, earning a small laugh from the wordless turtle. The two then shifted their gazes back to Mikey. A pressure weighed down on him again, but instead of feeling crushed by it, he almost felt warmed by it. Like a heavy blanket, protecting him from the cold.
It almost scared him.
"Grmph," Raphie rose, blearily blinking at the three on the bed, "Hey, you started without me!?"
"Don't worry, big daddy, I was just warming him up," Leon responded, nodding to him. Raphie nodded back, then reached over to his nightstand, pulling out a clean knee brace, a muscle cream of some sort, and a box of cookies. He handed the brace and cream to Leon, who rolled his eyes at it and offered the cookies to Mikey.
"You like chocolate chip?" He smiled as Mikey nodded, "That's good! I find it easier to talk about stuff when I'm eating,"
Mikey took a cookie, giving the box to Goo.
"Um, well, I don't know what to say," Mikey mumbled, nibbling his cookie, "'Cause I don't really remember what happened,"
Raphie gave him an encouraging smile, patiently waiting for him.
"I mean, I know that it happened and I can remember some things, but a lot it is just, blank. Like, they're there, but I just, can't remember," He continued, squeezing his eyes shut, "Sometimes, I'll see something and remember something small, like, fires in caves or catching squibbles. They're not bad memories, just from there,
"But, I don't know, the memories take over? L-like, I know it's not real, but it just feels like I'm back there," Mikey shuddered, remembering the nauseating dissonance he felt between his present and past self, "And it's happening more now,"
He sighed, accepting another cookie from the box.
"I don't know why, and I want it to stop,"
Raphie rested a hand on his shoulder, nodding sympathetically.
"I get it, getting sick of all of it," He rumbled, glancing to the side, "Being forced to remember things you don't want to. I know I was scared to sleep for a while, because of the nightmares. Honestly, it makes me think my brain hates me,"
At that, Goo started excitedly patting his arm, gaining everyone's attention. They pulled out their phone and began quickly tapping at the screen. Mikey's phone pinged.
GrtBonk: It's part of how our brains process trauma
In order to adapt and prepare for if something like that happens again, your brain kind of reminds you of it
11:32 a.m.
Which sounds bad, but then again, our brains are really bad at processing trauma
Anyway, trauma can make our brain overproduce stress hormones which can make us overreact or under-react to various stresses, or relive those moments again and again
11:33 a.m.
"What are they saying?" Leon asked, busy rubbing the cream all over his bad leg.
"Uh, they said our brains suck at dealing with this stuff-"
"Yeah that checks," Leon mumbled.
"-And they start producing a lot of stress hormones, which is what makes us relive that stuff, and can make us overreact or under-react to other stress," Mikey finished, and glanced over to Goo, "Is that why Leatherhead gets so mad when he has a flashback?"
Goo tapped some more at their phone.
GrtBonk: And why you were pretty limp during yours
fight or freeze
11:34 a.m.
"'Fight or freeze,'" Leon read over his shoulder, "That does make a lot of sense, you were pretty much a ragdoll in Raph's lap,"
Raphie nudged Leon while giving him a look that said: 'What the heck? Be more sensitive!' Which Leon responded with a look of his own that said: 'What? I'm just saying!' Goo sent another message.
GrtBonk: Hey, the three of us all went to another dimension and got traumatized!
11:35 a.m.
"Oh yeah! We all have that in common," Mikey giggled. Leon read Goo's message over Mikey's shoulder again, letting out a laugh.
"Eyy, 'I went to another dimension and all I got was this stupid trauma' Gang!" Leon said, earning laughs from the other two. Raph just sighed.
"Well, now you know that there are others who get it!"
And so, Mikey now knew that he had friends who got it.