On the plane ride back to New York the next day, Grace had sprawled out on the couch with her feet pressed against the back of the seat adjacent to it. Her backside was flat against the cushions as Taylor, across from her, typed away on her computer.
Grace was using the plane's wifi to do a deep dive into ADHD. What Eleanor had said had left an impression on her and she couldn't quite shake the feeling that it hit a little too close to home. When she was drinking, it was a lot easier to ignore the nagging in her head about certain things and to hide those behaviours she was told as a little kid were unacceptable, but Taylor had indulged in Grace's quirks and she felt comfortable being herself.
The missing social cues, hating so many textures, obsessing over random things, searching out bursts of happiness, counting her steps and constantly forgetting to empty the dishwasher, Taylor let her be herself. Taylor had even bought a little sign that she stuck to the dishwasher door that she could slide to indicate whether the dishes inside were clean or dirty and Grace constantly forgot to switch it even when she remembered to do them.
Combining that with the constant feelings of never feeling good enough (although she wasn't sure if that was related or if that was just her fucked up childhood) and the increased risk of addiction (hello alcoholism), Grace was mentally preparing to make the phone call to her doctor's office about making an appointment.
"What are you up to over there? Hacking the Pentagon?" Taylor asked as she got bored of her emails. She needed to answer more of them, especially with the album release less than a handful of days out, but a short break wouldn't hurt.
"No," Grace replied. She didn't know if she wanted to talk about it or keep it to herself. Keeping's things from Taylor was hard and in the past it had led to issues, "I'm researching Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, Eleanor has it."
"Yeah," Taylor hummed in response. She noticed how Grace's attention did not fully leave the screen she was looking at, "Some people I know do, too."
"What do you think about that?" Grace finally shut the device off and rested it against her chest as she looked at her girlfriend.
"What do I think about Nellie having it?"
"Just in general?" Grace questioned. She shifted her eyes for a moment with the pressure of the contact being too much but then looked back when Taylor started to respond.
"Not much, babe," Taylor shrugged, "Are you asking because you think you might have it?"
"That's absolutely, undoubtedly preposterous," Grace diverted her eyes again. The denial lasted mere seconds, "Yes."
"I for one, am glad you brought it up first because one of the interns very politely asked me if you did last month and so many dots connected. I didn't know how to broach it without sounding awful, but like, yeah you might. But whether you do or you don't, or even if something else is going on with your brain, we're good. Don't worry," Taylor had been keeping that close to her chest for a while, she felt lighter getting it out.
"Thank you," Grace smiled weakly, "Which of the interns betrayed me?"
"None of your business."
"I'll hack your phone records and your email."
"It was in person, you'll never find out."
"Boo," Grace stuck her tongue out and sighed with disappointment, "Did you know that there's an entire abandoned theme park in New Orleans? Eleanor was telling me about it yesterday, it's been closed for a dozen years but they use it to film movies. One of the Percy Jackson movies was partly filmed there, which is cool because we watched those two weeks ago."
"Oh yeah," Taylor smiled at Grace lovingly, "Have you ever been to a theme park?"
"No, but there's a ton of them nearby and I don't want to ride any of the rides because there's so many deaths and accidents per year but I would like to go and look at them."
"Someday I'll take you," the singer chuckled, "Don't research the accidents, please."
"It's too late but I will keep it to myself."
"Thanks," Taylor looked at her laptop screen again.
"Is that like the someday you'll take me driving? We still haven't done that."
"I'll do that, too," Taylor kept saying that but Grace had never been allowed behind the wheel yet. She was too scared to admit that the idea of teaching someone how to drive terrified her more than Robert Kent's cold stare.
"How about on the way home?"
"How about no?"
"Please," Grace delivered her best pout, "I'm a really great driver!"
"I'm sure you are, my love," Taylor blew her a kiss with the hope her next sentence would distract Grace enough, "Check your email, I just sent you the link to a YouTube compilation one of the fans made about Meredith."
"I have watched them all," Grace sighed longingly. She shifted her head off the sofa and let it dangle near the ground as she feet remained on the couch, another loud, obnoxious sigh fell from her lips as she feigned the world's most extreme boredom and disappointment.
Taylor smirked, "You think that's going to convince me to let you drive but all it's doing is giving me the perfect view of your boobs."
Grace tilted her head to check and realized that yes, it did give Taylor quite the view. She put her hand over the neckline of her shirt and sighed again, "Fixed it."
"I still like your face," Taylor hummed with the satisfaction of believing she wouldn't give in. If she could deal with Austin since the day he was born, she could deal with Grace's antics.
Grace put other hand over her face to cover it but all that did was make her shirt ride up so Taylor could see her toned abdomen.
"I like that view as well."
Grace sat back up and groaned, "You promised to teach me. How am I supposed to be an independent adult if I can't drive a car?"
"You take the car with the driver like I do?" Taylor suggested. Grace was quiet as she tried to think of a comeback, nothing felt good enough.
It took so long for her to think that Taylor thought she had dropped it by the time she finally replied.
"Okay, what if when we have kids, you take the car to something and our child desperately needs a new microscope and I cannot take them because you're out with the driver? What then?"
"Amazon has same day delivery and I can always hire a second driver. Plus, why would our kid desperately need a new microscope? Or a microscope at all? Are we raising nerds?" Taylor laughed but her eyebrows showed her confusion.
"What is your idea of suitable entertainment for a child?" Grace questioned in response. Why wouldn't they have a microscope?
"Books, piano, playing outside, sports, television, trying to become a country music star. The usual stuff, the stuff I did," the last option was sarcastic, knowing what Taylor knew now, she wouldn't encourage such dreams when it seemed to tear everyone who had them apart one way or another, herself included.
"If we're basing it off things we partook in as children than I imagine we are including underage drinking, hiding in the closet to cry without anyone scolding them and trying to remember the nannies name so you can properly beg them to let you go because it's been three days and you really miss your butler," the straight face Grace kept as she said it (without exaggerating) horrified Taylor.
The blonde swallowed a gulp as her brain wrapped around that information and tried to reject it, "You can't drive on the way home but I will take you out of the city tomorrow and you may drive in a rural town."
"Yes!" Grace rolled right off the couch and got on her feet so she could engulf Taylor in a hug. Taylor set her laptop aside and squeezed her girlfriend tight because she thought she could probably use a little extra love. She was absolutely right, but Grace didn't let go, instead she kissed her fiercely until she couldn't hold her breath any longer and said, "I love you."
And for more than just a moment, Taylor looked at her with utmost adoration as she said it back, wishing she had the opportunity to repeat it a million and one more times.
Unfortunately, the next day, Grace was up at the crack of dawn. Taylor really didn't have time to take Grace driving but when the sun rose from the horizon, the brunette was in and out of the shower in the hurry so she could attend the earliest meeting she could find and then go driving.
In fact, Grace even called Taylor as she walking back to the apartment to make sure that she was awake and about to get in the shower if she hadn't already. Taylor hung up on her and left her phone face down as she dug her fingers into the pillow and screamed.
Grace trudged up the stairs after kicking her shoes off in a hazardous manner by the door and flicked the lights on and off until Taylor turned her head so she was facing the younger woman against the soft pillow, "No."
"You promised!" Grace groaned with frustration, "It is after eight! We agreed never to wake the other up before eight but it's nine minutes past and you promised me that today would be the day. I've been waiting four months."
"And you're so patient," Taylor squeezed the pillow under her body, "But we can go in a couple hours when I've slept more."
"Fine," Grace sighed softly, trying not to let her disappoint show. She went downstairs and opened the fridge, too lazy to cook something. The easiest thing was to grab a bowl and pour some cereal into it, ignoring the dishwasher that needed to be emptied when she walked by it.
Grace was still on the couch with the half eaten bowl of soggy cereal on the coffee table in front of her when Taylor came down to get some coffee. Usually, there was a pot in the warmer and a sticky note with some cute message next to a fresh mug, but that morning the coffee maker hadn't even turned on.
That was when she realized that Grace was actually mad.
Taylor was serious about taking Grace driving. She had put it off so long that Grace could've had her license months before and Taylor felt bad about that, but she also knew she wouldn't be a good passenger or teacher if she was exhausted and someone had kept her up part of the night rattling off facts about the world's tallest (and most deadly) waterslide and all the flaws that had gone into the design and testing.
Taylor made her own coffee and then poured a second cup to bring out to the living room. She noticed that Grace was watching the History Channel, not really watching it but more staring at the screen while she brooded angrily.
"I'm sorry," Taylor said as she set the mug down on the coffee table. She grimaced at the dissolving cheerios and pushed the bowl further up the table until she was sure the cats would have to work extra hard to knock it over.
"It's fine," Grace didn't look at her.
"I'm sorry, Gracie," Taylor repeated. She took a seat with her body facing the brunette and placed her palm gently on Grace's arm with her thumb stroking it slowly.
"I said it's fine," Grace moved her arm away. She didn't feel like being touched, not when she felt like she was going to burst into tears at any moment because regulating emotions without alcohol was hard and she had four months sober.
She didn't want to have to give up more sobriety chips. Not again and especially not because of some silly quarrel she was sure they would resolve quickly once pride was shoved aside but she wasn't quite ready for that yet.
"I'll take you today," Taylor felt her heart pang with guilt, "I'm gonna have a shower and then we'll go. We can drive all the way to Michael's and back on the side roads, that would get you so many practice hours. We can even sing in the car."
"It's okay," Grace blinked a few times rapidly, "I know you're busy and tired. We can go another time."
"And we will go another time, after today. We can go so many times you'll be sick of it."
Grace slumped further into the cushion and Taylor sighed with a low exhale. She didn't know what else to do but give Grace some space. Pushing was not working, hopefully quiet would.
She sipped at her coffee as she went upstairs to shower, when she came back down she noticed Grace still in the same spot on the couch but her eyes were red and her cheeks blotchy. Her mascara had run and even though she had wiped away the tears and tried not to show it, Taylor could tell.
Taylor did not mention it but she went into her office and opened the cabinet behind the desk. There was a plastic box with beads and string, and it only took her a few minutes to string together a few words and tie the bracelets shut.
She swallowed her pride, got down on both knees in front of Grace in the living room and held the bracelets up, "An amends."
Grace finally looked at her. It took her a second to consider her options but then her fingers gently plucked the bracelet from Taylor's grasp and she read them.
I-M-S-O-R-R-Y
I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U
And just like that, the sledgehammer hit the paper thin walls Grace had put up and the bracelets fell right from her fingertips as the emotions overwhelmed her. She tried to hold it off, to shut her eyes and will the tears not to come out again but they did and so much stronger.
Taylor did what she knew to do, she got onto the couch and brought Grace's head close to her chest as she sobbed. She gently combed her fingers through Grace's wavy hair, her lips stayed in place on Grace's head in a gentle kiss.
"I'm sorry for being pushy," Grace sniffled after a moment of comfort from Taylor.
"I did promise to take you," Taylor put her finger under Grace's chin and even though she fought it, Grace eventually made eye contact, "I'm sorry I made you disappointed. If you do want to go, we can go today."
Grace's hum was indecisive but there was a faint nod that might've just been Grace's irregular breathing from crying in disguise.
Grace knew she should probably clean herself up and go to another meeting but she stayed in Taylor's arms and indulged in the warmth of the embrace and the way the pressure of the hug felt good. She wanted to drink, to silence her brain over a nice glass of whiskey and maybe a few reckless shots of something if the whiskey didn't cut it.
Despite that, she stayed out until the crying subsided and hid her runny nose from Taylor. She got up to collect a tissue and washed her hands before she came back, sat down and offered another apology.
"It's done now," Taylor told her seriously. She felt her hair tickling the back of her neck and moved the wet strands to one side, "No more apologizing. Let's go for a drive."
By the time they got outside of the city, Taylor handed Grace the keys and shut her eyes as she sent a prayer up to God. Grace took them with thanks, got into the drivers seat and started the car.
"Okay, first things first, do your seatbelt up."
Grace had already done that and was adjusting her mirrors. She put the car into drive with her foot on the brake, looked both ways and in her blind spot and then pulled onto the road before Taylor could grip the door with white knuckles.
"I'm a good driver," Grace smiled, "I told you this."
"How many times have you driven?"
"This is lucky number three," Grace turned her right indicator on and made the turn after a complete stop at the stop sign, "Thank you for doing this."
Taylor leaned back in her seat, still hyper vigilant of other cars going past and every road sign. Grace drove for an hour before she admitted she was getting a headache and wanted to switch back.
They'd driven in circles around one neighbourhood so long that Taylor was grateful she got tired before some busybody called the cops and reported a suspicious vehicle with overly dark tint driving around and around.