Side-Story: 11 - What if...? - Part 4
Cassian
Almost half a year had passed. Almost 6 months and Kyran wasn't getting any better.
He was suffering and in pain. His condition got worse day by day.
I was helplessly watching while the man I loved fell into an abyss he wasn't able to come out from.
My father had ordered to keep quiet about Kyran's condition. And I understood why. After all, he was my future Beta and it could cause distress in the pack if they knew.
Still, we explained it to our closest friends. Well, only Kyran did because Caleb was already aware of it.
At first, Ethan was very angry because Kyran left their band without saying anything. But after talking to me about it, we came to the agreement that he should at least tell Ethan. His best friend deserved to know. And after we had told him, he apologized to Kyran and expressed his concerns.
Right now we were in his bedroom and a movie showed on the screen of his laptop. I wasn't really paying attention to it because I was watching over the sleeping Kyran who was cuddled to my side.
He was throwing up all night and had a high fever that wouldn't calm down. I was at his side for the whole night though Tristan told me I could go home.
I didn't want to. I didn't want to leave his side.
In the last few months I cried more than Kyran did though he was the sick one. Ugh, I was really a crybaby like he always teased me.
Kyran told me I shouldn't think about it, but I still couldn't shake the feeling off that it was my fault that he was sick. Our relationship. My feelings for him. The wrongness of our Alpha-Beta-relationship.
Mumbling something in his sleep, he sighed before his eyelids fluttered open.
»Sorry...« He yawned. Shadows were beneath his eyes and his skin was sickly pale. His eyes were strangely empty, though they lit up when he looked at me.
And only his feelings for me let me stay with him. If it would heal him, I would get away from him as far as I could. I would ignore my own feelings and desire to be with him. But when he looked at me like that, I couldn't. I just couldn't leave him and break his heart when he needed me the most.
»Did I miss much of the movie...?« He blinked at the screen and yawned again. Most of the time, when we were together, he fell asleep from exhaustion.
»Oh... I must have if we are already at that part...« He rubbed his eyes and then looked at me. »Sorry again for falling asleep.«
»No, no, don't be. The movie is boring anyway, I almost fell asleep too,« I lied.
Offended he grabbed his heart and for a moment I thought he really got a heart attack. But he just gasped shocked and frowned angrily.
»How dare you?! That is my favorite movie! The Legend of Zorro is not boring!«
Oh, shit.
»Uneducated, Alpha,« he grumbled and turned away from me.
Quickly, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him on my chest. I pushed the laptop aside with my foot.
»Sorry, sweetheart. The movie isn't boring at all. I just rather watched you.« He snorted and then nuzzled his cheek on my chest and looked me in the eyes.
»I could fall asleep right away again,« he mumbled and sighed, easing his tense expression completely.
My hand stroked over his back and under his shirt. Over the warm skin of his back. Along his spine.
He shuddered from my touch and closed his eyes. »If my breath wouldn't smell like vomit, I would kiss you now.« I laughed and he sulked a bit more.
We talked for some time before we watched the rest of the movie.
The evening came and a knock sounded at the door. Kyran and I had switched positions. He was sitting between my legs and leaning against my chest. A horrible position to be found out with.
We exchanged a quick look and rolled away from each other.
»Come in!« Kyran called.
Ellinor opened the door and we relaxed.
»Uhm... I came to talk to both of you. Mostly Kyran,« she said hesitantly. She walked over to a chair and pulled it to Kyran's bed before she sat down on it.
»Okay, before you two scream at me, listen until the end.« We kept quiet.
»I had thought about it. This sickness can't go on like this. The pack-doctors are helpless and Kyran's condition... I don't want to say it but I fear it might kill him if we don't find a solution.«
I shuddered from her words but she was right. The thought had already crossed my mind many times though I despised myself for it. He wasn't getting any better and he got weaker by the day.
We needed a solution. Quickly.
»I researched a bit and found a pack we have a peace-treaty with, they have excellent records of their pack-doctors. Maybe.. they could help us.«
Something tightened in my chest. There was a catch, right? There must be. Another pack...
»You are saying I should switch to their pack,« Kyran concluded the thing I couldn't. And it shook me to the bone. He would leave me. I couldn't be at his side. I would lose him more than I already did.
But... it could save him.
»Yes... Though I'm not sure how long because we don't know anything about your sickness. But I thought, if our doctors don't know what to do anymore other doctors could help. Maybe they see something that we don't.«
»There is more, right?« Kyran whispered. Ellinor nodded.
»I don't know if it sounds strange but I suggest, if we do this, you have no contact with our pack. Of course, we will worry without knowing anything. But... I just think, maybe it is this pack. Maybe our pack is making you sick in some way.«
Kyran's eyes flinched to me. His sister looked at me too and then lowered her eyelashes.
»I'm not saying you two are in the wrong. You love each other. And I told you guys that you are free to do anything before you meet your mate. They shouldn't force us to have loved no one before them. However...«
»However, we are Alpha and Beta and you think our nature refuses this relationship and it backfires on me.« I flinched at his words. I didn't want to fear it but I did. I feared it was our relationship that made him sick like this.
Ellinor nodded with a twisted expression. It pained her to say this to us.
»Our parents?«
»They don't know about my suggestion and they shouldn't know. They would refuse or would want to go with you. Maybe overwhelming you with their presence. And you wouldn't get away from the whole pack. After all, you would need to leave this pack and enter the other one.«
That was what I had feared too. Him leaving the pack.
»Mom would want to go with you but Dad can't leave the pack. You may be the future Beta so you have more freedom in leaving but Dad is the current Beta. If Mom wants to go with you, he would need to go to because she is his mate.«
So, Ellinor suggested that Kyran should run away without telling anyone.
»What about Caleb?« I said. »And Ethan?« I met her blue eyes that were as clear as a lake. »Caleb is the younger brother of you two. He loves Kyran as much as you do. And if Kyran leaves like that, he will feel horrible. Ethan is Kyran's best friend. He has a right to know too. I get the point with your parents but... the closest trusted ones should know.«
And I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret from Caleb. Maybe from Ethan because we weren't really close to each other. But not from my best friend.
Ellinor looked at the ground before sighing. »First, we should talk to your parents, Cassian. They need to get in contact with the other pack and we will ask for their opinion.«
I nodded and Kyran nodded too.
We hadn't discussed it between us but we were sure he needed to go. It didn't matter how much it broke my heart because his heart would break too. But it was something we needed to give a try. If it helped him heal it was worth it.
»There is something else, right, Elli?« I eyed Kyran from the side. He already seemed like he had lost all his energy and needed more sleep. But he kept his eyes open and his voice steady.
»The pack is in Canada.«
I flinched horribly. Canada. So far away. That was a whole other continent!
»I know... and I'm terribly sorry to both of you.«
»It's okay...« Kyran sighed and leaned against me. »If it helps me to return to health and return as Cas Beta in the future, I would even go to another planet.«
Tears welled up again and I nuzzled my nose into his blond hair. I would too if it helped him.
And so we talked to my parents and they told us, we really shouldn't tell Kyran's parents. My mother knew Kyran's mother too well and knew she would rather murder her husband and mate than let Kyran leave alone.
Kyran was allowed to tell Ethan and we also told Caleb everything. Both of them were shocked but didn't stop Kyran from going. They too knew it was necessary to try out.
I hadn't gone to school and was now standing in front of Kyran at the airport. His siblings and his best friend were with us.
Gently I took his face into my palms and kissed his forehead before I kissed his lips. I showed him my despair and my sadness and he returned the feelings with the same intensity.
»I will be back when I get better,« he whispered. »Maybe not to your side as your boyfriend... But I will return as your Beta.«
The immense impact of the meaning hit me like a hammer. He would return some day, I would have him back. But he would never be mine to touch again.
It wasn't long until I would find my mate. And he would be far away and only return to claim his place as the Beta at my side. As the advisor, as my right hand. Not as the man I loved.
»If... If you ever have the feeling... you don't have much time left... that you could...« I struggled at the word. It felt too bitter on my tongue. Felt like poison. »Die... Call me, call us. Anything. But don't leave us without us being at your side somehow.«
He nodded and hugged me tightly. »I love you,« I whispered quietly into his ear. Tears ran down my cheeks and his cheeks were wet too. »I love you too... and I'm sorry for not having enough time together.«
He then said his goodbyes to his siblings and best friend. All of them were crying and hugging. I had never seen Ethan cry but now he did.
He took a last look at us before he disappeared.