"I-I'm sorry. I tried to get your attention."
Ricky glared at him. "Why?"
Mateo started to sweat and blush. He paused for a moment. His legs were wobbling like jelly, and he was losing his composure. "I wanted to talk to you..."
"Aight, but can't you see that I'm busy?" Ricky hissed back. "We're having fun."
"Yeah, I know–"
"--Are you jealous or something?"
Mateo glared back and shook his head. He tried to move back, but he started to slip and grabbed Ricky again. Ricky sighed and pulled him up before he fell on the floor.
He sighed and turned around to face Marisol, and said. "I'll be back in a moment, let me sort him out."
Mateo glared at her. "Don't tell Dad, or I'll tell him about you and Ricky."
She rolled her eyes. "Shut up. I'll tell him about your little crush if you do."
"No, you'll not." Mateo hissed as he tried to swing a punch at her. Ricky held him back in time. "What the hell dude?"
Ricky shook his head. "She's your hermana. Show her some respect."
Mateo sighed. "Why should I? She'd rat me out too!'
She watched as Ricky dragged Mateo out by the scruff of his next through the fire exit of the sports hall, and slammed the door behind them.
He walked him over to the other side of the wall, away from the gambling going on.
He helped Mateo sit down, and he joined him moments later. He let him have a couple of minutes to cool down and think about things, before turning around to ask:
"What the hell was that back there?"
Mateo shrugged. "Why are you dating my sister of all people?"
"Look, she likes me and she asked me out, so I obliged." Ricky nodded. "It's not like it'll go anywhere much."
"Of course, it will, don't bullshit me, Ricky."
Ricky took off his hat and wiped the sweat from his buzzcut before putting it back on. "You think I screw every heina I meet?"
"Well... you're handsome and they like you a lot..." Mateo smiled, as he tried to distract himself from the goosebumps creeping up his back, and the slightly electric feeling on his spine. "... And you probably have a lot of experience with them. I mean... you have condoms, and they look used?"
Ricky burst out laughing. "How the hell do you know that?"
"I saw a packet in your basement. Large Trojans. Several were out of it."
Ricky nodded. "It doesn't mean that it happens every time. Let me let you in on a secret... but you have to never tell anyone, aight? Or else I'll kill you."
"Okay, I'll try to keep your secret." Mateo agreed. "But if you do kill me, though, make sure you write 'Enjoy The Silence' across my headstone, you eat tacos and drink tequila to remember me at the after party."
Ricky smirked. "Aight. I really like your hermana, but more in a friendship way than a sexual way, and she's kinda cool to hang with. She kinda gets me."
Mateo laughed. "Marisol is cool? Well, I guess if you put her in the freezer for a few hours, she would be."
Ricky rolled his eyes. "Pops wouldn't even tell a joke that lame."
"Speaking of Pops, how is he?"
"Kinda pissed off with Tito, but he's glad that Luis's leaving you alone, finally, and that you tried your best that night."
Mateo smiled. "Good. I'll have to come over for coffee sometime."
"I'll make sure not to be there." Ricky joked. "Bring those churros. Or else."
"I'll get some from the kitchen, freshly cooked." Mateo smiled as he lay his head on Ricky's shoulder. "I'm hungry now. I want food."
"You wanna ride back to mine?"
"How?"
"I can call Tito from the payphone across the street. Chuck's busy, and he can't bring us back." Ricky said softly. "I know you're probably conflicted or whatever, but he's cheap."
"How do you know he's gonna be there?"
"Tito's always there for us when we need him. We're all a part of La Hermandad. Never forget that."
Mateo rolled his eyes. "Oh, that stupid gang."
Ricky glared back. "It's not a gang. Mi Primo ain't a Cholo, and you know that."
"To be honest Ricky, I'm not sure of anything anymore, you know?" Mateo let out a sigh. "I dunno who I am, where I am, or if I'm even gonna pass this year."
_____
Twenty minutes later, Tito called and showed up in his lowrider around a nearby back street. Ricky helped Mateo into the back, and he hopped into the front. "Take us back to mine."
Tito nodded. "Aight. Did you have a good night?"
"I did, but then Ricky poop decided to take me outta the dance, and talk to me." Mateo shook his head. "And now I'm going home–I'm still not over that night, Tito."
"Ricky cares about you. That's why he pulled you out–and yeah–sorry about that getting too intense, but I was defending your honor. I didn't want you to die on us."
"Why?"
"Because I care about you, Carnal. You're my Hermanito now.
"Yeah, but why? I'm not smart, not masculine, not combative, and I'm overly emotional." Mateo sighed. "I'm a mess."
"We were all messes as teenagers, and you have potential. Your lives are just beginning. You don't wanna be stuck in the barrio like I am." Tito admitted. "You want to spread your wings, fly away, and live the life you were meant to have."
"You care about me... like I am brother?" Mateo was confused.
Tito nodded. "I do. I care about you both a lot. You're my carnalitos."
"Is this why you want to make money with drugs?" Mateo asked.
"Part of the reason, yes. The other part is so that I can make life better for myself."
Ricky raised his eyebrow. "But Tio Zeke is loaded."
Tito nodded. "I'd rather not live there, you know? He's my Pops, but he's too much sometimes."
Mateo yawned. "Mine too. He wants me to do well, and he has too many high expectations for me because I have a penis. He lets Marisol off with a lot of things because she's a girl."
"She still has to work."
"So? She's allowed to wear makeup, kiss all the boys, play happy music, and just be herself."
Ricky raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Because she's a female."
Mateo glared at Ricky. "I'm a guy who likes those things. I'm not like my old man. I'm different. I like hanging with the guys, sports, drinking, and also being artsy."
Tito looked at Ricky. "Mateo's himself. He is who he is."
Ricky nodded. "And he's still finding himself, I know. I'm just teasing him about being a girl. He is who he is. He's a lovely guy. Like me."
"You're both lovely guys. You'll figure yourselves out in time, though."
"Figure ourselves out? What the hell are you talking about, Primo?"
"You know what I mean. You get to find yourselves, and who you are. Become your true selves. Grow up and mature. You won't be stuck like this forever." Tito said as he lit up a cigarette. "I was awkward too when I was your age. But then I found myself."
"And became the leader of the brotherhood."
"The defender of the barrio." Tito wound his window down and sipped on the cup of coffee he'd pulled from the makeshift cupholder he'd installed in his ashtray compartment. "These lights better hurry up and change, I gotta get back."
"Why?" Ricky asked.
"I gotta go beat Gerardo in this poker game. Jesse's making sure he doesn't cheat."
Mateo blinked. "Is it a brutal game?"
Tito shook his head. "It's actually pretty calm, calculated."
"No one's got kneecapped?"
Tito rolled his eyes and glared at Mateo. "I did that to protect you."
"It was excessive. It kinda scared me."
"I'm sorry, lo siento. I didn't know that. I didn't mean to scare you. I did what I thought was the rational thing to do. I got them to leave you alone."
Mateo nodded. "I didn't want you to kneecap Lazaro, though. Chuck told me everything that happened. He was there."
"I let Luis go, and Chuck escaped. Lazaro was testing my patience. He got what he deserved after we agreed on the terms. Luis is still valuable to them."
Mateo frowned. "You still hurt him."
"As a warning, he'll get better soon."
Mateo looked at Tito and checked over his features.
Nothing.
The yearning he once had for him was burning out.
Finally
The illusion was shattering[?]