THE OTHER BROTHER
CHAPTER 52
NGCOBO
He looks at his hands. He has surely lost weight. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes sharply. Definitely something he didn't imagine. Seeing Dumisa had escalated the matter to the worst. Him spitting that they are from the same father really opened a whole lot of worms in him. The hate for his brother all these year's was all for nothing! He hated his own blood.
Sigh! Life is throwing stones at me. Ever heard when life give you lemon. That's the situation I'm swimming in.
"Tata. You have a visitor." The warden shouts. We are outside under the scouting sun. I stand up and and follow him behind. Thankfully today I don't have any stackles surrounding my ankels. A huge smile spreads across my face. The woman that never gave up on me even when I was ready to toss her aside like she never mattered.
"Nkosikazi." She shyly smiles looking at me.
"Baba. How are they treating you in here?" She asks scanning hre eyes around.
"I'm surviving." I lie. I don't wan to scare her. I look at MaNgcobo and I can tell that the outside life is treating her good. I shamefully smile.
What else can I say. "I am still breathing and living within these walls. You look good.” I compliment her. Her smile on her face slowly fades away.
"I don’t even know where to begin.” She tells me. I feel my heart drumming rapidly against my chest to a point of almost coming out. My ears listen attentively. "Your brother offered me a job at the bakery. Gave our old house back and he transferred the house under our names. Ow he also gave our cars back.”
I look at her in shock. "What are you talking about?" There is no way in hell that Dumisa will just do that without asking anything in return. I smell something fishy in all this.
"He said he wants his family to be one. He said something about a second chance in life."
I nod my head in understanding. What is he up to? Is this another trick of him wanting to take my only wife for revenge. Yes, I know I have wronged him on so many levels. He now has everything that belongs to him. I am behind bars. What more does he want from me? He can't kick an already down dog right now. It would be very pathetic of him.
"He is also willing to give you the farm if you are willing to co-operate in working with him. Look Baba, I have also apologized for my wrong doings. The least we could do is meet your brother halfway. That man doesn’t hold any grudges. The kids have forgiven me, and they still call me mah. You have no idea how much that means to me. God never gave me of my own, but he had a plan for me." She sniffs. I take a deep breath struggling to breathe and lean against the table. What is Dumisa up to exactly? I know for a fact that he does not have the heart of the cold like I do.
"I will give him a call later." I promise to. Never in my wildest dreams have I ever though that my brother will do good toward the man that made his life a leaving hell. I took his source of happiness away from him. Not only did I take his source of happiness. I also took his kids, made them mine but still I failed.
"I bought you some stuffs...''
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I am anticipating whether to call him or not. MaNgcobo gave me his number. The whole day I have been pacing up and down for no good reason. One of my inmates who has connections to the outside world has lent me his phone. It’s funny how everyone has decided to turn their back on me when I need them the most. But maybe this is a sign. I will ask MaNgcoo to top up the airtime I will be using. I look at the piece of paper in my hand and shake in fear. I am getting cold feet suddenly.
"Are you scared?” His question is followed by a chuck.
"You have no idea. I feel like I was clouded by anger for sweet nothing without knowing the truth and past of it." That is the truth. I believed that my mother favored Dumisa more resulting for the hate. If only I allowed time. Maybe I would have understood.
"Let me tell you something. A brother is a friend with whom we share our food, childhood, and uncountable memories with. A brother that will always be there for you at your lowest. Yes, you may fight physically or with words but at the end of the day you guys make up. That’s what every sibling goes through.”
I understand him clearly but that is not the case at the moment, I am facing beyond of what he thinks.
“I have done worse in this situation. That is why I am here.”
“Nothing is never too late to be fixed. Yes, the relationship will not be the same. There will be a lack of trust but all in all you need to do this for yourself and for your kids if you guys have any.”
He has a point. I took a deep and look at the phone in my hand. I need to fix our relationship with the person I call my brother. I was the one who wronged him in the first place.
His phone is ringing and sending me straight to voicemail afterwards. I try again and same story.
“In a meeting will call you back.” I read through the text he sent. I sigh out of relief. At least this will give me time to rehearse what I want to tell him. What I want to share with him.
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The day has been going slow and no call has come through. I am beginning to think he sensed that it was me in some way.
“No call back?”
My inmate asks. I have been holding on to his phone since morning and now it’s evening. I shake my head no. Maybe I should just let this go and forget about trying to rebuild the friendship with him.
“Maybe he forgot or maybe the man is busy. He is a businessman after all.”
He might be right there but...
“Just give him the call. Maybe he is at home now.”
With my shaky hands I dial his numbers again.
“Dumisa.” He quickly answers.
I keep quiet. All that I have practiced has just swam out of the window. How typical!
“Halo!” He shouts. I clear my throat.
“It’s me.” He keeps quiet. I can still hear him breathing. A little voice in me tells me to speak.
“I never wanted to be the reason for your tears. I am sorry for my behavior. Please forgive me. I know this is the lamest apology – but trust me I regret everything that I made you go through. Please look after my wife.” I dropped the call before he could even respond. Am I aiming high for what I have just requested? Looking at someone's person is a huge responsibility.
“I am so proud of you. That is the first step to healing.”
I shook my head in agreement. If this is what it takes for my brother to forgive me then so be it. I am game for anything at this point. They say beggars can't be choosers, right.
DUMISA
I look at the phone and chuck in disbelief. Did Ngcobo call me and apologies? That man treats himself as the God of Greek. Still in disbelief. I end up smiling. Not that I am happy, but I smile out of shock. That was rather unexpected to say.
“Is my father falling in love?” Khanyi asks settling beside me. I smile and shake my head. These youngsters think behind a man's smile it’s always about love, which is never the case.
“My love for women died along with the love of my life which is your mother.” I look at the portrait on the wall and smile. I know she is looking over us wherever she is. That woman loved me when I had nothing. She continued to love me even in death. In respect and honor – I vowed to never fall for another woman. And I have kept my promise for more than twenty years.
“So, you are trying to tell me that my mother will forever be in your heart, and you do not wish to move on?” Why does she sound so shocked. I have always preached this and never hid it. That’s how I am transparent with these kids.
“It’s a vow I made. When you love someone, you do not easily let go. Unless if you never fell in love with that person, then it will be easy of you to just wipe the memories of them in your heart and mind.”
She nods her head and covers herself with a throw. She places her head on my shoulder. “So, what was making you smile like that? Is it money?”
I laugh. The love she has for money will kill me one day. “Ngcobo gave me a call to apologies. I am not smiling because I am happy. I am smiling because I am so shocked. Never in my wildest dreams have I ever thought that this man would apologies to me and asks for forgiveness. It’s shocking.”
Khanyi also gasps in shock. “You lie.”
“I tell you. Strue God.”
“I also don’t know what to say. It sounds crazy and exciting at the same time. I don’t ever want to see that man.”
“But you see his wife almost every day. How come you forgave the wife and not your father?”
“He is not my father.”
I chuck. “Ntombi yami. If I die today. That man will be the man that will walk you down the aisle. He will be arranging everything for you. Everything will be in his hands. He will be your parent again. So, righting him off is not a suggestion.”
She groans in annoyance. She understands what I mean. I smile looking at her tiny feet. This girl looks so much like her mother and for Thabi – that one took after me with her giant feet.
I’m trying to cook dinner for us but it’s not going according to plan. It’s been a long time since I stood behind the stove. The mother of my kids would be very disappointed in me. I throw everything away and sigh.
“Are you trying to burn down the kitchen Baba?” Her sweet voice takes me out of the misery of mission. Pots are no child's play.
“I was trying to make dinner for us.” I say apologetically. I know she must be hungry.
“I will make you something quick.” She laughs so hard that tears spring out of her eyes. I will let this slide. Payback time is just around the corner. I know she will flop someday. I walked out of the kitchen and let her do her thing. I know she knows it better than I do.
She made a quick one. Nothing special, just rice and chicken stew.
“This was out of this world.”
“I know hy.”
Okay I will let her be. This girl is full of herself. Now that I am full, I am going to lay down and prepare my body for tomorrow. Running businesses is not a joke. Thabi needs to be back in business game. There is no way in hell that a handsome man like me will grow grey hair.
SKHOSANE
My mother sings all praises. I'm sure that this woman wants every neighbor to hear that her granddaughter has arrived.
“Mnguni,
Qwabe,
Mnguni kaYeyeye,
Osidlabehlezi bakaKhondlo kaPhakathwayo,
Abathi bedla, babeyenga umuntu ngendaba.
Abathi dluya kubeyethwe,
Kanti bahlinza imbuzi,
Bathi umlobokazi ubeyethe kayikhuni...
She begins ululating. I have never seen my mother this happy. My father is sitting there with all smiles. My parents are happy that they have become grandparents.
“Mah that is enough. You will scare my daughter away.” I say sitting down. The first thing that my father did when my daughter arrived was, he took her straight to the ancestral hut to burn the incest there. He introduced her to our ancestors.
“Already I am jealous. This child is here to take my wife away from me.” The old man is sulking. I don’t want to laugh but sure hell he is making me too. I didn't know my father could get jealous. Very funny I tell you.
“Are you complaining?” I ask with a smirk on my face. He clicks his tongue and stands up following his wife around like a lost puppet. I need to go check up on Amanda. I dropped her off at her mother's this morning and we haven't spoken since. I feel like she is avoiding me. I know it’s late, but I am trying to make up for not being there for her.
I sent her a text telling her that I was outside. I have been standing outside her house for some time now. She comes out of her hut and slowly walks towards the car. I take a good look at her. She is okay. Not a bad girl at all. If only she could stay in her lane and not force things to happen between us. We will be fine. I am also still trying to move on – but with her trying to push herself down my throat it’s just impossible.
“Hy.” Her voice is so soft. I assume she has been crying.
“Are you okay? I just came to check up on you.”
“I don’t know Skhosane. I feel like everything is rushed and somehow, I am forcing myself to you.”
I am glad that she noticed. I’m also glad that it didn’t come out of my mouth, but it came out of her mouth.
“What are you suggesting?” I ask. To be honest – I don’t know what I want at this point.
“I don’t know bra. What I have noticed is that there is no love coming from your end and I think I have been trying a lot to push you to see me for the me that I am. But I fail dismally.”
“I sometimes feel like you want me to love you the same way I loved Khanyisile. You try so hard to make me forget her. And I don’t want that. I want to forget her in my own time. If I don’t, then I don’t. I'm sorry if I made you feel any less but that is just how things are. We jumped into this relationship and my heart never really healed from my previous relationship. You are a nice girl, Amanda, and you are very pretty. But somethings just don’t work according to our plans.”
She closes her eyes and lets the tears fall. I reach out for her hand, and she lets me hold it.
“Most of us assume love that we feel in our hearts for someone belongs to whom we love although it belongs to us who have this love for them. It's a little unbelievable but it's true. The feeling of being loved and loving someone is a unique precious feeling and it's so sweet however it's not that simple, it has its own ups and downs and it's not as straightforward as we think. I may have never told you this. But Skhosane I loved you the first time I laid my eyes on you. You were captured by Khanyi and I knew there is no way in hell that this man will notice me even if I tried. But I decided to step back and let you date her. Deep down I was dying but I tried by all means to support her relationship. I tried dating but my expectations were too high. I looked for you in every man...” She takes a deep breath and sighs. Her face is wet from all the tears falling. She squeezes my hand slightly and turns to look at me.
“All I am saying is if you truly love someone you should be proud, most of the people around us aren't capable of loving. Don't focus on hurting part let go of resistance and expectations try to enjoy love itself.” I keep quiet for a second and try to rethink what she has just told me.
“I am deciding to take this step of letting you go and find yourself. I am freeing you from my heart and soul. I don’t want you to feel like you are trapped with me – there will never be a healthy relationship in that case. I have kept my heart so tightly guarded for the past years. I believe I am happier staying single. Knowing that you can give someone your heart and they can stomp on it. I will never allow myself to fall in love again. I'm over it. All I want now is a peaceful life. No drama. No heartbreak. No vulnerability. No being mistreated, used, or abused. I just want to move forward with my life, and I hope you do the same and find the girl that you will love.”
She adds. I am dumbfounded by this. How do I react to it?
“Good luck with your life. Hope you will invite me to your wedding someday.” She drops my hand and steps out of the car. Words fail to come out of my mouth. I swallow a huge chuck of lump that is stuck in my throat. I don’t know whether to be mad or sad about it. She reaches her hut, bids farewell and closes the door. I am numb.
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“So, the girl you were with has finally left you after having a miscarriage?” My father asks. After that talk I had with Amanda I drove straight home. I needed my father's input. My heart says something but my mind says another.
“Yes.”
“Is that not what you wanted?” He asks. Was this what I wanted? I shake my head no.
“Let me tell you something son. A relationship where woman loves more never work. When a man loves a woman more than she loves him, she will be loyal, respectful, act lovingly. Just how your mother has catered for me all these years. But when a man loves less, he won’t be as respectful, loyal, and giving. Choose which category you want your relationship to fit in. I am off to sleep now. It's very late.” I watch my father as he stands up and leaves me to think. What do I do. Do I fight for what we had, or do I let go?