age: 15
felt like we could all just do with a bit of comfort
-
WANDA's POV
Ever since she wrapped her tiny hand around my finger moments after she was born, my daughter has been my one and only. Even throughout my pregnancy, no one even came close to how much I loved her.
I adore my angel girl. She's the love of my life, the reason I get through the harder days, my absolute world. The love I have for Y/N is absolutely unmatched.
We're playing hooky today and having a movie day - she's homeschooled but she could still do with a day off.
"Hey, angel," I smile to my girl as I walk into her bedroom after her granting me permission to do so. She looks a little deflated today. "What's up with you, baby? Do you need a hug?"
Looking up from her phone, she nods slowly and I make my way over to beside her and engulf her in my arms. Y/N instantly places her head on my chest and snuggles in.
"Clearly, you're not feeling the best today," I point out, "So how about we get some sunshine and get you all hydrated before we set up for movie day?"
Much to her disapproval since she's all comfy in bed, I gently try helping her to stand up but fail by a long shot. So instead, I pick her up and wait for her legs to be securely around my waist before carrying her downstairs and into the back garden, not without quickly grabbing a bottle of water out from the fridge.
I settle down on the seating area on the patio with my daughter still in my lap, her chest pressed against mine.
"Mama... too bright," she whines, nestling her head even further into me to block out the sun.
"It's good for you, bubba," I remind her while rubbing my hand up and down her back slowly. "Do you feel like telling mama what's got you so upset? I know you have your off days but you just look defeated, my love."
As expected, she shakes her head against me. She isn't the most open of people.
"That's alright, sweetheart. Here," I say and unscrew the cap of the water. "I know you don't want to but just take a sip. You need to be taking care of your body, especially on the harder days."
"I'm not thirsty."
Y/N's just as stubborn as her mother, so of course she refuses to do as told at first. But with a bit more persuasion, she gulps down about three quarters of the bottle.
And that's from the girl who 'wasn't thirsty'.
When the morning breeze starts to pick up a little, Y/N shivers from the chill and starts making little whining noises, kind of like a baby. That's when I know to stand up again and carry her back inside.
I'm asking her which movie or show she wants to watch but she seems completely disinterested.
This behavior is uncommon for my kid. We've been working on her communication skills when it comes to telling me if she's having a hard time, but right now she's bottling it all up like how she would when she was at her worst.
Once I have us on the sofa, I carefully place her down next to me as we lay horizontal and my front is to her back whilst my arm is wrapped around her.
"I'm not gonna force you to say anything, Y/N. But I just need to know if the thoughts you're having right now are dangerous or not. Can you just tell me if I need to be worried?"
To my relief, she shakes her head to indicate that her thoughts are all safe and not at all dangerous. They may be harmful, but they're not dangerous to her life or physical body. I can work with that.
"Can I get something off my chest?" she asks quietly, as if she's shy to ask such a question.
"Of course you can, honey. Anything," I reassure her, giving her arm a squeeze still we still aren't facing each other.
"I can't... I can't decide if I really am doing better and just have bad days sometimes, or if I'm still just as depressed as I was last year and am just covering it all up by pretending that I'm okay. Because you know, I really have been trying. I thought I was doing so well."
Her words cause a heavy sigh to escape my mouth. If only I had known she was feeling this way.
"Do you want advice or just to be comforted right now?" I ask, knowing that ultimately she's the one who knows what she needs.
"I wanna know your thoughts," she answers and turns over to hide her head in my chest.
"Okay. Well, I think... that you have come so far in your recovery. I think that even though you still have bad days that may sometimes feel as powerful as the ones you had when you were at your lowest, you're not that person anymore. That Y/N? No, she's fading away. She's just a part of you that ultimately cannot stay, but she sometimes comes back to visit and check on you. And that sometimes feels really shitty because she wields a lot of pain and hurt and anger, but she comes so that she can remind you of how far you've made it. She comes to tell you that you defeated her. So to answer that debate in your head, you are doing better, and you just have bad days sometimes. I promise to love you through all of them."