A/N: Extra long chapter ahead! You're welcome <3!
I left him there, in the bed alone.
I knew I could've gone about it differently, but ghosting and running seemed easiest in the moment.
It was certainly better than letting tidal wave after tidal wave of emotion crash over me while I laid right beside him and craved his smell would settle into my bones. I couldn't keep doing this, but I couldn't stop myself from the sweetness right before the pain.
"You make me want to love you, Cinthe." Hurt me so good, but it just wasn't enough.
I wanted him to love me. Point blank period. But Justice wasn't there and waiting on him to decide to love me intentionally just didn't make sense.
If I had woken him, we would've had to talk and I'd be left just as disappointed as I had been before he picked me up.
Damn him for being the finest man walking, too.
My thighs clenched together to release the desire that came with the memory of his head falling back as his dreads cascaded along his body. The ricochet of his groans from the sight of me. Muscle blending into muscle along his frame and that sharp jawline with bowed full lips had to be a crime.
He was just that pretty. And for those few moments, I was just that lucky.
Justice made me feel things I only fantasized about. The type of connection and love I wanted in a partner was right in front of me, but I just couldn't have it.
Clearly, he was coping with that fact better than I was. Especially since he was fighting so hard to maintain a friendship that always had undertones of something else from the start.
But I didn't want a friendship where we had to pretend we didn't have feelings for each other. I didn't want to watch him find someone else anymore than I wanted a new man.
If Justice was too stubborn or too hurt to admit that he was just as obsessed as I was, then he'd do it alone.
I let out a humorless laugh as my thoughts strayed and I stared out my Uber's window.
Justice really thought he had me fooled. I had noticed the writing on the wall a long time ago... well to be accurate, the hyacinths drawn across the wall.
His father's passing had hit him hard, which was understandable. Watching the death of not just a core member of his family, but also the death of a once-in-a-lifetime type of love must've been devastating to everyone involved. But I knew my limitations.
I couldn't be his therapist, and I couldn't make him decide to heal his wounds. I couldn't love him into happiness and peace. He had to find that himself.
I'm sure that would be a pretty sight to see. If only I could be around to witness it.
Because as sweet as it sounded, I didn't have enough love for us both.
Sure, relationships were a give and take, and an even split of 50/50 wouldn't always be possible. But I needed intention. I needed effort. I needed willingness.
I needed Justice to wake up every morning and choose to hold me close and whisper promises of indefinite, incomparable love.
Right now, that was all just a fantasy. It wasn't real and hoping for it while masquerading as his platonic friend was settling for suffering.
I deserved more. He deserved more.
My phone rang as the Uber pulled up to my apartment. There was a moment of hesitation when the called ID "Ice Man" popped up across my screen, but I decided to decline it.
Rejection would just have to wait.
🦋
Days turned into weeks that Justice tried and failed to reach me.
I never knew my avoiding skills were at this level of efficiency. If this shit was an Olympic sport, I was definitely getting the gold.
Especially when he was making it especially difficult.
Justice had come by a few times, each visit accompanied with a gift of some sort that Olivia would promptly dump in my room. He'd called and texted, and all of them insisted on having a talk that I wasn't in the mood to have.
We couldn't go backwards anymore, and I wanted to prolong the inevitable end of us.
He'd even gotten Eli to ask Divine about me because he was worried.
I hate to admit it, but his determination to keep me in his life was admirable... and attractive as hell.
If you could ignore the friend zoning, of course.
"Can you just put that man out of his misery?" Divine asked while throwing her feet across my lap on the couch.
"Are you going to tell us what's going on with you and Eli?" I replied, eyes never straying from the movie on the TV screen.
I still saw the look Divine exchanged with Olivia before they both cast a worried look toward me.
Honestly, their concern was unnecessary. I'd been coping pretty well by ignoring the situation altogether.
I was in my own world of complete delusion, and I intended to stay there for as long as possible.
A knock sounded at our front door, and we all groaned.
"It's the food guy. Hyacinthe, it's your turn." Olivia said, oddly not making eye contact with me.
"No, it's not." I argued. I was almost entirely sure it was Olivia's turn.
"Nah, I think Olivia is right. It's your turn." Divine agreed, pulling her feet off me with a smile.
What the hell was up with them?
Confused but outvoted, I got up and answered the door. Instead of a big bag of food waiting for me, it was Justice leaning against my doorframe.
His sudden appearance easily knocked me off kilter.
He'd looked up just as the door opened and a smooth smile with the usual glint of gold was revealed. His locs were down and curtained around his face, but it didn't hide the sad look in his eyes when he stared at me.
"Hey, Lil' Cin." He greeted softly, stepping into my body as he entered my apartment.
A small shiver went through me as our connection snapped to attention. Being away from him gave me time to downplay everything we were, but now I as staring the truth in the face.
But with it came the reminder that he'd more than denied me. He denied us.
So, I stepped back from him and crossed my arms in defense. I couldn't let him slide past my walls this time.
"Just dropping this off and picking you up." Justice shrugged, moving past me to set a bag of food on the table that I hadn't even noticed.
"Thanks, Justice." Olivia and Divine said, giggling amongst themselves at the scene.
I should've known they were up to something when Divine offered to pay for all of our food. Especially when we usually all put in some money.
"It's nothing forreal. Thanks for letting me kidnap y'all friend on movie night." Justice shrugged, sliding his hands in his pockets while my friends dug into the bag.
"I'm not going anywhere." I stated before glaring at my friends for conspiring against me.
Everyone turned to me as if they forgot I was in the room. Then, Justice started walking toward me.
Each step seemed to weigh a ton as he crept toward me, only stopping when our chests touched and he had to look down to make eye contact.
"Cinthe, you can walk up out of here or I can carry you. I don't think you want me to decide." His eyes trailed my form as he spoke like I was wearing the naughtiest lingerie he'd ever seen.
In reality, I was in sweatpants and a graphic tee.
"I'm not go—" My words cut off as Justice bent and picked me up like a sack of potatoes.
"Damn." I heard Divine say as she munched on her food.
"That's sexy as fuck. Chris needs to take notes." Olivia nodded in agreement, movie long forgotten as they watched us.
"Justice Davis, you better put me down!" I cried out as I hit his back to let me down.
"See y'all." He waved, starting to head out the door.
"Traitors!" I shouted just as the door shut.
My flailing continued as he walked down the hall, but Justice just chuckled and patted my butt.
"Wait!" Divine called right before we entered the elevator.
Thinking she came to save me, I smiled in victory. This was why she was one of my closest friends. I'd have to remember to get her something.
But my friend walked right past me to talk to Justice.
"You forgot her shoes." She said, handing them to him before winking at me and walking back into the apartment.
There would definitely be no gifts for her.
"Your friends are funny as fuck." Justice said and walked on the elevator.
🦋
I'd been radio silent the entire ride to Justice's apartment. He'd tried a few times to strike up conversation, but it was all surface level stuff that didn't explain this elaborate kidnapping.
"What are we doing here?" I asked as we pulled up.
My mood was plummeting as time went on, and I was starting to get fed up with this hot and cold vibe Justice was putting out.
"Please, just come inside." He implored, honest desperation shining bright in his eyes.
It was that look that got me to unbuckle my seatbelt and follow him up. And as he unlocked and opened the door, I'm glad I did.
Inside, Justice had strung developed pictures to the ceiling throughout his apartment. Some of them were the pictures he'd taken of me the day he'd taken my braids out and others were from our other various adventures.
A picture of fireworks from the night he'd shown me my zodiac constellation. One of me sitting on the top of the parking garage when we went people-watching. A large one in the center of the room of my back to the camera as I stared at jellyfish in the tank for the aquarium night.
Half of them I hadn't even known he'd taken, and tears started to well in my eyes as I tried to sort out what was going on.
It'd be so utterly cruel if Justice told me this was all to prove how much I meant to him as a friend. But fuck, it would be a beautiful gesture if he was telling me he loved me.
"What...what is all this?" I asked, touching some of the pictures as I turned to look at him.
There, at the entrance of the door he stood with a sweet smile on his lips and an unreadable expression across his face. It reminded me of adoration, but more.
I was too afraid I was seeing things to admit that my answer was strewn across his face.
"Did I ever tell you how I got my name?" Justice asked instead, slowly coming closer to me as he spoke.
"No." I whispered, staring up at him in awe.
"My parents had both been engaged before they met. They'd thought those relationships were the best they could get, so they settled. But one day my dad bumped into my mom on the train."
Justice reached out and caressed my face before trailing my lips with his thumb.
"He used to tell us that he knew as soon as he saw her that he'd been wrong. There was a profound kind of love that he'd been missing, and he saw it in the way my mom looked at the world.
They're on the dirty ass subway in the middle of the Bronx, and my mom was pointing out her favorite graffiti." We both laughed softly to not disturb the peaceful air.
The room glowed a soft yellow from the electric candles that Justice had set up.
"Anyway, they end up going their separate ways and both the relationships ended kinda bad. A little while after, my dad is getting lost in the city in the middle of the night, and he walks right past my mom and her friends.
"It takes him a second to realize, but he caught up with her. Luckily, she remembered him because her friends were 'bout to mace him."
My giggles interrupted the story. There's been a few times when Olivia and Divine had issued similar threats.
"But they eventually got together, and a few months later they were engaged. My mom used to tell my dad that it was a special type of justice that the found each other at the best times. When I was born, it just made sense to name me after the poetic justice of their relationship."
"I bet you've seen that movie a thousand times." I teased, wrapping my arms around him as he leaned down to rest his forehead on mine.
"You have no idea, Lil' Cin."
We both closed our eyes and basked in the rightness of being together in this moment.
"I knew as soon as I saw you." He whispered before placing a kiss on my forehead.
"Knew what?" I asked.
My heart pounded in my chest as I waited for him to finish. To say the words that would dissolve me into honey.
"I knew I'd wake up loving you for the rest of my life if you let me. I knew I'd give you anything, and now I know I was wrong for running from that. I can't go back to wondering. I need to know. Do you love me, flower?"
Nothing but honesty stared back at me in Justice's eyes. There was no denial and no barriers.
We were just us. We were love.
"I love you, Justice. I love you so much it used to scare me." I confessed, and my hands gripped his shirt tightly.
I needed something to ground me. Something to prove that this moment was real and that he was mine.
"I love you, Cinthe."
The words barely left his lips before I kissed him. We sunk into each other as our tongues practically melted together.
Liquid warmth spilled to my aching heat as our embrace grew more intense, and breathing was long forgotten.
Reluctantly, Justice was the first to pull away, but he didn't take his arms from my waist.
"I'll even love you when your last name changes." He said with clear amusement written across his face.
"Why would my last name change?" My brow furrowed in confusion.
Instead of a response, Justice picked me up by my thighs and wrapped them around his waist. My breath hitched as my core brushed against his hardened length.
It wasn't until he was walking us to his room that he answered,
"Because it'll be mine."
"You're a mess." I said as I shook my head, but my smile betrayed me.
It even escalated into full blown laughter when Justice set me down on the bed and started tickling me mercilessly. Every so often, he'd add in a quick bite along my body.
"You're gonna start something." I said, pushing his head while he bit into my neck hard enough to leave a mark.
"Good. The next time I tell you I love you, I want you to be naked." He mumbled in my ear before leaning forward to bite that as well.
Heavy silence spanned the space between us as I thought of how we got here. We'd been fighting internal battles alone just to get to each other, and now it was up to us to make sure it was worth it.
"You think this'll last?" I whispered, running my hands along his locs as Justice laid his head on my chest.
He didn't move for a moment, probably because he was soaking up the affection of my touch. But eventually, he raised his head to look me in the eyes to answer.
"I think that even if we don't, this love will always exist. I thought it died with my dad, but I realized something."
"What?"
"I realized death isn't really a goodbye. It's a waiting room. So I figured, a love like this doesn't disappear. It just moves to the next lifetime."
It's ironic that Justice was echoing the same whispers of next lifetime to me that I had offered to Jabari. Except now, I'm realizing that each of my lifetimes might just be reserved for Justice.
As my mind wandered with the possibilities, Justice began peppering my face with sweet kisses.
Each one was preceded by an even sweeter apology.
"I apologize for not kissing these cute ass lips every day." And then he seared one into them while slowly grinding his erection against me.
"I'm sorry I didn't mark you here every night." His tongue licked the shell of my ear before biting the lobe softly.
Already, my legs had opened wider for him to continue his shallow strokes and my wetness was seeping into the threads of my panties.
"I apologize for denying you love, flower. But I'm more sorry for denying you orgasms."
At that point, my mind could barely concentrate on Justice's words since he'd slid his hands into my pants to insert thick fingers into my hot entrance.
As always, he curved them to hit my g-spot mercilessly. Every breath from my lips was a moan, and he muffled them with his lips.
"Be mine." He whispered in my ear.
Even if I wanted to say no, the pleasure of his touch was wrecking me. All my thoughts were a jumbled mess until all I could say was,
"Yes, baby. Yes, I'll do anything. Please just make me cum." I begged, moving my hips with his hand to rush toward euphoria.
"Take those fucking clothes off then." Justice ordered, but his fingers didn't leave my sopping cunt.
Instead, they seemed to quicken and thrust deeper as I shakily pulled my shirt over my head and unclasped my bra.
My back arched off the bed against him as my pleasure heightened. I was so close to cumming that my toes had curled beneath me.
Fortunately, I didn't have to bother with my pants since Justice was roughly pulling them down my legs. The low sound of him ripping my underwear barely logged in my mind since he still hadn't stopped finger-fucking me.
"I'm cum—" I started and just as the familiar electric feeling took hold, Justice latched his mouth across my core. "Fuck!" I cried out.
It felt like my orgasm had no end as he sucked at my clit and played with my pussy.
All I knew was that I was his. And I needed his dick inside me so that he could be mine.
So when my body finally calmed, I reached between us to undress him.
My fingers trailed along his abs as I lifted his shirt, and my tongue followed. When it was finally off, I kissed his neck softly before taking the skin into my mouth to leave my own mark.
Then, I unbuttoned his pants before slowly sliding the zipper down. I barely put pressure on the waistband of his pants before they began to fall, and I reached into his boxers to free his cock.
All the while, Justice hummed in approval even when I was admiring his length.
It had my favorite type of girth, the kind you struggled to wrap your hand around, and a noticeable curve. This was my key to heaven on earth.
Before I could slide it inside of me, Justice gripped my chin to make me look up at him.
"You don't get dick until you tell me what I want, flower. Say the fucking words," He ordered while rubbing his thick head along my slit.
"I'm yours."
"Good girl." Justice said, thrusting into me roughly as he praised.
The feeling of being filled was exquisite, but his fingers rubbing my clit made it addictive.
His locs curtained our faces while he held my thighs open to fuck deeper and deeper into me. I wanted him to make me feel this for days.
"I fucking love this pussy. So fucking wet and tight on this dick." Justice praised, using his words to coax me into another orgasm.
Not that it was necessary with the way his hips were slamming into me. Hard against soft somehow making both our bodies delight.
I was practically burning from the inside out from how good he felt inside me and on me. The fingers from both his hands running across my bud and nipple.
"I love you." I moaned.
They were the only words that could surmise it all. Every feeling, every touch, every moment we had shared and would share.
"Damn, I love you, too." Justice echoed with his forehead against mine, and his thrusts growing faster to push us both over the edge.
My moans built as he continued his strokes and whispered promises of love.
I knew I wouldn't last much longer, so I moved my hips eagerly to meet each of his thrusts. Simultaneously, Justice began rubbing my clit faster to get me there before he could nut.
My legs locked around him just as the pleasure mounted and fell as my pussy spasmed against him in completion.
That seemed to be the tipping point for Justice because he grabbed me firmly before pulling me up into his arms. I barely registered that he was standing since he was pushing my ass into him to meet each stroke.
It was like nothing I ever felt before, and another orgasm came and went before Justice pulled me high enough for his dick to fall free and spurt ropes of white cum onto the floor.
He didn't bother to put me down as he went to grab stuff from the bathroom to clean us both up. I never left his arms even long after we'd crawled into bed together.
"Cinthe?" Justice asked after a while of caressing my face.
I was halfway sleep from his nurturing attention, but I mumbled out a reply anyway.
"Yea?"
"This'll last." He promised, pulling me even closer than I thought possible.
Each of his inhales was my exhale, and I could almost feel my soul extend into his.
"I know." I whispered back.
And nothing else mattered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry for the wait with this chapter! I was super busy, and maybe a little sad that it's almost over.
Next chapter is the EPILOGUE.
I'm so proud of myself for finishing this story within a year. I'm also super happy and grateful for each and every reader!
Thanks for everything!